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I don’t care.

Peanuts, October 15, 1952

When a woman comes to you asking for help with an abusive male partner, the worst thing you can possibly do is say “Then leave him” and nothing else.

Because it takes 7 times on average for a woman to leave a male domestic abuser. Because there’s a myriad of reasons why women so often feel they can’t leave. Threats of suicide or homicide, threats of harm to friends, family, and pets, no financial stability, a lack of social support, feelings that abuse is normal, love for an abuser, on and on….And by telling her merely to leave, you’re really telling her that you don’t understand her situation at all. That you have no idea that it’s actually difficult to leave an abuser. You’re really insinuating that she’s too unintelligent to understand that she’s in danger. You’re really telling her that you have no grasp on her predicament, and therefore, you will be utterly useless when it comes to helping her.

Instead, tell her “I’m going to help you leave him.” Ask her, “How can I help you leave him?” Tell her, “It will be hard. But we’re going to work together to ensure that you leave him.”

Don’t just say “Leave him.” Don’t just tell her something. Ask her something. Work with her. Go the extra mile and identify every single obstacle in her way to leaving. And then help her surpass each one.

When you simply say, “Leave him” and nothing else, you know who’s leaving someone? It’s you. You’re leaving her back at square one. You’re telling her to do what she wants to do, but doesn’t know how to do.

Don’t just say “Leave him.” She would have if she could have, if she felt she were able to. Say “You can leave him. And you will. And here’s how I’m going to make sure, with you, that that happens.”