Darkhound Industries

Est. Nov. 10, 2024 | Birth. Jun. 10, 2006

[charlie990]

SCORCHED EARTH DIRECTORY

[ DIRECTORY THEME : BATTLEPLAN EXTINGUISHED SINS – JAEY, MOMO, MORK ]

A compiled list of Genshin fanfics/drabble posts that involve modern warfare of our world brought to Teyvat, or heavily imply such.

Teyvatian Idiot barble-bapkins | SELF-INSERT FANFIC, ON HIATUS

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

BEYOND THE VEIL charlie990 | ORIGINAL CHARACTER FANFIC, ON HIATUS

PROLOGUE | ASHES TO ASHES CHAPTER 1 | REAWAKENING CHAPTER 2 | ANOMALY

Physical Catalyst bitebitekxll | IDEA DRABBLE

MAIN POST

Raining Blood and Steel admiral-mason | GENSHIN × ULTRAKILL, SELF-INSERT FANFIC, ON HIATUS

OVERTURE: CHASING A NEW WIND 0-1 0-2 0-3 0-4 0-5 ACT I: RENDING APART THE INSANITY OF THE DAMNED 1-1

STEEL BEASTS admiral-mason | IDEA DRABBLE

MAIN POST

Comments suggesting insertion of related posts are welcome and encouraged.

Dividers by uzmacchiato.

[charlie990]

genuinely scratching my head rn because i cant get a good grasp on how large Beidou's Alcor is compared to notable sailing warships back here in real life

like deadass i genuinely need a picture of the Alcor and the HMS Victory side by side in a 3d modelling software, because otherwise i cant put two and two together with how confusing gun deck, main deck, and overall (with or without bowsprit) lengths are?

[charlie990]

◇ Birth of the Hydra ◇

SAGAU SMUT DRABBLE

CONTENT WARNING:

SEX

MINORS/AGELESS GET OUT

an amazing(dubious) idea hit my head like the second tower while hitching a ride on a motorcycle under miserable rain

so, Nefer can make shadow clones of herself, right?

... ahem, you might know where this is going but just hear me out ok?

i know genshin has a lot of mommy women in its roster but for the sake of this scenario, lets say that Creator is a massive fucking Nefer simp

even before they got winded up into Teyvat, they would constantly ramble, vocalize, whimper(???), etc. about their affection for Nefer while playing Genshin

hell, it kinda doesnt matter if Creator is piss poor or a damn whale, they fucking pulled for her banner no matter what

Literally everyone in Teyvat, even the Abyss knows Nefer is their Creator's kinnie, and everyone who knows her dealings have a good reason to be scared and keep their heads down because- come on, she's literally SUMERU CIA

so when Creator winds up in Teyvat, theyre up in the clouds imagining how and where they would meet Nefer when suddenly-

... they were out cold, and when the Creator woke up, theyre in a dark room tied up to a chair(kinky??? idfk depends on yalls)

and in the midst of their awakening haze, Nefer, their favorite character, their main, their kinnie, their ABSOLUTE DENDRO MOMMY, walks out from the dark to the dim light of the lone lamp hanging from the ceiling

"... A-Ah? Nnnh, Nefer...?" "You're finally awake, Your Grace. I've been waiting." "Wh- What am I doing here? I-I'm, wait- Nefer, I got nothing to tell you-! I just landed here in Teyvat! What are you gonna do to-!?" "Shhhh, I'm not going to hurt you. Far from it, in fact." "... And, what, is it...?" "Close your eyes, and simply let go for now, my dearest Grace~" "Oh- Ohhhkay...?" "... Now open your eyes."

... they would feel the ropes binding their hands to the chair come undone, and you know what meets Creator's eyes? Nefer and a quite a bunch of her shadow clones; they are probably scared shitless but also SWOONING and/or aroused right this moment

"My dearest Creator, I am very, very aware that I am your dearest acolyte. All of Teyvat knows, in fact."

... Creator blushes deep red because they realize that holy shit SHE KNEW THEIR RAMBLINGS AAAAAAAAAURGRHRHHFHFRHJCDK OH GOD OH FUCK

the Nefer harem slowly closes in on their Creator with reverence, passion, longing; each one of them uttering praises word for word, phrase by phrase

"I am your darkest shadow." "As you are my brightest light, Your Grace." "You made me stronger." "Gave me honor." "That no other acolyte has." "B-But-!" "I am the woman of your dreams, am I not~?" "I am the acolyte of your greatest affection." "Your deepest desire." "I am the woman you lust for~" "All I am and ever will be." "Anything and everything in Teyvat you wish to know." "I offer all of it to you~" "May you offer me all of you, Your Grace~"

right as the words that Nefer and her clones coo and whisper registers with the Creator (what with the fucking sensory overload of getting surrounded by her mommy in the flesh), Nefer herself claims their lips in a soft, tender kiss

Creator and all their tenseness just melts right then and there, and from then on, they get railed DRY

BUT, the thing is, the more a clone of Nefer has physical contact with the Creator, it gains some sort of energy from them that combines with her energy that comprises the shadow clone

and the moment the Creator's cum/fluids gets pumped inside the clone and/or lands on it, Nefer would feel her energy severed and restored from the affected clone and-

"... What?" "Oh my~ That was a wonderful climax, Your Gra-" "Who are you?" "What- Well, I'm supposed to be the one asking you that." "A-Ah...?" "You think you can match me, impostor?" "I am the real Nefer; I am Their Grace's beloved." "That is my title! I know how to pleasure Their Grace better than-" "Then how about I prove you wrong, impostor?" "Wait- Stop fighti-!"

theres two Nefers now, and instead of Creator taking a moment to resolve the issue through the haze of post-nut, they get bombarded again with pleasure as both horny-as-fuck Nefers and their clones rail them dry again

but then again, one, no- make it two clones get landed on by Creator's climax and, well... the best way to put it lightly is that it's a vicious cycle of sex, until either Creator (through finally getting every Nefer to somehow stop fighting) or the Nefers figure out that it's Creator's cum landing on their clones that spawn more Nefers

[charlie990]

The Director

DISCLAIMER: The following art contains an outfit that is associated with a rightfully now-dissolved party that has done atrocities in the past. The author of this blog DOES NOT AFFILIATE with the party and DOES NOT CONDONE its actions.

basically, i drew my worker drone self-insert

hat and no hat versions

[charlie990]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present a fanfic idea:

Cyn × FemHuman!Reader/OC × Yandere Absolute Solver

Theme song: Let The World Burn – Chris Grey

[charlie990]

what the FUCK GENSHIN????

naw what the hell they done put fontaine on a truck mudflap

[charlie990]

whats up guys im back from my months long coma (college), and i think i might have something brewing

you guys know faceclaims, right? you can either search it up, ask someone, or i can tell you

faceclaiming is using the appearance of someone in an already existing media as the exact appearance or, at the very least, an establishing baseline for the appearance of an original character

so chat, have any of yalls used genshin faceclaims for your characters?

so we all know the sagau scenario right? lets change it up, kay?

in this scenario, the good news is, you the reader are blessed with your phone coming with you in your isekai transportation, and youre not dressed as the creator or something, so the chances of you getting hunted by all of teyvat for being an impostor or some shit is reduced (but not zero)

but your clothes are, different. your hair is different, if you can see it looking down. if you do look at yourself through your phone's selfie camera...

your reflection is of a genshin character, which your oc faceclaims. whats worse, is that you spawned in the home region of your oc's faceclaim.

You're cooked. I dunno, it 75% depends on your character I guess??? Maybe Teyvat is cooked, for a change.

also, if you ever get through your first week in teyvat alive, youre gonna have flashbacks to the memories of your oc through dreams within your first month to first few years in teyvat

so if youre a sadist that makes your characters go through unimaginable trauma

ehe

[aventurineswife]

Yo this something related to SAGAU but not a request, just something I thought of

Why isn't there any Au's of the Creator fighting back and getting their revenge cuz God damnit All I can find is just Au's that follows the same concept over and over again, sure there a few that are exceptions where the Creator isn't hunted down and lives a normal life before getting caught bleeding gold or something but Damn An Au of SAGAU where the Creator fights back and gets their revenge with Good writing and everything Sounds good for Someone to write down

Yo, you're so real for that thought. Like, seriously—where are the fics or AUs where the Creator doesn’t just roll over and take it? The whole “hunted down, mistaken identity, oh no you’re bleeding gold” plot has been recycled to hell and back. It’s a vibe, sure, but the lack of diversity in the narrative gets tiring fast.

A Creator who snaps back? Who goes full divine retribution on the very world that betrayed them? Now that’s untapped gold. Imagine the irony—Teyvat turns against their god thinking they're an impostor, only for the real deity to reclaim their throne by force. Elemental Archons get humbled, entire nations brought to their knees, and the Creator isn’t just some scared outsider—they’re a divine force reclaiming what’s theirs.

And not just edge for edge’s sake. With actual good writing, motivations, emotional weight, maybe even moral ambiguity? Like—yes, give me the vengeance arc, but also show me the Creator wrestling with what it means to destroy a world they once loved.

Honestly, there’s so much room for depth in a “Creator fights back” AU and it’s criminally unexplored. Someone needs to write that. Or start a trend. Or something, idk.

[charlie990]

noting this for future reference

[aventurineswife]

Yo what I'm about to send isn't a SAGAU request but just a rant on something I found out after Reading Some SAGAU imposter au's

Do the people of teyvat got a way or even have common sense to identify if the Person who has the Creator's looks is the Creator or the imposter

Think about think about, when the "Imposter" Descends into the teyvat, Everyone gets mad and Hunts the imposter down with the "Imposter" Getting away or gets captures and one of the main things the people say is "How did you steal the Creator's looks" or "How dare you take the Creator's looks" like Bruh How did I steal their looks even tho I don't even know what the creator looks like or how I stole their looks bruh, If I had to steal their looks then I would have looked and find a Higher being entity to contact with Which is Nearly Impossible and Even If I manage to Get into contact with the Higher being, I would have pay A VERY BIG heavy price to Practically have the looks and powers of the creator which is practically impossible because the Higher being had to be old enough to see the Creator created everything and Descended into Teyvat and Having to be MUCH MORE strong than the creator but With the Creator being kind enough to all of its creations, I don't even think It would be bold enough to Have someone have their looks and would even kill on the person on the spot, But If I even managed to change my looks to like the Creator exclusively in Teyvat, That is Practically impossible to happen cuz The only Confirmed person or entity to see the Creator Descended is Morax aka Zhongli and He is Severely loyal to the creator and will kill anyone if they plan to steal the Creator's looks and If I even manage to change my looks in Teyvat that will happen if I manage to get contact and make a deal with Celestia (I think) and just like with the higher being, I would Have to pay a VERY BIG heavy price for that to happen and become the Creator

Straight up Check or read any SAGAU fanfics and see if the stuff I said is in there

Yo no—you’re so real for this. This isn’t even a rant, this is a straight-up lore-critical breakdown of the logic holes in some imposter!SAGAU fics, and honestly? I’m glad someone’s saying it out loud. 🗣️‼️

“HOW DID YOU STEAL THE CREATOR’S FACE?!”

That’s the thing.

HOW WOULD ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE CREATOR LOOKS LIKE TO BEGIN WITH?

If the Creator left Teyvat before or during its formation (or never fully revealed themself), then what blueprint are people using to compare the “imposter” to the “real” Creator?

Are they going off vibes? Dream visions? Divine instinct?? A painting some priest made off a gut feeling??

Because yeah, saying “you stole Their face” implies they’ve seen that face before.

Which, canonically or even spiritually speaking, is highly questionable. Most people in Teyvat have never seen the real Archons. Let alone the Creator.

“They look too much like the Creator to be real.”

Bro… that’s not a proof of guilt, that’s the opposite.

You’re telling me this random person shows up out of nowhere, with no known magic, no known source, no powers (usually)—and they just… perfectly match the divine being the entire world worships?

That sounds more like confirmation of the real Creator, not an imposter. Because:

Stealing divinity? You’d need access to ancient tech, forbidden arts, or beings older than Teyvat.

Replicating divine appearance without detection from people like Zhongli or Nahida (literal gods with insight)? Not happening.

Which brings us to:

ZHONGLI. THE. OG. 👏‼️

If Morax, the one Archon who likely had direct or at least inherited contact with the Creator, doesn’t immediately strike the so-called imposter down, that should be the end of the argument.

Same goes for Nahida, who can read minds and hearts (I think?). Or Venti, who canonically feels the divine presence in unusual places.

If any of them pause, or worse, hesitate when they see the “imposter”?

That’s a red flag that this isn’t some elaborate disguise. That’s probably the actual being they’ve been praying to for centuries.

And don’t even start on the theory where Celestia grants that kind of mimicry. If Celestia even suspects someone is trying to copy the Creator for malicious reasons, they'd be smited on loading screen.

So how would people actually know?

The realistic, consistent logic would be:

The Creator’s presence feels different. Divine. Strange. Their aura doesn’t match the world’s rules.

They can do things no one else can. Maybe glitching reality, uncorrupting ley lines, walking through domains without trigger traps.

Dreams, stars, and visions point toward them. That’s how most gods communicate—so signs would appear in fragmented, poetic ways.

Not:

“You look like a person we’ve never canonically seen—die.”

Final Thought:

Your whole analysis is grounded, honestly.

If a “commoner” shows up matching the divine face perfectly? That’s not evidence of guilt—that’s a miracle.

So yes. People in some imposter!SAGAU fics need to use actual divine logic, not just “you look too godly, therefore you must die.”

[charlie990]

noting this for future reference

[charlie990]

BEYOND THE VEIL

Disclaimer: Genshin does not belong to me. I do not promote any wrongs committed within this fanfiction. Whatever happens in this story stays within the bounds of fiction and should not be attempted in real life. Content Warning: Vomiting, Garbage Eating, PTSD, Graphic Violence, Implied Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Original Character

[ MASTERLIST | CH1 | CH2 | CH3 [INDEFINITE HIATUS] ]

CHAPTER 2 | ANOMALY

... Kim retched out the slimy slivers of meat alongside a smattering of bile on the pavement, the repulsive taste of rotten chicken tainting her tongue no matter how many times she spat and coughed. Her hands shook, and her thinning arms buckled beneath her weight.

She curled up into a ball and gurgled out a weak sob. Why? Why? What did she or her parents do to deserve this?

Why!?

Why!?

... Why...?

... Everything hurts.

Kim still remembered her parents' blank, lifeless gazes, their skulls blown out by the pistol held by that, that bastard.

She wanted to avenge her Mom and Dad, she wanted to cry, she wanted to scream and shout damnation at this fucking cruel unfair world for letting this happen, but she couldn't even croak out another sob as her eyelids fell heavy.

... She just wanted to disappear.

Every several nights or so, all of Teyvat would bear witness to a shower of blessings from the Universal Will. From the heavens far beyond the earth, shooting stars holding blessings for weapons and acolytes alike would pour down from the sky.

An acolyte would either be granted the Will's guidance or — if they were already under It — their attunement to the constellations above would be strengthened, thus letting more of Its power flow within them.

A weapon would either materialize in the hands of one of the Will's blessed acolytes for their use, or be used as materials to enhance other weapons in the hands of Its acolytes with Its strength.

But when Mona Megistus trekked her way out of Liyue through the Stone Gate on her way to Mondstadt City, she saw something different when she looked up to admire the evening sky tonight. Instead of the showers of blue, violet, or golden shooting stars she saw every so often-

A blood red streak slowly cast across the heavens, its glow flickering like a dying lamp amongst the gentle, dark blue hues of the canvas of Teyvat's heavens. The color felt like an omen of violence, descending onto the world that the Heavenly Principles claimed as their own.

A droplet of blood tainted with poison, falling into the still, untouched surface of this world.

Even as the red comet disappeared into the eastern horizon, the astronomer couldn't help but feel that something would happen. Not her getting ambushed – she could handle just fine against some Treasure Hoarders – but something big.

Something that would take Teyvat by storm.

If anything was to happen in the following next days, Mona thought that she ought to at least inform the Knights of Favonius what she saw tonight.

... The Greater Lord Rukkhadevata felt something that night. That was an understatement.

A pulse that flowed from the roots of the Irminsul, flowing up the tree like veins of rapidly growing vines. Its sensation, initially, felt like a violent cleansing flame.

Nobody heard her scream as her non-corporeal form collapsed.

But then the hellish burning petered out, eventually becoming, a gentle warmth? She, also felt, light. Invigorated. As if something had shed from her being...

'... My, corruption...?' Was all the Dendro Archon could utter as she held out her non-corporeal palms up to face her. Black liquid from the Abyss started filling her skin in flowing veins, converging towards her fingertips and seeping into the grass beneath her palms.

The grass died out instantly, but in their place, Dendrobiums only native to Inazuma just as quickly, each droplet of the Abyss a seed of the impossible.

'... No, only the Rightful-' Rukkhadevata realized what was happening to herself.

To the Irminsul.

To all of Teyvat.

The Heavenly Principles may have purged the memories of all mortals, but as the avatar of Teyvat's history and its fabric of existence, she never forgot her. After all, the Heavenly Principles came from beyond and usurped her, but in the end never got absolute dominion of this world and its laws.

Only she could turn the ichor of the Abyss into life.

The Rightful Creator had returned.

... She saw nothingness.

... She didn't know how much time had elapsed, all was just a void of pitch black.

Devoid of time. Devoid of space.

... And then, a light.

A piercing dot of white light that blinded Kim. What urged her to move forth? She didn't know, but she did anyway. Even when she couldn't feel her body to tell if she's moving, she still moved towards the light.

... Next to the light was a human silhoutte.

'Hello?' She called out, but no sound came out her throat.

As Kim got closer to the light, she started recognizing more features of the human beside it. They had long, indescribably long hair, colored like an iridescent night sky speckled full of stars, flowing like an endlessly gushing river into the void beyond the light's reach.

They were a woman, wearing pristine white robes draped over her body. On her form, countless golden accessories glistened brightly against the bright light, which she held in her hands. And to top it all off, this woman's head was crowned with a large, floating golden ring, from which eight spikes floated by like the palisades of a spiked crown.

... But her face.

She had her face.

Her own face, on someone else's head.

Albeit, the wrinkles and the two scars marring her face were absent. Her skin was pale and supple; a direct contrast to her own. Her eyes shone and glittered like precious gemstones, their color gently changing hues.

'Who are you?' Kim demanded her doppelganger, but just like earlier, not a sound came out her lips.

But as if hearing her soundless words, the ethereal woman with her face stopped hovering her hands all across the ball of bright light she held. It hovered in place in the void.

"The proper question is..." The woman spoke, her voice catching Kim off guard with how exactly alike it was to her own. The doppelganger turned to face her with a blank look, yet her eyes now suddenly glowing a fiery blood red light instead of the gentle, stirring hues within them.

"Do you remember who you are?"

Kim woke up with a start, sitting up with a tight grip on the a root of the tree she sat on. "... What the fuck was that!?" She cussed out under a breath, perplexed from this, this vision she had.

But then her instinct kicked in, and the armored patted all the pouches and pockets she had on her armor, clothing, and equipment to check if nothing was missing-

... Huh?

Something new was in her trousers, particularly in the right front pocket. She reached in-

Huh?

Grabbed the object within, and pulled out to reveal a smartphone?

Huh?

The contractor's head raced with countless perplexed questions, but above all, her muscle memory took over by having her glove hand click the power button at the side.

11:28PM. And a notification reading 'Welcome back, Rightful Creator.'

"I ffffffffucking need to walk." Kim figured that sleeping too long was causing her to tweak out in the weirdest Goddamn way, so with a mighty grunt from the heft of everything weighing her being, she stood up.

As she walked, the woman cleared out the notification and – with a moment of removing her right glove – unlocked the phone with her usual PIN.

She blinked. There's a signal coverage here? Kim didn't know how, or why, but dammit, she'll take it; she needed a map of this, this game world. But, considering she's definitely not dreaming nor in some afterlife, is this even a game anymore?

The Knights of Favonius had a rude awakening this morning.

Citizens, adventurers, and knights of the walled city alike encountered an anomalous plant phenomena in Starfell Valley this morning, and the concerned reports on it were piling as the hours ticked by. Acting Grandmaster Jean had appointed Amber to investigate this, so here the Outrider was, briskly heading out the gate that bordered the outside from Mondstadt proper.

"Unusual vegetation appearing is a rare occasion, but it happens. The odd thing, is why are there so many reports this morning?" The brunette wondered aloud as she clutched the pile of written reports in both hands, rifling through their contents; they were all consistent with one another. "Of the same phenomena, nonetheless-"

The Outrider simply turned left after crossing the bridge, and there it was.

The grass and bushes around the path leading towards the Whispering Woods had all but wilted, lying as dry husks on the dirt. But along the middle of the beaten road where no plants bloom, was a big linear bed of flowers.

Dendrobiums, glowing under the sun in all their crimson glory, far from the bloodbathed fields of Inazuma where they only bloom.

Amber could see right in front of her eyes the grass rot and the lycoris bloom right after, the pace like that of something walking on the ground. The sight was like a cursed blade, carved slowly and deftly across Mondstadt's soil, leaving a bleeding, necrotic cut that gnawed on the very earth.

《♤》

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm sorry bruh life has been busy for me recently aurgh, but blegh, finally got back to this after months! Yippeeee!!!

[writing-prompt-s]

A king who doesn't really want to and isn't able to run the kingdom properly catches wind of a noble woman who wants to kill him to take over and he realizes she is extremely competent so he decides to propose to her to save everyone the hassle and they have a surprisingly healthy relationship.

[charlie990]

[babybluebitchface-blog]

those fuck ass animatronics would not have stood a chance against this absolute god

[bunniotomia]

I summon the FNAF community

[charlie990]

he would NOT stand a chance against all the endoskeletons in TJOC attacking him at once

[charlie990]

bro im speechless; me writing a shitpost level sagau crackfic is my most popular post so far

[admiral-mason]

Raining Blood and Steel (Ultrakill x Genshin Impact)

Thanks to @charlie990 for coming up with an idea for the title!

Idea based on @valeriele3's Live Stream post

Reader is Gender Neutral

Warning: Violence and gore. Also Hakita saying things that he likely has never said.

0-5 1-1 << YOU ARE HERE 1-2

MONDSTADT /// FIRST BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND STRAYS

REAL STRUCTURES CLASH WITH A FAKE WORLD.

(A/N: Whomever guesses the title's reference gets a cookie)

You surmised that it took around two minutes to finish your elevator drop.

Eventually, V1 and V2 landed on the elevator's ground floor with two sturdy thuds. Somehow, the long drop didn't give you any negative effects or ailments.

V1 placed you on the ground and she looked squarely at you. "You ready?" She asked and you simply nodded with a slightly concerned expression.

As you stepped forward, you noticed that same black-and-white splotched terminal at the right side of the elevator. Deciding to approach it, it booted up and displayed a tip of the day.

Tip of the Day: Hell may have difficulty attempting to convert some individuals. Protect them!

This intrigued you, and V2 as well; he responded with: "I guess even Hell has its limits I guess. Maybe it's because this is a different world or something."

Swapping over to the weapons tab, you noticed that a new variant for your revolver was unlocked: the Marksman for 7,500 points. You hesitated no time in buying the weapon, and suddenly your dual revolvers were gone but now you had a revolver with four coins in its little display section.

You tried flicking your right arm and a coin suddenly flicked into the air. Afterwards both V1 and V2 witnessed your attempts to shoot a coin before you did it... after 10 tries.

"...Here's an idea, [Name]. Why don't you just flick your coins, then yell at us to shoot them for you?" V2 replied with a little bit of deadpan in his voice.

"Sounds good enough..." you replied, finally stepping towards the elevator's exit doors and into the first "level."

Your chat was forced to watch you screw up your coin shots from your perspective. Discourse ensued.

johnifer donated $0.69: This guy trash bro

feetusdeletussthenyeetus: fr fr (I don't get it)

valeriele3: Guys be nice to them! Video games do not boost actual aim.

johnifer: SHUT UP WOMAN

TERMINAL_069: Is this normal?

Adm!ra1-M4son: Sometimes.

Then, when you exited the elevator, everyone witnessed the first "level" you and the two V machines entered.

Immediately, they saw Mondstadt's bridge leading to the game's all too familiar city of freedom, but screen-like walls blocked every other pathway meaning that the only way to go is forward.

Text then showed up on the stream screen:

MONDSTADT /// LIMBO /// FIRST HEART OF THE NORTHERN WINDS

NaviaLover291 donated $1.00 Limbo?

johnifer donated $0.69 It's the first layer of hell, sinners brought here are supposed to suffer in a fake world

You approached the gate and it slowly opened to reveal a town square with a supposed four-way street. Speakers playing wind and bird sounds hid behind even faker trees, with holographic leaves covering nails on poorly-impersonated logs. A fountain sat in the square, but its water was holographic.

Looking in all directions, the right path was dead, but the left and forward paths led elsewhere.

The left path led to a red skull pedestal blocking a circular doorway with red markings, meaning a red skull was present. Back at the town square, you then decided to take the forward path which led to a stone hallway with unopenable doors. V1 decided to scout forward and she slid through.

And then when she entered the next room, it led to filth, a few drones, and four streetcleaners spawning.

V1 wasted no time and she immediately pulled out her shotgun and began projectile boosting at the filth. Meanwhile, you tried coin-shotting some of the enemies while running around but failed to hit your coins. Luckily, V2 took out a revolver and shot two of the coins you missed.

The coins flew into two of the drones, which V1 and V2 managed to dodge.

DESTRUCTIVE + ASSISTEDRICOSHOT x 2 + ASSISTEDRICOSHOT x 1

0329: Teamwork makes the dreamwork!

Mike: That is a bold-faced lie and you know it

feetusdeletussthenyeetus: very relatable, every time I was in a group project back in school my groupmates always forced me to do all the work

"Thanks V2!" You said before switching to your dual revolvers and shooting at the remaining filth chasing your friends.

DESTRUCTIVE + KILL + DOUBLE KILL + KILL

Once the enemies were cleared in the now blood-covered room, the doors to the next room opened, and you three entered a wide hallway with tavern-like elements.

"Angel's Share..." you muttered before the doors leading here locked up and a few strays, soldiers, and another large group of filth spawned. V1 and V2 wasted no time clearing up the enemies, the former abusing a sawblade launcher with magnets and the latter utilizing a familiar red rail cannon to blow up a cluster of filth. All you could do was dash around and shoot at random targets V1 and V2 would kill anyway.na

DESTRUCTIVE + KILL ASSIST + KILL ASSIST + DOUBLE KILL ASSIST + KILL ASSIST

V1 and V2's bloody carnage painted the floors (and you) red and with nothing left for you to kill. "No kills for me?" You jokingly asked.

Makitasbookshelf: V1 and V2 got the experience lol

3929: Don't worry! You're only just getting used to it!!

However, when you noticed a red pedestal rise from the ground, you didn't wait for a response as you walked up and took the red skull from its pedestal.

Retracing your steps to the town square, however, you were greeted with an unexpected sight.

You were greeted by the sight of Bennett and Razor attempting to dodge the shots of a group of three drones. "What are these things?!" The former yelled as the latter tried to attack the drones with his elemental burst, but they kept flying off and retaliating with their shots. "Purple things... annoying!" He yelled, before dodging another shot.

Wasting no time, you slid into their view and shot up the lesser machines, parrying them away from the two Mondstadtians so the drones' kamikazes failed.

DESTRUCTIVE + PARRY + KILL + PARRY + KILL + PARRY + KILL

Unfortunately, after the drones died, a Malicious Face spawned in.

"Ohhhh crap a Maurice!" You screamed as you swapped back to your dual revolvers and shot at the thing. As it fired hell orb projectiles at you, V1 returned the favor by shooting them with her sharpshooter revolver, causing them to explode.

DESTRUCTIVE + KILL ASSIST

Unfortunately, one of the projectiles exploded near you. "Ow- shit! Fuck!" You screamed, lying on the floor. "Sorry!" V1 said, before moving close to you and denting her arm again to let blood spill onto you.

"Wha- you don't have to do that..." You awkwardly said, your hoodie now drenched in V1's blood. "It's fine!" She responded. "I always help those on my side."

With your wounds healed, you turned to Bennett and Razor. "Hey. How have you two been holding up in here?"

Bennett looked a little off-put at how V1 let her blood run on you. He was about to speak up until Razor spoke in a hushed voice. "So many scary things! Green things, purple things, white things..." his voice grew angrier when he said the next part. "They killed Lupical! Bad things!"

Bennett nervously continued the conversation. "Yeahhh... what Razor said. Buncha strange figures started attacking us. Killed Razor's wolves, and they nearly managed to get me when I knocked into a food cart!"

"Then follow us," V2 responded. "We know how to get out of this situation." You then placed your red skull on its unlock pedestal and entered the red door.

Unbeknownst to you all, Ultrakill's Discord was in panic mode.

Users flooded every channel with theories and thoughts on your livestream. Throughout the discourse, Hakita put out another message regarding the situation:

"This is as wild to me as it is to all of you. I do not know how anything of this magnitude is even conceivable, let alone possible."

A group of users had gotten to watching your livestream in a voice chat.

"Bro V1 and V2 are just stealing this mofo's kills," One user said, watching as V1 and V2 cleared out a group of filth and strays with malicious railcannons. Another user, seeing you miss your coin shots, exclaimed: "OH MY GOD JUST HIT A SHOT ALREADY GOD DAMN!!!"

"Maybe use something other than your revolvers?" V2 remarked in a deadpan tone. "You have a shotgun, you know."

"Oh I'm stupid-" you responded before pulling out your core eject shotgun. Immediately you just devolved to projectile boosting at any enemy you saw, which didn't give you much style but at least you got some kills.

CHAOTIC + PROJECTILE BOOST + PROJECTILE BOOST

"He's just like me fr fr" a third user said.

...Bennett and Razor mostly stood idle as they watched V1 and V2 obliterate everything in the room.

The next few rooms, consisting of a windmill room, a forest room, and a plains room, relied more on machines and demons such as malicious faces than husks. This also made your job harder; malicious faces were immune to explosions including projectile boosts. Thankfully, V1 and V2 still handled most enemies while you mopped up anything they missed.

Also, Bennett's bad luck decided to strike in the plains room. He attempted to kill one of the streetcleaners with his sword, but he missed his strike due to the machine moving a bit to the left. The flamethrower machine beeped with a blue flash...

...only for two hitscan shots to hit the fucker two times in the head, killing it instantaneously. "You alright?!" You yelled with your dual revolvers in your hands, running up to Bennett among the carnage to help him get on his feet.

"Yeah... thanks for the save." He said, smiling. "Thanks for the save, whomever you are."

"It's [Name]," you responded with a goofy grin. "Just call me [Name]."

Bennett's expression then molded into one as if a lightbulb went over his head.

"Hang on, you're that guy who controlled the traveler!" He exclaimed, much to your confusion. "...Oh fuck self-aware Genshin is real-"

"Everyone kept calling you 'Your Grace' though... Fischl told me that it had to do with you creating the world or something," he continued. "But you look very ordinary to me! Like, aside from your strange clothing, I can't really sense anything divine on you at all..."

"N-Not that I'm trying to offend you or anything!" He finished, rubbing his head a little. You chuckled in response, telling him that you're fine and that he shouldn't be worried about that.

Finally, after clearing out a few more rooms of lesser machines, the five of you approached two doors with a skull on them.

The new room was octagonal, with small carts and vendors arranged neatly around the walls. Also located in this room was the elevator to the next level, but a large, familiar, and dreadful statue buried in the ground blocked its path.

The hideous mass emerged from the ground and immediately assailed the three of you with its mortar arms. Dashing out of the way, you immediately assaulted the hideous mass with projectile boosted shotgun rounds. V1 and V2, with their superior arsenals, used screwdriver railcannons to fire two screws into the massive demon.

"Get the corkscrew blows!" V1 yelled, and you immediately punched at the two screws the two V machines fired.

CHAOTIC + CORKSCREW BLOW + CORKSCREW BLOW

V1 and V2 decided to dish out their entire arsenal, with the former hailing cannonballs and firing saws into the foul demon while the latter hit the thing with a pump charge impact hammer. It didn't go down as fast as it did in the base game though...

"I bet Hell infused this bastard with some shit!" V2 angrily and snarkily remarked.

Meanwhile, all Bennett and Razor could do was frantically dodge the demon's mortar rounds. Miraculously, they never got hit once, although they did get covered in a lot of blood.

"I didn't think my bad luck was this bad!" The former yelled. "This isn't bad luck, it's an eldritch abomination!" V2 responded.

And then the demon used its shockwave attack. "Bennett, Razor, jump over that unless you wanna lose your legs!" And thankfully, they both did. Then, the hideous mass used its clap attack, which thankfully hit no one.

...But then the giant demon decided to hit you with its harpoon right at your chest, which although you could heal via blood did not take away your ability to feel pain.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHH HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING BURNS!" You howled, frantically punching at the harpoon to force it to retract back at the hideous mass. This greatly angered you and once it got back upright you dashed toward the demon's belly and simultaneously punched, slapped, and shot your shotgun at it.

CHAOTIC + BITCHSLAP + BITCHSLAP + DISRESPECT + DISRESPECT + BITCHSLAP

Unfortunately, then the demon decided to enrage.

BRUTAL + ENRAGED

The hideous mass flipped its torso over and frantically fired hell mortar rounds everywhere. Thankfully, its exposed weakspots meant that all three of you could assault the thing at once. After a bit more barraged fire, you got the final shot and caused the thing to sputter and leak blood before exploding.

BRUTAL + BIG KILL

...It also covered all of you, including Bennett and Razor, in blood.

"Eugh, this is gross..." the former said, and the latter huffed and agreed. "...I hope you two get used to it," V2 responded. "Because there's going to be a whole lotta blood..."

"Yeah, me and this red guy known as V2 over here are basically powered by blood. I'm V1 by the way!" V1 waved at Bennett as if the current situation was just a normal day.

As the elevator to the next level opened up, Bennett and Razor looked a little mortified but shook it off. "...Okay..." The former responded. "You three... strange. But you three help us! Like Lupical!"

As you approached the elevator, however, you realized that you weren't sure if Bennett and Razor could survive the long falls. "Guys, uh, I don't think Bennett and Razor would be able to survive the long falls..."

"...Fuck you're right," V1 and V2 responded simultaneously. However, the doors then opened without anyone approaching them, showing that the insides had an actual elevator instead of just a long drop downwards.

Entering the elevator, there was a note which you picked up. It read:

e n j o y y o u r r i d e . : )

"...Yeah, this is fine." You simply said before beckoning everyone to head in. The internals of the elevator were akin to that of an actual elevator, but with no buttons or keypads, just a screen.

Then once everyone entered the elevator, the doors shut... and then the elevator headed down at the speed that V1 would normally drop.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Bennett yelled as he and Razor clung on to each other, although you and the two V machines remained unfazed from the experience.

1-1: BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND STRAYS: COMPLETED

A/N: This series is finally back after a while. I actually suffered a little bit of writer's block for this. Bennett and Razor weren't actually meant to appear initially, but I added them for fun.

A/N 2: Is my writing by any chance faltering? Lemme know because I'm open to criticism.

Taglist: @valeriele3, @bunniotomia, @feetusdeletussthenyeetus, @quantoom

[charlie990]

epic upload as usual

tho lemme guess something, does V1 having a female voice happened to be inspired by Mirage (that alternate V1 wearing a highschool uniform)?

[charlie990]

< ● >

Crack SAGAU Plot Drabble

A/N: Sometimes, there are times that random crack SAGAU plotlines pop into my head and I can't get them out of my head. If I decide to make a series out of these writing shitposts my brain cooks, this is gonna be the first of that series. Enjoy :3

< II >

c h i p

Idea: Creator!Reader winds up into Teyvat just in time for a festival in which the seven nations converge to celebrate their wonderful Creator's blessings all across their lands. Only issue is that a certain specific someone has a big appetite and started eating in the middle of the offering rites.

< ▶ >

Today was the day. Just about every soul on Teyvat has made pilgrimage to the Grand Chapel, built onto the side of the mountain north of the Opera Epiclese in Fontaine, a massive temple dedicated for the worship of its Creator.

Walking amongst the crowds from Mondstadt, you gaped up at how ridiculously tall the front doors of the chapel was, how the gigantic building was made of the finest marble and filled to the brim with golden linings. It blew your mind how Teyvat's civilizations have dedicated so much time, effort, love, adoration to this being!

A God that didn't even exist in Genshin's canon. Which was kinda weird, but hey, anything could happen when getting isekai'd to another world, nothing you can do about it-

You made a double take as you saw the golden statue far, far up front at the end of the curved stepped floor.

... Was that, what you think it was?

That was a whole ass fifty foot tall golden statue of you.

You.

Wait, this has gotta be a sick joke, right!?

"Hey, keep moving!" Someone shoved you forward, almost tripping you up on the velvet carpet that ran down the chapel's center. Shit, you're stuck here with just about the entire world's population, who apparently worship you, you of all people!

You weren't even a Genshin dev in Hoyo, hell, you couldn't even write decent, consistent worldbuilding if it meant saving your own life!

You hurriedly took a seat on one of the countless pews in the chapel, your stomach grumbling softly after hours on end of striding. Well damn, that's just inconvenient. You removed the pack hung over your shoulder and opened it. As all of Teyvat settled down and the Seven Archons started with the rites, you took the window of opportunity to pull out-

... Huh?

A large bag, of your favorite chips...?

Which you summoned to existence in your hand just because you craved for it right in the moment.

Huh??

Nah, to hell with it, you were getting hungry anyways. Just hope that nobody points out your eating while the opening ceremony of this holy festival, for a God that looked exactly like you-

RIIIIP!!

You pulled a little too hard and your bag of chips cleaved in half, a deluge of the thin snacks erupting on your lap, with some landing on the floor.

You cussed under your breath as you bent over to snatch up the chips on the floor in front of you; the five-second rule still applies even if you're in Teyvat.

After you quickly ate up the floor chips, you then picked up the ones that fell onto your lap and showered them bag into their bag, before you finally got back to your peaceful, eating...

... Why, was it dead silent in the chapel?

You ate a chip, and the crunch of your chip being ground down by your teeth echoed across the entire place. You looked around.

Why was everyone, everyone looking at you?

Your favorite character(s) was/were looking straight at you, having been interrupted from walking down the center aisle about to make offerings to the statue of you.

Oh no-

ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

< ■ >

[bitebitekxll]

Physical Catalyst

Notes: Years ago I read an isekai fic that referred to guns as ‘physical catalysts’ which is where I got the name from (haven’t been able to find it but I’ll link it if I do) but the rest are just my own musings about a reader with a gun in Teyvat. Also first attempt at making a divider, but I think it’s kinda cool

So whether it’s SAGAU or regular isekai, imagine reader is in Teyvat, no one knows they’re not from Teyvat, and they have a gun.

This in and of itself isn’t a big deal, most people carry weapons in this world and tons of them have guns. But the thing is, they’re not the same as real world guns, are they?

Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but every case of guns we’ve seen in genshin (pyro fatui skirmishers, Chevreuse) shoot out what looks like elemental energy. Maybe they’re bullets infused with elemental energy, like what we see with the arrows for the bow users, except the bow users can still shoot regular arrows. We never see the guns shoot regular/non elemental bullets.

Which is why my theory (that might be pulled apart in a future update but for now…) is that they don’t exist. Teyvat guns are capable of shooting elemental energy, maybe fuelled by the wielder’s vision/delusion or maybe using some kind of pellets, but they are not equipped to shoot with the force needed to make a regular bullet be of any use.

So when reader shows up and has a gun from their world? Oh boy. A handgun is no weapon of mass destruction, but anything that can take down a lawachurl in one well-aimed headshot will terrify Teyvat’s inhabitants. I mean, their guns do damage too, sure, but it’s a relative amount. A burn from a shot of pyro, a shock from a shot of electro. The concept of a gun that can instantly kill someone, quicker and easier than an arrow? Using a tiny piece of metal that isn’t even sharp and doesn’t explode? You are going to throw entire nations into chaos.

If word gets out about it, you’re gonna have law enforcement from across all the continent investigating you, not to mention the fatui— be prepared for the harbingers to be hunting down your ass trying to get their hands on such a powerful weapon

Of course that’s only if you let the cat out of the bag. Use your weapon away from prying eyes, and you’ll probably be fine. Dead hiluchurls tell no tales, after all. Or men, if you’re more chill with murder.

It probably wouldn’t be too hard to find a metalsmith who could take one of your bullets and make more. Though I wonder what explanation you’d give as to what it is, without giving away the ‘deadliest handheld weapon in history’ thing.

Idk I just think the introduction of bullet-operated guns in Teyvat is interesting, might write some stuff for the different characters reactions to it at some point

[bitebitekxll]

@bunniotomia (couldn’t get the reply all in one screenshot so just gonna quote it)

Is it bad that I’m dying of laughter??? Like full bellied maniacal witch cackled at the panic that would ensue. I can imagine myself in this scenario. I can imagine it’s after I’ve seen this post and decide “I should hide this” and then I see razor or benny or some other character I love in danger and I bust out the blicky and a single pop and all danger is gone. But now everyone’s freaking out cause they heard the pop, maybe saw the flash and if they were close enough they heard the wiz of the bullet… but they didn’t see it. So some loud, invisible force just killed a monster instantly and they don’t know how to handle that information. Me in the situation would try reassuring and calming people lest they think I’m some overpowered apocalyptic threat. Me irl is dying at all the crazy shit they would probably think. That or just a moment of quiet after they see someone use a gun and then in the blink of an eye Teyvat descends into chaos, everything’s on fire and they’re just panicking. Meanwhile I’m trying to figure out how long I was standing there spaced out while things went to shit

YES!! YOU GET IT YOU SEE THE VISION!!

Also holy fuck didn’t even think about that yeah, they probably wouldn’t understand that the funky lil device in your hand is the cause of mobs dropping dead. Watch people think you just have the power to blow up people’s heads with your mind. If it’s not SAGAU with the whole ‘you’re a god’ thing then, oops, you’ve convinced them you’re one anyways, have fun~

If I had any ability with a sniper I would abuse tf out of that tbh. Imagine all the psychological warfare you could wage on any characters you don’t like by ‘helping them’ with their enemies from a distance (aka me making Dottore tear his hair out trying to understand what spontaneous combustion phenomena he keeps triggering)

[bunniotomia]

@bitebitekxll You’ve made it worse. Now if I do drop in I’m imagining a sniper load out. Like random sniper rifle, access to the inventory full of ghillie suits for different biomes BOTW style. This thought literally triggered by the Dottore section. Cause now I’m stalking him in the ghillie suit from a distance. He has that uncanny feeling of being watched. Maybe he sees the flash from the uncovered sight attachment but he doesn’t know what that is, and when he went to the hill there were nothing but random sand piles. Oh wait no, one of them is me in a ghillie waiting for him to leave. And he does cause he doesn’t know that’s possible.

Now he’s about to leave to terrorize some children but first he gotta slay these hilichurls and he hears a pop (cause even though we got a silencer those things still loud af) and suddenly the one he was looking at, head just explodes and the same starts happening to the others.

That’s right we gaslighting the characters with the stealth gear now. We no longer have to worry about them knowing it was us cause we’re a ghost at this point and they think this weird shit is their faults

[bitebitekxll]

You 🤝 me

terrorising that blue bitch

[bunniotomia]

New imagine. @bitebitekxll we drop into Teyvat together and are just the ultimate menaces. Like we may be 2/4 horsemen of the apocalypse for them. Do we start together or do we each end up in different nations and if so where you starting and what’s your loadout?

[charlie990]

AINT NO WAY I LITERALLY JUST OPEN TUMBLR AND SEE THIS ENTIRE DISCUSSION I AM BOILING WITH JOY RN

look, listen yalls, i have an oc who is a modern day mercenary utilizing modern guns and tactical equipment, and she is the baddest bitch around (in her timeline) rocking a ten-year listing at the FBI Most Wanted list

LEMME JOINNNNNNN THIS IS GONNA GET GOOD I JUST KNOW ITTTTTTT

[bitebitekxll]

@bunniotomia 4th horseman unlocked

[bunniotomia]

@bitebitekxll the wholesome horsemen like you said

[bitebitekxll]

@bunniotomia They were the third, no? Then oc mercenary is 4th (unless I misunderstood smth I’m tired rn lol)

[bunniotomia]

Nope mercenary is 3rd, beep never confirmed.

…We should raffle off the last spot. Or at least like interview the last one

[bitebitekxll]

Ahhh I see

Well the horsemen was your idea, so I’ll follow your lead, as long as they too are an avatar of chaos

[charlie990]

INTRODUCTION

Enter Kim; full name Kimberly B. West, alias Janitor. She has had a miserable life ever since she was 13, has a deadly streak across the world and listed in the FBI Most Wanted (these will be elaborated on if needed), and died by getting shot right between her eyes. What a way to go at 32.

Only thing is, she's alive, somehow. In the world of a game she vaguely remembers she's only played in passing and then dropped just after a few months of playing. Kim, even though she doesn't believe in gods or fate, believes that her arrival in Teyvat is another one of life's sick fucking jokes with her existence as the punchline.

LOADOUT

WEAPONS:

SIG MCX SPEAR LT [16" barrel, 5.56×45mm NATO] - Precision Armament M4-72 muzzle brake - Magpul AFG-2 foregrip - Aimpoint CompM2 sight - FAB Defense AG43 pistol grip - SIG Sauer 1913 folding stock adapter - Heckler and Koch HK E1 collapsible stock - GunWraps Vietnam Tiger Stripe Vampire Red wrap SIG P220 ELITE [4.4" barrel, .45 ACP] - Trijicon RMR Type 2 sight Eickhorn KM200

EQUIPMENT:

Standard Kit - Rys-T ballistic helmet - 6B45 Heavy ballistic vest with Granit hard plates [GOST BR5] - 6B51 elbow and knee pads - Assault pack 32L backpack - 6Sh122 gloves - Fragmentation grenade(s) - Smoke grenade(s) Specialized Equipment - C4 explosive pack(s) [1-3 bricks per pack] - Remote detonator - Sledgehammer [10lb head, 36" handle] - Fire axe [3.5lb head, 32" handle] - Ballistic shield [NIJ Level III]

MECHANICS

Kim's loadout comes from a pocket space that only she can access; she doesn't know how or why this works for her, but it's convenient and better than nothing. Her selection vaguely acts like Call of Duty's loadout slots, which subdivides her hammer space into two.

The first space is what she would call the 'active', the items from which she can pull out anytime and anywhere with just a flick of her hand at empty air, and likewise phase out of existence. The second is the 'storage' space which can only be accessed if Kim brings out all of her items in the 'active' subspace.

SLOTS AND HANDLING:

PRIMARY - SIG MCX [TWO] SECONDARY - SIG P220 [TWO/ONE] MELEE - KM200 [ONE] - SLEDGEHAMMER [TWO/ONE] - FIRE AXE [TWO/ONE] - BALLISTIC SHIELD [TWO/ONE] LETHAL - FRAG - C4 TACTICAL - SMOKE

[ THE DEAD MAN WALKING. ] [ NOW ROAMS TEYVAT'S SOIL. ] [ AS A HORSEMAN OF DEATH. ] [ THEY GIVE. THEY TAKE. ]