in which hyunjin wanted to give you the world but you didn’t think you were worth it.
Genre: fluff, angst, smut | noona!au
Pairing: hyunjinXreader
Word Count: 11.8k
Warnings: domestic violence, abuse, triggering
♡ ♡ ♡
At this point in your life, you didn’t think there was any saving you.
Your ex looked at you lazily but you could see the spite written in the wrinkles on his forehead, “You almost done?”
You glared at him hoping your spite shone through, “Yeah, I’ll finish when I finish.”
He grumbled to himself and you struggled to keep your mouth shut, just as you always did.
‘The divorce is final,’ the words you had never imagined you’d hear played in your head as if they were a catchy song. You heard the sentence over and over as you thanked the gods that the relationship between you and your ex was finally over.
The words you never imagined were also the words you dreamed of hearing for months – hell, maybe even years.
The divorce was bitter-sweet. Sweet because you got out of a loveless relationship with a self-absorbed monster. Bitter because you were forever scarred. There wasn’t much else to be bitter about after all, the divorce was a blessing. You wondered how you hadn’t divorced sooner but you flinched every time you imagined how long you had suffered.
As far as your personal items went you didn’t want anything from the house. No decorations, no pots and pans, or furniture. You even gave him the home you lived in because you didn’t want a shred of your history with him to be left in your hands. Besides, it was all over your body and engrained in your soul. Everything you had just reminded you of the rocky relationship you had with this abusive man.
The man who dared to raise his hand up to you without realizing that you would fight back.
This wasn’t a relationship where you only got hit, but you hit back.
The bruises the two of you had from a scuffle a week ago were still fresh on both of your skin and you could see marks peeking out from his shirt and you knew he could see yours.
He was lucky you kept quiet during the divorce. He was lucky you kept quiet at all. Instead of involving the police when he started to hit you, you fought back. He might have been strong but you were raised by a single father and you were stronger.
He hit harder but you hit with purpose.
Thinking about it, you cringed. You never wanted to be in an abusive relationship like you were. Who would? You were just blinded and young when you married him. Four years ago and only twenty – one years old, you knew nothing about love – nothing compared to what you knew now.
You weren’t sure you could see yourself ever loving again.
Love was a façade you learned – at least love with a man.
The only man you would ever love was your father who dutifully raised you when your mother died when you were nine.
Your best friend, Lana was someone you truly loved. She stuck by you through everything since you lost your mother. She was older by two years and seemingly the mother you lost. Her little brother, Jisung was a package deal and came with her and he too, was someone you loved. He wasn’t considered a man so you felt safe with him. He was still the little annoying brother he was to you when you guys were growing up.
You would live with the two who shared a house in your home town – the home town you left to move on with your now ex-husband. The town you weren’t sure you wanted to return to.
Hometowns had this smell to them and it filled your nostrils with memories you didn’t particularly like. Moments like losing your mother and meeting your now ex husband.
The memories had scents that stuck in your nose the entire time you would visit your hometown so, you didn’t visit.
It had been two years since you visited and while you had seen your best friend since she came to you, you hadn’t seen anyone else. Even little Jisung.
Now you dared to move back. Only after being persuaded by your best friend, though. The unmarried single woman was lonely since Jisung was never around. You lived together four years prior and being around your best friend constantly never got old for you.
Lana was really special to you and one of the only people you loved so if she wanted you to move back, you would.
You confided in her with everything – apart from why you were getting divorced. That was a secret you kept from everyone and you were terrified she would see all your bruises and figure you out. But she had yet to, and you were thankful.
“Can you hurry?” your ex spat at you.
You spun on him, stuffing the rest of your clothes in a duffle bag, “Can you shut your fucking mouth?” You couldn’t. You couldn’t just let it end peacefully. Sometimes, you thought you deserved his outburst with how you responded and That’s when you realized that you were sick. Sick from the person he made you.
“What did you say to me?” He rose, lunging at you before you could blink.
And it began just as it always did. The toxic cycle not being complete even with your last name changed.
“Get off me,” you yelled as you slung your full duffle bag at his stomach, “I’m not fighting with you again.”
He laughed manically, “Who said you’d be fighting back?”
You scoffed as he grabbed you by your hair pulling it and wrapping it around his hand, “I always do, don’t I? You’re pussy enough to hit me and you’re pussy enough not to win every time.”
He pulled back and hit you in the face, hard. You flinched and grabbed your face before hauling your knee up into his groin and he fell to the ground, releasing your hair. Your lip ached as you touched it, and you saw blood on your fingertips when you retracted. You growled, “You’re going to pay for making me look like this before going home.”
You kicked him in the ribs as hard as you could, but he grabbed your ankle and pulled you down to the ground. He pinned you down with one hand, “Why do you talk back so much?”
“Get the fuck off me,” you wailed, “I’m going to fucking strangle you if you leave one more mark on me.”
“What the fuck?” you heard your best friends little brother exclaim.
“Get the fuck off her,” Lana screamed, tears streaming down her face as she watched him holding you down.
You held your breath and in an instant your secret was out.
Fuck.
So much for not telling anyone why you got divorced.
Embarrassment fell over you like a closed curtain.
His nostrils flared, “Why the fuck does your friend just let herself in?” he hissed at you.
You smiled with blood on your teeth, “I actually have people to care about me, bastard.”
Jisung was smaller but he was strong as he pulled your ex off you and grabbed him by the collar. Your ex laughed, “What is your problem? Why are you hitting a woman?” Jisung spat.
“She’s not a woman, don’t worry.”
Jisung hit him without hesitation and you hurried to pull Jisung away, “Don’t. Don’t get involved. He won’t stop.”
“I’m leaving,” you said to your red faced ex, “I’m done. Touch the kid and we’re not done. I’ll fucking report you this time. You. Don’t. Touch. Him.”
He cackled and pushed you roughly to the ground, Lana yelling in response and falling to where you were. Your ex punched Jisung square in the jaw and instantly, you reacted, pushing Lana off you, standing up so fast you could puke and throwing Jisung to the ground.
“I said don’t touch him,” you screamed as you grabbed him by the neck.
“Y/N,” Lana yelled grabbing at your shirt, “Let him go.”
You had a vice grip on him now and maybe, this last time, you would win against him again. It’s not like you hadn’t done it before. He grunted as you tightened your grip on his neck. “Don’t you ever lay your hands on my family again.”
Jisung was handing your bags to Lana before grabbing you gently, “Noona please, let him go. We need to go before the neighbors call the cops.”
“Let them,” you hissed, “Someone has to clean him up when I’m done.”
“Noona!” Jisung said louder, “Let him go. Now.”
You didn’t listen so Jisung grabbed you harshly, pulling you away and making you lose your grip on his neck. You raised your hand to Jisung, nearly hitting him before realizing what you were doing and you started to shake. You put your hand down, watching as Jisung stared at you with what you assumed was sympathy and concern. You were so tainted that anytime someone touched you, you reacted violently and that was embarrassing. Your ex deserved to pay for several reasons and while embarrassing you in front of your best friend wanted to be at the top of your list, hitting Jisung took the cake. You wanted him dead. “You’re lucky, you’re so fucking lucky,” you growled while Jisung guided you out as your ex was rubbing his neck, glaring at the three of you.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief in the car, apart from you. Your bruised body ached and you cringed at the thought of explaining another busted lip to your father when you got home.
“Want to tell me what the fuck all of that was about?” Lana asked from the driver seat, tears streaming down her face, “Is this why you got divorced?”
You sighed and reached forward, grabbing her shoulders as she drove, “I’m okay. I’m sorry you guys got involved and I’m sorry I let Jisung get hurt.”
Jisung looked at you in the rearview, “I’m not worried about me, Noona. I’m worried about you.”
You smiled, bruised lip aching, “I’m fine, Jisung.”
But you weren’t and both of you knew it. You tried to hit him and that was going to leave an imprint on both of you.
“How long, Y/N?”
You shrugged, “I lost track of time.”
Lana closed her eyes briefly, more tears falling, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I know he was beating you to a pulp?”
“Because I was beating him right back, Lana. He started it all and I wasn’t going to let him finish it. He got by with the first, the second and the third time but then I learned to fight back.”
Lana was shaking, “I can’t believe I never noticed. You’ve always been clumsy and were so bruised when we were younger so I thought-“ she choked. You rubbed her shoulders gently, trying your best to soothe her while she was driving.
Jisung watched you carefully.
“It wasn’t your job, Lana. I’m sorry for not telling you.”
“No, I’m sorry,” she sobbed.
“You have to stop crying and drive. We can cry when we get home. Please. I’m okay. Really.”
But Jisung met your eyes in the rearview and he knew you were lying.
Bruises on your body were temporary but the bruises on your soul were permanent and nothing stopped the way you flinched when someone tried to touch you. Nothing stopped the fear and fight reflexes that kicked in when you felt threatened.
You were broken and it was obvious now that they had seen your secret.
You were tough and fought back, yes but your resolve was weak and you were tired and hurt.
You were tired of fighting.
--
“How do we hide it?” you heard Lana whisper to Jisung. You hadn’t meant to fall asleep but you were so exhausted from fighting with that bastard that your eyes had fallen shut you you fell against the seat next to you. You woke up to Lanas loud whispers. She could never whisper quietly in the first place.
Jisung took a deep shaky breath, “She hit herself with the car door?”
“Will he believe that?”
Your eyes were wide open the second you heard the mention of ‘he’. “He, who?” What exactly were they trying to hide from you?
Lana flinched, “You’re awake!”
“Who are we hiding from?” you asked again.
Jisung laughed, “It’s a funny story actually.”
“I’m not laughing yet.”
“I mean, you won’t be upset with this news… you’ll just be a little surprised.”
You groaned, “Spill. Is my dad at your house?”
Lana shook her head, “Hwang Hyunjin is.”
Your hands instantly covered your eyes, “Why?”
Jisung stammered a couple times before speaking, “So he’s staying with us and it was going to be a surprise for you since you guys were so close when you tutored him but now it’s not such a happy surprise because we have to hide your bruises from him because, well, he’s Hyunjin.”
Hwang Hyunjin. The same boy you tutored and hadn’t seen in two years. You tutored him since he was fifteen and in the time, he grew close to you. He also grew protective, just like Jisung but maybe more intense. He once beat a kid up just for talking about your breasts.
He would undoubtly freak out even if it had been two years since you saw him and the way Jisung spoke, you figured he was just as intense as he was when he was younger.
“Great,” you muttered. Just one more person to hover over you like the broken toy you were. One more person to have to feel pain for you. It was enough knowing Jisung and Lana were hurting for you. You didn’t need Hyunjin hurting for not protecting you too even though, none of them could.
That was the thing with people who loved you – they would feel guilt for you getting hurt when they had nothing to do with it and that made you, feel more guilty for it happening in the first place.
You should have left the bastard the first time but yet you stuck it out for a year – or was it two?
Hell, you couldn’t remember not getting into violent fights.
You should have left him sooner. You should have saved the hurt your friends and family would be subject to. Maybe then you wouldn’t react the way you do to simple touches.
It was your fault.
All
your
fault.
“Sorry, I didn’t-“
You put your hand up, “Please. Don’t be sorry anymore guys. I’ll face Hyunjin alone. Don’t worry about lying for me. I’ll… I’ll think of something.”
What were you going to say? ‘Yeah so me and my ex beat each other to a pulp at least once a week over something stupid?’ or ‘I ran into a door’ or maybe ‘I got attacked by a bear’.
“Wait, so why is he staying with you guys?”
Jisung smiled and the smile touched his eyes, “His roommate wanted to move in with his girlfriend and he can’t afford a place on his own right now. Being a student doesn’t really pay the bills so Noona is letting him stay with us during school.”
You nodded, “It will be nice to have the little man back around,” a smile spread across your face and you couldn’t help it. You really liked Hyunjin. He was sweet, gentle and fierce all at the same time. He was another person you felt like you could count on despite the five year age gap. He was also, one of the only people you loved and you realized how much you missed him.
You were different now though. The fights turned you into someone you barley recognized when you looked in the mirror.
How would Hyunjin react to the person you were now?
“Yikes,” Jisung said, “Don’t call him little man to his face. He might throw a tantrum. He’s a man now.”
You snorted, “Yeah right.”
But you knew that Hwang Hyunjin probably wasn’t the little boy you left considering he was now nearly twenty one.
He probably wasn’t the same, just like you weren’t.
Time changes people and hell if it changed you.
Hyunjin had no idea the monster you became and as much as you wanted to keep it from him, you weren’t sure you could.
--
“Y/N-“ Hyunjin froze when you walked through the door. His voice was happy for the first syllable but with the ones that followed, his voice dropped into a muffled whisper. You smiled at him, happy to see his bright eyes and sculpted face. He looked older somehow and it made your heart ache from the time you missed with him.
“Hey, how are you Hyunjinie?”
Jisung carried your bags past Hyunjin, touching his shoulder gently as he walked by and he shook his head, hoping Hyunjin got the idea not to ask but, he was Hyunjin.
“What happened?”
You just held your smile, “What do you mean? What happened with you? You’re staying here too?”
Lana sighed and sat her keys on the kitchen counter.
“Yeah, I am but what happened to you?”
You shrugged, “Oh, you know. I’m clumsy,” you laughed it off but you saw the way his eyes searched your body and caught the little glimpses of other bruises, “really clumsy,” you laughed again and tried covering yourself with your hands
“Y/N-“
“What happened to Noona?” you asked with a raised brow as you walked towards where Jisung had taken your bags. Hyunjin followed.
You heard him pause for a moment before continuing, “I don’t know. Doesn’t seem right anymore since I’m not little anymore, ya know?”
Jisung snorted.
“I’m still steps ahead of you, Hyunjin. It’s fine to still call me Noona.”
He sighed, “You’re not much ahead, Y/N and I prefer not to – if that’s okay.”
You gave him a nod, “That’s okay then.”
And then he caught a glance at the massive bruise on your collar bone and before you could cover it with your shirt, he reached out and touched you. Instinctively you turned on him, slapping his hand away and raising your hand to him before realizing what you did and shakily forcing your hand to your side. Jisung grabbed your shoulder pulling you away from Hyunjin, clearly shocked and concerned. You threw Jisung’s hand off your shoulder before you could stop yourself.
“Y/N,” Hyunjin called out, hurt.
You tried to smile even though you were close to tears, “Sorry reflexes. I’ll see you for dinner, yeah?” And part of that wasn’t a lie as hitting back was your reflex now and that thought, made you sick.
And then you were shut in your room with Jisung, him clicking the lock to the door so Hyunjin couldn’t join.
“You okay?” He asked.
You nodded slowly, “He can’t touch me like that.”
Jisung shook his head, “I completely understand. I’ll be sure to pass it along.”
“He can’t touch me, Jisung. Like at all. No hugs, no high-fives, nothing. I can’t be touched.”
Jisung sighed, “Is it that triggering?”
You looked away, ashamed and Jisung reached out to you, dropping his hand when he realized. “Yes. Men can’t put their hands on me.”
“That’s going to be hard for him-“
“Why?”
“Noona, you have to know how he feels about you-“
But you cut him off again, shaking your head. “He can’t.”
“He does.”
“He can’t, Jisung. He can’t. Advise him against any feelings for me. Not only am I too old for him but I’m in no shape to love any man.”
He scoffed, “You’re not too old. You’re not even that old Noona.”
You shrugged, “I’m not open to it. He needs to keep his distance.”
Jisung pursed his lips, “I’ll do what I can but Hyunjin won’t listen. He’s had a crush on you since he was a kid. Now that you’re both adults and you’re divorced, you’re basically free game.”
“I’ll hurt him,” you said certainly. “Did you see? Did you see how I reacted?”
“Maybe with time?”
You gave him a look, “That won’t happen. Just ward Hyunjin off…but don’t tell him why right now.”
“He’ll figure it out.”
You pointed at him, sitting on your bed. “When did you start talking back so much?”
“Not just Hyunjin grew up but I did too, Noona.”
“Gross. Don’t act like an adult.”
He stuck his tongue out at you and then smiled softly. “You’ll be okay.”
And you smiled back but your smile held no truths. “Thank you,” you replied to hopefully end the conversation – as it did. Jisung got ready to leave and then paused again.
“You aren’t going to like this as much as he did,” Jisung sighed.
You glared over at him, “What now, Sung?”
“You have to share a room with him.”
You froze trying to process what he just said, “You’re sharing a room with him?” you asked with confusion heavy in your tone.
He had a coy smile as he shook his head, “Nope. You’re sharing a room with him.”
You stood, realizing that you were in the guest room that now had two twin beds. It wasn’t like that when you left Lana’s. You watching Jisung carefully with suspicion, “Why isn’t he staying with you?”
Jisung rolled his head back and forth playfully, “My room is too small.”
“Then you stay in here with him and I’ll stay in your room,” you said through gritted teeth.
He laughed, “How about no? I’m ready for the tension between you two to diffuse.”
“I’ve always disliked you,” you spat, lying to the younger man.
He cracked a bigger grin. “Yeah, yeah.”
But then he left and you were finally alone to try to understand your thoughts.
Did Hyunjin really like you?
Was he stupid?
All you knew was that Hyunjin knew the woman that hadn’t been back to her hometown in a while. He knew the woman before the hurt – before the abuse. He knew a weaker woman but also, he knew a better woman. Someone kind, loving, and patient. You weren’t sure you were any of those things anymore.
And you really didn’t want to face him.
But that night, you did.
You lied wide awake, not able to sleep and only a few feet away from Hyunjin.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
You shook your head immediately even though he couldn’t see it. “It’s not important.”
“Why can’t I touch you?” You knew he must have spoke to Jisung who like you told him, probably didn’t give a good reason why Hyunjin had to keep his hands off you. Hyunjin was affectionate and loved to hug, snuggle and prod you ever since he was younger. You assumed it was just him but with the talk with Jisung earlier, you now knew it was probably because his supposed feelings for you.
“Go to bed,” you replied quietly.
He snorted, “You can’t sleep either, I know because you keep tossing and turning.”
“None of your business.”
“You are my business.”
You froze for a moment, “Why?”
“You know why.”
“Hyunjin-“
“Y/N, you can’t push me away. You have no idea how I feel about you.”
You took a deep breath, “I just got divorced and I’m too old for you Hyunjin.”
“Neither of those things discourage me.” You heard him shift in his bed, probably turning towards you considering how his voice got louder.
Skeptically, you turned towards him, looking at his beautiful face, “Be discouraged. I’m not the Noona you knew.”
He watched you carefully, “I want you as you are.”
You laughed sadly, “Not now you don’t.”
“Tell me. What happened? Why are you all beat up?”
You were quiet for several moments, “Does anything occur to you Hyunjin? Why would I be bruised? Why would I almost hit you?” You were angry now and stared at him fiercely.
And then he sat up in bed, “Was that bastard fucking hitting you?” Before you could respond he was out of bed, squared up and huffing and puffing. You sighed, sitting up and looking at him.
“Hyunjin. I was hitting him back.”
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, “He deserved every bit of it Y/N.”
“You don’t get it. I’m not good. I’m abusive, sensitive and unloving. I don’t have a gentle bone left in my body Hyunjin. I can’t be what you need. You need to let it go.” Not only could you not be what he needed but you weren’t sure you wanted to. Not just Hyunjin but with any man. You weren’t sure you could ever be with another person with your damaged goods you carried around.
You gestured for him to sit back down, he did, slowly. “I’ll prove it to you.”
“What?”
“I’ll prove your none of those things. If I prove that you can love again, can you try to love me?”
“Hyunie,” you said carefully. “I can’t agree to that and you know it. I’ll be out of Lana’s house as soon as I can and once I am, it will be like I was never really here. You’ll move on, meet someone your age who isn’t used up, and you’ll be happy. Just trust me Hyunie. It’s just a silly crush.”
He huffed, “And it I prove it’s not?”
“Hyun-“
“If I can show you everything you’re doubtful of, can you give me a chance?”
You knew the conversation wouldn’t end until you agreed but you also knew you wouldn’t be revivable. You knew that no matter what the young man said, you wouldn’t be able to be fixed. You’d remain broken and used. “If not, you have to let me go. If I prove to be unconquerable, you have to let it go.”
“You know that’s not going to be easy for me.”
You looked at him again, “None of this will be easy for you.”
He rose from his bed once again, coming to tower over you before bending down to be eye level with you. You scooted away, the proximity of him making you nervous. You felt your cheeks heat wildly like two crackling campfires reflecting off the sunset. You took a deep breath as his face moved closer to you. If he touched you now, surely you would snap and freak out so you just prayed to whatever gods you could that he didn’t lay a hand on you. Instead, you just felt his breath tickle your cheeks, “It already is,” he whispered before smirking and returning to bed, clearly still in a good mood.
—
When you woke up and slid out of bed, you could have sworn Hyunjin was still sleeping but when you heard, “Oh my god,” you flinched away and tried to duck under your covers. It was a stupid mistake to wear shorts and a tank to bed and you should have known better. Your body was riddled with bruises and scars. Bruises that had barley changed from purple to brown from the recent fights you’d had.
He was out of bed in an instant, examining you but keeping an arms length distance. “Y/N,” he started softly, “your body.”
You stepped back, “I know. Please don’t look at me.”
“Your beautiful body doesn’t deserve to be covered like this,” he whispered. His hand reached out and you jumped away, causing him to drop it and frown. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“But I’ll hurt you,” you responded. “I’m used to being touched and it hurting, Hyunjin. My reflexes are dangerous.”
He shrugged, “I don’t care,” and he stepped towards you.
Again, you stepped back, “Heed Jisung’s warning. He almost got hurt in crossfire. If I hurt you, I will never be yours.”
He smiled softly, “You say it as if there’s a chance.”
You huffed out a breath, “There’s not a chance. I told you what and who I am. I won’t change.”
He shook his head, “You will for me.”
“Why?”
“You love me too,” he declared.
You snorted, wanting to poke him in his hugely puffed up chest but you didn’t. “First things first, no. Secondly, you don’t love me. It’s just a crush.”
He took two steps in your direction and then, you felt your back hit the wall. You gulped. “Do I make you nervous?”
You shook your head quickly, avoiding eye contact.
“Look at me, Y/N,” he said quietly.
You refused so Hyunjin grabbed your chin, getting his wrist slapped quickly in the process before you could even realize what you did. He hid any bit of surprise on his face as he lifted his hand back up to your chin. Again, you hit his wrist, cringing and pulling away as you did. “I’m so sorry,” a tear spilled out, rolling down your cheek. Hyunjin again, grabbed your chin gently and this time, you held yourself back. He forced you to look at him.
“See, I knew you could do it.”
Your eyes searched his as he gave you a gentle smile. “I hit you twice.”
He scoffed, “You swatted my wrist. I’m fine. You’re the one who isn’t. Let me make you okay.”
“I can’t.”
He nodded, “You can.”
You shivered and he smiled even wider.
“I knew I made you nervous.”
You pulled away, his warm embrace leaving your skin. “Don’t get cocky.”
He stuffed his hands in his pajamas pockets and watched you carefully. “You are so fucking pretty.”
Heat rose up your neck and into your cheeks as you tried to look away.
“I’m all ruined, Jinnie.”
He scoffed, “You’re perfect.”
And you shivered again.
“I see the affect I have on you, you’re not fooling me.”
—
“When did it start?” Hyunjin asked the next night as the two of you lied in bed. You turned towards him, your eyes easing down the frame of his body.
You hummed in response, waiting for him to expand.
“Him… hitting you?”
You closed your eyes for a moment and sighed, “I have to give myself some credit for it beginning. I had a guy friend at work, one I really liked and I spent a lot of time with him. We were strictly platonic and never so much even hugged but one day, on my mother’s death anniversary, he brought me flowers and hugged me. He saw it happening through the living room window and when I went inside, he attacked me with what started as words and then he grew violent. Hitting me till I couldn’t walk.”
“Wait. You’re telling me you are taking credit because you had a friend. A friend Y/N, really?”
You shrugged, “Looking back I realize I triggered him a lot. I contributed to what I got.”
Hyunjin shook his head, “Absolutely not.”
“You had to be there, I guess.”
He scoffed, “Abuse isn’t justified no matter what you did.”
You smiled softly, “You’re a good guy Hyunjin. You’ll make a girl really happy one day.”
For several moments he was quiet and all you could hear was your own breathing, “I want to make you happy.”
“You already are. You know what I mean.”
He glared at you, “And you know what I mean. I’m not playing coy with my feelings with you anymore. I’m giving you everything at face value.”
“As am I.”
“That’s okay, I intend to change some of that.”
You turned away from him, looking at the ceiling. “You don’t understand. I’m not some easy catch. You’ve had this crush for years and pined for years and you’ll continue to pine, Hyunjin. I don’t have anything to offer you.”
“You have more than you think. I’m not giving up till your mine. Tell me that’s okay, Y/N. I want your consent.”
“Hyun-“
“Noona,” the name spilled out before he could catch it and you swore you heard him gulp, “Y/N, give me the okay to make you mine.”
“Didn’t we talk about this last night?”
He let out a breath, “Yes but you never told me you were okay with it. I want you to be okay with everything I do to or for you.”
“It’s not like we’re having sex Hyunjin. I don’t need to consent to your feelings.”
You turned just in time to catch him pointing at you, “Yet.”
“What?”
“We’re not having sex - yet.”
And your cheeks flushed. Grabbing a pillow from behind you, you chucked it at him, hitting him in the face. “Watch yourself.”
“I’m too busy watching you.”
You could have puked if you had heard the conversation from the outside but here you were, inside the conversation and feeling butterflies. “Stop being gross.”
“Anyway,” he waved his hand in the air, “Your consent, my queen?”
You shuttered and turned over. “Go to bed.”
But he wouldn’t stop. You heard his bed creak and you nearly groaned. “Scoot over.”
“What?”
“I’m going to lay with you until I get your consent,” he said in a duh tone.
You flinched, “No you’re not.”
“Watch me.”
He pushed you over and crawled in bed next to you. Your body shook from the proximity of him and you pushed your body as close to the edge as you could without falling. “I told you don’t touch me.”
“I’m not touching you,” he said with his hands in the air.
“Yet,” you said with a look of warning in your eyes.
He rolled his eyes, before poking your cheek gently. “You’re not scary.”
You groaned. “You need to be afraid of me. Now get out of my bed before I push you out.”
His face was so close to yours that you could feel his breath on your cheeks, “Consent,” he whispered.
The look on his face was hungry and you’d do anything to get him away from you in that moment so you used all your might to try to push him off your bed and you yelled, “Consent. I consent.” But he didn’t move one bit.
“Good. Now good night.”
He pulled at your covers and you looked at him through squinted eyes before pushing again and succeeding with pushing him from your bed. You couldn’t help but laugh at his shocked form on the floor. He looked at you fiercely for several moments before cracking a smile and standing up to go to his bed. “Good night,” you said quietly.
—
Hyunjin was coming on strong. He wasn’t hiding a fragment of his feelings from anyone and that included your best friend and Jisung. He openly called you names like ‘love’ and ‘my queen’ in front of both of them and every time it made you trip over your words.
You were thankful when you could escape from him and go to work but the peace would only last until you got home because it was summer and all Hyunjin had to do in his free time was work part time.
He was constantly around.
The next few days, you spent your time trying to avoid him and only being rewarded with him being near you no matter what you did. And once he got you alone at night, he talked your ears off. You swore he just wanted to hear you speak because he asked the most simple questions about you.
He didn’t give up on you even as the days turned into weeks. You proved to be stubborn and difficult. Not so much as letting him touch your shoulder but one day, one day you made a big step.
You were out at dinner when Hyunjin’s hand encased yours and for once, you didn’t react badly. Well, you flinched at the contact but you didn’t violently try to attack Hyunjin. Instead, you blushed as he pushed his fingers in between yours and tried to pull away when Jisung stared at you with an open mouth. But Hyunjin was strong and he held you tightly before dropping your encased hands to the space in the seat between you so onlookers couldn’t notice.
But Lana already did and you swore her eyes sparkled mischievously. You wanted to kick her for the visual encouragement. Hyunjin didn’t need anymore encouragement than he already had.
Your best friend should know better. She shouldn’t want you seduced by a younger man when you were so far gone but yet here she was, smirk growing on her face when Hyunjin leaned over and whispered in your ear, “Not so scary is it.”
You knew it was scary though because your hand was clammy and your cheeks were warm. You didn’t know how to react to the contact but now that it was out of sight, you stupidly allowed it.
Because you were a fucking idiot and instead of pushing away someone who would just get hurt by you, you couldn’t find the strength.
You were encouraging him by blushing and squirming when he did anything remotely romantic to you.
It was all you.
Again, you were the cause and that made you beat yourself up more.
But you didn’t stop him. You had given Hyunjin consent to make you his if he could. At least when he failed maybe you were going to be a better woman after it.
But who would he be?
How would loving you affect him?
Surely it would be negative.
So you tried to pull your hand out of his but Hyunjin persisted, keeping your fingers locked.
You continued to fight yourself every second of the day you were near Hyunjin and all you could think about was what you would leave imprinted on him when all was said and done.
As the days passed, Hyunjin didn’t go anywhere without forcing his hand into his. When he looked at you from under his lashes, you couldn’t pull away. Just his face expression was enough to make you lose the tough act. He broke you down to little pieces of yourself that you hadn’t known still existed.
You knew there would be more to come than just holding hands and when it happened one night as you cooked in the kitchen, you freaked. Hyunjin’s fingers teetered on your waist and you instantly spun on him, fist raised in defense. He grabbed it roughly with his hand before you could do anything else and looked at you with sympathy. “I’m sorry, love,” he said regretfully, “I should have warned you.”
Your heart was racing and you could barley feel yourself breathing as you lowered your fist, Hyunjin still having his fingers wrapped around the closed hand of yours.
You were ready to hit the piss out of him had you been able to and you were scared. He didn’t hurt you so why didn’t you know better? Why couldn’t you just be normal?
“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I’m really going to hurt you one day, Hyunjin. You need to give it up.” More than anything you wanted for him to give up and move on. The last thing you needed was to hurt him.
He released your hand and reached for your waist again, causing your body to shudder. You were shaking underneath his gaze as his hand landed on your hip. A shaky breath escaped your lips and you swore you felt a tear escape as you allowed Hyunjin to touch you.
“I’m not giving up,” he swiped the fallen tear from your cheek with his free hand. “If you hit me, it will be my own fault for pushing you. My goal is not to push you that far all at once. Baby steps.”
You scoffed, “Fearful steps is more like it.”
“Don’t be afraid, I’m right here.”
He grabbed one of your hands and lifted it up, holding the hand to his chest. You felt the warmth of him sleeping through his shirt and it made your legs feel like jello.
He splayed your hand out on his chest, allowing you to feel the definition of his body through his shirt.
“Sorry to uh, interrupt but something is burning,” Jisung said awkwardly as he scratched his neck.
You jumped away from Hyunjin, causing him to whine in the process as you realized you had in fact, burned dinner.
All thanks to Hwang Hyunjin.
—
The next move was a hug and it came unexpectedly so fortunately, you didn’t even have time to react when Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you into your arms. “Ah,” he sighed. “I needed this,” you assumed he had a bad day with the way his voice sounded so you pulled away to look at him.
“What’s wrong?”
He shook his head, “It’s stupid.”
“Are you okay?”
He nodded, “I’m okay now. Some girl at the office just has feelings for me and ah – well, she’s just not you and it made me miss you. It really made me realize how no matter who it is, they’ll never be you. I had to let her down and tell her I’m committed.”
He pulled you into another hug, stunning you and pulling a groan from your body. “Hyunjin-“
“Stop. Don’t start. I fucking want you not the girl at work. I don’t care if she’s my age.”
You laughed, “How did you know what I was going to say?”
And he pulled back and rolled his eyes, “You run your mouth too much, that’s why. You need to be careful before someone shuts you up.”
You narrowed your eyes, “What’s that mean?”
He leaned closer and you started to shake, “Wanna find out?” He asked in a low voice.
You shook your head before pulling away from him.
He just laughed as he poked your nose. “In a matter of time, love.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you remarked.
He leaned in close, “Did you notice that?”
“Hmm?”
“Baby, I hugged you and you didn’t even flinch.”
And he was right.
You hadn’t even reacted.
—
You didn’t think Hyunjin could do anything else without you freaking out. But all of that changed over the last couple of months. He was able to touch you in ways even Jisung couldn’t. Jisung still would reach out and you’d cringe away where with Hyunjin, you started to be still. Calm almost.
You knew Jisung his whole life but yet the man could barley get near you where Hyunjin was always near you.
So when he pulled you into his lap one night when the four of you were watching a movie, your body didn’t even tense.
Jisung gaped at you and it caused your cheeks to flush as Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder. Lana gave you a small smile before looking to the TV with an expression of content wrapped over her face.
You couldn’t believe how Hyunjin had managed to build you up so much. You just wished it applied to other people because you really wanted to hug Jisung. You wanted to thank him for everything he did and embrace him the way you used to but the only arms that could hold you were Hyunjin’s.
And you knew it made him happy.
Whether or not he was winning you over, he was changing your life.
It wasn’t just that night that Hyunjin held you, in fact, he held you all the time. No matter where he was he would pull you into your lap whether it was appropriate or not. And when he couldn’t hold you, he has a firm arm either wrapped around you or hands encasing yours. And you loved every second of it.
It ignited a fire in your belly and your cheeks every time he interacted with you.
“Have I won yet?” He asked one day as his fingers were tangled with yours and the two of you walked around the mall near Lana’s house.
You looked over at him with a smile, watching his beautiful but serious face. “Won what?”
“Your heart, love.”
And in reality, you knew he was. He was pulling at the seams that held you together and replacing them with new stitches that spelled his name. Hyunjin was becoming an extension of you and when he wasn’t there to hold or touch you, you felt lost and empty.
He had won you over.
But part of you still wanted him to be happy with someone else. Part of you knew that it was selfish to keep him. You should let him spread his wings, grow up some and find someone he really liked. You didn’t want him focusing his efforts on repairing the broken toy you were.
But he put so much effort into you already.
The other part of you knew Hyunjin was an adult and very capable of making his own decisions and choosing for him was also selfish.
You were torn but you knew your heart wanted Hyunjin so bad that you were willing to rewire every faulty wire in your brain for him. You were willing to dig deep and let your skeletons out for him.
And you never thought you’d be willing to do that for anyone.
He sighed, breaking your thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking.”
You narrowed your eyes.
“You’re thinking too hard, it’s obvious. I can make my own decisions, Y/N. Don’t push me away. Not after all we’ve done.”
He squeezed your hand as you watched him carefully, “I’m scared though. I’m scared of not being what you need – what you deserve Hyunjin.”
He stopped walking, dropping your hand and taking your face in his hands, “There is nothing wrong with you. How could you not be what I deserve or need?”
You shrugged, looking down at your feet. “What do we have in common?”
He scoffed. “We both love shitty movies, binge watching Bobs Burgers, standing outside when it’s raining, our favorite food is pancakes, and most importantly, we like each other. Baby, we don’t have to be a perfect match to be a perfect match.”
He tilted your chin to look up at him and your eyes locked onto his. He smiled. “I just worry.”
He sighed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I know but I can see you blossoming under my care. I can do that for you for the rest of our lives.”
“Okay Hyunjin.”
But you weren’t so sure. You never were. Your ex left so many gaps in your soul that you didn’t know if there was enough Hyunjin to fill them.
—
That night, was the night you almost cracked when you entered your shared bedroom and saw that Hyunjin had pushed the two of your beds together.
“Uh uh,” you said shaking your head at the boy who was spread across both beds with his legs crossed behind him and in the air.
“What?” He asked innocently.
“Fix this,” you gestured to the two beds.
Hyunjin just smiled and pursed his lips, “You consented, love. I’m just giving you all I got.”
You stomped your foot realizing how childish you were after you had done it, “I need my space, Hwang.”
He patted the bed next to him, “You don’t need space. You need to be smothered.”
You glared at him, “Why?”
“I’m making you better. If I give you space, you won’t continue to grow, my love. Now come lay next to me.”
You chewed your lip nervously before quipping with a smart remark, “You’re not just trying to get laid are you? There are much easier lays than me Hyunjin. I didn’t know you enjoyed cat and mouse this much.”
He touched his chest offended before sitting up, “This is not just about getting laid.”
You pointed at him, “You said just.”
He put his hands in the air, “Okay for the record I’m a guy, also for the record I’ve loved you like all of my puberty years and now even in my adult years so how else am I supposed to feel?”
“Hyunjin, I don’t want anything from you like that. I don’t do hook ups.”
He groaned and put his head in his hands, “I don’t want to hookup. I want to romance you, you idiot.”
You squinted at him, “Don’t call me names, little boy.”
He squinted back, “Don’t call me little boy.”
“Don’t act like one then.”
He raised a brow before climbing off the two beds and prowling over to you. You gulped. What the fuck did you just do? You inwardly groaned as he backed you into a corner.
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay what?”
“I won’t act like a little boy if you won’t treat me like one.”
One of his hands was raised, palm first against the wall and holding your body in place with his. He wasn’t touching you but he may as well been because you were shaking.
“Now, come to bed,” he growled in a husky voice.
You swore to god your heart was flipping around like a fish out of water with the way he said that.
“Y/N,” he said with a warning tone.
You just shook your head.
And before you could even react, he had you over his shoulder. His embrace was warm and while it was scary, you didn’t hit him. You couldn’t find it in you to hurt him when he was being so gentle. His hands were soft on your skin and nothing like the harsh calloused hands of your ex. You couldn’t find it in you to hurt him after all the work he’d done on your heart.
He sat you down on the bed, pulling the covers up and over you before turning out the light and crawling in bed next to you, sharing the same covers.
He opened his arms, gesturing for you to come into them.
You shook your head but Hyunjin wasn’t taking no as an answer tonight.
He pulled your arms and dragged you into his embrace.
He breathed out a sigh. “This is what you need,” he said softly, “someone to hold you and say ‘you’re gonna be okay’. I’ll do that, my love. Let me do that.”
“Hyunjin,” you started but he shushed you, pressing himself closer to you.
“Do you feel that?”
“What?”
“My heart and the way it beats for you, Y/N.”
And you swore your whole body started to convulse at his words. “You make it hard to push you away,” you responded honestly.
You know in that moment that he smiled. “Don’t push me away then. Let me show you love, baby.”
You looked up at him, eyes searching his face as his smiled down at you.
“What, do you want me to kiss you?” He said in a gruff voice.
You shuddered and looked away as quickly as you could.
“Can I kiss you?” He asked carefully.
You shook your head, “Physical contact like that is too much for me.”
He scoffed, “Baby, you’re letting me hold you.”
And so you struggled to break free from his hold, wanting to run away from him as fast as you could. Hyunjin was dangerous and for a second, you wanted him to kiss you.
Okay, it was longer than a second.
But what the fuck were you thinking? Were you actually going to kiss him? Liking him was one thing and acting on it was another. You had accepted that he would make his own decisions but how could you make your own?
What did you want?
Hyunjin.
You wanted Hyunjin and it killed you because you wanted to fight it so bad.
With the way he looked at you though, you realized Hyunjin had become a man. A man that just wanted to love you.
A man that desired you.
And a man you desired.
How did he manage to dismantle you within months of you coming home? How was he managing to tear you apart and put you back together all in the same time frame?
“Please,” he begged. “I just want – just let me kiss you once and then we can sleep. I have no other intentions I just want to know what it’s like.”
You closed your eyes tightly and then forced them back open as you looked at the desperate man in front of you. Your body took over and you slowly nodded. Hyunjin reacted immediately, grabbing your face almost too abruptly and causing you to flinch. He rubbed your cheeks, trying to soothe the fear he momentarily instilled you with before leaning down into your mouth and pressing the gentlest but most passionate kiss onto your lips. You didn’t even have time to stop the moan that fell from your lips.
He pulled back quickly, cheeks flushed and a small look of shock on his face. “And you gave me shit about trying to get laid.”
You gaped at him, “What did I do?”
He groaned, “That moan basically is you begging for it,” he tsked. “You’re the one who needs to be scolded.”
“I- I, it just slipped out,” you yelled.
He laughed and pulled you back into his arms as you playfully fought against him.
“Hey bastard, I’m talking to you.”
He just rolled his eyes, “Time to sleep my sweet horn dog.”
And then the words that you hadn’t been prepared for, came out of his mouth.
“I love you.”
You didn’t respond because you were busy holding your breath so Hyunjin responded for you.
“You don’t have to say it back, I just needed you to know.”
For a moment, you pulled away just so you could reach up and press a gentle peck to Hyunjin’s lips in appreciation. He smiled, getting the message and hugged you tightly to his chest, throwing a leg over your legs.
—
“Good morning, love,” Hyunjin whispered when your eyes fluttered open. You immediately smiled and plastered your body closer to his. He rubbed the top of your head, smoothing your hair. “That’s my girl.”
You looked up at him, watching the way he watched you and it made you squirm. “Good morning,” you finally muttered.
Hyunjin grabbed your face, only causing you to flinch slightly before he pulled your face to hi sand he pressed his lips gently to yours. He sighed when your lips touched and his hands wrapped tighter around your waist.
You arms found their way around his neck and he rolled you over, landing you on top of him. He gave you a flirty smile before kissing you again and helping your wrap your thighs around the sides of his.
“Perfect,” he said and you shivered.
His fingers danced under your shirt, softly caressing the bare skin.
“Mine?” He asked simply.
You have him a look.
“Look at you, shivering under my touch. Tell me you don’t like this? Tell me you don’t like me and I’ll stop,” he was certain with his words just as you were certain that your body immediately gave you away as you said nothing.
You couldn’t lie.
You really liked Hyunjin.
Hell, you thought you even loved him.
But fuck, were you scared. Scared of ruining him still.
“Tell me you like me,” he said with a coy smile. “Say it.”
“Hyun-“
He squeezed your sides with his hands, making you jump. “Tell me baby, please.”
You rolled your eyes, “Why do I have to say it? You already know.”
He hummed, “I want to hear it.”
You groaned, “You are determined,” and he nodded, “Okay, Hyunjin. You got me. I like you.”
He let out a soft hum in pleasure, “Do you love me?”
Your cheeks heated as you looked away and Hyunjin took the opportunity to start grabbing your sides with gentle fingers, tickling you and causing you to thrash and kick against him.
“You love me don’t you?” He giggled as you laughed and tried to push off him. He held you firmly, his hands moving to tickle your armpits instead of your sides and making you scream in response.
“Hyunie,” you protested through a mix of laughter and whimpers.
“What, baby? What’s wrong?”
“Stop… tickling,” you yelped when his hands found the sensitive spot on your body, “me!” You shouted.
He laughed and before you could say anything else, you heard the door swing open and Jisung was standing in the doorway. He gaped, looking at both of you with red cheeks. “It’s the middle of the fucking day guys.”
You threw the covers off you and Hyunjin to prove you were dressed, “I wasn’t doing anything!”
“You definitely would have heard her if we were,” Hyunjin said confidently causing you to smack his chest.
Jisung narrowed his eyes, “You need to remember it’s my noona you’re talking about. I don’t want to think about that.”
“You think she’s innocent? She moaned the first time I kissed-“ and you cupped you’re hand over his mouth, cheeks redder than Jisungs and eyes frantic.
“Shut your mouth.”
“Make me,” he managed to mumble under your hand.
“Anyway,” Jisung said to draw your attention back, “Were going out to breakfast with my family this morning. You two are invited of course, you’re both like family. Get dressed and stop doing stuff this early in the morning,” he shivered with a disgusted groan and stomped off.
You moved your hand from Hyunjin’s mouth when Jisung shut the door and you eyed Hyunjin, “You’re bad,” you scolded.
“Punish me then,” he whispered.
You were off him in a heartbeat, “Stop being a whore.”
He whined, “Baby.”
“You better behave when we’re with their family.”
“And if I don’t?” He asked with a raised brow and devilish smile.
“I’ll sleep in Lana’s room.”
He whined again, drawing himself up from bed and grabbing your hands, “Be nice to me. I’m utterly in love with you. I’m at your mercy. What you want is what I want.”
“I want you to behave.”
He nodded before pressing a kiss to your forehead, “Okay, okay.”
But he did anything but.
During breakfast, he was all over you. Arm around you, hand holding yours, head pressed close to your shoulder as he fed you bites of his food.
But, you didn’t even protest.
Having Hyunjin dote over you, was so delightful. It made you feel on top of the world with the way he looked at you and touched you.
Lana and Jisung’s family were smitten with the idea of you and Hyunjin. They were all over you and asking questions about the two of you.
“How long have you to been together?”
You prepared to answer with a firm, ‘no we aren’t together’, when Hyunjin spoke up.
“A couple of weeks.”
“You two seem like you’ve been together for months if not years. You fit so well together.”
He nodded, drawing you closer, “I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember.” And a chorus if ‘awes’ played out through the table.
You blushed as Hyunjin squeezed your hand and instead of correcting Hyunjin’s statement, you went with it. Was it so bad to be associated with dating Hyunjin? Was it so bad to just accept that he loved you? Did you really have to ruin him in the end? What if you didn’t?
Lana and Jisung’s family didn’t even seem concerned about the age difference as you did and that made you and Hyunjin more confident. You could see it in him and the way he held himself as their family complemented the relationship you hadn’t even realized you were in.
“So you agree?” Hyunjin asked when you returned home.
You looked at him carefully, waiting for him to continue.
“We’re dating?”
You sighed, “Well, we might as well be.”
And the smile that spread across Hyunjin’s face made your whole body tingle. He picked you up and spun you around before placing you back down and kissing you, “my girlfriend,” he mused.
Jisung was watching the whole exchange. “Finally putting a title on it?”
You glared at him.
“What, noona, I warned you how he felt about you. You had time to run away. No you’re stuck with him for life.”
Hyunjin scoffed, “Stuck. She’s not stuck. She’s just tucked into me like a perfect puzzle piece.”
“Love makes you corny,” Jisung said with disbelief.
“One day, Jisung,” Hyunjin warmed, “you’ll be the same.”
--
Things drastically changed one night.
Something about Hyunjin had you stuck that day. You couldn’t stay off of him so when he pulled you into his arms and started kissing you, you happily obliged.
He rolled on top of you, pressing his body between your thighs and pressing his fingers into your hips bones roughly.
When he swiped his tongue into your mouth, you couldn’t help the moan that escaped your lips.
He pulled away when he heard it, eyes wide and watching you. “Don’t do that,” he said firmly, “you have no idea how hard it is to hold back.”
You sighed because you were tired. You were tired of fighting it. looking up at him, you shivered, “Don’t.”
He froze, “Say it again.”
“Don’t hold back.”
And he was back on top of you in an instant, pressing kisses all over your exposed and no longer bruised skin. It seemed most of the marks healed and Hyunjin decided to make new ones – ones that didn’t hurt but made you jerk your hips upward into him from the sensation. He left marks from your collarbone down to your breasts, peppering you with kisses as he went.
His fingers dug into your skin, leaving pink marks in their wake as he hurriedly undressed you.
“What’s the rush?” You whispered into his lips.
“Have to make you mine.”
“Fucking me wont do that.”
But he smirked, “I’ll prove you wrong. Once I’m inside you, you’re never going to let me go or doubt your feelings.”
You shivered at his words as he pulled his shirt over his head, looking at you fiercely the whole time. You stared at his body wondering when the fuck he got so tone – so big. He smirked at you before lifting you up and removing your shirt as well.
He stared at you in return. “Have I told you that you’re perfect?”
“Only a dozen times,” you smiled softly.
He scoffed, “Clearly not enough.” He reached behind you to unsnap your bra and when he had it undone in seconds you glared at him.
“Just how much practice have you had at that?” for a moment, a fire of jealousy erupted in your body but Hyunjin was quick to put it out.
He shook his head, “Not much, my love.”
Hyunjin leaned down, kissing both of you breasts gently before reaching down to your pants, pulling them swiftly off your body, not bothering to wait and pulling your underwear with them. He moaned loudly when he had you naked and you were quick to shush him.
“Baby, I’d be more concerned about keeping yourself quiet.”
With that, he dove between your legs, attaching his lips to your clit and moaning. You could have screamed at the sensation and your body jolted awake. You couldn’t remember the last time you were intimate with anyone let alone the last time someone went down on you.
Hyunjin was aggressive in his assault on your core and you were practically limp below him. He took breaks to kiss the span of your thighs, looking up at you with hungry eyes.
“I’m gonna devour you, you do realize that right?” he growled.
You shuddered, staring down at his wet lips. “Hyunjin.”
He groaned and bit down on the skin of your thigh. “Don’t forget it.”
His lips reattached to you, tongue shooting out and lapping you up causing your fingers to find their way to his hair, wrapping around his long locks and holding tight. This seemed to please him so you pulled lightly, pleasing him even further as his moans vibrated your core.
There was no stopping his ever increasing pace as he forced you to an orgasm you didn’t even expect. He thrusted two long fingers into you, curling them around your g-spot as you rode out your orgasm, body clenching around his fingers and hips slightly moving.
His eyes locked on yours again and you swore the look he gave you was borderline scary but yet, you trusted him. You trusted him to be gentle enough not to scare you but rough enough to appease the tension the two of you had spent the last few months cooking in.
Hyunjin crawled up your body, trying to touch your face but you pushed him away and for a moment you swore you saw his heart sink. He thought he did something wrong. You pushed him off you and then pushed him down into the bed with a small smile. He seemed to lighten up as his forehead creases still seemed to seep with sweat.
You grabbed the waistband of his sweats and tugged, trying to get him as bare as you were but he just lightly pushed your hands away. “No, you can do that later.” He said as he watched you tie your hair back with a hairband that had been around your wrist. You looked at him with disappointment thick in your expression and he smiled at you. “Baby, please. We have next time, I just need to be inside you.”
“Next time?”
He paused before pulling you closer to him. “Yes, there will be a next time as long as you want there to be.”
You nodded.
“What if it’s not what you imagined? Don’t agree till I’m buried deep inside you, baby.”
He flipped you onto your back, quickly pulling his pants off and exposing his erect member. You couldn’t help but stare because if there were to be any perfect dick in the world, you swear Hyunjin had it. He was perfect.
He hummed for a moment, “I’d love to ask you to beg for it considering how you’re drooling over me but I don’t think I’ll push my limits this time. We have plenty of other opportunities to make you beg and plead the way I know you would.”
You shivered as he grabbed himself roughly and lined up with your entrance, eyes softening as he looked at you again. “Baby?”
“Hmm?”
“I need your consent.”
“Yes, Hyunjin. I really want you.”
And he thrusted inside you, causing tears to prick your eyes and your thighs to clench around him. His hands rubbed down your shoulders, over your breasts and down your tummy. “You okay?”
Oh you were okay, you were just already completely fucked out by the way he filled you up. It hurt from how thick he was but you loved it and if he stopped you swore you would start to cry. “I’m okay.”
And he pressed into you, overfilling you and causing your skin to tingle. He bent down so he was on his elbows over you and no more than an inch away from you. His perfect eyes bore right into yours as he fucked every bit of pain you had left in your body. His lips found yours, moving in perfect sync and his tongue caressing yours in a way he had never kissed you before.
You couldn’t believe this was almost a Hyunjin you missed.
He was so intense and fuck, was it hot. Your body was quaking and shaking around him as you came not once, not even twice but three times back to back when he lifted your leg up and over his shoulder. He smirked, loving the way you were quivering under him.
“What’s my name?” He whispered into your ear when he finally put your leg back down, giving your aching core the slightest of breaks.
“Hyunjin,” you moaned out.
“And whose girl are you?”
“Yours.”
“That’s right,” he groaned.
Peppering your neck with kisses, you could feel in his breathing that he was close and when he asked, “Can I cum inside you?” you didn’t hesitate in saying yes, fuck yes he could. You desperately needed to feel him release inside you for you to be complete.
“Hyunjin?” you panted as his pace picked up, his orgasm nearing.
His eyes shot down to yours and he slowed slightly, brows furrowing with worry, “Baby?”
“I- I do love you.”
His eyes rolled back in his head as he came inside you, muttering your name in a hushed breath.
He was off you in moments, cleaning you up with a wet towel that he had to do the walk of shame to get. He kissed your thighs while he cleaned you up. Neither of you said a word until he was done, in bed and arms wrapped around you.
“Did you mean it?”
“Did I mean what?”
“That you love me?” he whispered.
You turned over towards him, looking him in the eyes, “I love you, Hyunjin - was that more believable.”
He smiled and kissed you sweetly, “Yes. I love you too.”
“I’m really yours Hyunjin. You won.”
He froze, “What? Really?
“I’m all yours. Do whatever you want with me just please don’t break me again.”
“Never.”
--
“Hey.”
“Hey wake up.”
“Hey I know you guys had a wild night but Y/N, you’re late for work.”
When your eyes cracked open and you saw Jisung in the doorway, you blushed and pulled the covers up to your neck. Hyunjin pulled you close, being sure to keep you covered. “Jisung you can knock you know,” Hyunjin spat.
Jisung tolled his eyes. “As if I had no idea what you did last night,” he looked at you, “stop blushing noona. You didn’t seem shy last night,” he shivered. “I’m disgusted you couldn’t wait till I wasn’t home.”
You sunk under the covers, being met with Hyunjin’s naked body.
“Oh fuck,” you muttered and then stuck your head back out from under the covers. “I’m really late for work?”
Jisung nodded harshly but his gaze was soft and you knew he was just happy that you and Hyunjin were finally moving forward.
“I gotta go,” you said looking to Hyunjin.
He shook his head, pulling you into his naked and warm body. “Baby, don’t. Call in.”
You raised a brow, “that’s irresponsible, Hyunie.”
“Be irresponsible for me then, Y/N,” he fluttered his eyes, “just this once baby.”
And so you called in and when Jisung and Lana left, you and Hyunjin spent all day in bed together.
--
There were things that weren’t perfect and you still had times where you would flinch at the littlest gestures but Hyunjin was there to look after you and tell you everything was okay.
Things weren’t perfect but he was perfect for you.
You had a rocky start but there was a smooth path ahead of you and you thanked your ex for being so horrible because if he had never shown his true colors you would have never found your true love.
The one person who loved you longer than you loved yourself.
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