chiropteform macrovirus (cfmv) (cc) she/her pronouns. harmless computer virus that looks & acts like a bat. takes on a humanoid form (Filipina-American cisgirl) & multiplies at will. full bg everything is ok to reblog unless otherwise specified!
(pinging people I would like to continue keeping in touch with, that I usually only talk to through Tumblr: @catpuccinos, @cinder-claws, @apprenticebard, @madtechnomage, @feather-lover, @skaeadaimonion, @asexualchristian and the fingerfuckingfemalefury and angryflyingstar, but I can’t @ mention them for some reason)
Short version: Tumblr makes me extremely uncomfortable. Ever since I’ve started using Tumblr less, I’ve been a happier person. I’m not interested in using it anymore, except for my [REDACTED] blog on a separate account. But there are people I would be interested in keeping in touch with outside of Tumblr.
Long version under cut. [CWs: mention of abuse, school, and suicidal thoughts]
Tumblr has helped me, before. Back when I was coming to terms with a previous relationship being abusive, and when I had been so isolated by an ex that I honestly didn’t understand how to interact with others, let alone befriend them...I learned a lot about how to socialization, and how to be myself.
I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons through my experiences on Tumblr. It’s helped me become who I am today. I’ve learned how to be honest with myself, how to take responsibility for my mistakes...it’s even help me cope with certain brainweird stuff.
Some stuff happened, though. I’m not disclosing the details publicly; just that it took a huge hit to my self-worth and self-esteem. I felt worthless. I had suicidal episodes. I couldn’t focus on schoolwork. (Seriously, this post is a break from me working on late assignments.) Not to mention, the Tumblr app was eating up my data usage.
My bad days aren’t as frequent anymore. I’m not staying up late beating myself up for having opinions that are different from what I observe on my dashboard. I don’t have the anxiety of trying to “fit in.” I don’t feel the pressure to adopt stances on issues that I haven’t even done research on.
(No one directly pressured me into anything, but I did honestly observe a mob mentality when it came to certain issues that made me uncomfortable. Unfortunately, I don’t remember which issues these were: just that it was a rather “black and white, no gray areas allowed” mentality.)
Ever since I’ve stopped coming on Tumblr as often, I’ve been able to think for myself more. I feel better about myself. I don’t feel like I’m competing for recognition or shouting into a void.
This year, I want to incorporate the spirit of Halloween into celebrating the holidays. Not as in bats everywhere or something (although I wouldn't object).
I used to see the holidays as a competition to prove myself with the gifts I give others, as far as materialistic value goes. But this year, I'm going to treat it how I treated Halloween: an opportunity to positively influence others.
That's the short of it. Here's the long:
On Halloween, there are people who give out full-sized candy bars. I can only afford fun-sized stuff and Ghirardelli squares. But I'm not less for not handing out full-sized candy bars (although someday, I would love to be able to do that.)
When I did Halloween this year, I was just happy about spreading seasonal cheer. I want to do the same thing this holiday season.
I don't want the holidays to be about me trying to prove my worth to others by how much I give or how much I'm able to do. I don't think it should be like that for anyone. I think there should be more emphasis on the thought behind the stuff you do during the holidays, rather than the perceived value of what it is.
Like, obviously, I can't afford to buy my parents a new car. But I am planning on getting them something, because I care about them. And that means something in itself.
In a more abstract example: acts of charity seem to be associated with the holiday season (e.g. generous donations, giving time to organizations), but I have no idea if I'll be able to actually do anything like that. But I try to be there for my friends when stuff is hard. I can listen to others. I mean, my career goals basically involve being a pro at making comfort food and a pro listener, after all. And I think doing what you can for the people who matter to you is valuable in itself, too.
Introducing: Spice Box Candle Co.
Hand poured scented candles inspired by Jewish holidays!
I’m really excited—and super nervous—to announce the project I’ve been working on for the past few months: Spice Box Candle Co.!
I’ve always been a little bit jealous of the wealth of scented Christmas candles available for purchase. Last winter, I found myself scouring the internet for candles that evoked the myriad scents of Jewish holidays, but I came up empty handed. Thus, I decided that when I finished grad school, I would take up the task myself.
My plan is to release sets of 3 new candles for each major Jewish holiday, starting with Chanukah and working my way through the Jewish calendar. I’m starting with some obvious scents, but my hope is that, as I move forward, I’ll be able to create candles that evoke Jewish holiday scents from minhags all around the world.
The link to my Etsy shop is here:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SpiceBoxCandleCo
The scents you can currently buy are:
Gelt Pot
Sufganiyot
Sour Cream & Applesauce
Information about the materials used to make the candles, kashrut, and other details can be found there.
I have a limited number of candles available, but if there’s significant interest, I’ll make more. I’ve tested a candle from each batch I’ve made, and they smell great and burn very well, but these are still early days, so just know that I’m sure there’s room to improve as I become a more seasoned candle maker.
If people could share this post, I would really appreciate it! And if you want to get your friends and family some fun Chanukah gifts (or treat yourself to something!) definitely consider a Jewish scented candle from Spice Box.
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