祝日 / Permanent Vacation
AnasAbdin
noise dept.
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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trying on a metaphor
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Product Placement
occasionally subtle
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
YOU ARE THE REASON
almost home
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NASA
roma★
taylor price
RMH
Peter Solarz
i don't do bad sauce passes
d e v o n
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seen from Germany
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seen from Malaysia
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@chasing-mermaids
Humor me.
Maybe it’s time I take my writing elsewhere, now that I’m no longer doing it as frequently, and now that my life is a little more pointless I seem to have too many words I try to shout into a void but still secretly want to talk to somebody.
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sea breeze #comartsocMASASAhol Masasa Beach, Batangas | 05.26-27.2017
the best thing to do when the sea opens its mouth is to walk right in -sea breeze (n.d.)
thankful for this weekend
unplugged for the weekend, pt. 4 Summer 2017 Butong Beach, Taal, Batangas | 05.19-20.2017
Just some photos of me and my girlfriend Polyn (of 15 months!!!) at the beach, including a selfie I took after my shameful tantrum in a bus because of an argument we had, and some snaps of me in a black dress in the open ocean because we were supposed to go back to the apartment, but I insisted I dip my feet into the water again, and I ended up losing a slipper for a few minutes!!! STILL!! THE BEST!!! WEEKEND!!! EVER!!!
YEEEES FINALLY HAD TIME TO UPDATE MY BLOGS
unplugged for the weekend, pt. 3 - manang & manongs of taal Summer 2017 Butong Beach, Taal, Batangas | 05.19-20.2017
Some of the people we met, including downstairs apartment neighbors at the place we stayed in!
YEEEES FINALLY HAD TIME TO UPDATE MY BLOGS
unplugged for the weekend, pt. 2 - crowds Summer 2017 Butong Beach, Taal, Batangas | 05.19-20.2017
The people at Butong Beach, both during the sunset (above - May 19, 5:30PM), and the morning after (below).
YEEEES FINALLY HAD TIME TO UPDATE MY BLOGS
unplugged for the weekend, pt. 1 Summer 2017 Butong Beach, Taal, Batangas | 05.19-20.2017
So it’s been a long time since I last posted. I haven’t had much time to practice with my camera lately, but here you go! This was the most wonderful weekend that I’ve had, and I spent it at a beautiful, quiet beach in a small barangay in Taal, Batangas. We stayed at an apartment listed under Airbnb (it was our first time to use the site), and we pretty much got our money’s worth. The beach probably the prettiest among other beaches in Batangas, but there was no doubt it was beautiful. Besides, I was able to go swimming without dying because the ocean was a lot calmer than the ones in other spots. Plus points for the fact that we were able to leave our stuff on the shore without any of them getting stolen!
YEEEES FINALLY HAD TIME TO UPDATE MY BLOGS
06FEB2017
Weekends at my house are terrible. Everyone is always on edge. There’s no weekend without any spat or argument between people in my family unless we spent the day without seeing each other. It’s so tiring. One moment, we’re minding our own businesses and the next, there’s a silent stand-off. It’s what I hate the most. There’s almost never any screaming, just silence. Silence so tense you can feel everyone’s frustrations and failures hanging heavy in the air. You can count each angry huff but you won’t, because you’ll be running to a place where no one will hear you cry. You’ll count your tears, instead, and maybe the number of times you stop your head from hitting the thin, plywood walls bound to make a sound and put a pause on everyone else’s palpable exhaustion.
I’ve grown to resent the low hum of my life that commences each day, and the way that I have to accept it just the way it is, because there truly are some things you can’t change--unless you force them to.
People talk about making sacrifices, and I know exactly what specific things I have to sacrifice if I want to wake up one morning as someone who is not always looking for a way for the money to be enough, for there to be food on my table and not worry about there is any back home--these sacrifices include medications, doctor’s visits, treatments, and of course, the very lifeline of my mother. No amount or lack thereof of money will ever be enough reason for me or my family to give up my mother, of course. I know it, my father knows it, my brother knows it. We’re all ready to live day-to-day in a slightly more difficult life just to have my mother around.
My father is ready to work tirelessly to have just enough money to get by, never fully enjoying his salary, never fully enjoying a few hours of sleep. My brother has long since stopped trying to prove his worth to my grandfather, and has taken the sacrifice of looking like a fool who doesn’t want to go to school, in exchange for the truth that he stopped going so he could spend more time with our mother, and to lessen the financial burden for my father, especially since we still had an even younger sibling with a learning disability and special needs. I admit it is I who has given the smallest sacrifice--my sanity.
I take a two-hour bus ride to the university every week and stay in an apartment and get up every morning to wonder whether everyone back home is safe and alive and well. It’s pathetic. On some days I’m crippled by the thought that something bad has happened, especially when my mother nor my father have not texted me for days. In class, I think about how my brother would have loved to give a speech about his favorite basketball player, or how my father would have loved to travel in a place rich with history. And then I go back to thinking about whether my mom took her medicine on time, or if my father even had enough to buy her more. My anxiety keeps me from working sometimes, and I shake as I sit and slowly crumble in disappointment at myself. I should be the strongest, I’m the eldest, after all.
Why did I delay myself from getting my degree? Why did I have to be so ambitious that it cost me a year. Months from now I could be helping my father out by finally getting a job, but that’s not what’s going to happen because I’m not finished with school yet. My only job right now is to pass my subjects, yet I still can’t do it at times. I think too much of losing my mother in between even more thoughts of going home to a family no longer of five, each small possibility gnawing away at small parts of me until they rot and I shake again. Would I get there one day with my father having finally given up on his exhaustion, or my brother having given in to the pressure and feeling of worthlessness that some of our relatives have made him feel? If I were to lose any of them, how would I be able to take care of my sister whom I selfishly sometimes wished didn’t exist at all? How could I even think that? I keep thinking and thinking and thinking until I get home, that all I’m left to think of when I get home on the weekends is, will we ever be a family again?
“AFRO” Paint Tool SAI x Wacom Intuos3 10JAN2017
This is a skin study I made for when I finally got to install Paint Tool SAI!
Art by me follow me on instagram and twitter for updates!
“SIREN” Photoshop x Wacom Intuos3 31DEC2016
This is a sample art print which I will be selling at #Elbikon2017!! I'm thinking I'll do a couple of these in this style (poem + poetry). Also watch out for zines, and if there's enough luck, merch like tote bags might (MIGHT) also become available for pre-orders. Registration for the aforementioned convention is until January 15, btw, so if there are any of you who also want to be exhibitors, just head on to @glgcomics for deets!!
Art by me follow me on instagram and twitter for updates!
Ella Purnell, photographed by Ash Kingston for Wonderland, Fall 2016.
dear god
“San Junipero” Photoshop x Wacom Intuos3 26DEC2016
I LIVE FOR YORKIE AND KELLY
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“MerMOM” Photoshop x Wacom Intuos3 25DEC2016
A week ago, my mom asked me for a portrait of her as a mermaid. I decided this would be my Christmas gift to her! I did not make a background anymore since I think I still need lotsa practice. Who knows, maybe I’ll revamp this artwork in a few years.
Art by me follow me on instagram and twitter for updates!
“Holiday Sadness” Photoshop x Wacom Intuos3 24DEC2016
This is as festive as Sadness gets, I guess. At least she tries, right? She even wore Christmassy pizza socks!
Art by me follow me on instagram and twitter for updates!
breakfast
Since I went back to Manila for the holidays, I’ve worked long hours on my pen tablet, long enough that the sun is up whenever I finish an artwork. I lie on my bed a couple of minutes and wait for sleep to settle in, but then the smell never fails to hit me: our neighbors, and I never find out if it’s my uncle’s family or my grandparents, always starts frying hot dog’s at around seven-thirty, just before I fall asleep.
The smell of breakfast from a household that’s not mine is one of my triggers now. I’ve come to realize that maybe this is why I was persistent in my resolve that I would grow into someone who wasn’t a morning person. Maybe this is why I unconsciously avoid breakfast time. Bacons, hotdogs, eggs, and fried rice...
My mom used to wake up at six in the morning with me, to ask me to get ready for school, and whether I wanted corned beef or Spam for my packed lunch, or both. Now she wakes up at four in the morning on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and has my dad help her down the stairs even though he hasn’t slept a wink yet. She up this early for her dialysis session, and on the days in between she wakes up at eight. She can’t cook breakfast anymore, just as she can’t do other things such as stand up too long, sit down too long, lie on her side too long, be at the mall too long, and other things. My family and I had not eaten breakfast together in a long time.
“Baby Moana” Photoshop x Wacom Intuos3 14DEC2016
I watched Moana last Monday and fell in love with the soundtrack, the culture, the animation...everything!!! Now I sing How Far I’ll Go during my shower concerts.
Art by me follow me on instagram and twitter for updates!
“Emily” (Corpse Bride by Tim Burton) Photoshop x Wacom Intuos3 12DEC2016
Fun fact: Emily is my favorite cartoon/animated/stop-motion film character of all time! The story even affected me a lot personally because it was about keeping promises (!!!). It taught me that we should never joke about “promising” things to someone, because you’d never know just how long they’d be willing to wait once you gave them your word.
Art by me follow me on instagram and twitter for updates!
