Chapter 3: I’m not okay I promise
You were waiting to hear the painfully familiar buzz when the worst possible thing could have happened.
“Y/n? What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you since… well anyway I am so sorry you had to find out like that. I told Jin he should have come clean about it and I really hate that…” The buzz cut her off and you rushed inside heading for the elevator only belatedly remembering she had to ride up with you.
“So… what are you doing here?” She asked as we waited for the elevator to go up to the correct floor.
“Oh right the runway show is coming up so you must be needing to go over the tracks with him and the client, right?”
“Then for the new ad campaign? Jin told me that you had a new shoot coming that Jimin had lined up for V. Did you need a female model for that one? My schedule’s empty this week.” She said positive that it had to be business because apparently, in her mind, if Jaebeom hadn’t liked her, there was no possible way he’d want you.
“No. I don’t need a female for that one. It is a men’s shoot for Dazed and JB and I have already finalized the tracks for the Runway show and for that shoot, but thanks for asking.” You managed to keep your voice professional not wanting to tell her what you were really doing there and grateful that Jin’s apartment was two floors up from JB even if there was a possibility she was going to tell him she had seen you. The elevator doors finally opened and you could swear you heard the hallelujah chorus.
“It was good seeing you Hyeji.”
“You too y/n. Tell Jaebeom I said hi, okay?”
The doors shut behind you and you scrunched your nose in distaste mimicking her voice.
“Tell Jaebeom I said hi, O- dear Jesus! Jimin, Hi.” You jumped and slammed your elbow into the wall, hissing in pain and biting down on your lip to keep from cursing, when you realized you weren’t alone in the hallway.
“Hi, Y/n. You okay?” He nodded in the direction of your elbow which you were rubbing at to sooth the bruising ache away.
“Yeah, fine. How have you been? I haven’t exactly been on the marketing floor since Jin and I… anyway thanks for setting up that photoshoot for Taehyung.”
“No problem. So what are you doing on this floor?” Oh great not him too. You thought.
“I’m sure Hyeji will tell him. I rode up with her.”
“You know he didn’t mean to hurt you, right? I mean I know what it looks like and I’m not saying any of this is right, but Jin, he’s not… he’s not a bad guy.”
“Jimin I know that, but that kind of makes it worse. I’m late so I’ll catch you later.” You went down the hall giving a small smile to Yoongi where he was bringing his laundry back into his room and knocked on JB’s door.
“I was beginning to think you got lost,” he joked smiling until he saw the deflated look on your face.
“What happened?” He asked looking around trying to figure out what could’ve made you so sad in the twenty minutes it had taken to get from your apartment to his.
“I ran into Hyeji on the elevator and then Jimin in the hall.”
“Should we have met at your place?”
“No, I am going to have to get used to this. If we are going to be really committing to this thing then I need to be seen with you. By everyone. Half of this is supposed to be proving I’ve moved on too, right?”
“Did Jasmine decide she was going to grill you about last night after all?" JB asked you when you pulled out your phone.
"Uh... No. It's just work emails. It can wait until Monday. Where did you want to go for breakfast? I know of a great Bingsu place a few stops down from my apartment." He seemed to think about it for a minute. You started to just say forget it and suggest that you two just go to a bakery or a cafe for a normal breakfast when he finally spoke.
"Dessert for breakfast, I like it. Let's go."
It was surprisingly easy being on Jaebeom's arm. He had an easy way about himself that put you at ease too. It helped that he was the type of person who knew how to laugh at himself even in the face of being such a handsome guy. He was the opposite of Seokjin in so many different ways. Seokjin had sometimes seemed too aware of the fact he was beautiful and had needed verbal reassurance of the fact often so his insecurity was kept bay; Jaebeom, despite being reminded through compliments, and Jackson fawning over him in the way only a stylist could, seemed to be oblivious to it or just not care. Hell, he'd recently pierced under his eye only to take it out a few months later because he was bored with the look of it and this morning had been filled with talk of him redying his hair blue now that it had grown out.
"Really though if I don't dye the roots do you think it will still look good? Here, have a bite of this." He held a spoonful of Bingsu out so you could try it.
"Mmm, oh my god," you mumbled around the mouthful of fruit and shaved ice. The different flavors were a perfect match to one another and completely different to the matcha and chocolate you had chosen.
"Here, bite." You gave him a spoonful of yours before speaking again.
"If you want my honest opinion I think as long as you wear it with confidence anything looks good on you. Even that God awful blonde with the orange bang clip you wore in college. You looked like a banana but a very cute banana. I also think the fact you're dying your own hair is going to drive Jackson and Sooran nuts so I say go for it."
He seemed to think about it for a while and after finishing off a strawberry at the bottom of the Bingsu he finally came to a decision.
"Will you help me after this then?"
Sunday unlike the day before had been spent alone staring at your phone as it rang and wondering if you should just bite the bullet and answer Jin. Maybe you'd cry. Maybe you'd yell at him and demand for the answers to why or what you weren't sure. Maybe you'd be cruel and make up fallacies about how JB was ten times better in every way so that he could feel the hurt and inadequacy you'd felt this entire time. In the end you'd done none of those things. You chose to cry on your own and stare listlessly at the phone hoping to some God it would just die so you didn't have to hear it anymore.
You'd foolishly been drinking in the feeling of being around JB and thought maybe you were getting past the whole Seokjin thing, but when faced with your own thoughts and the reality that two days couldn't mend three years going to waste you just felt stupid... and sad. Why didn't he just give up? Clearly he was still seeing Hyeji. He couldn't honestly think continuously calling was going to do anything. Could he? You were contemplating this when a loud and very insistent knocking rattled your door.
"Y/n. Open up please," Jin's voice called despairingly on the other side of the door you didn't answer, but you waited by the door holding your breath and wondering what he'd do. You watched out of the little peep hole where he paced then raised his arm up like he'd knock again in the end deciding against it and walking away. You slumped down to the floor feeling a familiar friend bump up against the side of your arm. Gureum.
"I know buddy. He left us both, but we still have each other and we don't need that stinky man. Isn't that right Gureumie." You started cooing at him and he purred loudly nuzzling into the ear scritches and batting at your hand every time you tried to stop petting him.
Monday came and your head was pounding when the alarm went off. You groaned rolling out of the bed and shuffling your feet a little to get them to fit into the slippers they’d landed on top of when you stood up. You walked over to the closet and rubbed at your eyes looking through the different colors and styles of clothes wondering which you should wear. Something comfortable and neutral that didn’t really take much thought, or something eye catching that would show everyone that you were fine.
You thought you were past the facades and the lying and that you really were almost fine before yesterday. Something about just having Seokjin at your door and acting like he still loved you was different from all the phone calls and texts in the world. Probably the fact you couldn’t delete a person. Couldn’t ignore a voice that was attached to a person and not a machine. Couldn’t escape the words shouted at you through your apartment door. It was like having the place that was supposed to be a haven away from the outside world turn into a cage that trapped you in all of your insecurities and Jin was the one who locked you in. Your phone let out a small chime and you hesitated before turning around to grab it letting out a sigh of relief when you saw whose name was lighting up on your lockscreen.
You threw your phone back on the bed and went back to your closet flipping through hangars until your hands landed on a two piece black dress and a wrap asymmetrical blazer combination with ruched 3 / 4 length sleeves and gold button details on the left shoulder and slanting diagonally across the abdomen to seal it closed. It was one of your newest creations and one you hadn’t shown anyone yet. You slipped the dress on and buttoned the blazer in place pairing it with a pair of black ankle boots with gold buckle accents to match.
True to his word Jaebeom was knocking on your door right at seven and you were fixing your hair and makeup into place. You went to open the door a few moments later and noticed Jasmine loitering around outside talking with him. His back was turned full focus on whatever conversation they’d been having. You hoped it was about work and not about yesterday. You honestly didn’t know if Jasmine even knew about what happened yesterday hopefully she’d been out.
“-Yeah, no JB I didn’t even know he ca- Wow.” Jasmine stopped mid sentence and JB immediately turned around. For a moment your breath caught in your throat. Jaebeom’s eyes had started from the top of your head roaming all down your body to the sensible boots at the bottom and back up until they met your eyes the two of you stayed like that for a minute. JB looked like he wanted to say something but he also seemed just as speechless as you were.
“New dress?” Jasmine saved you both from the awkward silence. You’d honestly forgotten for a moment she was standing there but you turned to her and smiled, trance broken.
“Yeah I finished it last month. Been sitting in my closet ever since. I was going to give it to Hye- one of the models, but I think I’m going to keep it.” You gave a slow turn and she whistled and nodded in approval.
“Looks better on you anyway. Right JB?” Jasmine said.
“What? Oh. Yeah. She looks… I mean you look stunning, Y/n” He said and smiled.
“Aren’t you glad you went on that date Friday now?” Jasmine taunted both of you and you rolled your eyes.
“Shut up. Let’s just get out of here before we’re late for work,” you chastised.
The ride to work was quiet. Music playing over the radio and you lost in your own thoughts about everything, yesterday, this morning, what was going to happen at work when you got there. You may not have shown this exact dress to anyone but Hyeji had seen the design sketches before you’d started on it and mentioned that she’d love to wear it when it was made. Maybe that was why you’d chosen it. You knew she’d wanted the dress and after hearing what JB had to say about everything she’d done you’d decided that being petty in some small way was more than deserved. Maybe, though, you’d worn the dress for the look on Jaebeom’s face when he’d turned around this morning. He’d looked at you like you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Then he looked at you like he’d give anything for Jasmine to get lost and the two of you to be late for work… extremely late.
“You ready for this?” JB asked as he pulled the car into his space in the parking deck drawing you out of your thoughts which had strayed to the idea of what the two of you would be doing if you had decided to just let Jasmine go and be late.
Now that it was here you were second guessing if what you and JB had decided on wasn’t completely crazy and if you should just call it off but he scooped your hand in his and kissed the back of it smoothing off the chapstick imprint with his thumb.
“Come on,” He said letting go of your hand only to come around and open your door. You had to go outside and around to the front of the building to get in and when you got past the revolving door he settled in beside you with an arm over your shoulder like it was perfectly natural to be there.
“Hey Y/n, JB how was your weekend?” Bambam had walked up and was already carrying a tablet which meant he was about to get to business talk after the pleasantries.
“It was ok. What you got? Ad campaign or something that needs an audio overlay?” you asked, holding your hand out for the tablet.
“And that would be you.” You passed the tablet to JB.
“You trying to get rid of me already?” He took it and hit play on the video that Bambam and his team had made and you could already see the gears turning and hear him humming a little of a few different songs. It was incredibly endearing and you could feel yourself smiling as the three of you walked towards the elevator that would take you to your respective floors.
“Y/n!” You looked up from where you were waiting for the doors to open and saw Jin walking in with Jimin, Taehyung and Namjoon.
“I’m just gonna take the stairs.” You started to walk off but JB caught your hand.
“It’s okay. We talked about this, trust me,” He whispered into your ear. He was right. The two of you had talked about it. How it was going to be hard to face Jin and the others today as your hands had washed through his hair and soaked the dye into it. Your fingers were still a little blue around the cuticles but his hair looked great. You thought back to how much fun Friday and Saturday had been and took a deep breath. He promised to stick this out with you. The least you could do now was what you promised. You nodded.
“Why don’t you go talk to Hyeji instead.” Bambam muttered.
“I’m sorry, is there a problem here?” Jin snapped.
“Yes Seokjin there is.” about that time the elevator dinged and opened up.
“Bambam,” You shook your head and he gave you a look like, ``Are you serious?” and you nodded. Your hand was still being held by JB’s and you had noticed him squeeze it once or twice in solidarity but he hadn’t said anything. He looked like he wanted to though. He looked like he wanted to push Jin out of the elevator to when he’d climbed on. Namjoon was off first as he worked on the accounting floor. Taehyung was off next shooting conflicted looks to both you and Seokjin but he shook his head and let out a sigh before stepping out. Jimin would be riding all the way up with you and Jin unless Jin kicked him off with JB and BamBam who were going to the media floor. You half thought of getting off with the two of them yourself and making some excuse like the video they were working on was for one of your photo shoots, but you couldn’t do that either.
When it hit JB and Bambam’s floor Bambam shoved his way out of the back annoyed and looked to JB.
“I’ll see you in the studio, okay? Deadline is at eleven.”
“I already figured out the track we just need to overlay it so it will be done way before that. I’ll see you at lunch, beautiful.” He turned to face you hooking the elevator door with his foot so it wouldn’t close and kissed you on the cheek. You nodded and reluctantly let go of his hand. As the door shut you could hear Bambam speaking to JB.
“Why didn’t you-” the doors cut the sound off and it stayed quiet for a moment. Jin was the first to break the silence.
“Hyeji told me she saw you at the apartments the other day.”
“Hyeji should learn to keep out of things.” You replied.
“That’s not fair. The two of you were friends.”
“Were friends Jin. Then she reminded me why you don’t befriend just anyone in this industry.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I think I’ll let you ask her.” The elevator door dinged open on your floor and you stepped off. Jin followed grabbing you by the arm.
“No. You have been avoiding me for weeks. We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk, Jin. Not yet. Can you please just go now?” You tried to wrench your arm loose, but he still had a grip on it.
“Let her go and go back to your floor right now or I swear I will file workplace harassment.” Jasmine came over followed quickly by Mark, Jungkook and a few of the other staff. Jungkook put a hand on Seokjin’s arm and Jin seemed to visibly blink out of the anger and frustration he had before looking at his hand like it belonged to someone else then up to your eyes.
“Shit, Y/N I’m sorry.” He let go and went to the elevator hitting the button so he could leave.
“Are you okay?” Jasmine wrapped an arm around your shoulders and tears leaked out of your eyes. Your breathing hitched and you shook your head.