Just Charlie

27 || he/him || Real Estate Photographer || Lafayette Square

[charlie-ansel]

eethanprice​:

∘ ∘ ∘

That smile shouldn’t have caused his stomach to flip, but it did. Ethan should have already gotten over his feelings for Charlie, and he thought he did too. A million and more repetitions of ‘just friends’ along with time, and distance should’ve sealed the deal but that smile came around and those foolish feelings crept their way back in. He’s gotten accustomed to that tiny piece of hope that sat in the sea of his melancholy, a little of maybe hidden among the never, but it was just a pipe dream, a near impossibility that added to his heartache, his cross to bear for allowing silly sentiments to seep through. They were just friends now, that’s all. “You look like you’re ready for a Canadian winter or something,” he commented with a chuckle as he stepped closer. He could do this, a joke here and there mixed with some normal conversation, yeah, Ethan could survive being friends and he would have to because the alternate option was not seeing Charlie at all, which simply would not do. This over that any day.

“Of course I did, you asked,” Ethan replied, echoing his thoughts from earlier, even if he was a little unsure himself, he was here because Charlie asked, simple as that. That quick addition made Ethan smile and sealed the deal of him staying, whether that was the right one to make only time would tell but for right now, having Charlie admit his company was welcome was more than enough. A light laugh escaped him adding to Charlie’s, “You’ll be fine,” he assured him, “If anyone, it’ll be me, I guarantee.” He broke eye contact monetarily as he gazed across the rink, a light sigh in lieu of a conversation pause, “It’s been…” But no, he stopped himself in time before the reveal of the passage of time; a decade was too long to even digest let alone admit. A quick shake of his head and he was back, “I’ll get my skates,” he said pointing to the hire stand a few meters away, “You can go on ahead if you’d like.”

~

“Good, I tried to find something with a maple leaf on it just to drive the point home, but turns out Canadian patriotism is difficult to find down here,” Charlie teased. It felt nice, almost comfortable again. The way it had been before Charlie screwed everything up. But this was why he was here. To try and start making this right again. He was determined, if mildly terrified. Besides, being out with Ethan on a not-date was a much safer environment to see if he could manage to not have a panic attack than if he’d tried asking Ethan out and bailed again. He couldn’t do that to Ethan, and at the moment, he didn’t entirely trust himself not to. Religious-homophobia-induced panic attacks were unpredictable that way.

He balled his fist when he realized his hand was shaking as he’d signed the words, and stuck his hand in his pocket. They were just hanging out as friends. That he could do. It was the trying-to-figure-out-how-to-get-Ethan-to-give-him-a-chance-at-not-friends part that he was starting to stress about. A smile pulled at his lips, and he tried not to let his anxiety show through. “You either have a lot of confidence in me, or horrific self esteem, and both are bad judgment calls.” Somehow he did not think that no matter how long it had been since Ethan was out on the ice, he would not make a fool of himself. At least not anymore than Charlie would.

Charlie shook his head, but walked with Ethan a few steps until he stopped at one of the benched between them and the stand. “I’m not going anywhere near the ice without you. And as much as I’d like to say it’s because I enjoy your company, it is ninety percent because I’m pretty sure I’m going to fall and die as soon as I step onto the ice, and I’m not dying alone,” Charlie said solemnly, only half joking as he sat on the bench to put his skates on and wait for Ethan.

[charlie-ansel]

daphnexpalmer​:

❤

“Its hard to tell at her age” Daphne agreed. “But I imagine soon enough she’ll be all too eager to let us know what she wants and what she doesn’t.” The toddler was growing more into her own mind every day. And as much as that made Daphne excited, she was also nervous. She wanted to be a good mother, never wanting to fail her daughter the way her own parents had failed her and Dinah. She laughed lightly as Charlie mentioned the apples, saying “Well, hopefully that’s just a phase and she’s not turning into a picky eater.”

Daphne frowned as Charlie began to ramble. She wasn’t sure whether to try and cut him off, or to let him carry on and hope he would gather himself enough to speak. Ultimately he made the decision for her, stopping before starting over. As he spoke, she listened carefully, processing his words and allowing him to finish speaking before she opened her mouth. After he finished talking, she was slow to speak again, considering what he said. Slowly she nodded. Then she said “I think that might be a good idea.” She gave him a small smile, attempting to reassure him she wasn’t upset with his suggestion. “Obviously we have all sort of logistics to figure out first. And I will warn you I can be terrible about remembering to do the laundry before it really starts to pile up” she added, only half-joking. Laundry was probably Daphne’s least favorite chore, in large part because it involved a lot of sitting around and waiting for the washer and dryer to do their thing.

A smile tugged at Charlie’s lips despite the growing an anxiety at thee conversation topic. He looked forward to those days, when Dani could more easily communicate with both of them. It was scary, knowing she’d soon be growing into her own person, but it was equally as exciting. Which was why he didn’t want to miss any moment of it, and why he was nervous to broach the subject of them moving in together. Even the slim possibility that Daphne might not be on board was enough to make him feel sick.

The seconds between when he stopped speaking, his hands curling against each other nervously, and when Daphne responded, were nerve-wracking. Good idea. When he read the words on her lips, when he saw her smile, it felt like his entire body relaxed. “I was worried you’d think I was overstepping,” he admitted, hands shaking a little as he signed. His smile widened at her comment, and he shook his head. “Unfortunately, I can promise that I’m a little more of a logistical nightmare to live with than forgetting laundry,” he joked, though there was a edge of unease in his expression. “Visual alert doorbells are something I assume most hearing people don’t even consider when potentially living with a deaf person.” He didn’t want to point out that various landlords had offered units to other applicants over him, and he was certain it was usually for that reason—the cost and hassle of installing that kind of technology wasn’t something most landlords would choose to deal with if they can avoid it. He’d gotten lucky that Devon had introduced him to Della. She hadn’t cared about any kind of changes he needed to make to ensure the attached studio he rented was accessible.

“But I’ll be around more for Dani when you work late—no more needing to text me to ask if I;’m free to watch her, I’ll just. Be around,” he added, as if he still needed to convince her. His eyes dropped back down to Dani. “I’ll be really glad to be around more. To help out with her.”

[charlie-ansel]

maliaplayer1​:

Who: @charlie-ansel​ Where: Malia’s back yard in Ventura-Tahlia and Tahj’s birthday party When: Sunday, December 20, 4:15pm

Another birthday party was in the books for her twins. On Tuesday, they were going to have two years in the book of their lives. It all seemed to fly by. So much had happened in those two years and the twins had both grown so much from being tiny babies that she took home with her husband to growing toddlers who were living without their father. It hurt Malia still, knowing they would grow up with no personal memories of Tommy like all the ones she had. Sure, there were pictures and videos, but it wasn’t the same. She just hoped that they would all be okay without him. Malia wasn’t sure she would be. She knew that much.

She gave a smile as she noticed Tahlia and Dani jumping in the bouncy house. She had paid to keep it an extra day so the twins could enjoy it one extra day. Tahj was getting another painting of Bruce on his shoulder before the face painters packed up and left. With a soft sigh, Malia stuffed her hands into the pocket of her jeans, before taking them out so she could tap Charlie and sign to him. “Did you and Dani have a good time? Thank you for coming. We adopted a sea turtle in you, Dani and Devon’s names. It’s in your goody bag. I hope that’s alright. I meant to ask before I did it, but the party planning just took over and I forgot. I’m a horrible person, what can I say?” she smirked.

~

A year ago, Charlie couldn’t have imagined any of this. Being at the birthday party of two year old twins, their mother one of his closest friends, and his own daughter there, jumping in a bouncy house with Tahlia. It was surreal in the best way possible. It was difficult to believe that he’d only just learned of Dani’s existence less than a year ago. His life had already changed so much in that time, and at the same time, he couldn’t imagine his life without Dani in it, and without Malia and her twins.

He was already dreading having to tell Dani that the party was coming to a close and they would have to leave. Maybe he could stay and help Malia clean up, and give the kids a bit longer to play together. A tap on his shoulder tore his attention away from watching the girls in the bouncy house, and a warm smile pulled at his lips when he turned to face Malia. This was another new thing—having a friend that cared enough about communicating with him that she was learning ASL. Daphne was learning, but he knew that was as much for Dani’s benefit as his; they both knew he would make sure Dani was as fluent in ASL as she was in spoken English as she grew up. Malia didn’t have to learn, even if her kids were picking up on it from Dani, but she learned anyway.

“Yeah, Dani’s been having a blast, and it hasn’t been miserable for me either,” he added with a teasing smile, signing as he spoke. His smile gave way to a look of surprise, eyebrows raising at what she signed. “You did that for us?” A bright smile broke out over his lips and he shook his head a little in disbelief. “If that’s the standard for a horrible person, the rest of us should just stop trying. We’re all doomed,” he teased, before adding more seriously, “Thank you. Dani will be so excited. She loves sea turtles.” He looked back around at the bouncy house, mostly out of habit and wanting to make sure no one fell or got hurt, before looking back to Malia. “Tahj and Tahlia seem to be enjoying their birthday. The face painter was a hit. I think Dani might cry whenever we have to wash the penguin off her cheek.”

[charlie-ansel]

A GIFT FOR @naomimarshall

A shimmery gold colored envelope is laid neatly in front of Naomi’s door. Inside is the address and a confirmation letter of a paid reservation for a dog of her choice from a well known breeder in Los Angeles who specializes in pure bred, hypoallergenic dogs, as well as a gift certificate to a high end pet supply store in Beverly Hills. It’s signed simply and anonymously, Your Secret Santa

[charlie-ansel]

eethanprice​:

for: @charlie-ansel​ location: Carmichael Roses Co. Ice Rink

Half curiosity and half exhaustion was what led Ethan to say yes. Hesitation stopped him initially, but Ethan was tired of beating himself for a decade old event, albeit a life alternating one, it was not a life ending one. What good came from it? Hanging up his skates in shame had been a rather selfish decision, as was giving up the one thing he loved the most, the one thing he could call his own; the guilt was not worth the decade of being miserable. Charlie being the asker certainly had helped with the answer, because honestly, how could he ever say no to him? But it also forced open a door that had been shut for so long, he shuddered at the unknown. But, try as he may he couldn’t hold back the way he heart beat with silent excitement over this, aided further by the fact that he would be witnessing an ice rink in a beach town. 

 The chill hit him first, then came the avalanche of emotions. Flashes of crowds, of buzzers, of cheers. Three blinks later, the world around him returned to normal, however, the same could not be said about his pulse. With a heavy sigh, Ethan ran a hand through his hair, the main event hadn’t even begun but he could already feel his energy deplete. Eyes drifted to the door as a few people trickled in, comfort zones would be broken toady, but did they have to be? Mind half made up to leave, Ethan stopped mid-way at the sight of a face that made his pulse race of a different reason. “Hey,” he greeted, “So, you really want to do this, huh?” Ethan hoped for a yes, for a no, for a decision that he didn’t have to make; the answer to a coded question of ‘Should I stay or should I go?’

Charlie had no idea what had possessed him to ask Ethan to go ice skating. As far as he knew, Ethan had ice skated since he’d played hockey, and he hadn’t played hockey in—well, Charlie wasn’t entirely sure how long it had been, but a long time, he was pretty sure. And Charlie didn’t know the first thing about ice skating. The only halfway logical reason he could offer for why he’d blurted the words out, was that it was Ethan. And when that had become a viable and acceptable excuse for anything, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that pretty much any query about a questionable life decision Charlie had made recently could usually be answered with, ‘Because it’s Ethan.’

Which was exactly the reason Charlie now stood outside of an ice skating rink, a coat far too heavy for Catalina Island around him, a scarf wrapped around his neck, and ice skates clutched in his hand as if they were an anchor keeping him on shore. Any hesitation he felt melted when his eyes met a familiar pair looking back at him, and a warm, relieved smile pulled at his lips. “I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he admitted, signing one-handed as he spoke. It hadn’t been something he’d consciously considered until he’d seen Ethan, and realized how relieved he was—how much he honestly hadn’t been certain the man would show up, either because of the activity or the company. “I’m glad you did, though,” he added quickly. His smile widened and he laughed a little, nervous eyes turning towards the people around spinning their way around the ice rink. “I have no idea,” he admitted, his gaze drawn back to Ethan’s like a magnet. “But there’s no one else I’d rather try with, and risk making an absolute fool of myself in front of.” As the words left his lips, as his hand swiftly signed through the sentiment, Charlie had to acknowledge, at least to himself, that h wasn’t just talking about ice skating. On step at a time…If he could manage to skate a single step without breaking a limb, anyway.

[charlie-ansel]

arturamos​:

-

“The only trick is patience,” Arturo says from where he’s leaned back on his elbows in the sand. “You gotta let them come to you.” He shielded his eyes with his hand as he looked out onto the horizon. The problem with trying to catch a good shot on the beach is that most of the animals know not to venture this close to shore. Too many people, too much chaos. “You gotta think of every click like a sneak attack. Once they know they’re on camera, everyone becomes someone else.” 

This had been true of every subject Turo had ever photographed. He’d gotten his start on disposable cameras dragged into nightclubs and raves. Drugged out bonfires in the desert and basement parties underneath the luxury of Hollywood. People and wildlife were the same. They never wanted to leave proof of who they really were. “Might not get anything good this close to shore. We can wade out a little further if the tide stays calm.”

~

Charlie frowned in frustration, more at himself than at Arturo. Still, he was starting to second guess his request for Arturo to join him on this new attempt at wildlife photography. It wasn’t Charlie’s area of expertise, and he disliked not being able to pick it up easily. People were difficult, but they could be communicated with, at least. Scenery was easier. It didn’t move, and the only factors he had to contend with were those of nature. And nature didn’t care if a camera was present.

He made his way back to shore, having missed part off the conversation when he was too far away to read the words on Arturo’s lips, but he caught the latter part of his comments—Everyone becomes someone else. “Yeah, that’s a lot easier to work with when it comes to people,” Charlie said, letting his camera hang from he strap around his neck as he signed as well. “People act weird, or pose. Fish swim like you’re trying to skewer them for dinner.” He considered the offer for a moment, eyes shifting back tot he water before he looked back at Arturo. “Sure, one more shot. And when I fail miserably again, we can throw in the towel and drown my failure in lunch instead?” He asked, teasing, if slightly hopeful, smile pulling at his lips.

[wolfeharwen]

Delivery for @charlie-ansel,

Two gift wrapped boxes, one containing the latest imac pro, the other high end cameras and the equipment to go with it, as well as a key with note attached that contains the address to a fully equipped and paid for photography studio. 

- Your secret santa (who chooses to remain anonymous)

[charlie-ansel]

The first box containing an iMac Pro—the newest one, from what Charlie could tell—was amazing enough, and honestly astounded him. By the time he opened the second box, containing more camera equipment than Charlie’s personal collection included after years of slowing buying one or two pieces at a time, he realized that he should’ve known Secret Santa on Catalina Island would not be like Secret Santa back in his little neighborhood in Florida.

He almost missed the key hiding in the box, only catching the flash of light on the metal when he started to gather up the leftover tissue paper. His eyes scanned over the note attached to it, brow furrowing a little before he carefully placed the gifts where Dani couldn’t reach them when she got home with Daphne, and pulled out his phone. He sent a quick text to @daphnexpalmer, including the address on the note and a confirmation that he was going to an unknown location because an anonymous but generous person told him to. Charlie left without waiting for a reply from her, grateful at least that he was co-parenting with a detective. Not that he was looking forward to, ‘Dumbass given fancy camera and computer goes missing after following directions to anonymously written address’ being plastered on his missing posters. But hey, he was curious, and it wasn’t like he was taking Dani to be kidnapped with him.

As it turned out, it seemed that no one would end up kidnapped. Not today, in any case. The key unlocked the door to a beautiful studio, skylights brightening the room, and studio lights already set up. A stand for backdrops, and a few rolls of different backdrops were there as well. This was… far past any kind of Secret Santa gift he could’ve imagined. He looked at the note again, wondering how on earth anyone who would give this much to someone wanted to remain anonymous. A smile tugged at his lips as he looked around, head already spinning with what he could do.

[charlie-ansel]

Who: @dinah-palmer​ Where: Catalina Shopping Center When: Sunday afternoon

“What does someone buy for their platonic, co-parenting, new roommate?” Charlie signed one-handed as he spoke, his other hand pushing Dani’s stroller in front of him. He stopped at a display of burgundy sweaters, picking one up and holding it up for Dinah’s opinion, before shaking his head and putting it back. “I don’t think this kind of relationship makes it onto most of the What To Buy For The Important People in Your Life lists.”

Besides that, he was also unofficially looking for something for Ethan as well. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to bring a gift when they met up to go ice skating, but he was keeping his eyes open anyway for something he might like. “Do you have any idea what you’re getting for Daphne?”

[charlie-ansel]

What are your favorite things to shoot?

People, if I can manage to get candid shots. People are fascinating creatures, and candid shots can turn out amazing. But as soon as people see a camera, they start posing. Less frustrating subject matter are animals and landscape photography. Anything outdoors, I love to shoot.

[charlie-ansel]

Hey there, pal. It's your secret santa here to ask you a few questions. What are your favorite hobbies and do you prefer fun or function when it comes to gifts?

Photography, definitely. Some days I swear I’d go crazy if I couldn’t get out and just get lost somewhere with my camera. I guess, I probably prefer fun over function, I think. 

[charlie-ansel]

eethanprice​:

∘ ∘ ∘

Ethan was deep in thought as he tried to think of ways he could keep this conversation easy flowing. That was the issue with since forever - little talks turned heavy fast. Unnamed feelings mixed together with light and breezy resulting in one of them walking out, leaving a million things left unsaid. He hated the predictability of it all. A simple mocha didn’t need to take this long but Ethan dragged it out purposefully to keep Charlie around a little bit longer, it was entirely selfish but he could feel bad about it later.

Later came sooner than anticipated. Muttering and a muffled yawn brought Ethan’s gaze back up, instantly hit with regret when Dani’s reached for him. Having both hands occupied, he could only give the girl a warm smile as she woke from her slumber, hoping that could convey the way his heart melted over her saying his name. The ‘as well’ added to that feeling, even more so when Adam’s words echoed back from earlier, but it was this that ruined things for him. Ethan wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice, no matter how hard it was to resist diving into that feeling. “All good, yeah she got a ton, she dragged me into a ton too but then gave up because, and I quote, 'your face is ruining my aesthetic’,” he said with a shake and a chuckle, “Worked out great for me though, I’m not a photo person.”

As soon as the oh was uttered and that smirk took over his features, Ethan knew what would follow. “There it is,” he said once Charlie teasing subdued, “I knew you it, I knew you were gonna crack some joke,” he added with a laugh of his own, and god if there was a way to bottle up this feeling he would. The lightheartedness, the way it felt familiar, blissful like sinking into bed after a long day, no stress just smiles and fluttering feelings. Feelings he shouldn’t be having but could do nothing but bit down a smile at Charlie’s teasing smirk. Was it selfish to want more of this?

And once again, the answer came right away, a resounding yes as Charlie’s next words wiped his smile away. This is where he wished he could drag out the coffee making, something to keep him busy while he thought of the right words but the lid was firmly placed as Ethan slid the drink over to Charlie, “Sorry,” he said after a long pause, “I was meant to tell you, but it was a sudden thing.” A half-truth - it was a sudden thing, the move, the thought behind it had been brewing for a long time before Ethan decided to rip the band-aid off and make the change, but how could he explain that to Charlie? That the comfort and familiarity of those walls had suddenly become a source of claustrophobia? That he spent many nights avoiding going back just to avoid a panic attack? No, he couldn’t. And it was luck that there was a bigger question at hand. Why did Charlie stop by his old place? It was clear, by Ethan saying things out loud, he ruined whatever it was between them and travelled so far as to affect their friendship, so why now, of all times would Charlie do such a thing? He wanted to ask, of course, he wanted to ask, but worry held him back, fear of the unknown and the known, so silence filled the air again as Ethan regretted the events that he couldn’t change. 

“Yeah? Well, the stairs are a workout,” he said in attempts to lighten the mood, “I haven’t been back since I moved,” he replied, but it was the next words that had Ethan let out a soft oh and grew silent as he continued to speak. “It’s okay Charlie, you don’t owe me an explanation,” he said politely with a smile to match, “You guys are a family, makes sense to live together. And yes, that’s handy to know for babysitting purposes, but that’s good news regardless, really, it’s a good move being together.” The question from earlier still burned bright, perching on the tip of the tongue, ready to fall any second, but he bit back, no no, he didn’t want to ruin what he just got back.

“Here’s a question for you,” Ethan said instead leaning forward onto the counter, “How do you plan to drink coffee, hold Dani and push a stroller at the same time?” And he knew this was a long shot, but he asked anyway, “Do you want to stick around for a bit? We could-” A light pause to accommodate for a better phrase, “You could sit down for a bit while I look after Dani…if you want?”

~

Charlie’s eyebrows quirked up at the words he read on Ethan’s lips. “I don’t believe you,” he said. “I’ll need to see the photo evidence for myself. I don’t think your face could ruin any aesthetic, unless she was going for some gross, gorey, Halloween horror night” He felt his cheek flush as the words left his lips, but he kept his gaze determinedly on Ethan. He’d been brave once. He’d felt brave, and it had been wasted. He wasn’t feeling brave now, but he could act like it. He could push himself to try. Admittedly, a little bit of it came from the surreal ness of the moment. He hadn’t thought Ethan would be there, hadn’t expected to run into him. So he didn’t have time to psych himself out. He definitely disagreed about Ethan not being a photo person, and Charlie had a few saved in his phone that proved that. That statement was a bit too far for his feigned bravery, though.

A smile pulled at Charlie’s lips at the sight of Ethan laughing, at the smile that he’d missed. He wanted this. More of this. He wanted this easy kind of conversation, teasing and laughter. He wanted the deeper, more serious conversations too, if only they didn’t always end in one of them walking away, as they had lately. “You disappeared to Canada for weeks. You should be glad I waited a whole five minutes,” he added. For all the jokes Charlie made about Canada, it might be one of his favorite countries, despite never having been there.

Charlie had almost expected Ethan to ask why he’d gone by. He’d wished Ethan would ask, so Charlie didn’t have to volunteer the information. How exactly was he supposed to explain that he’d had a rush of courage, and gone and knocked on Ethan’s door instead of texting him like a normal person, to ask him out? He could’ve texted Ethan after he’d found out he moved, after he’d found out Ethan was in Canada. But he hadn’t. He’d thought Ethan didn’t want to talk to him, and he knew he wasn’t right, he at least wasn’t entirely wrong either. Now it just seemed stupid to try and explain why he hadn’t texted. “You don’t have to apologize,” he said quickly.

He laughed a little at himself, ,shaking his head. “You don’t owe me an apology or anything. Though I’ll admit, it would’ve been nice to know you’d moved. Would’ve spared me the heart attack when a giant answered your door,” he teased. “I didn’t think you went for the kind of guy that could benchpress a submarine, but I definitely panicked for a second thinking I was about to get my ass kicked,” he joked. It was half true at least. Mostly he hadn’t let himself think that the guy would actually hurt him, mostly because if he let himself think he might’ve, he also would’ve thought the guy could’ve easily murdered him.

Charlie’s gaze dropped, and he pressed his lips together. “I want to,” he said carefully. “Owe you an explanation, I guess.” He wasn’t even sure what he meant by that, only that he didn’t want this. He didn’t want the kind of friendship, non-relationship, whatever they had, where they just didn’t tell each other stuff, and felt like they didn’t have to. H wanted to tell Ethan things that were happening, in his life, and wanted it to be an expectation, not a surprise, when they shared things like that. He wanted—okay, he knew what he wanted, but he also knew he’d ruined that. He’d been the one to reject Ethan, and he had no right to want what he’d pushed Ethan away for wanting.

A small frown pulled at Charlie’s features, and he looked from the coffee to Dani to the stroller, and back up at Ethan. “Honestly I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” he said, laughing a little at himself. He smiled a little, surprised at Ethan’s offer. Maybe he hadn’t ruined things as much as he’d thought. Maybe—“Yeah, yeah I’d like that,” Charlie said. He glanced behind Ethan to the door where Adam had disappeared, before meeting Ethan’s gaze again. “If that’s alright. You won’t get in trouble, will you?”

[charlie-ansel]

eethanprice​:

∘ ∘ ∘

Equal parts of fear of the unknown and fear of the known kept him from leaving Canada this time, a mirrored feeling to when he left his hometown for Catalina years ago. Safety nets and comfort zones, once Ethan established these in a place, it was hard to pry himself out until regrets and failures reared their ugly heads. These he had countless of, in both countries. But seeing Charlie after what felt like years, unwanted thoughts took a back seat, kept at bay just from a small smile of his. It made it incredibly easy to forget the last conversation that happened between them, especially with Ethan so eager to leave it behind. Going back, even as a visit, somehow felt like a chance for a new start and pretending difficult conversations never happened was Ethan’s forte after all. Avoidance was the foundation of his being. A little part of him knew this was the wrong route to go down, acting as if nothing bad had transpired. It wasn’t one that would bring any answers to the many questions hung between them, but yet he couldn’t help but walk down its familiar, delusionary path.

The hurried please and him saying his order should’ve brought Ethan back to senses, but it brought a smile to his lips, and Ethan didn’t skip a beat in his reply, “I remember.” Of course, he did. Not just because it was an easy order, or that he had a knack for remembering things, but because this was Charlie. This was Charlie — a friend. “I have this weird muscle memory for these type of things.” A slight delay, but there it was — the cruel reminder of the events that occurred, a crash back to reality in the most jarring of ways to tell him that he was talking to a friend… were they still friends? If Ethan’s smile had faltered, he dipped under the counter to hide it, disguising it in the act of making the drink.

Ethan hadn’t told anyone about his sudden leave, save his roommate and manager, an impromptu trip didn’t need much announcing anyways. He expected the word to spread around work since rosters had to be made, but what he didn’t expect was Charlie finding out, or him and Adam becoming friends if that’s what they were? Ethan was still confused on that front. This was a new development, and something Ethan might have thought more about if not for the fact that Charlie was now a frequent visitor here. Though this was his neighbourhood, Charlie hardly ever visited C4, and Adam’s words from earlier barely resurfaced before his brain found a reason — the answer was as sharp as it was obvious — it took Ethan to leave for Charlie to visit. But he couldn’t blame the guy, it was entirely Ethan’s doing that they were in this situation, if he had only kept his mouth and feelings shut. Yet, seeing the distance that grew between them, Ethan couldn’t stop the twang of pain that hit him, cementing in the self-hatred a little deeper than before.

But, casting aside their shared history of said and unsaid feelings, he did miss Charlie and being in a better headspace than before, Ethan chose to take this as a new start to their friendship. Small talk would be painful, but anything was better than silence. “Good to see you too,” he replied, “Trip was nice. Chaotic but nice. They wanted to do a late Thanksgiving and early Christmas celebration and wouldn’t let me say no,” he added with a light laugh. “It’s nice to be back though, I strangely missed this place. How’ve you been?”

~

When he read the words on Ethan’s lips, Charlie turned his head towards Dani in an attempt to hide the warmth creeping into his face.It was the soft expression, the admission that he remembered Charlie’s order, the simple normalness of it all. And how weird that was—normal. They’d never really found a level of normal between them. Every time things started to fall into a place of comfort, of simplicity, Charlie found a way to fuck it up. He didn’t want to fuck it up again. Not this time. But he didn’t know how not to—especially when. When he didn’t want this version of normal. The polite smiles and remembering coffee orders, the easy conversations that made his stomach do backflips. He wanted something else, something more, and he was still trying to gauge whether he’d permanently fucked up any chance of that, or only temporarily fucked it up.

Dani yawned in his arms, eyes cracking open a little to squint at him, pulling a soft smile to his lips. “Morning sleepyhead,” he muttered, signing the words slowly. Her eyes watched his hand moved, but she didn’t try to copy it this time. Her attention instead was pulled to the man behind the counter, her eyes widening as Ethan came closer.

“E-tan,” she said, her own childlike version of Ethan’s name.

“I think someone else missed you as well,” Charlie said without much thought to his implication that Dani wasn’t the only one. He held Dani a bit tighter with both arms when she tried to lean forward, arms outstretched towards Ethan. His eyes flicked back up towards Ethan when he saw the man starting to speak again. He was unable to keep the smile from his lips. “Your siblings seemed like a chaotic group,” he said, amusement lacing his tone. He didn’t sign this time, busy keeping a hold on Dani, but his fingers flexed and tapped habitually against her shirt as he spoke. “How is everyone? I hope Abby got a ton of holiday photos.”

Charlie’s head tilted curiously at Ethan’s words. “A late Thanksgiving? But—Oh,” he broke off, laughing a little at himself, before his lips curled into a teasing smirk. “Right, Canadian Thanksgiving. The traditional Canadian Thanksgiving meal is something covered maple syrup, right?” He teased. It felt nice, making these familiar jokes again. He’d missed this. He’d missed Ethan, and the easy teasing and conversation that made up their..friendship? That felt like the wrong word, but no other word applied. “Good, I’ve been good,” Charlie answered, without much thought. It was true, he supposed. But it wasn’t everything.

“I went by your place—Your old place, I guess,” Charlie said carefully. He knew he was stumbling into questionable territory, but he wasn’t feeling the same confidence as he had that day weeks ago when he’d been prepared to run headfirst into it. Stumbling and hoping Ethan would offer a guiding hand would have to do for now. “Met the new tenant. Scary looking guy. I think he’s a body builder.”  He still remembered the uncomfortable feeling of despair and hopelessness he’d felt when he saw the man, when he’d thought Ethan still lived there and had moved on with a guy like that. “Guess everyone’s moving out of that building. Me, Daphne and Dani are moving into a new place soon.” He stopped, realizing how it sounded, and quickly added. “Not together. I mean, together, but not—Together.” Great. That was English. Some form of it. Why did Ethan even care anyway? He had no reason to. “Just you know. So you know. If Daphne asks you to babysit, or something.” Because Charlie wouldn’t be asking him to babysit. Because Charlie could barely form a sentence in English today, it seemed. So much for normalness. He’d lasted all of about four seconds.

[charlie-ansel]

eethanprice​:

∘ ∘ ∘

Ethan was finally starting to appreciate the little things in life. Stuff that made life good. Months, heck years of only seeing the bad in the world and the bad within himself caused for a terrible headspace, and he finally had enough. Calling quits to the pity party he threw himself did, in fact, make room for happiness. His family helped a great deal too. It wasn’t hard for them to tell that something wasn’t right. It took a lot of convincing for him to hop on a plane and fly back home. It seemed like running away again, much like what did years prior when he moved under the pretence of recovery, but when he accidentally let slip about his relapse, chaos ensued.  

Maybe it had been a good thing to go back. The change in scenery, people, did help Ethan to get out of the hole he had dug for himself. But it had been a crash back to reality when he realised the feeling of belonging, the sense of home was not in his childhood house. The discovery was bittersweet, but with all his family around for the first time in a long time, he didn’t have time to dwell on such thoughts. Nothing could dampen the spirit of their late Thanksgiving/early Christmas celebrations. But it quickly became obvious to Ethan why he had left. The noise, the constant chatter was a lovely distraction at first but, soon he felt the need to escape, to find a quiet space to think, to avoid questions about his life and a place to simply be.

As soon as the festivities wrapped up, and farewells said, a hop, skip and a jump later, Ethan settled back into the routine he carved for himself. He had extreme doubts about getting his old job back. Leaving as he did with a vague return date, it was nothing short of a miracle to be taken back, and he was extremely grateful.

It wasn’t a stressful shift until closing time, then Adam’s customer smile dropped into a single flat line as he faced him, and quite frankly, it scared Ethan a little. But it was mostly fun to see the ways Adam couldn’t say he had missed him. “That’s what you get for leaving like that,” he said as he threw a rag in Ethan’s general direction, “Tables, go.” And that was just part one of the torture Ethan saga. Next up was sweeping the floors while Adam walked around eating a muffin, leaving a trail of crumbs in his wake. 

When he stepped outside to look around though, Ethan couldn’t help but laugh, “What, you’re gonna have me sweep the outside now?” 

Which apparently was too much cheek, so it was onto dish duty for him, and then a brief shoving of a clipboard into his chest while being sent off to do a stock take. Brief, was really the keyword here, because not even a minute after Ethan began, Adam grabbed it off him as he dragged him into the main area, “What now?” As fun as this all had been, Ethan was starting to feel the exhaustion sink in, and he was about to say it when he noticed the smile Adam had on, a genuine one that lacked all cunningness. 

And, there was no time for more questions when Adam said, “You’ve been missed, welcome back.” What could be said, when the next voice that reached him had him freeze in place, and gave the name to the feeling of coming home? Not a thing. An exhaled breath, a tiny smile, were enough to speak a million words.

That feeling of joy and relief lasted a mere moment before unwelcomed thoughts swirled in his head. Is this want Adam meant? Did Charlie miss him? Him? The drunk texter and fleer of difficult situations? Surely not. But these thoughts couldn’t stop the smile grew on his face as he moved closer, “Charlie…hi.” Noticing Dani stir in his arms, he gave the girl a little wave, “and hello sleepy one.” Now with the hellos out of the way, things got a little tricky. Ethan knew what he did, upped and left without warning, but the state of mind he was in, it made sense to leave. It was the only way he saw to ease the burden he had placed on Charlie, but seeing him again was a feeling words could not explain. He wanted to apologise multiple times, let him know exactly how much he had missed him, tell him a million things, wanted to know what he had been up to, but all that came out was a stupid, weak little, “Coffee?”

~

Charlie didn’t know until that moment how much he needed to see Ethan smile Specifically, to see Ethan smile because he looked up and saw Charlie. To give some credence to the idea that maybe Ethan was happy to see him. Even if nothing between them made sense, and everything felt precarious. Charlie was happy to see him, and if the tiny smile on Ethan’s lips was anything to go by, he was happy to see Charlie too. And this first time seeing the other man in so long, that was enough. And watching Ethan’s lips curl around his name? That was a bonus.

The absentminded thought occurred to him that he hoped the way his heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest as Ethan approached, as his smile widened and his eyes dropped down to Dani curled in Charlie’s arm, wouldn’t keep Dani from her near slumber. He should say something. He knew he should say something. What, exactly? Ethan hadn’t told Charlie that he was leaving. Did he even know that Charlie knew he’d been gone? If Charlie had stuck to his instinct of avoiding Ethan and avoiding the coffeeshop, he probably wouldn’t have known. Though it must be clear now that he hadn’t been avoiding the coffeeshop. What was he supposed to say? That he’d tried to go by Ethan’s apartment and met the new (scary) tenant? That would require an explanation for why he’d been there in the first place. And coming by the coffeeshop often enough that he knew Ethan was gone just sounded stalkerish.

He was momentarily saved the trouble of figuring out what to say when Ethan broke the silence. Charlie nodded, still unable to wipe the smile form his face upon seeing Ethan. “Yes, please. The usual—uh, iced white mocha, please,” he added hurriedly. Ethan had been gone for a while, and even before that, he had no reason to remember Charlie’s coffee order. The coffeeshop saw hundreds of customers, and at least a couple dozen of them were regulars. There was no way or reason to remember all of the regular orders. He was pretty certain Adam only remembered it because he’d learned to sign it over the last few weeks.

“It’s good to see you,” Charlie finally offered, signing one-handed was he spoke. “How was your trip?”

[charlie-ansel]

daphnexpalmer​:

❤

“Penguins, huh?” she said, making a mental note to add something penguin-themed to her holiday shopping list. “Well, at least its not snakes” she added, a grin on her face as she recalled the trip the three of them had taken to the zoo a handful of  months back. Daphne knew it was silly for a grown woman to be afraid of snakes. Especially considering what she did for a living. But she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that they still  made her feel uneasy.

“No, not at all” Daphne said, happy to spend more time with Charlie. But the smile on her face faltered as he mentioned wanting to talk. “Is something wrong?” she asked him, wondering what he had on his mind. She hoped it wasn’t anything bad. Then she shook her head as he began to back towards the door. “Don’t go!” she said quickly. “Honestly, whatever it is I’d rather know about it now.” Otherwise she would spend all evening worrying something was wrong, her mind racing with all sorts of worst-case scenarios. She’d rather just find out now, so that she knew what sort of situation she was dealing with. Besides, she wanted Charlie to know she’d always have time to talk if he needed it. After all, he was family now.

~

“I’m honestly not sure half the time if she’s signing things she actually likes, or because she likes the sign,” Charlie signed as he spoke. “She signed apple a lot last week, and got mad when I actually tried to give her apple slices.” He shrugged helplessly, amused and uncertain smile on his lips. “But she does love watching Happy Feet, so. Yeah, as long as it’s not snakes, I’m happy.”

He wasn’t sure if he was a happy or not that she agreed to let him stay. It wasn’t a bad thing he wanted to talk about, but it did make him nervous. He was just now realizing how….not weird, but kind of weird, it was to be co-parenting with his ex-girlfriend’s widow. He was nervous and fidgety, as if he was about to propose moving in together with someone he was dating, but this was nowhere close to the same. The anxiety didn’t ease up, though. “Nothing’s wrong,” he offered quickly. “I promise it’s nothing—Nothing bad. I don’t think it is, anyway. Depends on what you think, I guess. It could be bad. It’s not supposed to be. Sorry, I—“ He broke off, giving himself a moment to take a breath and stop rambling like a lunatic.

Charlie rubbed his hands together nervously for a moment before he started again. “I was wondering if—I mean, we’ve been co-parenting for a while now. And I think we’re pretty good at it. We make a good team, and Dani needs both of us. And we get along well, and I like being around you, with or without Dani. And I think I’d like to be around more permanently.” Great. Now it sounded like he was proposing. “I just mean. I know your lease is coming up for renewal soon, and renting from Della—I’m not really locked into a lease or anything. And holidays are coming up soon, and it would be nice to be able to spend holidays together, as a family. And other times. The rest of the year too. As a family.” Charlie stopped himself again. He was just talking in circles and making no sense. Come on, just say it. “What do you think about us getting a place together? For the three of us.”

[charlie-ansel]

taylorparkerx​:

It’d taken a second or two before Taylor really recognized who was sitting on the table, but it must’ve been a mixture of seeing his face and watching him sign that made her mind click “Charlie! I didn’t recognize you, I’m sorry” she spoke, signing the apology since it was the only few things she knew, mostly taught by him or Danielle at times if she happened to be hanging with her alongside Imogen. They’d known each other for as long as Taylor had been working with Dinah, but the young nanny was still terrible at singing, and it was something she was determined to learn to better interact with her friend. Laughing at his words, Taylor shook her head “I don’t think we have, let’s face it, we’re usually two words in before we have to tend to a scraped knee or a toy debacle” She teased, smiling back at him. Waving over the waiter, she ordered coffee and a brownie for her, and then turned to Charlie “Whatever he wants, bring it along as well” She didn’t even give him the time to object. “How’ve you been?”

~

Charlie shook his head waving off the apology with a smile. “That’s true. No scraped knees today, thankfully. I’ve learned more first aid in the past nine months than I have ever known in my life,” he signed as he spoke. Lucky him, he’d come into Dani’s life just around the time she’d started walking, which meant he got to be around for all of the getting into trouble parts.

He started to shake his head at her words, looking up, but it was Adam standing there, and the smiling man knew him from coming in there too often. Well enough that Adam also didn’t give him a chance to object, instead signing, “Iced white mocha?” Which Charlie knew for a fact was one of three phrases Adam knew how to sign. And he only knew that one because it was Charlie’s usual order.

Charlie conceded that he’d lost apparently, just nodding and signing, “Thank you,” before turning his attention back to Taylor. “I come here too often, clearly,” he joked. “Good. Really good. Work is slow. No one’s listing houses much during the holidays. But it gives me more time to pack  and get moved.” He hadn’t told too many people about his and Daphne’s decision to move in together so could both be there for Dani, mostly because he was afraid of jinxing it. But Dinah was basically family, and that included Taylor in the same circle in Charlie’s mind. “What about you?”

[charlie-ansel]

taylorparkerx​:

open starter -  lafayette coffee & cookie co. @catalinastarter​

After spending the morning with Imogen at a park, running around the place chasing after the little girl had left Taylor completely exhausted. They’d returned home just in time for lunch, but the nanny had excused herself, both to let Jenny and Dinah have some mother-daughter time but also to have a little bit of time just for herself. Catalina was a small island, but she still had to get into her car to drive all the way down to Laffayette square to find her favorite spot, the Coffee and Cookie co, where she planned to have a quick cup of coffee and a pastry. But apparently, everyone had had the same idea. Stepping into the cafe, the whole place was crammed, and the only place she could see was in a round table that was occupied by one person. Slowly walking towards them, Taylor tapped them on the shoulder softly “Excuse me, would you mind if I sat down? The whole place is packed and- I’ll get you the next cup of whatever you’re drinking, on me? Does that sound like a fair deal?” She asked with a convincing smile, hoping it’d work.

~

Catalina Coffee and Cookie Co was one of Charlie’s favorite coffeeshops. He’d had his days (read as: months) of avoiding the place for various reasons, but most of the baristas knew him, and he liked the atmosphere. Besides, it was within walking distance from his place. Not a short walk, but not miles long either. Just enough that he felt like he’d earned a blueberry scone along with his coffee by the time he got there. Charlie was sitting by the window, scrolling through his phone and breaking off another piece of his scone, when he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

A smile broke over his features at the familiar face and he set his phone facedown on the table. “Of course, please. I’d much prefer the company to just scrolling through facebook. Don’t even have to bribe me with coffee,” he signed as he spoke aloud for her. He was well aware that most people he interacted with didn’t know asl, but he still signed out of habit when he spoke to hearing people. It had helped Danielle pick up a few signs quickly, and Daphne had picked some up as well from watching him. Besides that, it usually helped to remind people to look at him when they spoke, because while he spoke aloud and could read lips, he was still deaf, and some hearing people forgot that too often.

“Have we actually ever had a conversation that wasn’t regularly interrupted by one of us chasing down a child to keep them out of trouble?” He asked, amused smirk curling his lips. Though it was almost strange to see Taylor outside of the occasional times they had met up to take Imogen and Dani to the park or beach together.

[charlie-ansel]

Who: @eethanprice​ Where: Catalina Coffee & Cookie Co. When: Monday evening, just before closing

Charlie should not be indulging his coffee addiction this late in the evening. He was fully aware of this. But Daphne was working late, he knew he would still have Dani for a couple more hours, and besides, he hadn’t seen Adam in a while. It was a weird thought to even have. Several weeks ago he’d been going to the coffeeshop to see Ethan. Hell, only three weeks ago Charlie had ended up there after convincing himself to finally take the risk and ask Ethan out…it hadn’t gone exactly as planned. Granted, his plan wasn’t well thought out in the first place. And he wasn’t even certain Ethan was in a place where he wanted to go out with anyone. The drunk texts he’d gotten when Ethan had been at the bar hadn’t been pretty. And Charlie still wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with being out in public with another man—in theory, sure, but in reality? That was a harder one to judge. But he was hoping to at least talk to Ethan and see if maybe they could work through all of it together, somehow.

That was why Charlie had first attempted to talk to Ethan a couple weeks ago. As much as he tried not to let himself dwell on that weird day, it came back too regularly. The nerves, the rush of adrenaline and momentary courage that he had when he’d knocked on thee door of Ethan’s apartment. And the way he felt like someone had smashed him into a brick wall when a man that was decidedly not Ethan opened the door. Specifically, it had felt like that man had smashed Charlie into a brick wall. And he looked like a bodybuilder. It was not a pleasant sensation. And the man had gotten visibly frustrated when Charlie stumbled over his words—having difficulty making himself easily understood in the best of circumstances. The door slammed in his face, and he honestly was a little relieved. He hated hearing people that did that—who couldn’t take five goddamn minutes to work with him to try and communicate—but he honestly didn’t want to try and talk with that man for any longer than it would’ve taken to find out if Ethan was home or not.

Charlie had left feeling dejected, confused and honestly exhausted. Which made no sense, given he hadn’t actually done anything other than make a goddamn fool of himself. He;’d gone to the coffeeshop before the last drops of courage he had flitted away, and he wasn’t even intending to ask Ethan out at that point even if he’d been there. He had just wanted… He wasn’t even sure. Some explanation for the behemoth of a man in Ethan’s apartment that wasn’t Ethan having a new boyfriend who could break Charlie in half with his pinky? Yeah, that’s what he wanted.

And he got that, sort of. Not from Ethan, though, which felt like another punch in the gut. But Adam had always been nice when Charlie came around the coffeeshop, and even took his break when he brought Charlie his coffee and sat with him. According to Adam, Ethan had moved out of his old apartment—he probably hadn’t even met the new tenant—but then came the mallet to break any hope or wish for something good to actually come of… well, anything. Ethan had gone to visit family in Canada, and Adam wasn’t even sure when he would be coming back. At least not for the next week, he had said. All he had to go on was the weekly schedules as they were posted. And when Charlie stopped by for coffee once or twice a week, Adam offered him the same sad smile, the same news that Ethan wasn’t on the next week’s schedule, and if it wasn’t busy, sat with Charlie during his break and talked shit and told stories about the weird patrons they got at the coffeeshop. As great as it was getting to know Adam better and talking with him, Charlie couldn’t help but feel like he’d pissed off some karma god or something. How was it that when he finally managed to get up the nerve, to talk himself—granted mostly because of Malia—into talking with Ethan and trying to sort out whatever the hell this was—Now was when he decided to leave for Canada for the foreseeable future?

So when Charlie ducked into the coffeeshop just before closing, offering a bright, apologetic smile to Adam behind the counter, the last thing he expected was for Adam to smirk a little, wink, and walk into the back without saying a word. Charlie frowned a little, but didn’t think much of it. He pushed Dani’s stroller forward with one hand, the girl curled against his chest in his other arm. Despite her being nearly asleep, she’d started crying every time he tried to put her down. Standing at the counter waiting for Adam to come back, he only just now started to thinking through the logistics of carrying Dani, pushing her stroller, and carrying his coffee.

He looked up when he saw the door to the employees only area swing open, mouth opening to ask Adam why he was being weird, but his breath caught in his throat, an unconscious smile pulling at his lips. “Ethan?”