Hello There @cheaters-never-prosper-blog1 - Tumblr Blog

I feel so broken

So empty inside

I can't do anything right

Empty

Feeling empty.

Nothing left.

Why do I do this.

Background friend.

Not wanted.

I don’t know anymore.

Is it even worth it?

God, I am so annoying.

#poetry #spilledthoughts #empty

My Fault

I stand, peering into the horizon coated with millions of shades of orange, red, and yellow.

“You need to recognize your own problems.”

I slowly walk towards the edge of a magnificent cliff, the steep incline feeling overwhelming.

“I don’t know what to do to get through to you.”

I finally reach the edge of the cliff, and I blankly stare.

“What is wrong with you?”

I finally take the leap of faith.

Will this end my pain?

#my fault #poetry #spilled words

Never-Ending Loop

I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Let me out of this never-ending loop

of stress

and sleepless nights

and not feeling good enough.

High standards I cannot achieve,

Accompanied by lonely times of bitter self-reflection.

Never-ending loop,

please stop.

I wish it would all just go away.

#neverendingloop #poetry #spilled words

A dream I had

I had to document this somewhere, yet I wasn’t sure where that should be, so I decided to just put it here for safe keeping.

Last night I had a dream. I was visiting my grandparents and we walked into their living room, where my grandmother sat. She looked at me for a moment, staring into my eyes with great wonder. For a moment, it felt as if she felt guilty about something. She pulled me in tightly for a hug, quickly let out a sigh go relief, and whispered into my ear,

“I am so proud of you.”

She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about 4 years ago. She has not known who I am for any of my teenage life, and she does not remember a single thing about me or my family. I don’t really remember what she was like when she was lucid, so it came as a shock to me that she would be like that, even if it was just in a dream. Hearing those words from her in any capacity were such a comfort I cannot even begin to explain.

Sometimes I secretly wish she was lucid, even if only for a moment, to see me and talk to me. I wish I could tell her I loved her and she’d know I really mean it. I wish I had those memories that my family member hold so close, of her cooking and singing and laughing and being the woman they all once knew.

Please, hold your family members close and tell them you love them and ask them as many questions as you possibly can while they’re still here. I miss my grandmother more than words, even though she sits right beside me.

Gone

I ended it.

Me.

Not you.

Yet why do I feel so empty?

We went out, talked often, and kissed.

You were so sweet.

But I had to end it because it didn’t feel right

But why,

Why can’t I have what everyone else has?

That type of happiness where nothing matters.

I am afraid to say that I am not upset about the breakup,

I’m upset that the relationship didn’t begin with happiness.

That we weren’t meant to be.

That it feels like I will never find my person,

and it’s all a lie.

That the love I hope for doesn’t exist.

Please,

Help me find it.

#gone #poetry #spilled poetry

Hold Me

Why am I so alone

Someone save me from crying

Hold me so tight my tears can’t escape

Why can’t I find love

Just hold me

Please

#poetry #holdme

Numb

I feel it coming

My entire body feels weak

The numbness crawls up from my toes

To my scalp

Taking away everything

Please, be kind

Don’t do it again

I just want to feel again

I am nostalgic of those times

When I had but a care in the world

#numb #poetry

Wait

I can feel it creeping up on me

Ready to rear its ugly head

At any moment in time

To capture all of my attention,

Take away all of my happiness.

Why now?

When I thought I was so happy.

Maybe it is just another facade.

Just wait a little longer

Before you rip everything away from me

With your cold, unfogiving hands.

I don’t want to go into the darkness again,

The light is so much more comforting.

Why must it be this way?

Please,

Wait.

#wait #poetry

Grey

Some days

I just feel grey

and that’s

All I have

The strength to

Say today.

#grey #poetry

Hello again

I’ve been away for quite a while; I am sorry about my leave of absence. I have been dealing with some of my own problems lately, from school to just life slapping me in the face.

Thank you all for following, liking, and reblogging my posts. I wholeheartedly appreciate it, since I have never gotten any type of recognition for my extremely unorganized poetry (which is practically just words spit onto a page). Thank you for listening to my feelings, and thank you for accepting me.

Please, again, feel free to ever send me a message if you need anything.

Love and appreciate you all, so much.

X

Monster

I look in the mirror

And see the silhouette of the person I used to be

Once bubbly,

Filled with life,

Now empty,

Craving any success.

I am surrounded by people,

yet why do I feel so alone?

It feels like I am just surviving each day.

I want to be living.

My best friends don’t talk to me.

I am nuisance to everyone.

How did I let it get this far?

So far that I feel like I can rip my hair out at any moment

So far that, sometimes, I just stare at my ceiling,

Not talking to anyone for days.

Why am I like this?

Why did I become the one thing I feared most?

A monster.

#monster #poetry

Kryptonite

All of your empty promises

The lies,

The deceit.

Will it ever be enough for you?

To see me crumble once again?

You are my kryptonite,

And I will never be able to escape

Your tight, unwavering grasp.

#kryptonite #poetry #spilled poetry

Hypnotized

What is this that I am feeling?

Is it a “friend crush?”

It sure feels like more.

I could never understand why you drew me in

One look and I was

Hypnotized.

I imagine us,

Together,

Yet I know that is not reality.

I see you in my dreams

And in my wildest fantasies.

I just want us run away together.

Yet, it is all just

A big dream

A figment of my imagination.

But, feel free to

Stay a little while longer.

At least,

In my dreams.

#hypnotized #poetry

Breathe

I

Can’t

Breathe

Can’t

Hold

My

Head

Above

The

Water

Someone

Save

Me

#breathe #poetry

Poison

It’s eating away at me

My personal poison

I feel my skin peeling off my body

My bones slowly decaying

Into a thick,

White powder.

Why is it so difficult?

Why do I rip my hair out?

Or hit myself when I do wrong?

Why must I not be good enough?

I try my hardest,

Yet it is never good enough.

Tell me,

When will I get a sense of relief?

Some sense of peace?

Please, let it be soon.

#poison #poetry

Him

He draws me in

His voice captivates me

“Come, my child, follow me.”

I can’t help but feel

my life is worth something,

anything.

Yet I acknowledge that this is just

His veil.

His way of roping me in,

Of making me feel

loved,

Before tearing me back down again.

“Why must I be like this? Why can I not run away?”

I feel the rage running up my body,

Filling it with a darkness I could never possibly comprehend.

“Do not fret, my child, you are safe with me.”

I cannot stop it now

I feel myself

Being inexplicably drawn to him,

No matter my resistance.

“Please, don't make me go.”

The tears string down my face

There’s no point in fighting it now.

I finally accept my defeat,

And reach for his outstretched hand.

As our hands touch,

He disappears.

I fall to the ground,

Surrounded by my own grief.

I should have known

Better.

#poetry #him #spilled thoughts

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