val

22 she/her // icon by bloominflowers // mdni heated rivalry

[checktheboards]

i also like to think that ilya would get really into internet culture in the floptropica way. like shane would say “idk sometimes i dont wanna go all the way underwater in the lake. what if there’s brain eating amoebas?” and ilya would say “… clairo shade…”

[gaygoatshane]

shane after vegas

[vesnuszki]

„Ooh what are those?” Marley leans down to the wooden floor by the sofa, and picks up three Polaroids.

AKA another bit I wrote for TPACU (The Polaroid Agenda cinematic universe).

Ilya Rozanov has a box of pictures that absolutely no one, aside from two people, can ever know about. The first person is himself, obviously, since he is the perpetrator of all this damning evidence. The second is Shane Hollander, the sin and the crime himself. 

Ilya revisits the contents of the box frequently, like watching his favorite movie over and over again.

He remembers the first night they did this, a surprisingly emotional twist to an otherwise quite erotic journey. He always looks at that shot of Shane first, spread out on the bed, fucked within an inch of his life barely fifteen minutes before. Years later it still fills him with warmth, he might have not known yet back then how special that moment was, how lucky he was to capture that frame at this exact second. There is a date on the back of the plastic square, way too early to carry this much weight. 

Until this day it’s one of his favorites and believe me, there is a lot of competition.

There are dozens of photographs in his collection. Ilya likes to lay them out on the coffee table of the living room of his Boston house, one by one, chronologically. Even though there are dates at the back of each one, he knows the sequence by heart. This is a love story - he likes to think. It’s a carefully documented choreography that steps inevitably from darkness to light, from bedside table nightlight to the beams of morning light casting white stripes on naked skin.

A knock on the door snaps him out of his horny nostalgia. He nervously shuffles his hand over the pictures, sliding them from the table back to the box, then gets up to see who’s at the door.

„What are you doing here?” Ilya feels like a teenager who got caught masturbating - red handed, if you will. He’d deny this but his ears go a bit pink.

Thankfully, Cliff’s not the overly perceptive type, he breezes right past Ilya, slapping his arm on his way and barges in like he owns the place. 

„Just poppin’ in. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something” he says, walking towards the living room.

„Marly, this isn’t the best time,” Ilya’s erection flagged barely two minutes ago. 

He sees Marly walk toward the coffee table, where the box still sits. He focuses so much on grabbing and snatching it away before Marley does that he doesn’t notice that some slides had fallen on the floor when he was sweeping them off the table.

„Ooh what are those?” Marley leans down to the wooden floor by the sofa, and picks up three Polaroids.

Ilya can feel his heart pounding in his chest, his thoughts racing: this is it, it is done, it’s out, it is over and I am dead.

„Sit down, Cliff” Ilya murmurs, resigned.

He does as he’s told, and he doesn’t notice the flex on Ilya’s forearms as his grip on the wooden box tightens. Marley slowly lays out the pictures one by one, on top of his right thigh. 

Marley doesn’t notice either the soft sigh of relief that Ilya lets out when he sees the pictures clearly. None of them show Shane’s face, which is great. All three of them are clearly pictures of a naked man in an extremely unambiguously sexual setting, which is not ideal, but Ilya can work with that.

„Okay, let’s unpack this,” Cliff says. Ilya remains silent. He wants to let Cliff talk, to feel out what he actually thinks he’s seeing. 

Cliff’s eyes keep running down the films, up and down, 1, 2, 3. 

He’s looking at an assembly of images he didn’t think he’d ever find in his captain’s home. 

He’s looking at the bare traps of a dark haired man, muscles flexing, skin glistening with sweat, his face buried hidden in the pillows, his waist bracketed by Ilya’s knees. There are thin angry red stripes across his back and it takes all of Ilya’s willpower not to get hard again as his mind supplies an echo of the crackling whip.

The middle shot is different, taken from some distance, it shows a man lying in dark sheets, bare ass up, face hidden in the crook of his elbow. This one was taken in the daylight, the yellow glow of the sun dancing on his skin. Ilya’s heart skips a beat when he sees it. This was the first time they slept together. 

In the third picture a man is on his front, legs spread, arms crossed under his back. He is covered in cum, dick hard, framed by a dark cloud of sticky pubic hair. The frame is neck to knee, and the man is wearing a familiar jersey - Boston Raiders jersey, Cliff realises, ridden up obscenely to reveal the tight muscles of his belly, and a giant dark bruise fully formed on his left side (second favorite, Ilya thinks).

„Am I looking at snuff? Is this what you do?” Cliff asks, and Ilya notices his tone has changed. He sounds nervous now.

„What’s snuff?” Ilya scrunches his nose at the unknown word.

„You know like, are these real bodies?” Ilya swears he hears Marley’s voice shaking.

„Of course it’s real, Marley, how else would I have taken the pictures?”

„Oh, so you’re what… a serial rapist… serial killer?”

„What the fuck” Ilya says loudly, louder than necessary, probably. Then, all at once Marley’s reaction starts to make sense. He was scared because he thought Ilya was killing people. This dickhead’s first thought was murder before it was consensual intercourse.

„Oh bodies like… Marley, first of all, one guy, second of all, he is not dead… he has an erection in this one for god’s sake” Ilya points to the third picture helpfully „Which also should probably give you a hint that he kind of enjoyed it.”

Marley hums thoughtfully. 

„So, not a serial killer then” he says, flatly, clearly still in shock.

„No.”

„So-”

„So, I’m seeing a man, Marley” Ilya cuts in, exasperated. Best off to not drag this out and provide a clear, straightforward explanation to what’s going on. They’re past games and trickery.

„Oh, so you’re, like, what, bisexual?”

„You got that one right.”

„Wait, Roz, this is your jersey…”

“Yes, Cliff.”

“You’re dressing your hook-up in your shit? That’s what gets you off? Is this like you’re getting fucked by yourself?” Ilya bites his tongue before he ends up explaining the entire dynamic out loud in front of another living human being.

He tries to offer a shocking bit of information instead, hoping it would distract from any follow up questions:

„Not a hook up, Marley. We’ve been seeing each other for some time.” he breathes out, voice steady. He’s taken aback by how good it felt to share that. “Besides, do not act like this is that weird, you literally thought I murdered the guy just three minutes ago!” 

„And your man is okay with dressing up as you to fuck you?”

“Marley, please -” he sighs, but it doesn’t seem like Marley is satisfied with his answers. An idea forms in Ilya’s head then, and a bitchy grin blooms on his face as he fiddles with the clasp on the wooden box “If you do not let this go, I will open this box, lay it all on the table here and show you exactly how okay he is with it. And I got years and years of material.”

“Fine, Rozy. Jesus. No more questions. Wait - years?”

Fuck.

[bambicoded]

[peachyjude]

sorry i cant stop thinking about ilya in this outfit

with shane on his lap a la this gif of jude law in wilde

like. shane probably high or a little tipsy just tucked into ilya’s neck lowkey horny as fuck in his little shorts and tank and tube socks at a summer get together. and the cens are just like 🧍👁️👁️ haha……. okay…..

[checktheboards]

i am just really and truly obsessed with the thought of hollanov staying up way too late post-sex with the giggles. neither of them are saying anything that anyone else would find even remotely funny, but they’re riffing and their stomach muscles ache from laughing, they’re in tears, and every time they go quiet… a beat passes… and they’re laughing all over again.

eventually they’re both like Ok we have to sleep now seriously it’s 2AM. and they lay down and snuggle up next to each other all quiet… and then one of them brings up something the other said earlier and rinse and repeat. if you mention my run-on sentences and excessive use of the word “and,” i’ll hurt myself.

[0xeyedaisy]

Yeap. Playing evil sudoku

[boobcareer]

i am going to suck you off! *puts in plastic vampire teeth and gives you the worst blowjob imaginable*

[assignedilyaoftheday]

your assigned ilya of the day is the most endeared he's ever been, btw

[checktheboards]

just listened to mitski for the first time in yrs and i

[put-a-keep-are-you-foo-dell]

[checktheboards]

one of my favorite fics ever had a surprise mystery twist to it and id really like to see that in a hollanov fic. however i’ve realized i have commitment issues so i don’t think it’ll be me writing it

[cannissmajor]

doodles of how i imagine shane and ilya will look in season 2! the concept of the show being set in my hometown makes me feel dizzy i can’t believe ottawa is cool now. lmk if you have any questions about ottawa because i’m unfortunately an expert.

[checktheboards]

also hollanovlings will be three girls. if i had access to my ipad i’d draw em myself but alas the damned thing is broken. anyway, three girls, stair-step in age, with curly hair and shane’s eyes and ilya’s sharp toothy smile. one’s named irina of course. there’s a goalie, naturally, and there’s one that’s a vicious center like her dads, and then there’s a figure skater.

ilya and shane are wrapped around their fingers. of course they teach them everything there is to know about hockey. after they retire they coach girls hockey but they do their absolute best making sure their figure skater gets just as much attention as her sisters do. i have too many thoughts about this for one post

[checktheboards]

the hollander-rozanovs are a hockey family but they also give the opportunity to play other sports. swimming/diving? soccer? lacrosse? volleyball? dance? gymnastics? shane says it’s because being active is an important part of life, which is true, but ilya tells other parents its because the girls have so much energy that it’d kill him and shane if they didn’t tire them out.

[checktheboards]

also hollanovlings will be three girls. if i had access to my ipad i’d draw em myself but alas the damned thing is broken. anyway, three girls, stair-step in age, with curly hair and shane’s eyes and ilya’s sharp toothy smile. one’s named irina of course. there’s a goalie, naturally, and there’s one that’s a vicious center like her dads, and then there’s a figure skater.

ilya and shane are wrapped around their fingers. of course they teach them everything there is to know about hockey. after they retire they coach girls hockey but they do their absolute best making sure their figure skater gets just as much attention as her sisters do. i have too many thoughts about this for one post

[checktheboards]

another pikebaby announcement comes and ilya says “omg girl use your butt” and jackie finds it absolutely fucking hilarious but hayden and shane are mortified

[checktheboards]

ilya “no more being funny. because of woke” rozanov

[checktheboards]

another pikebaby announcement comes and ilya says “omg girl use your butt” and jackie finds it absolutely fucking hilarious but hayden and shane are mortified