Acephobia - like what the hell people???
I saw a lot of posts about this here and on other social networks and there is so much hate towards asexuals (especially from inside the LGBT community), that I really need to get this off my chest.
My girlfriend is ace, I´m an average lesbian with an average sexual desire. And you know what? I´m totally fine with that.
We have a realtionship like everybody else, except we don´t have sex. We cuddle, go to the movies, go on trips together, laugh a lot, game, hold hands, kiss, everything. In short - we´re happy.
And then there are people. I even consider some of them my friends and they know about all of that and even though, I constantly get comments like
“You should finally make a move.”
“Time you get laid again.”
“Maybe you should get yourself a ‘normal’ girl.”
“Oh god, I couldn´t live like that. I´m sorry for you.”
Yes, that are actual quotes from actual people. And yes - those words hurt! Because you are lowkey implying, that I can´t be happy in a relationship without sex and at the same time, you blame my girlfriend for that, even though I just told you, that we´re happy.
Her body wasn´t the reason I picked her.
I picked her, because she makes me smile, when I feel down. I picked her because of those beautiful sparkles in her eyes. I picked her because of her endless fangirling and Elder Scrolls obsession, her love for space and stars, because of the way she snuggles into my arms at night, because she is so damn perfect to me.
Why would I expect her to change who she is? How could I pressure her into doing something she isn´t comfortable with? I knew she was ace and I knew what I got myself into and it doesn´t bother me. I love her and I want her to be happy and for her to be able to always feel safe with me. That´s what counts.
My girl and me had a lot of talks on that topic. She was scared and she cried a lot and she had a lot of things on her mind because of that. I felt bad because of that. I felt bad, because she thought, she´d eventually have to have sex in order to be part of a healthy relationship. That´s what society tells us everyday - that sex is an important part of a relationship. It´s like a constant pressure on everybody, but I think it´s the worst for asexuals.
Seriously, there´s sex without love, why can´t there be love without sex?
They´re constantly told, that there´s something wrong with them. Everyone tells them, that they´re too young or they should try it or haven´t found the right person yet. It even is considered a mental disease!!
Wait a second? Does that sound familiar?
Yeah, right! How do you know you like girls, if you never had a boy? Or the other way round? Maybe you try being straight first? How about you finally decide, if you like boys or girls, rather than being half straight and half gay. Did those things hurt you, when you heard them? I sure heard them and yeah, they hurt.
In the end, we all want to be accepted and loved.
How can you love someone, when you can´t even love yourself, because of all the negativity that is stuck in your head. All the insults, the pressure, the intolerance.People kill themselves because of that! How can you do that?
How can you expect to be accepted, if you don´t accept others, if you constantly need to show others how much better you are. You want to be respected, show some respect first! It´s not that hard.
Don´t call someone a fag, just because he´s gay. Don´t call the girl over there a lesbian, because she has short hair. Let the trans people pee in peace. Don´t act superior, only because you´re straight. Don´t blame black people for your shit. This list could go on for pages.
We´re all the same. We´re all humans.
The world would be such a better place, if everyone started to behave like an average human being, stop being so goddamn fixed on labels and decide to be less horrible to each other.
I accept and respect my ace girlfriend. I don´t care about the sexual side, even though I miss that sometimes, but there are so many things that can be way more intimate than sex.
A relationship is based on love and trust and supporting each other, not on what goes down in the bedroom. You should remember that the next time, you make a comment on someones lifestyle, decision, orientation or anything else.
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