Things I've overheard in my 3rd year if uni:
"You got confused by the concept of a bus ticket...Londoners are weird."
"wait?! you boil your fucking chicken?!"
"I'm going to casually hate crime everyone this evening. It's okay when a gay guy does it right? It's almost charming" "it is as long as you're not being racist."
"are we saying the same thing?" "Don't worry, we're both as deaf as eachother." "Wait no, I'm actually deaf." "Holyshit i'm so sorry."
"You look energised!" "I'm not energised. It's just the nervous energy coursing through my veins."
"Wait you want to fucking hang me?!"
"no more bones for you!" "I am not a womennn" "NO MORE BONES FOR YOU!!"
"Mr blue?! why not Mrs blue?! Why not Mx blue?! WHY ARE WE GENDERING THE VAPES?!"
"what took you so long?" "I fell on my arse" "What?" "An old guy told me to go home" "Ew gross"
"Most heat escapes through our heads, that's why we have hair." "What about me? I have no hair." "Sucks to be you I guess?"
"shein Paul Mitchell tried to get me to give him a lift home and called me georgouus.... what the actual fuck."
"Freshers flu left me feeling sad with a sore throat." "Me after Saturday night's." "MATE! NO!"
"Is anyone an female woman?"
"Disabilities preventing you from being a simp."
"The problem with being a trans women, is that I love thigh high socks, so everytime I wear them I give myself an errection." "That's one way to turn yourself on tbf."
"Google maps says its 12 minutes, but I'm gay, so it will take me 8 right?" "Add headphones and it will take 5."
"I didn't have a minor panic attack when writing my review."
"The doctors took my asthma inhaler from me because I kept using it to placebo myself out of panic attacks!" "Wait, like that one scene in teen wolf?!" "Not so bullshit I found out..."
"The review is due in 11 hours and here I am playing god of war... I definitely am doing good right now everyone!"
"Mens existence ruining my outfit decisions"
"Discriminating against those with confused immune systems. Don't sit on the peanut table motherfuckers."
"I'm Mexican, I know how to survive in the wild!"
"the bottle is on your side tonight!"
"That's kinda gay, not gonna lie." "I am gay?"
"I don't love my sister enough to buy her paper chase wrapping paper. A kidney? Sure! Spending more than 1 quid on wrapping paper? Hell fucking NO!"
"You're 26?! You said you were 18?!" "I wanted to see if you'd belive me." "WHY WOULD I QUESTION YOUR AGE?! THATS FUCKIMG CREEPY" "i thought'd it be funny" "HOW IS IT FUNNY?!"
"I'll bring in a knife... and toilet roll?"
"I HAVE WATER IN MY BRAIN THANKS TO YOU!!!"
"This new year we will be preying for her nipples."
"I wanted an orgy!" "What?" "NOT WITH YOU GUYS. Obviously." "I was about to say..." "Yeah you know he's gay right?"
"STOP BURNING THE MARSHMELLOW! ITS BLACK THAT'S WRONG!" "HEY! what's wrong with black?!" "YEAH! Black is beautiful!" "NOT ON A MARSHMELLOW!!"
"I am the most British person here! Obviously." "Babe, not even your white half is British."
"My Unlce is half Jamaican." "Wait what?!" "It's quite obvious I'm not the Jamaican side of the family..."
"I had to explain to my sister she's not a quater Asian... Somehow noone told her about our biological grandma despite the fact she's named after her..."
"DOCTORS STOLE MY EAR BONES!!!"
"I have to stop eating gherkins when my heart starts beating really fast!" "Are you okay?"
"okay but why does that face give me 'moisurise me' vibes?!" "Thats what apartheid-era inbreeding does to a mf"
"Imagine actually talking to a bus driver, I pretend they don't exist and walk off." "What the actual FUCK is wrong with you you cunt. YOU SAY THANK YOU TO THE BUS DRIVERS, YOU WALNUT!"
"You've got like a bubblegum rock aesthetic going on." "Is that an insult?" "NO! it's cool!"
"No offense to either of you, but you both just gave me the gay gudgement face."
"I think gravity is acting on you and your boobs separately" "I mean issac Newton was a virgin when he discovered gravity."
"HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW MY TIT WOULD CAUSE A BREAKUP"
"I have been resting my head on your lap for quite some time now, you don't have any boobs." "My dude, that's called a binder."
"allow me to tube my feet on the tesco floor."
"You felt my ribcage!" "It was certainly a bonding experience"
"My hand smells like it would taste so good." "Please don't eat your hand."
"FUCK THE WHITES! They have no rights." "Xbox or people?"
"I am real straight women""Yes of course you love that man sausage." "Okay, but why did that sentance physically pain me."
"Congrats, you got a new highscore in the ace test."
"I have the eyebrows in the relationship."
"I got flash banged by a whipped cream can on the weekend!" "What the fuck?!"
"FUCK APPLEJACK!" "WHY WOULD YOU FUCK APPLEJACK?!?!?!" "NOT LIKE THAT!!"
"DON'T CAPRI SUN THE BABY!"
"I’m getting silly freaky weird tonight"
"YOU CENSORED YOUR TOES?!"Those are private." "Got to pay for those, do i?" "Yes, £5 per toe. " "Im good, respect the hussle. " "You'd get friends and family discount, Pinkie toes free with the whole set."
"Everyone is naked and dancing in your kitchen... this qualifies as a good party."
"Get back to your lesbian sex party."
"THAT LOOKS IILEGAL! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
"does an earthquake mean the world is jerking off with no pay off?"
"today is the rise of the tampon king. everyone rejoice."
"All my ex gave me was an STI scare and commitment issues."
"Lesbians all know eachother!" "Hello. I am a lesbian and you do not know me. Nice to meet you!"
"I will send you a titty pic when you finish your exam." "now I'm motivated mommy."
"I will be slayed and not in the gay way."
"Day one of guessing what time you come out of the shower." "Fail. I'm fully clothed."
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