Imagine Team Red was on a mission that had a lot of collateral damage. At some point, Spiderman was crushed in debris and needed actual medical attention. They take him to a hospital that's already flooded with people. All three of them are in their civilian clothes. Matt is already stressed, and Wade was consistently making it worse.
The nurse asks if they're relatives and before Matt could respond. Wade goes, "Yes. We're his dad-dads. Both of us. We're gay."
She spared them a quick look, nodded awkwardly, and then got him stabilized before going out to help with the other patients who were affected.
"Why the hell did you say that?"
When the nurse returned, they were asked a lot of questions about the kid, and neither knew hardly any of the answers.
"For the record, we aren't terrible parents because we're homosexuals, we're terrible parents because -"
Eventually, Tony Stark showed up and had Peter transferred to a private hospital as well as having the medical staff sign a waiver ensuring their silence and then making sure any blood taken was disposed of.
Tony begrudgingly allowed Peter's teammates to accompany him, and soon, they were all waiting in the hallway.
Wade made an annoying popping sound with his lips, "So-have to say I'm a bit confused on how you know Peter?"
"Who do you think made his suit? Also, I'm his sponsor, " Tony said, adjusting his sunglasses.
"He's emancipated?" Matt asked.
Tony gave a short nod. "He's insistent on being independent, but I help when I can."
When Peter finally came to his senses, he landed up being lectured by all three of them.
And when he was finally cleared for missions again, he couldn't help but feel like he missed some sort of inside joke, considering Wade kept comparing the team to a family. Tony is getting the title as the Godfather, of course.
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