Andrew's Dad Too

This was a blog for my first born son, so he wouldn't miss out on the advice from a younger version of his father. Now it's a blog for both of my sons. I started it for Charlie in 2012. Three years later I brought it back to life for my second son, Andrew.

[charliesdad]

The Things Your Kids Should “Never” Do

Andrew, I think about writing things for you all the time buddy. Beleive me. I’m just barely staying above water with three of you right now though. Anyway, it works out well, because my advice is maturing. That goes against the point of this blog. But I’m still in my 30s so I think we’re good! ;)

So there are some things people will tell you they “never” let their kids do. Like eat at McDonald’s, watch TV, play video games, or see a nude scene in a movie. First, I’ll say to you, “never say never,” because you never really know what you’ll do until you start having kids. And second, I’ll say to not be so firm in your stance on what’s right and wrong. Instead, be flexible and open-minded.

As I’m typing this, the three of you are chilling out watching some cartoons. As I’m watching you, I’m remembering when I was a kid. I’m actually feeling how much I enjoyed those evenings, watching TV while my mom made dinner. I can distinctly remember how quiet the house was, and how comfortable I felt on the couch. In other words, I am recalling a good memory. One that relaxes me today just thinking about it. Let the scientists say what they will ... that can’t be bad.

Just last night I watched a movie with you and your brother. It was called “The Shape of Water.” You fell asleep, but your brother stayed awake and eventually there was a nude “sex” scene. I put sex in quotes because it was basically just a girl naked hugging a kind of man-fish. Haha, that doesn’t sound good as I’m re-reading this, but just trust me that it wasn’t a big deal. Just check out the movie and you’ll see what I mean.

Anyway, of course your brother asked me what they were doing. I kind of froze for a second, but then I realized there was an opportunity there. I told him that when people are in love or care for one another, they sometimes get naked and hug. Too much for a kid? I don’t know. What I know is that no one associated love with sex when I was a kid. I learned about sex from music and stupid shit my friends said. I don’t think I associated sex with love until I was married.

There’s a lot of shit that can mess kids up. And things like TV and fast food are a couple of them. I’m realizing now, though, that if I shelter you guys from it, I am missing an opportunity to mentor you through it.

Kids are going to experience the world. You can’t keep them from anything. I’ll go one further and tell you it’s probably bad to try. No one cares about you guys more than your mother and I do. For that reason, I think we’re probably the best people to expose you to the parts of the world so many are trying to hide from you. Your little minds can handle our adult explanations, and I am finding that mine are way better than some of the explanations you will undoubtedly receive as you get older. 

When you guys are teenagers my hope is we won’t need to have the “sex” conversation. It will be one of the many topics you have grown up understanding, and my hope is that you will be a better person for having such a deep understanding of that topic and many more.

[charliesdad]

Two men stabbed to death on Oregon train trying to stop anti-Muslim rant

A man fatally stabbed two passengers aboard a Portland, Oregon, commuter train after they tried to stop him from harassing two young women who appeared to be Muslim, police said on Saturday.

Being street smart is an invaluable talent. While it is most valuable in an urban environment, the ability can be extended to business, foreign travel, and to rural or otherwise unfamiliar places or settings.

A street smart person is keen at knowing when he is out of his element, and adjusts his behavior accordingly, often becoming less extroverted and more observant. She doesn’t second guess her feelings either. Instead she relies on those feelings to guide her decisions.

You see, street smarts come from the gut. And while gut feelings shouldn’t be relied on to make long-term or complicated decisions, those feelings are perfectly reliable for short term broad decisions. There’s no need to second guess a gut feeling to avoid making a poor long-term decision, because the goal is to make a smart short-term decision. It’s okay to make a prejudiced, cowardly or a rare immoral decision, if it’s the smart thing to do at the moment and in your present environment (and it doesn’t cause significant harm to anyone else).

For example, should you say something to stop a crazy guy from yelling at a woman on a train? It depends. Do you know where you are? Do you feel comfortable there? Can you rely on those around you to react with you? If you have been observant leading up to that moment and don’t know for sure, then you should keep your mouth shut.

Of course, this isn’t the right thing to do in general. You shouldn’t let people get berated by others, and it’s in our interest to protect one another in a civil society. However, in this case he’s not physically harming her, and doing nothing may get you all out of there safely. It sounds like a shitty thing to do, but consider this: About a month before I wrote this post, three men intervened when a crazy guy on a train started yelling profanities at two young women. The guy pulled out a knife and killed two of the men and nearly killed the third, who started the intervention by pushing the crazy guy. 

If the three men would have just kept their mouths shut, it’s almost guaranteed that the guy would have never touched any of them. They could have instead stayed until the women’s stop, just in case the guy did try to harm them. Instead, they chose to intervene, and in the process created a more dangerous situation. They also forced the women to witness two gruesome murders, which is way worse than getting yelled at on a train.

Things like idealism, courage, ego, and overthinking get in the way of being street smart. It’s not about how you look to the world, your friends, or even to yourself. It’s about how you look and behave in the environment you’re in at that moment. Learning to manage that in spite of contradicting feelings is critical.

Another mistake is thinking that because you experience something one way a few times, you can count on it always being that way. It’s a mistake many people make. Let’s say a neighborhood is rumored to have high crime, but you’ve been there a couple times and everything seems fine. That’s not a reason to stop heeding the advice. It’s still not your neighborhood, and until you live there and can make a better assessment, the smart thing to do is to continue to be cautious. 

Being street smart is largely about observation. And in order to observe you have to shut your mouth. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been with friends who go into new areas loud and oblivious to their surroundings. They draw attention, and miss out on all the changes occurring around them. By the time they reach a decision point, they have no information to guide them to a good decision. And anyone watching them knows more than enough to take advantage of them.

The goal in the end is to not be taken advantage of when you’re out of your element, and to not make bad decisions. It applies on the street, in the boardroom, and even in combat. And it’s a talent I want all of you to have in your back pocket for any situation you encounter.

(Note: I chose to make a point on a news story I have only read about. While I can guess the details based on what I know, the reality is I wasn’t there. To be fair, there may have been some circumstance that warranted the intervention. However, I chose that story because anything short of the guy physically harming the girls would have been reason enough to keep quiet, and it appears he wasn’t close to harming them. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about standing in front of tanks in Tiananmen Square. These men’s deaths didn’t serve a greater good for society. It was a small an insignificant decision, that would have likely been better for everyone if it had been more modest and street smart.) 

[charliesdad]

Life Tip #42 - How to Cook a Blinking-Eye Sandwich

This is a true Dad’s recipe, right up there with spaghetti and hamburgers. You have definitely seen me do it a thousand times by now, and I’m sure you have helped me at least half of those times. But just in case ... here’s how you do it.

1) Put the frying pan on medium heat with a bit of olive oil and let sizzle slightly.

2) Tear our the center of a slice of potato bread or rye bread ... give it to your son to eat.

3) Drop the slice in the center of the pan.

4) Have your son pull an egg out of the carton and hand it to you.

5) Crack the egg and drop it in the hole in the center of the bread. Break up the clear part of the egg just slightly to fall off the edges and cook.

6) After about a minute or so, flip the slice of bread with the egg and cook for about minute on the other side.

7) Remove and serve to a hungry kid. Over-easy is probably best.

Side note: I’ve seen this sandwich called a Devil’s Eye, Hole-in-One, Egg-in-Hole, One-Eyed, Moon Toast, Pop-Eye Eggs, and the list goes on. So far our family is the only one I have seen call it a Blinking Eye. I can’t tell you why buddy. Sorry.

[charliesdad]

A Way to Propose Marriage

Proposing marriage can be a stressful event. On top of all the uncertainty and fear, there is often the expectation to make it perfect and memorable. Some men spend days or months thinking of how to do it right, and then spend the entire day ensuring nothing goes wrong that sours the mood for the big event.

Men try to fabricate an environment which creates the "perfect” time, without any guarantee it will be perfect. Maybe she eats some bad Thai that day, or gets pissed at you for something stupid. Even if you pull it off despite all that, it is now enshrined in the memory.

I’m betting it could be easier and lovelier if you simply do what I ... propose.

First buy the ring and keep it on you, always. Go about your normal days. Enjoy all the random normal moments that lead up to the proposal. Appreciate the wonderful person you are about to ask to marry you. Then on that perfect day that happens every so often, no matter where you are, you propose.

It could be at a movie, walking down the street, or in your bed. It could have been after you lifted her up from a shitty day at work by taking her bowling, or after a romantic kiss on a walk home from the corner store. If you do it then when her emotions are naturally high in a true moment of love, I bet everything else will fade, emotions will overcome, and it will be one of the happiest moments of her life.

[charliesdad]

Thoughts on spanking (from an old friend of your dad’s)

I was privileged to be a Marine Corps Drill Instructor before having kids, which gave me a valuable perspective on rearing boys or young men. I use rearing in the context of discipline and effective methods of communication. With that said, when my first son was born my dad gave me the following advice– Invest time and discipline into your first child so that his siblings will simply follow his lead. This concept was held with the understanding that my first born will be a model for his siblings. This strategy worked in parenting my second child (a boy); however, something happened in our household, as far as the dynamic of parenting, after having our third kid. I became more lenient and understanding of things they would do. The caution is – Do not be so critical of everything the kids do, as to (among many things) stifle their courage to explore and discover in fear of getting in trouble. I learned that judgment and decision skills are gained by making not-so-good decisions which I like to turn into a teachable moments.

Back to my reason for mentioning my time as a Drill Instructor. In the process of transforming civilians into basically trained Marines, during the 3-month period of recruit training I had to re-teach topics related to values and re-apply discipline methods that reinforced teachable moments. Now these were 18-27 year old men that needed me to constantly repeat concepts and ideas I taught them. It was frustrating but I learned that when an idea was introduced, it was my responsibility to understand that I will or must re-teach it, as they were given an opportunity to apply it. Information without application lacks context, therefore, some grace was given to have a discussion about what was previously taught. With that point, at least in the way that I parent, conversations are conducted with my sons and daughter in the push up or plank position.

In my house, discipline is applied within an escalation of mentorship method– Talk; (if time related); Write 2-3 pages of a statement related to the issue; Go to Piggy Bank and pay Mom & Dad for time length of disobedience; Unlimited Push Ups/ Planks (based on issue); Spanking (has to be very serious issue). This works in my house. My wife and I rarely spank our children. Our oldest is 9 and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have spanked him.

We can’t look at a child’s actions (relative) as an offense on us as parents; however, what do we owe them in light of the issue is perspective. One single method does not fit all. The greatest test is of our work at home is their conduct while we’re out in public. Discipline starts and is conducted at home.

[charliesdad]

Letting Your Parents Become Adults Again

Andrew, hopefully one thing you will never hear me do is bitch about my parents. If I would have had you just a little younger, you likely would have heard me do just that. I was resentful, hurt, and confused about how my parents raised me. It affected my work, marriage, and personality.

Then one year I matured and let it all go.

I won’t pretend that it’s an easy thing to do, but I believe it’s necessary to fully enter adulthood. Some say you truly become an adult the day your parents die. I think it’s probably true, because you are forced to do adult things like forgive, forget, and be responsible for yourself in new and permanent ways. Mostly because there is no one there to (consciously or subconsciously) blame anymore.

But I also think it’s unfortunate. Learning to remove the pedestal and see your parents as regular people before they die can open the door to a new and satisfying relationship. I think it also gives parents the freedom to have a more honest relationship with you. Seeing them as you see yourself sheds some of the expectation, and keeps parents from “protecting” you from more honest conversations. Conversations that may help you understand much more about yourself.

It isn’t easy being a parent, and parents make mistakes. Children who choose to remind parents of their mistakes, or hold them to impossible standards into adulthood are somewhat selfish. It is immature. At worst, it encourages parents to develop a dishonest relationship with their adult child. They spent years trying to be a role model, set an example and protect you. It’s not easy, and they shouldn’t be expected to do it forever.

Neither of my parents are perfect, and that’s fine. They are part of me, and as an adult I enjoy the opportunity to know them as adults (and know a bit more about myself). Any expectations of them being a “parent” are gone now, and I think we are all a little better for it.

Note: I should add that some parents probably struggle with the opposite end of this. Perhaps they don’t want to be seen as anything other than the parent. Maybe they don’t want their child to grow up. I don’t know about this really, because I’m not there yet. But I can imagine it could be tough for a kid if a parent does this. Expectations go both ways, and parents holding on to expectations they had of their child well into adulthood are probably very stressful parents. I doubt I will do that to you. But if I do, feel free to show me this post and tell me to grow up already.

Second Note: The movie still in this post is from “The Big Fish,” which was a movie about a resentful son learning about his father’s life as his father neared death. I liked it a lot.

[charliesdad]

Should You Hit Your Kids?

Hey Andrew, today I’m going to talk to you about whether to hit your kids, or not. Remember that this blog represents what I have learned only up to the point I am writing it. When I wrote this post, you were two years old. This was my perspective ...

First and foremost you should know that I hit your brother for at least the first two or three years of his life. When I was younger (even before I had kids), I was sure it was necessary. I was someone who would pass judgement on those who claimed they would never hit their children. I was a product of how I was raised. I was hit, and I was generally well-behaved. It made sense. But with you I started to challenge the thought.

You didn’t respond well to being hit. It scared you, hurt your feelings, and didn’t really work. You forced me to try other methods. To be perfectly honest, you also made me feel like a horrible person for hitting my kid. Even saying it now makes me feel pretty shitty.

Anyway, I started talking to you. I would ask you what was wrong and you would almost always tell me, and then calm down. It was really interesting and very effective, as were other methods I tried. Of course those methods weren’t always effective, but neither was spanking. I started to measure the various methods over time, in a kind of cost/benefit analysis. What I saw was hitting was quick and fairly effective, and the other methods were effective but required patience, time and effort. That was when I learned the real reason I hit you. It was easier.

Like I said earlier, I passed judgement on people who were adamant about not hitting their kids. Probably because it made me feel bad about myself. Who knows? What I do know is no one ever made me realize I was taking the easy way out. No one ever said, “Yeah, hitting works, but it’s lazy.” Some people probably talked around it, maybe reading me well enough to figure I might take offense to the opinion.

So here’s what I’ll tell you.

Hitting is lazy Andrew. It’s the thing you do when you don’t want to take the time to try other techniques, or you are tired from a long day of work, or your kids are driving you up a wall and one of them pushes you just a little too far. If kids were adults, they would probably deserve to get hit for half the crap they do.

But they are not adults. They are your children, and they depend on you to teach them and be an example. There can’t possibly be anything wrong with being patient and making an effort to understand what is going on in their tiny little mind, and helping them through it.

It is really hard sometimes, but I personally have dedicated years to my career, education, and marriage. It would be sad to not give you ten times that energy ... and a tragedy to not even give you an equal amount of it.

All this said, I don’t think hitting kids is the worst thing in the world. And I don’t judge people for doing it. I only judge myself, because I know I’m capable of doing it another way. And you are to thank for that.

Be sure to rub that in your brother and sister’s face next time you see them. Especially Sofie ... she never got hit. ;)

[charliesdad]

Predicting the future is just seeing and describing the present condition at a faster pace.

Dad

[charliesdad]

Life Tip #9 - How to Fix A Tangled Mess

Okay, the header may be a bit misleading. There’s no real trick, just a better understanding of how this happens.

So most of the time when you’re looking at a tangled wire, rope, etc., your urge is to find the end and start to pull it out of loops. Most people keep doing this, and the free portion gets longer and longer until it’s completely undone. I used to do this, until I asked myself one day, “Did the wire get tangled in the same way I’m detangling it?”

It’s not possible, right? The end of the wire didn’t slide through loops over and over again until it was completely tangled. So I started to consider how it got the way it did, and noticed the wire was actually twisted. So I started to untwist it, bit by bit. I realized that what looked like the wire going through a loop, was actually three, four, or even six portions of the wire twisted around one another.

Once I started untwisting the wires I saw the process of fixing a tangled mess was actually much easier than I had thought.

[charliesdad]

Life Tip #13 - How to Change a Diaper

This may seem simple, but trust me ... it’s not. In fact you were the one that forced me to perfect my diaper changing skills! You were just full of it kid. ;)

1. Prepare your area. Don’t try to change a diaper on the fly. Even if you think it’s just a wet diaper. You never know what is in there, and you don’t want to get caught unprepared for “number two.” Always aim to change a diaper in a place where you can handle the worse possible situation.

2. Have your materials ready to go. This means have the next diaper out and ready to go, your wipes nearby and the container open, and preferably something to distract the kid (this will keep him from trying to launch into a poo-smearing roll or grab a handful of poo in the middle of the change).

3. Your first wipe should be with the clean part of the diaper. This means open the diaper and then take the front part and wipe as much as you can before you use wet wipes, and before you remove the diaper.

4. Use wet wipes with the diaper still in place. Wipe and drop the wet wipes in the open diaper. Finally lift up and wipe the back ... all the way back. Don’t think that just because diapers are meant for poo, that it’s all in the diaper. Check all the way up the spine ... there’s a good chance your son has some in the back of his shirt also.

5. Pull the diaper and put it in a safe place. Don’t bother folding it up just yet. Just pull it out of the way ... WAY out of the way. Your kid has a new toy if you put it to close. Even if he doesn’t see it, a good kick will show you want a infant’s heel looks like covered in crap.

6. Immediately put on the new diaper. I’m pretty sure fresh air stimulates the brain’s desire to urinate. So limit your kid’s moment of naturism to a few seconds at the most.

7. Close up the old diaper. Tuck the front in, roll towards the back, and then pull the stick straps around to secure the ball you’ve created.

Presto! You’re done. Good job, Dad! Now, go congratulate yourself on doing once what your wife has probably done already a thousand times.

[charliesdad]

Knowledge is Power

Hey Andrew, how are you young man? ;) Today I’m going to talk to you about metacognition, or “thinking about thinking.” By no means am I an expert on the topic, but I know enough to make a point that should stick with you. And that point, up front, is that those who understand how you think better than you understand how you think, have power over you. How so? Well let me explain.

Understanding how your brain works is useful to understanding why you make the decisions you make. Why do you want the things you want? Why do you choose to be with the people you choose to be with? Why are you reading this blog right at this very moment? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you may be handing over your decision making to people who do know the answers. And they are way ahead of you in realizing this.

For example, did you know that salespeople use techniques that take advantage of your brain’s desire to eliminate conflicting information? A salesman may ask you if you can think of a way a product he is selling would improve your life. You think of a way and your brain correlates your decision on whether to buy the product with that positive thought. In other words, you buy the product.

Your brain also discounts most of the sensory inputs it receives, and pays attention only to a select few at any one time. Thieves use this against you by causing an increase of sensory inputs in one area (hands, eyes and ears let’s say) in order force your brain to discount the sensory input of a hand reaching in your back pocket, or pulling off your watch.

Hypnotists, magicians, marketers, and interrogators all use scientific information about the brain to manipulate your feelings, thoughts and decisions. So how can you fight back against that?

Yes, my boy! Learn about these things yourself! Understanding how your own brain works helps you defend against those who might use your ignorance to their advantage. By becoming knowledgeable you take their power and make it your own. 

That said, what I have given you here is just one example of how knowledge empowers you. How many other ways can you think of becoming empowered with knowledge?

[charliesdad]

Work Tip #10 - Encourage Independence

I could take this post a few different directions, son. But I’m going to focus on one specific aspect of developing your employees or subordinates, which is giving them room to challenge your authority. And of course I have a story to go with it.

I once had an assignment in Iraq with an infantry company. I was the only guy there that didn’t belong to the company, and that kind of pissed off this Company 1stSgt. He was a real pain in the ass anyway, always yelling at the Marines for the smallest things. Nevertheless, I encouraged the Marines to respect him, while I tried to steer clear of him. He would prod at me occasionally, but I was pretty successful at keeping to myself (which was probably worse).

One night we had a target that I had positively identified, and we went after him. We caught him, and that led to other targets. We ended up running around the city all night, and in the end we captured a guy who had killed a Marine Major a couple of years earlier. I pulled back into the company position early in the morning, and crashed. A couple of hours later, this 1stSgt was banging on my door calling me by name.

I woke up and he took my grogginess as a sign of disrespect. He told me to get to “parade rest,” a command typically reserved for close order drill or boot camp ... and not in a combat environment. At the time I was a SSgt, and I refused to go to parade rest. He got in my face and screamed at the top of his lungs and then ordered me to his “office” where he tried to put me at the “position of attention.” Again, I refused and again, he got in my face and screamed. I supposed it pissed him off that he couldn’t exert physical control of me, and for the record I was wrong not to let him.

However, I had (and still have) a strong opinion about the matter. I see it like this: If you want your people to act like children, by all means treat them like children, scream at them for the smallest things, and force them to perform ridiculous tasks that have no purpose other than to make you feel in control. But if you want them to be independent thinkers with the conviction to follow their understanding of right and wrong ... well then you need to give them the room to do just that.

In the military, I wanted my men and women to be tough, smart, and have conviction. I knew I couldn’t have 100% discipline all of the time if I truly wanted that. I needed to give them room to challenge me, and be open to learning something from them as well. This concept, I imagine, was lost on the 1stSgt.

What bothered me, however, was the lack of Marine leadership willing to stand with me. Everyone from his Commanding Officer to my own Officer in Charge said he was wrong and an idiot, but said I should have followed the order, because that’s what Marines do. If they really wanted that kind of discipline, how could they expect a Marine to stand up when something is seriously wrong, or illegal for that matter? You can’t expect your people to exercise judgement and stand their ground only during the most dire of circumstances. You have to train them to do it as they grow in your organization. You have to show them you value their voice and decision-making early on in their career. You have to be confident and not let your ego ruin your ability to mentor and teach effectively. Luckily, I had leaders who did that for me.

I hope you read this and see how I did exactly this with you and your brother, and never stifled your independence just to protect my own ego.

[charliesdad]

Historical Figures Worth Remembering - Genghis Khan

History is ever changing, or I should more accurately say that our understanding of history is always changing. Genghis Kahn is a perfect example. When I was younger I learned he was an evil savage, responsible for killing, raping and pillaging a third of the world. I learned the word “Mongol” was a pejorative term reserved for the crudest kind of person one could be. It was almost as if Khan was so bad, he was barely worth learning about at all.

My understanding of Genghis Khan went unchallenged well into my thirties, until I finally read a book titled, Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World. The second part of the title is what caught my attention. In reading it I learned about the significant influence Khan had on our world, much of it positive.

International trade was his doing. In fact, the book says there was hardly one documented case of two cultures interacting from different parts of the world until Khan began an international trade market. Christopher Columbus ventured west to re-establish trade with the Mongol empire for the Queen of Spain. The Spanish didn’t know Khan’s empire had fallen and wondered why goods from far off lands were no longer coming to Europe. You could say Khan led to Columbus’ discovery of America (another history topic worth re-learning).

Khan established many laws we still use today, was the first to experiment with paper currency, and revolutionized warfare with horse-mounted attacks, fighting on ice, and even manipulating natural waterways to flood cities people thought were impenetrable. And unlike many other emperors, Khan died at an old age of natural causes in a small humble village where he was born.

Khan’s tactics were heavy handed, but it doesn’t seem that much he did was without purpose. His family often assimilated to the cultures of their conquered lands and rule of law was a common theme in his governments. Not to mention, when Khan began his reign Christians were burning each other alive in Europe. 

Khan is more than just some ignorant savage with a tact for fighting. He was one of the most intelligent and influential leaders in human history. If your schools are teaching you otherwise, they are probably wrong and it’s time to venture out and learn a little history on your own

[charliesdad]

Perspective

At some point during my military career I was deployed to Iraq and operated in a city called Fallujah. One specific mission required us to capture a target that was of interest to the US. We drove to a small village and went in on foot, with some limited rotary wing air support (helicopters flying overhead). While we moved in on foot, the helicopters buzzed overhead, and the infantry Marines looked up in awe. They commented on how “bad ass” it would be to be a helicopter pilot.

However, I had already spent a considerable amount of time in rotary wing units and I knew the helicopter pilots above were almost definitely commenting on how “bad ass” it would be to be an infantry Marine on the ground. It cracked me up actually, and I told the Marines the pilots were probably envying them. But it is hard for people to consider a perspective so far removed from their own. In this case, many of the Marines (including me) had probably never seen what a platoon of infantrymen look like from the sky. I imagine it is indeed a pretty “bad ass” sight.

And that’s the point I think, understanding how to manipulate your perspective without actually having to change it; to imagine a change in perspective in order to better appreciate your own position, or life for that matter. It’s an important aspect of living a happy life, and it also helps you to become a more empathetic person.

You want to try to be the Marine infantryman or pilot who appreciates how awesome his job is. You want to be someone who can see the positive aspects of his life and make the most of them while the opportunity still exist. Don’t wait for old age to give you perspective on the past, for that is sure to lead to a life of regret and sorrow over things you can no longer control or change.

[charliesdad]

Grateful Dead - New Speedway Boogie

If you read your brother's blog, you know I like music ... and I like to introduce you guys to various types. Before a week ago, I would have never introduced you two to Grateful Dead. One reason is because my father told me when I was young the band sucked, and the only reason they were popular is because a bunch of idiot stoners followed them like a cult. Of course I believed him. Another reason is because I saw a bunch of people in tide-dyed shirts following the band like a cult.

Last week, however, this song came on a random playlist I was listening to and I really liked it. Then I started listening to other Grateful Dead songs and I thought, "Damn, these guys are good." And I wondered how I could live more than 30 years without even giving them a try.

The lesson here is, don't listen to your dad. ;)

[charliesdad]

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach

I heard this phrase years ago, probably in the context of some kind of insult or slight at public teachers. It seems to typically be used in that light. To be honest, I kind of accepted it as truth, as is sometimes the case when a kid hears an adult go on confidently about politics and such.

However, when I was in the military I trained for a job that I later had to teach to new trainees. I had only done the job briefly in Iraq, and didn't feel as though I was great at it. But I did teach it well. In fact, I taught it better than most of the guys who taught it to me. I really believed then, that the insult was true. Maybe I couldn't do the job, and could only teach it. But something more important stayed with me.

I noticed the guys who were great at the job typically couldn't teach it to anyone. They grew frustrated and lacked the ability (or humility) to train someone who perhaps would never do it as well as they could. They were generally incapable of passing along their talent. More interestingly, they were incapable of doing what a teacher once did for them. It was then I realized teaching wasn't something incapable people resorted to, but rather a talent few people had.

So the phrase should go, "Those who can, teach; Those who can't, learn."

(By the way, that's Professor Stephen Hawking in the photo ... who is one hell of a teacher.)

[charliesdad]

A New Beginning

So Andrew, if you look at the post immediately before this one you will instantly learn two things about your father. The first is I can be a major procrastinator (hopefully you haven't suffered for this over the years). The second is that I almost named you Oliver ("Ollie").

Honestly, it was close. A lot of people liked Oliver, but I caved at the last minute (literally during your mother's labor) and chose Andrew instead. We thought we'd call you "Andy," but Andrew just sort of stuck.

So this is your blog now, or more specifically a blog you'll share with your brother. Sorry buddy, that's the deal when you're the second born. Who's clothes do you think you'll be wearing? :)

I'll continue the general theme, and pick up where I left off on some of the more specific ones. I waited a few years, so hopefully that gives you a dad with advice that is a bit different. I'd like to think I've learned a few things since having your brother, so we'll call the advice "slightly seasoned."

We'll see.

I look forward to talking to you, son. I hope, in the future, you get a kick out of having a conversation with your "younger" dad.