determined optimism

charity burbage. seventeen. puff. ( halfblood. filled with passion and sincere smiles. lover of strawberry cake. a tragically bad cook. ) " she's the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile "

[charityburbge]

optimistisa:

Isa was moments away from moving away from the crowd, curling up into a b a l l and sitting down to just cry. Her ankle was throbbing, having fallen on it in the HUSTLE and BUSTLE of the busy crowds, and not being ALLOWED to leave the Great Hall meant she hadn’t seen Madam Pomfrey, even though that's ALL she wanted to do. “Stop s h o u t i n g,” she pleaded, her eyes w a t e r y . She hadn’t said a thing, and yet she was being yelled that. Good for nothing, she was. Why hadn’t she just gone a w a y ? Her mere presence was agitating Charity, even though she was supposed to be her friend.

Charity was wrapped up inside her own world, which was why she did not notice tears sitting in Isa’s eyes. No, all she heard was that she had to stop shouting, when she had barely raised her voice. She wanted to raise her voice, though, she wanted to s c r e a m and kick the wall, but a part of her was level-headed enough to not do so. To not let go completely. “I didn’t shout,” she said angrily, looking up --- her tone was less loud now, but a little more venomous, and she hated the way the words left her lips as soon as she said them. Charity did not meet Isa’s eyes, as she was fixing her own on her trembling fingers as her eyesight blurred. She was fucking up, and all she could do was god damn cry.

[sheddingscales]

For the most part, Lucinda appeared cool and composed. Her veneer was a poor reflection of her inner state, with the only telltale signs of her terror being the lack of colour in her face and the tremble that shook her  hands. Cold. The word was used so often to describe her. Here she was almost shivering. Charity’s shouting surprised Lucinda, but only in that it had been directed at her, though she had said nothing. The content was not shocking, however. The order not to panic was reverberating around the Hall from the lips of students and teachers alike, claiming panicking itself was futile. But it was these orders that were futile – even Lucinda could see that.

“I didn’t. I wouldn’t.” The visible tears glistening in Charity’s eyes stunned her, first into silence but then into action. She wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulders. Lucinda didn’t care if it cracked her cold and menacing veneer. “I – I – what can I do?” Was there anything? A lack of experience withheld the answer so Lucinda scrambled. “If you wanna cry, do. You might feel better afterwards.”

[charityburbge]

Charity felt p a t h e t i c, causing a scene like this for no good reason. Wrapped up in her own mind, she could only think about the effects it had on her, which was incredibly unlike her --- but then, she wasn’t much like herself in that moment. She did not notice how younger students seemed affected by her outburst, she did not notice the worried way Lucinda wrapped her arm around her -- all she really noticed was a comfort sitting around her shoulders. And she was grateful.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and while Lucinda and her had not really spoken since the party, she let herself lean against the brunette. Tears did now leave her eyes, and she wished she could stop them --- but it might help indeed. “This is enough,” and she did still feel rather pathetic ( and selfish ), yes, but she could not deny that Lucinda’s comfort was something she had needed. A silence followed, Charity trying to find her voice and say words that were right, even though she didn’t know what they were. All she could think about was Rose, and her stomach grew tighter and tighter everything her name entered her mind. After a while, she looked up. “Are you okay?”

[gwendoline-cox-blog]

“Have you gone mental, Burbage?” Gwen was utterly surprised at the girl’s outburst, given that all she did was give her a strange look at how panicked and anxious she was acting, and Gwen didn’t even utter a single word. “Or can you suddenly read minds now? Because no offense, your panicking isn’t helping anybody. In fact, it’s making things worse.”

[charityburbge]

She had deserved this --- the harsh truth with which Gwendoline was speaking. That was not to say it made her feel better, and with a tone that still remained angry she said, “No, I’ve not,” but this was something she questioned --- maybe she was losing her mind. “Can you just leave me alone, please?”

[fckdalvarez-blog]

Ted had walked up to Charity to comfort her; he had been going around to people trying to calm them down after the announcement. It was shocking to Ted to see Charity so worked up, especially since he hadn’t said anything yet. “Hey, hey. Take a couple deep breaths, okay? I’m sure it’ll all be fine,” Ted told her softly, trying to soothe her.

[charityburbge]

Charity tried hard to follow his advise, focusing on her breathing, but her hands trembled and eyes burned more at the kindness he showed after the harshness she had addressed him. “She’s missing, Ted --- how can it be fine, tell me because I don’t know.” Charity did not dare say her name, she could not even think it, as she was so close to bursting in a pathetic amount of tears. 

[professorcadwallader-blog]

Eirian hated uncertainty, which was one of the few things that made her terrible at teaching. Right now, the school was filled with children who needed reassurance, and she wanted the same thing. She had learned to squelch her own worries and put on a calm mask, which is what she did now - despite Charity’s outburst. It was clear that the girl was beyond distraught and Eirian knew not to take the words personally. “Miss Burbage, I would never say that. But perhaps we can find a less crowded area.” There were several first and second years who looked even more terrified now. Putting a hand on Charity’s shoulder, Eirian waved toward a spot nearby that was unexpectedly quiet. “There, let’s go sit and give you a moment to think.”

[charityburbge]

Charity’s face grew paler at the sight of her teacher, and as a hand was placed on her shoulder she only felt guiltier. She was losing control, causing more chaos than was necessary and in all honesty, it just made her want to cry more. With a lip that trembled, she nodded, keeping her head down, not wanting more people to see her like this. Whereas a few moments before she had not cared at all how people perceived her, she was now aware of how pathetic she looked, and it caused her to feel worse. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, sitting down and feeling like a child who had lost her mother in a crowded area. Furiously, she wiped away a few of the fallen tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry --- I’m okay.”

[lorcanpenrose-blog-blog]

It was surprising to see Charity so unlike herself, but Lorcan was sure she wasn’t the only one snapping at this point. They were all given little information about such a tragic event and most were still struggling to connect with friends after being pushed into the great hall. So, he didn’t get mad as he imagined some professors would. He simply offered her an empathetic smile and a nod. “I wouldn’t expect it to make you feel any better, Miss Burbage,” he said before he shrugged a little. “Which is why I would only have you take a couple breaths and merely talk about your feelings on the matter. I can try to help in any way I can.”

[charityburbge]

The little colour that was left in her face left as soon as she realised she had addressed a teacher. Shame washed over her, as well as regret. It had been stupid to react the way she had, and It was enough for her to swallow back her anger --- other negative emotions stayed, though --- and she looked up with a guilty expression. “I don’t,” she started, but ended up quiet. Anxiety swirled through her, a fear she had never before experienced making her heart race. “I’m sorry. For what I said. And --- I don’t, I don’t know what to say. My best friend is missing, professor --- what the hell am I supposed to say, or do?”

[andersongillian]

[charityburbge]

CHARITY BURBAGE ;;; aesthetics.

[theprewett-gideon-deactivated20]

Gideon felt like a grain of sand along a crowded beach - being pushed and stepped over as everyone frantically tried to make their way back to the castle. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he knew it couldn’t be good, having never heard an alarm in Hogsmeade in his previous 6 years. Externally, he was doing his best to keep his cool, but internally, he wasn’t sure what was going on. 

On top of everything, Gideon couldn’t find his brother. Fabian had been with him just moments before, but they had been separated in all the commotion. Panic was slowly rising in his throat, threatening to break free. 

He was searching frantically for Fabian, asking everyone around him if they’d seen him, “hey, have you seen Fabian? Have you seen my brother?” 

[charityburbge]

Her head was spinning as the crowds pushed past her, she herself unable to move. Charity was aware she was in the way, but she simply did not see why she should move, she could not put herself up to the task of walking to a corner so she wouldn’t bother people. Something was wrong with her, and she did not know what it was --- but whispers that Rosmerta was missing and the awareness that her close friend was not in the room was making her feel f r o z e n.

When a voice addressed her, she looked up, looking dazed and tired --- her eyes were puffy --- but she nodded at Gideon nevertheless, and in all honesty she was surprised that she had heard what he had said.

“I think I did,” she said, voice still tense. “Could’ve been you, I don’t know ---- but I think it was him, yeah. I think so.” Charity felt useless, and with a mild shrug she added, “I could help you look.”

[charityburbge]

-----“Don’t you dare tell me my panicking isn’t doing anyone any good.” Charity’s voice was uncharacteristically harsh and tense, the fact that she was fighting back tears making her almost angry at the way some people were talking. This was unlike her --- Charity wasn’t angry, Charity didn’t snap at people --- and she would feel an immense guilt if she wasn’t trying so hard to keep it together. “REALLY, what do you expect it to do? Make me feel better? Well, it’s not working, so please just leave me alone.” Looking up, tears burned in her eyes, and she didn’t even realise that the person in front of her had not said anything, and her attack had been incredibly uncalled for.

[tw-gif]

[charityburbge]

You brought a  k i t s u n e.

[lilyclaires]

If there’s one thing that Lily could say for herself, it was that she had a spectacular control of her outward emotions. She’d proven so time and time again for years that - but she was thinking now that it was simply because she’d never actually been given a reason to really put that control to the test. She’d felt sadness and betrayal and fear and joy, but panic - panic was new. Panic amplified everything - anger and fear had never been such close bedfellows, and she could feel them bubbling inside her from the moment the alarms started to sound and they were herded from Hogsmeade back to the castle.

And Rosmerta wasn’t there.

Lily was desperate by the time everyone was gathered into the Great Hall, and she realised that Rose wasn’t just lost in the crowd - she was missing, gone. Lily’s heart was pounding in her chest, her hands were shaking, and she felt her face heating in panic. Everything was chaotic in the Great Hall, people talking to each other, shouting across to friends, trying to figure out what was going on, and anyone she tried to talk to gave her the same confused and concerned look - but no one had any answers, no solutions, just questions.

Lily wanted to scream at every single one of them - what questions could they possibly ask? Isn’t it obvious? There was an attack on a muggle village because Voldemort and his Death Eaters want muggles and anyone that has anything to do with them DEAD, and now a student is missing, now Rose is missing,and all you people are doing is standing around asking stupid questions instead of doing something about it!

Finally, Lily snapped, and her hysteria broke lose, finally tearing out of her throat. 

❝W h a t are we doing here, standing around, has no one noticed that my best friend is missing, and all of you are acting like everything is just fine? Is no one going to do anything to find her, or should I do it myself?!❞

[lilyclaires]

[charityburbge]

She had never felt this way before. Her stomach was so tight she was scared organs would snap and she would die of internal bleeding as eyes scanned through the crowds. People had died, people had died, people had died and she felt tears burning in her eyes. All she could do was walk, not responding to anything as she felt relief each time she saw someone she knew, but she kept pushing and pushing through the crowds.

She wasn’t there.

Her lips were shaking at that point, trembling as she kept looking, but did not find anything. Charity told herself she was panicking, that her close friend was probably trying to cheer some younger student in a corner, and that she was there. She had to be. But still --- it felt like a lie, and the optimism that she used to compromise her stress was suddenly g o n e. Rosmerta was gone.

When she heard words spill out of Lily’s mouth like a raging storm she let go. Tears left her eyes, and she felt pathetic as she looked at the fiery Gryffindor, wanting to scream the way she did but noticing that her throat had been blocked. Was this the price she paid for not allowing negativity into her life? Ending up crying when she suspected her friend to be ----- what, exactly? Gone? Missing? Captured? DEAD? She wished someone was there to slap sense into her, and perhaps that was what Lily’s words did in a way, too.

“Rosmerta,” she breathed --- hiccuped, actually, “I --- I will help you, okay? We have to find her, Lily ---- we have to. She can’t be -- she has to be somewhere.”

[amyfarrahs-deactivated20161015]

[charityburbge]

Have you got a crush? Who is it?

“Correction: who are they.” Charity says, grinning as she winks.

[charityburbge]

Plans for after Hogwarts?

Charity, who usually doesn’t spend a moment silent, is quiet. A shrug moves her shoulders, though, to indicate that she does not know. “No clue, to be honest ---- might join my dad at the company, might just end up as a shop assistant. I guess... well, I guess I have no real aspirations, you know? We’ll see. There’s plenty of time left to figure it all out, and I will. As for the war, I think I’ll stay out of the fighting, if possible. Might voice some opinions ---- oh, oh!! Maybe I’ll end up writing for a magazine, try and influence things like that, who knows. I really don’t know.”

[charityburbge]

do you know how you got your name?

“First off, my parents wanted to give me an English name as they thought it would be easier --- I don’t entirely agree, Korean names aren’t that complicated and why would we not honour our heritage? Either way, they loved Charity due to its originality and meaning, I suppose. They think kindness and being charitable is important, and so that happened. Mi-Jung is my middle name, which they did choose a Korean name for ----- and I love it as much as I love as my first name.”

[charityburbge]