ενJoy

chaotic psyche🌻roseycorner fear is a product of our imagination- no, believe

[exhaled-spirals]

“Fiction is usually seen as escapist entertainment, [but] it’s hard to reconcile the escapist theory of fiction with the deep patterns we find in the art of storytelling […]. Our various fictional worlds are—on the whole—horrorscapes. Fiction may temporarily free us from our troubles, but it does so by ensnaring us in new sets of troubles—in imaginary worlds of struggle and stress and mortal woe. […] [This paradox] was first noticed by Aristotle in the Poetics. We are drawn to fiction because fiction gives us pleasure. But most of what is actually in fiction is deeply unpleasant: threat, death, despair, anxiety, Sturm und Drang. […] Literature offers feelings for which we don’t have to pay. It allows us to love, condemn, condone, hope, dread, and hate without any of the risks those feelings ordinarily involve.”

— Jonathan Gottschall, The Storytelling Animal: How Stories Make Us Human (via exhaled-spirals)

[poems-and-word]

[chaotic-psyche]

Autumn is still here🍁

[chaotic-psyche]

The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse.

Charlie Mackesy

[chaotic-psyche]

The leaves are turning a rich burgundy colour, with hues of orange and yellow entangled in their veins. It's quite something so distinct about October and the early days of November. It is when that familiar ambience of Halloween has settled like mist on the surface of the streets, and when the rainy/gloomy days are masked with a wintery smell. You can almost smell Christmas. And that brims you with a familiar anticipatory joy- ...or not.

11.11

[chaotic-psyche]

'This society eliminates geographical distance only to produce a new internal separation.' (The Society of the Spectacle)

Just something I caught from school today;

[chaotic-psyche]

As im standing here, in front of the ocean, I feel happy. I feel calm and at peace with my soul.

The wind sways away my thoughts with each inhale of a breath I take.

I can close my eyes and trust it. I can trust the sound of the waves, and the wind wooshing in my ears. And I can trust the slight chill that passes through my body as I stand here, breathing.

I call this place: Lost Paradise.

[feministism]

[chaotic-psyche]

Im tired

Im tired of it all

Im tired of the pain

And the numbness in my chest

Im tired of waking up and looking in the mirror

To see the same reflection of emotions,

That never seem to change

And only manage to make me feel worse and worse

Im tired of having the same thoughts and living the same routine every goddamn day

Stuck like a rat, constantly running that wheel that will get me nowhere

Im stuck, in the same rollercoaster,

I wake up with hope everyday believing that this time it's going to be different

But it's the same as it had been

Always,

But this time,

Im done

Im done

Im too weak, too exhausted,

The feathers on my wings are being plucked out one by one or maybe cutting straight to the chase and ripping them whole would be better

Yanked, brutally from my withered body

Knowing that I made a decision that will not just take water for them to grow back

But I let everything go now,

For my sake

I need to close my eyes for one second and know that im not spinning for once

That even though i dont have my wings now, i can look at my reflection and really see myself,

And myself this way i love

Because it's raw, honest, beaten up, barely holding on together, and transparent to the broken pieces of myself that i tried to glue together

I may not know where im going

But I know me, and me is who im going to take wherever im going.

-cp 16/5/20

I dont usually write poems based on my emotions so this feels weird and different.., but i think i quite like it

[chaotic-psyche]

'Flower picker'

you gently pluck the flower from mother earth,

between the blossomed seed and the secure embrace of the earth's hands,

a bond is slipping away

a piece of a puzzle,

disconnected,

a loss of a presence, a creation,

a raw, honest definition of beauty

and you'll stare at it mesmerized,

but the earth will stare at it mourning,

the sadness carrying itself in waves across the whole valley

they will all say goodbye now,

they will promise to remember...

'they will remember you my little flower...but i will remember you more.'

you say to the little flower, petting its beautiful petals.

-cp 12/5/20

[chaotic-psyche]

The nights are dangerous

They bring back memories

Burried deep beneath the soil

Where tonight as I stare blankly at the trigger of that memory

I find myself digging with a shovel, ripping the daffodils that had planted their roots on the sanctuary of my past

-cp 5/5/20

[chaotic-psyche]

The stars paint..

Feel

Feel it all

Feel the water touching you

Feel the water drip from your fringers

Watch the droplet land on the water, the ocean calling to collect it

Then close your eyes

What do you see?

Do you see a dream?

The water is still like it had been

But the stars are twinkling above like millions of fireflies, so bright

And then even though I haven't looked,

I know that the ocean is stained by the thousands of stars above,

their glow slightly jarring

a mere reflection

but a painting for my eyes

and then as if i've entered the dream,

i find myself lowering beneath the surface of my painting

and suddenly i don't know whether my existence matters at all

i don't know whether ive drowned or my lungs are full of air

but i decide to open my eyes...

..

-chaoticpsyche 30/4/20

[chaotic-psyche]

I say to my mum:

"I like to go to work,

Because I look at the sky above,

And see the branches of the trees,

Their pattern, so unique.

And then I focus on the clouds

Today, I think, they're more bright

And I just sit there and stand

My head going completely blank

The view's now only for my eyes

No thoughts, it says, allowed

The rest of the world has disappeared

Its blue, an endless dream

That's how it feels

A heart alive

When opens its eyes, it sees things so surreal

That you think it's a dream

But it's not,

It's just your heart that will replace your eyes

You'll be beyond the senses you once had

And you'll feel like you're standing somewhere in between

Where the sky and the earth never meet

Somehow you managed to connect the two

With your feet glued to the ground

You let your heart reach to the sky

And you think,

Maybe they've wanted it for so long

Someone who could see their worth

They wanted to feel each other's presence

But they couldn't move

So they waited for someone that would really look

Only with their heart,

They would recognise the story that was hidden behind

But now revealed

To the one who dared to see."

-chaoticpsyche 27/4/20

[chaotic-psyche]

Thorny red rose

I shall not forget you

And keep you close to my heart

On a piece of paper, wrinkled, that I found

All the tales of ours I will write

How we rode the horses in the field

And how you held my hand in a tight grip

And you strolled past me in a rush

Challenging me in a run

God, I beat you everytime

Although something told me you stayed purposefully behind

Perhaps it didn't matter to you

But my joyful grin from across the distance was enough for you

And when we'd pick those flowers every night,

Each time you'd turn around to look me in the eyes,

It was enough to just hear,

what you'd whisper in my ear

And I knew what you would say,

Something that would burn my cheeks red

You'd tease me every time,

Saying that the color had to match

You plucked the thorny (red) rose, with no fear

Gently tucking it behind my ear

And when your fingers would linger too

I knew in that moment, that I had fallen in love with you.

-cp 26/4/20

[chaotic-psyche]

all I want to do is sleep

that's the one thing i need

no dreams, no memories, no thoughts

just one plain wall

that'll be white

no colours that'll be splashed

and it'll be strong, and very tall

to keep everything away, locked

but i won't look on the other side

or i might find

the shadow that follows every demon

i have created

and so successfully (managed to) tame it

for just one night

as i lay down

and close my eyes.

-chaoticpsyche 24/4/20

[chaotic-psyche]

Small extract from a writing project #tlito

The ocean.

I was in the ocean. I could feel it. I was drowning. I watched my hands trying to grasp the water but all I felt was my nails digging into my palm. I tried to scream but I got even more panicked when I couldn't hear my voice. I couldn't hear my voice, no one could. And that terrified me.

I tried to fight, twist, turn but to no avail. I was sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean.

My predator had caught me, opened its large mouth, showed me its sharp fangs and readied itself to bite into my soft and fragile flesh, and devour me in seconds.

I was losing a fight with my worst enemy and all I could do was watch it, ready to swallow me whole.

I waited for the pain, the sting of its sharp teeth on my beating heart, but it never came. And when I opened my eyes, it wasn't there anymore. The black fog that I didn't notice before, moved out of the way and behind it, the surface of the ocean revealed itself to me. The light shone right into my eyes but I didn't dare to close them, not even for a second afraid that I'd lose sight of it.

At first it was just a small spark at the end of my toes but then with lightning speed, I felt a tingling sensation burn throughout my whole body. The oxygen returned back to my lungs and although I was underwater I felt like I was standing in the middle of a valley and the wind blew frantically around me.

I took my chance, and inhaled the air like a hungry vampire that snagged its last meal.

I kicked my legs into action and pushed myself off the ground inching higher. I was burning.

Burning with desire.

Burning with passion.

Burning with hope.

My whole body had ignited in flames.

With new-found strength I grasped the water like a ladder and pulled myself up faster towards the light.

I didn't know why it was so important for me to get there, but I knew I had to.

The light was getting closer and closer but the brightness of it now burned my irises making it impossible for me to keep my eyes open. I turned my head sharply at the piercing light trusting my hand to reach for the next rung.

But it didn't and I felt it before I saw it.

I fell.

The ocean had caught me. Flaunting its win pridefully at this game of seek and hide. I felt like a little child all over again. Hiding from the thundering steps outside my closet door and waiting for the moment those doors opened to reveal the triumphant sinister smile of the one who had caught me. "Found ya."

I opened my eyes the memory slipping away and going back to the locked casket that had reopened.

I felt every pore in my body being clogged, the water cutting off my oxygen once again.

I was falling straight into the welcoming tentacles of the ocean waiting to strangle the life out of me.

The dream was slowly slipping away and I knew that it was a matter of seconds before I gained consciousness.

I failed. The light was gone. It was waiting for someone who never came.

I shut my eyes closed.

🌊

[chaotic-psyche]

"..And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow, lies the seed that with the sun's love becomes the rose." / Bette Midler - The Rose 🎶🌹