here we go

22 | tired | it’s a mess here y’all

[19891999-deactivated20221109]

[ohboy-herewegoagain]

I want Lil Nas X to do a cover of Santa Baby. He’d make it as suggestive as Eartha Kitt intended

[reversetimelord]

Step 1: fuck Satan

Step 2: fuck Santa

[susiephone]

when will YA authors realize that the mr. darcy fantasy isn’t “hot rich guy is a huge dick to you” but “hot rich guy fucking respects and listens to you”

[inkbleeder]

“hot rich guy only seems like a huge dick because he has the social skills of an agarophobic lobster.”

[bemusedlybespectacled]

“hot rich guy realizes he has some dickish qualities and works to improve himself solely on the merit of your criticism and not to win you back”

[thrift-store-tea-cup-deactivate]

“hot rich guy apologizes and also understands that his apology doesn’t entitle him to forgiveness.” 

[paxamericana]

[grendelsmilf]

it’s always “the moon looks so beautiful tonight.” it’s never “the moon is so loyal and diligent for never straying from orbit and always regulating our tides,” or “the moon is such a gentle soul,” or “the moon really has a great sense of humor.” ppl are so fucking shallow these days smh

[comradekatara]

[godstiel]

its twentying absolute two

[2uselemon]

⚠️flash warning⚠️

dolores just wants to sleep

[vegan-and-sara]

[capseycartwright]

me @ myself: fic writing is a hobby and you’re not obliged to do it if you’re not inspired

also me @ myself: you are WASTING valuable fic writing time!! you need to write!! or u will die actually! thanks!

[disgustinggf]

[wolserised]

me before encanto: haha there’s no way a disney movie will affect the trajectory of my life :)

me after encanto: 🎤 A 🎶 SEVEN 7️⃣ FOOT 🦶 FRAME 🖼 RATS 🐀 ALONG ⚠️ HIS 👨🏾 BACK 🔙 WHEN 👄 HE 👨🏾 CALLS 🗣 YOUR 👻 NAME 😧 IT 😮 ALL 💀 FADES 🎚 TO 😨 BLACK ⚫️ YEAH 😩 HE 👨🏾 SEES 👀 YOUR 👁 DREAMS 💤 AND 😨 FEASTS 🍽 ON 😳 YOUR 🖐 SCREAMS 😱 WE 🙌 DON’T ❌ TALK 🗣 ABOUT 👣 BRUNO 👨🏾

[andhjsndns-deactivated20201127]

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

first sessions with a new therapist

[decamarks]

To Mario

Auhfeiuh euyfi efjah aug eweu. Ufeygfi Tfeukfh uef euifka! Yfgkesheu YU efof Hfeuwue seu ef aufheilaskdfeef Ueiufgeiuhereiu gfodsihneu eufheisuh! eieug egoeaine ieg.

From Peach

[cerastes]

Peach: “This edible ain’t shit.”

Peach, 15 minutes later:

[ottermatopoeia]

mario receiving the gibberish note knowing damn well peach is off the shits

[honingpoes]

[jackafz]

Her stupid ass

[weiwux-nyan]

Ellen: I heard you miss Sasuke Uchiha

Naruto: More than words can describe

*sounds of a thousand birds and electricity crackling*

Naruto: omg Ellen you didn’t

[madaratheestallion]

[goodfortuneforever-deactivated2]

The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

[markets]

talks to a girl and is immediately hit with an 105 degree fever nausea chills etc has to lie in bed all day wiping sweat off my forehead with a silk handkerchief and writing about my illness in my diary like a malnourished victorian man

[reserve]

honey that’s not the girl that’s your moderna booster