shenanigans in 20s

me versus life

[cheddarxx]

no thesundaycurrently

i cant write tsc tonight or even earlier this day. too busy voting at mwave. too busy overthinking and the fact that it’s monday again tmrw, i hate it. 

now listening to suga’s the last. you know whats going on, right. right?

how can a 93 liner like me is so successful

everything is not really how it supposed to be

look how they pursue their dreams

please tell me what to do

moving on 

everything will end soon

[cheddarxx]

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY

 TSC: VOL. 3

 I guess this is the perfect time to write my volume 3 since the weather is very inviting. I went home Friday night from heaven knows where and I got here almost 12 am and that was pretty normal for me, though. Another reason to love my job. I didn’t know why I even include that here, like that doesn’t make any sense.

 Anyways, currently:

 READING tweets and articles regarding BTS

 WRITING this tsc entry

LISTENING to pied piper from BTS’ Her album. This song was made to show how thankful BTS to ARMYs. Yes, it’s sort of a diss track to us but how can you not love them even more and hey, it’s more than a diss track, mind you. We came from Dul!Set! to Best Of Me and then we have Pied Piper. Yep, that escalated quickly.

SMELLING tuyo at the moment because that was my ulam kaning umaga. Tuyo ftw!

 WISHING that whatever decisions I’ll be making in the future will always make me happy and not what I’m feeling right now. So kids, don’t decide when you’re too happy or sad because you will regret it at the end of the day and the worst thing about that is you can’t undo it.

 HOPING to have the guts to quit my job. I know my problem since day 1. I can’t take the first step – to actually send my resignation letter. What’s stopping me is I need the job. I need money to pay bills.

 WEARING shorts and white tshirt that used to be my brother’s

 LOVING the fact that andito ako sa bahay. I’d to anything just to stay here as long as I can.

 WANTING to have good days with the few months we still have. 2017, you know how much you’re fucked up, right? Now please, stop it already. We’ve had enough.

 NEEDING the courage to actually do what ive been wanting to do since march.

 FEELING broken. Broken in a good way. Is that even possible? I just finished listening to Yoongi’s mixtape. For the first time ever I listened to it and I can’t keep my shit together. (halfway when writing this entry I had to stop just because I can’t find perfect words to use or to say here so I had to listen to few songs and I decided to listen to Yoongi’s mixtape bc ive been wanting to do that since forever. So yes, from the first to the last track. I lost my shit during The Last track bc I know Ive heard it a couple of times but it made a different impact when you actually listened to the whole mixtape)

 So Far Away verse 3 says everything about me now.

 This volume is kinda fucked up, right? But let me just say it here once and for all.

 Min Yoongi, Suga,

I am so happy you have this mixtape. I am so happy you actually shared all your worries or what you’ve gone through before you debut as member of BTS with us. I am not happy though because you had to go through all of that shits. Your mixtape actually saved lots of ARMYs from depression. I knew that, lots of us knew that because we’ve been sharing the same sentiments. You went through all of that and made it and maybe we can, too! So, thank you so much. I really wanted to run to you and hug you say hey, I know how it feels, you’re not alone and we will always be here.

Thank you and I love you, Yoongi.

 xxx

 Sorry for a messy tsc volume but hey, thank you for whoever reading this.

[cheddarxx]

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY VOL.2

So this is the vol 2 guys. But since I feel like kind of shitty right now but I have to write tsc – this is all I can do.

CURRENTLY

READING as usual, tweets.

WRITING this tsc and still my unfinished ff that ive been trying to do two weeks ago. Look how lazy I am. boo

LISTENING to Freudian by Daniel Caesar. This is the artist taehyung posted last month. I still remember when he said he’d rather listen to a song that mostly ppl won’t listen to. (but this song/album is very popular now mind you)

THINKING that it’s Monday again and I don’t know what this week will offer me. Im thinking a lot of things rn but mostly it’s abt my work. Srsly im so close on having mental breakdown. I need an exit from this job.

SMELLING /sniffs/ nothing

WISHING that I could do what really makes me happy – writing.

HOPING for a better month or the rest of the year. Yikes, can you imagine that we’re almost done with 2017?

WEARING shorts and nike pink shirt that says: every damn day just do it. It’s from ukay yall.

LOVING the fact that kim seokjin is happy right now at their fansign event bc my man just went through a shitty week. Last Thursday he posted on fancafe that jjangu died few days back (on his hyung’s bday). It might sound so oa but I cried when I heard the news. Jjangu has been w them for 12 years and we all know how much Jin loved Jjangu. (Oh, uhm, Jjangu was Jin’s pet dog friend.) He got sick last night and didn’t attend their 2nd fansign event  and he missed vlive.

WANTING to take a break and have a good cry. That sounded so weird but yes, gusto kong umiyak ng bongga para mabawasan bigat ng loob ko. Ive been trying to vent but meh. Disadvantage of having so many friends, right? /sarcasm alert/

NEEDING a miracle. Please Po?

FEELING lost. That shit sounds funny but what can you do when that’s what you really feel right now? Cue Lost of BTS fr Wings album /plugplugplug

 That’s it, folks. Thanks for reading my shitty post.

 note: whalien 52

[cheddarxx]

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY: VOL.1

 I decided to do the TSC last Friday since there’s an easy format to follow and I think it’s fun to do. I got this idea from Maine Mendoza’s blog and it’s been a while since I haven’t visited and she haven’t posted that much :(

 Anyway, The Sunday Currently was made by Siddathorton and you can check them out, too!

 CURRENTLY

READING

Tweets about BTS most especially tweets about Kim Seokjin’s tummy. Our man shook lots of ARMYs right now in DNA Dance Practice. See this link.

WRITING

Well, aside from writing TSC, I’m writing a fanfic of BTS. I actually started this story a week ago and damn, I haven’t made any improvements yet. I hope I can finish this and be able publish it somewhere. (yes, somewhere kasi nakakahiya omg)

LISTENING

A playlist from Spotify to help BTS on HOT100. Playlist consists of 70+ DNA and the other songs included on their new release album HER. But I’m loving the Track No. 4. Can I just say that the Vocal Line just killed it? I also listened to IU’s new songs last night and her voice is too much. Indeed a queen.

THINKING

About how I should be living my life. Charot! I was actually thinking to quit my job because I knew from the start that I will never be happy in this field. And the fact that it’s already Monday, I hate it.

 SMELLING

Bath soap since I just took a shower.

 WISHING

I should have made a better choice few months ago. Ugh, regrets! Regrets! And I’m also wishing that BTS won’t exhaust their body that much because they just had a shoot for their comeback yesterday 20 hour straight with more than 600 K-ARMYs. Guys, srsly, take a rest.

HOPING

To actually do what I really want to do ever since and take that first step.

WEARING

Shorts and yellow sando that I always wear during college days (or dorm days!)

LOVING

I know this is so lame but I’m loving BTS’ new album because my bias just got more lines this time. Yes, this is the line distribution I signed up for, Big Hit. I love you!

WANTING

To purchase a set of Love Yourself: HER album. I already ordered a random version but I am going to give that to my sister. Bakit kasi ang mahal ng shipping fee sa kpopmart or yesasia?

NEEDING

A 12-hour sleep.

FEELING

exhausted but fulfilling. It’s Sunday so that’s normal feeling, right? And also, I am kinda excited for this remaining months can offer me. Will something gonna change? Hmmn…

That’s it, folks! My first ever TSC. Looking forward to more of this and I hope I wouldn’t be so lazy making TSC in the future. C’mon, future Che, you can do better.

[ktaebwi]

seokjinie and the 2 babies

[cheddarxx]

have you seen her

im trying to remember everything about us. about how you say you love me that december night. how you trying to hard not to get mad when i did something stupid. when how sorry you were when you know you screwed up big time. when we try to laugh at others but we’re slowly drifting apart. when i tried reviving everything. when it’s already too late for us. when you said it was the best for us.  have you seen her cry her eyes out for couple of days. when she was so hurt because you found another girl. when she didn’t have anything to do but to break away. when she found herself picking up the mess you made. when she finally realized that she didn’t need you in her life. when she finally decided to go on with this life. have you seen her? im asking you if you’ve seen her because i know pretty much what happened. 

[cheddarxx]

this is just me

no matter how much you are inspired right now to actually do what you’ve been wanting since day one, since the day you realized that whatever you are doing right now, whatever job or stuff you are doing is not making you happy anymore, unless you’re not taking that first step, that won’t help you and still, you are stuck.

that first step, it might be leaving your own city, moving in different place or even quitting your lame ass job, that’s the wall, my friend. that’s the thing that stopping you from pursuing what you wanted in this life. or maybe the first basic step is to actually admit to yourself that you are going nowhere right now. that you just keep on struggling or just making a living just to have something to pay the bills. but deep down inside you, you’re broken. you are weak. you are trying your best to shout but no one’s listening. heck, you cant’t even hear yourself. so what will you do? taking that first step is so hard, right?

[cheddarxx]

you tell me

Why does a 24 y/o stanning a korean boy group called BTS?

First things first: Why not?

Who is BTS anyways? Just to give you a brief explanation, though. BTS is a seven-member korean boy group under Big Hit Entertainment. They debuted on June 13, 2013. BTS stands for Bangtan Sonyeondan means Bulletproof Boyscouts and recently they added another meaning to BTS which is Beyond The Scene and the rest is you can find it on Google since he knows everything lol.

So as I was saying, why does a 24 yo like me stanning a Korean boy group? I started being a kpop fan back when I was in highschool. But I was like a low-key or silent fan since all I have was MYX. I always watched Myx Daily Top 10 and International Countdown every weekend. That’s how my fangirl life looked like back then and when I started going into college, I stopped being a fan. Of course, I will watch their MVs on Youtube but that’s it. College stuff consumed me back then.

But I always watch K-Dramas if I have time. Even when I finished college, I always watched few of trending K-Dramas. But I told myself that K-Pop is a different thing – as much as possible, I don’t wanna involve myself in that category because I know myself damn too much. I’m gonna fall in love right way and I’d be crazy to do anything for a group.

Then why am I an ARMY now?

Oh, A.R.M.Y is the name of the fandom of BTS and it stands for Adorable Representative M.C for Youth.

So, I was saying.. T’was because of Namjoon. This happened during pre-con finals in NBA because aside from Golden State Warriors (yep, I’m a Warriors fan, too. Go Dubs!), a certain group was always in my timeline on twitter. I can vividly remember that Soompi posted this: BTS’s Rap Monster Casts Group Members As “FRIENDS” Characters.

That article triggered everything because I love FRIENDS too much I can’t even deny that aside from Namjoon taught himself the English language but FRIENDS made a huge impact on this matter. He loves FRIENDS then this man is something, I said to myself. I watched for the first few days their funny moments, what are they look like when they’re not performing. Youtube was my friend that time! I was watching Things You Should Know About BTS, BTS Funny or Cute Moments, Try Not To Fangirl, Try Not To Cry Challenge, 8 Minutes of Jin Laughing, BTS Being Savage and etc.

I don’t want to watch their MVs because I wasn’t prepared to get killed by 7 Korean Men who will never ever know that I exist. I know that’s kinda weird but… uhm, well, I am weird.

But I gave in okay, like couple of days after. The first MV that I watched was No More Dream and the rest is History. I started from their rookie days up to the very recent ones because I wanna make up for almost 4 years of not knowing them.

And I finally told myself, “You’re an ARMY and that feels so good to say.” I even told to myself that you’ll do anything to see them live, to actually hear them singing their songs, to actually be in an ocean of ARMY and that promise is not a joke. You will see them live, you will support them because those guys taught you even though you’re a 24 caught up in this life, and it’s never too late to find your dreams – to achieve them. To pursue what really makes you happy and ignore those who think you can’t go anywhere. And most importantly, to love yourself.

I can actually justify why does someone like me stan a group called BTS. I can use thousand words – I can do that but I guess that will never be enough to describe why BTS is being loved by millions of people all over the world. What makes them so different with the other groups? There are lots of factors but maybe I will say two things: their characteristics and their songs. Aside form being so catchy, their songs also tackle different issues that most of idol groups afraid not to dwell on. Oh, also writing and producing mostly of their songs. I guess that’s a good thing when you’re from a company that doesn’t control everything - that they can actually make their songs that represents themselves.

To this day, BTS is unstoppable and will dominate the entire music industry. Not only in their own country or here in Asia but all over the world. To actually see them recognized by some western artists is just a proof that indeed their music is something and having different language is not a hindrance to connect with people.

---

[cheddarxx]

Tila

I can not believe myself.

I waited, but it’s worth it.

Tila ba napakatagal ng dalawang taon para maghintay. But I did. It wasn’t a great ending though but I feel like I crossed out something in my bucket list that it wasn’t even there in  the beginning. “Oh well, that’ll do it. Unto the next!” That’s the mood. 

[cheddarxx]

I said yes.

It was just a normal Monday for me at work. The branch just closed and I am waiting for my 4:30 - 5:00 routine - checking my sns. Then I suddenly got a call from my superior asking me something that made me laugh and cry at the same time.

“Cherrie, will it be okay for you if pupunta ka sa isang area ko na hindi ko pa napupuntahan?”

Where will it be, I asked myself.

“Hwag kang mabibigla ha. Will it be okay if pupunta ka sa Batanes for a week lang naman?”

That moment, of course I want to say yes immediately, in a heart beat, but there are things that I should consider. Tupad, ensayo and pagsamba. And since it will be on second week of June, everything is okay pa naman. And thanks to Pundasyon for letting us know na may lokal sa Batanes. 

“So, okay lang ba sayo na pumunta ng Batanes for a week?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

---

Who would have said no to Batanes? Yes, the main reason why I will be there is my work, but if you have this kind of opportunity, how can you let go of it?

This job taught me to travel. From attending almost 3 weeks of seminar at Makati, Shadowing week at Tuguegarao and Laoag, attended monthly meeting in Cauayan City -- I traveled alone. 

Maybe nasanay na rin ako kahit papano to travel alone since I studied at Quezon City in college and we were in Isabela at that time. 12-15 hours sa bus? No big deal. (It is a big deal!)

---

Earlier last week, I have to visit a client just to do some of my responsibilities and I just realized: I missed travelling. Hey I am no traveler ha. I don’t have the means in the first place. It’s just that when travelling alone I can breathe. I can pause form my work and I can see different things and let my mind free from deadlines and everything about my work.

I just hope hindi maulan doon and I can at least visit some of the breathtaking places there. And hopefully I can find something there that I am trying to find for the past two years of my life.

So, Batanes, wait for me.

Much love,

C x

PS,

Hey, if you happen to know a lot of things about Batanes or you already visited, I don’t mind hearing your stories. Let me know, mmkay?

[cheddarxx]

오랜만이야

So what happened?

Life happened.

You see, we were too busy surviving this life and we forgot to live --to do something we’ve been dying to since we realized that this world is not a wish granting factory. To be as normal as we thought life would be. But no, there are bills, commitments and relationship we have to work out with someone. Life is exhausting. 

Exhausting for those who’s been trying to find what will be their fate, to someone can’t find their other half or to those who thought they finally found but at the end of the road, it was a mistake. 

Life is pretty exhausting but try at least once in a while, live.

[cheddarxx]

My Almost

“I can. 

Thinking of the memories we had All those late night talks ‘til morn  The crazy stuff we planned for the future  All the things you promised me and never made it anyway.  To all the words that I stupidly believed in  For forgetting me just like that. I can forget you too.  You just wait.” x 

So, I entitled this entry as My Almost because my original plan is to share a poem I made way back when I was in college. Yes, I occasionally made poems when I was still in love (and I am still right now) with someone. I chose that title because he was my almost and also my totga. Yes, yes. My the-one-that-got-away-ee guy. Buuuut apparently I wanted to share the poem I wrote for my (how do I put this delicately?) uhm, former you-know-what. Just to be clear, ibang tao si totga kay former. I just realized I only made one poem for my former and the rest was for Almost, how funny is that? (okay, it wasn’t funny, it’s weird) and I can remember that I’m into Almost when I wrote that thing for former and mind you, hindi na ako in love kay former nung sinulat ko yan. I just made just because I wanted to take out the thoughts way back then about him. So ther, I Can was made. I made this entry just because I miss him (Almost) so much. Posible pala yun, ano? Ma-miss mo ang isang tao kahit na wala siyang idea what the heck on earth you’re doing right now. I miss making a poem about him. Putting stupid smile on my face kasi nakita ko siya. Man, it’s been a long time since the last time I last saw him and it frustrates me a lot. I miss how my stomach reacts when he’s near me. The stupid things I am saying when I know he’s just around. Yung kaba sa dibdib ko kasi malapit lang siya. I felt that with him. With Almost. Not with Former. Is that weird and unfair? Or I was just too young when… oh, well. I miss my old self. I miss writing in my red and my Paris journal everything about Almost. I miss seeing you around Saint Joseph. PS, I’m still waiting. C x

[ninagpineda]

Play Pretend

Something I’ve noticed recently (and frequently) from experience is this rising trend in friends pretending to like the things you do when you talk about it, and then resent you for making them feel like they are obliged to agree and like it too.

If you’re one of those people, I’m telling you now that you’re not doing anyone a favor, and you’re not being a good friend. I understand that to most it might seem like the most logical thing to do to show your support, but it’s not a sustainable act, and you’d be doing your frienship with the other person more justice by being honest from the beginning.

The best of my friendships with people—the ones that have lasted the longest—are the ones where both parties have differing interests and opinions, but have still found a way to respect and support one another’s. If you can’t support their opinion, at least support their right to it.

For example, I have a friend who is crazy into hockey, and I know nothing about sports—professional or otherwise—but I still get excited when she tells me all about it. I don’t feel the need to act like I LOVE it because we’re friends; we both understand that we have our own things going on separate from each other, and that we don’t have to latch onto it to maintain the friendship and keep the peace. I show my support by being open to her impassioned stories and comments, and—you’d be surprised how simple this is—by just listening.

That’s it. By listening and letting her be excited about the things she likes, I am able to be there for her without sacrificing my sense of identity. I don’t discourage her from anything, and she offers me the same kind of courtesy. It works. Lord knows how many times I’ve ranted and vented and gushed about certain things to her!

It’s far better than the friendships I’ve had where I thought I was speaking to my practical brain twin, only to find out they’d been half-hearted or—God forbid—fake the whole time. I’ve had someone tell me to my face that she and another person once spoke about my interests and how much I made them feel like they had to like it, or else. Imagine how devastating it was to hear from someone you considered a friend, whom you thought you could genuinely share things with and be excited with—not only because you had a personal agenda. So not only are you offended that they’ve been thinking this behind your back AND saying it to other people this whole time, you are also now embarrassed about liking the things you do and being vocal about it.

Why do we do this? We get angry about the people who are pointedly dismissive of our interests, but fail to recognize the more subtle ways of doing this. We get looked down upon by so many others that we should at least expect our friends not to do the same. If they do, then they’re not our friend.

I am a person who values honesty and integrity and having your own personal identity separate from any other person or thing, and I understand not everybody shares the same mindset. But it still baffles me that people do this: say one thing but secretly mean another. What is the point of keeping up a friendship if you don’t actually like the other person or the things they do? Instead of pretending, shouldn’t we take the hint and realize that maybe we’re just not meant to be friends?

For that matter, let’s not pretend to hate the things or people our friends do, either. Especially if we actually like it or them. We deserve better than that; sometimes you have to put yourself first before others. If they can’t take that, then again: they’re not your friend.

So let’s not be those kinds of people. Let’s support our friends in a manner that is healthy on and for both sides. Let’s be more supportive of the good things our pals like, even if we don’t like it, especially if it doesn’t cause us harm. The only thing we shouldn’t be supportive of is this kind of behavior (and the following reaction from people who get called out and start turning the blame on you). Lord knows we people need more trustworthy, genuine friends in this day and age. Drag culture and tea-spilling, anyone?

P.S. You’re not cool or funny for making fun of someone’s interests behind their back. Especially if you’re friends. Straighten up and say it to their face if you’re so compelled to share your opinion; you owe them at least that respect.

Also: you don’t have to understand your friends’ interests. Just know that something about it resonates with them and that you can get to know them better through it. Try, at least, to see if you’d like it yourself. If not, don’t force it. If you do, then great! Just don’t resent your friend if the intensity of your interest in it differs.

[cheddarxx]

WHAT’S COOKING?

I don’t know, either.

All I want is to write everything about what’s inside my head. Like, take it out. I am going krazy. lol

Yes, Tumblr you see I want to tell you something.

I filed my resignation last week and now I am unemployed, again. Sucks but not really. Kasi I have to prioritize my church duty as a member of the choir. And to tell you honestly, after my church duty last Wednesday, I felt so happy because I didn’t have to think of my work. I ain’t running late and didn’t have to justify myself to my boss or my co-workers why I was late, It was so overwhelming. But don’t get me wrong, ha. Working in a very respectable company (naks!) that has been in the business world since Idk when was an opportunity. (I can hear my sarcasm, srsly but nah i’m serious) I’m gonna miss my work, a u d i t i n g, my computer that has been pain in the ass, the tons of f405, calls that I didn’t know what to say in the first place, the sv of the other team (payables), free pizza and pasta every week, my view from my table, the voice of my sv when he calls me and I know I screwed (for the nth time), also I’m gonna miss the mailing - the feeling that I can accomplish it before its due time. I guess, 55% of my work will be missed. And the rest, well, that’s another story. Thankful that I don’t have to wake up everyday at five am and not worrying if I will get in before 8. Let’s talk about the traffic in qc.

Aside from my previous employment, everything about my life is a big question mark. It is funny how a 22 year old like me is still unsure and that feeling that always sucks me up is the unknown of everything. 

Why does it seems so easy to others? Or baka magaling lang silang magtago? And why does it feel like life is a game now? Or am I just overthinking again?

The thing is, all I want is to write. Just me writing all my thoughts and share them to everyone. Like, please let’s drop all the pretentious part of life right now just to look cool with everyone and for once, don’t be just a pretty face and be something, or someone.

I want to tell justify myself that I am not what I was before. I know I don’t have to justify myself but for the sake of clearing things. Diba? 

Ang gulo ng thoughts, no? This is not even a good one. Pardon me, I hope the Future Che can explain what I am feeling right now. I know she can tell soon.

So, there you go, bye for now.

Much love, C x

[daaamnpaolo]

she loves the ocean so i made her the queen of coast it was too late when she told me she’s afraid of drowning and she’s scared of riding a boat i can see the fear in her eyes it’s like the sea is bleeding but i have to tell you this, she may be afraid of things but i can still see the beauty flowing from her lungs and i hope she finds herself pretty, too

[cheddarxx]

whoa there

[cheddarxx]

What would you let go this year? #feels

 This question stuck in my head when I first saw this on ETC and then I asked myself, ano nga ba?

 2015 has been a not-so-good year to some of us. We fought battles that taught us so many things about life. People came and some chose not to stay with us. We realized that life is not really a wish-granting factory like what John Green told us with his book.

 But I would love to let go some of the things before this year ends. Like:

 First of, doubting myself.

Reason: I am tired of doubting myself and limiting my own capabilities. I’d like to be more on giving myself a break.

 Second, living with memories.

Reason: I’m gonna drop off some memories I’ve been keeping for a long time now. Some of them aren’t helping me to grow and I can’t let that happen this 2016.

 Third, keeping my thoughts inside me.

Reason: It is too sad not to explain your side with some people; not that pleasing them is a must but that’s how we roll, right? Justifying yourself, sometimes, is a must.

 Fourth, Regrets.

Reason: Who would like to live with their entire life with regrets? That’s too sad.

 Lastly, well generally, the old me.

Why? I made mistakes that I would like to undo but there is no such thing, right? Being good for this coming year is bullshit, for me. Follow what you want. Go for what you think is the right thing (but of course you have to be in your right senses to know what’s good or bad). Voice out your thoughts and never be afraid of what will people think of you. You were not born here in this world to please others and get their approval if you’re good enough. There is only one up there who has the only right to judge us. That matters most.

 So, say good bye with the old stuff you’ve been wanting to get rid off ever since. Don’t be afraid.

 Eliminate the things that weigh you down then you’re good to go.

 Much love,

 Cheddar x

[cheddarxx]

Lagoon This place gave me so much feels (but it is not advisable to visit to) and it made me think of the things I have to let go this year. And I decided to write it all and I'm gonna share that soon. What about you? What are the things that you will let go this time? Much love, C x