a/n: ITS FINALY HERE!!!! i went through a several year long writing slump,, but im finally back!!! thank you guys for the support and i hope you enjoy this as much as i did!!
Growing up with Hyunjin, you could only remember good things - if anything at all. When you were little, the two of you were practically connected at the hip. Whoever was around would quite literally have to peel you off of each other- you both cried every time. Your parents had become friends quickly, thus making you and the blonde the same way. You had played at each other’s houses all the time, watched shows while eating gummies, bathed together, and did whatever else your little imaginations would bring you. If you had baby photos, it was guaranteed that Hyunjin was in at least half of them. It was always “you and him against the world”, you remember promising him. Not much changed throughout primary school, your seemingly endless playdates at the park continued. When middle school rolled around, you got closer- sleepovers every weekend, study sessions which turned into tickle fights, and movie marathons was more than regular for you. And even with high school gnawing away at you, you still managed to pull your way through with him at your side.
Hyunjin was known well for his good looks. He’s practically a walking wet dream as a high school student. You didn’t think there was a girl who wasn’t head-over-heels for him at some point, he’s just that beautiful. Every year there were at least three girls that approached you, asking if Hyunjin was interested in a relationship, or what his ideal type was like.
Thus, at the beginning of your junior year, Hyunjin had managed to have his eye on someone.
“She’s pretty, don’t you think?” Hyunjin asked you with a tired face, the early autumn breeze swirling around your bodies as you entered the school building. “Who? That girl you like? What’s her name…” you trailed off, searching the depths of your mind to remember. Hyunjin mentioned her a lot, but you could never seem to recall it. “Minhee,” he reminded, his voice lowering so no one could hear him. “Thank you,” you nodded, hoping you’ll remember her name at some point.
She was tall; taller than you at least, with short brown hair around shoulder-length. She had gorgeous, shimmering brown eyes and a sharp nose too. Her skin was like porcelain; pale, and practically untouched. She was borderline flawless. Everyone you knew had a crush on her at some point. There was never a time where you didn’t hear Minhee’s name buzzing around the halls. She was pretty, and she was popular - everything you could want in a girl in high school.
And yet, with cold autumn breezes fading into the bitter frost of late October, Hyunjin had already devised a plan to ask Minhee out by the end of that semester. You loathed the idea wholeheartedly, never really trusting her even as she grew closer to not only Hyunjin, but to you as well. Although Minhee treated you kindly, you couldn’t help but be slightly wary of her.
He was going to take her to an ice skating rink, and then get them both coffee from her favorite shop nearby. “That’s the most important part,” he told you. You loved how observant and considerate he always was, picking up minor details that any other person would have deemed insignificant.
Hyunjin called you that night, preparing for his date with the girl. “My little baby is all grown up!” You laughed, sneering at your camera. What he wore wasn’t anything special, considering the bitter cold knocking outside your warm homes. But Hwang Hyunjin could make a potato sack look good, so it didn’t matter much. “Do I look okay?” He stressed, standing in front of his phone, looking at himself. He wore a black turtleneck with dark blue jeans, and a grey wool button down coat on top. His hair was its usual style; half of it tied into a loose ponytail with the rest of it resting above his shoulders. You stared at him for a moment, frowning. “What?” He asked, fear written all over his face. “Do I look ugly? Is the coat too much?” You couldn’t help but laugh at this, how he could even think for a moment that he, the one and only Hwang Hyunjin, could look ugly.
“I’m teasing you,” you said after calming your laughter. “You look amazing. Minhee’s gonna love it.” You smiled. “And regardless, its cold out! We can’t have our little baby getting sick!” You watched his face intently, his sweet eye-smile showing its way through the screen.
“Okay, I have to leave now.” Hyunjin announced, picking up his phone and holding it closer to his face. “I’ll tell you how it goes!”
“Have fun,” you smiled again, “Don’t get her pregnant!” You teased, before hanging up.
Hyunjin huffed, shoving his phone into his jacket before ushering himself out of his house and to the car. He flopped into the driver’s seat, typing the directions to his date’s home. He turned to look at himself in the rearview mirror once more, before shoving his keys into the ignition and driving down the street. It only took him a few wrong turns and a handful of short stops to reach her house. He smiled at the thought of being with her for such a long period of time. His phone buzzed once more, Minhee telling him that she was on her way. He smiled at his screen, quickly lifting his head to meet Minhee. She walked in an unbuttoned pink sweater over a white t-shirt with a rose bush on it, as well as light washed jeans and a pair of white boots. A pink beret sat neatly on top of her head, pulling the look together. Hyunjin exited the car quickly, meeting his date at the bottom of her stairs.
“You look wonderful,” he smiled down at her, guiding her to the opposite car door, opening it for her. She smiled, thanking him and sitting in the passenger’s seat. He joined her in the car, pulling out of the driveway and making their way down the street.
A few bruised butts and trips over the other person (and a few other skaters), their time spent at the ice skating rink was up. With shared laughter and light brushes of hands, they made their way into the dimly lit streets. Hyunjin’s body shivered, snowflakes finding their way into his hair as he sauntered down the street. “It’s so pretty like this,” Minhee spoke, her warm breath escaping her mouth and floating away with the wind. Hyunjin nodded, a smile forming on his face as he watched her. His gentle footsteps began to taper, leading him to a complete stop before he took out his phone. He pointed it towards his date, snapping a few photos of her admiring the setting. Hyunjin brought his phone down again, studying the photos he took with a small grin forming on his lips. “Hey!” Hyunjin’s head shot up, his eyes meeting a very upset Minhee. She jogged over to him with a playful smile on her face, a tinge of pink at the end of her nose from the bitter frost surrounding them. “You were just gonna leave me walking like that?” She laughed, peering over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. Her face softened, studying the candids he took of her. Hyunjin lifted his eyes slowly, drinking in Minhee’s features. He never noticed the light dusting of freckles across the apples of her cheeks, or the small beauty mark on the tip of her nose. He could feel his face heating up, the realization of the proximity of their faces finally processing. He swore his heart would’ve bursted out of his chest if it weren’t for his ribcage shielding it. “Its so cold, let’s find that coffee shop, yeah?” Hyunjin smiled, praying his voice wouldn’t falter. He began walking again, slipping his phone into his back pocket and wrapping his opposite arm around Minhee’s significantly smaller shoulders.
Minhee let out a small huff, with a cloud of steam following it as they continued walking to the coffee shop in the distance.
Hyunjin rubbed his arms vigorously, following Minhee inside. A small bell chimed, notifying the worker at the register that more customers had come in. The cashier’s head lifted above the pastry glass, a soft smile forming as the couple approached it. “Can I have a small iced americano please?” He asked, taking a step back for Minhee to see the menu, looking around. “And can I have a small matcha latte with steamed milk please?” The cashier nodded, typing in their order. Hyunjin payed for their drinks, and walked over to where Minhee sat. The walls were a soft pink, complimented by streaks of brown and white. Hyunjin watched Minhee, as she stared at the gentle white flakes whirling in the wind.
“Are you enjoying yourself at least? I hope I’m not boring you!” A sheepish smile crept onto his face. “Of course I am,” she replied, smiling directly at him. “I’m with you.” Hyunjin could feel a gentle blush crawl up his neck and onto his face. “I-I think they just called our drinks,” he said quickly, “I’ll go get them.”
Only a few hours later, you could’ve sworn someone died. Your phone was vibrating non-stop, interrupting the show you were watching. You snatched it off of your nightstand, staring at the screen for a moment. You tapped on one of the notifications, opening the continuous messages flooding your screen.
Hyunjin was telling you all about how he and Minhee were a couple now.
His excitement made you unbelievably happy. You smiled, typing a just as enthusiastic reply.
A small, melancholic smile crept onto your face.
But you knew how badly your best friend wanted this.
Just about a year had passed, and the familiar white snow was coating the ground once again. A cold shiver went down your spine as Hyunjin approached you in the bustling hallway. “Christmas is soon, what do you think I should get Minhee?” He asked you, slinging his arm around your shoulder. He was so warm. You still didn’t trust her much, but you learned to endure it. It was probably just petty drama from the year before. “Why don’t you get her some sexy lingerie? We all know you’ll get a rise out of it,” you nudged at him, snickering. You watched the way his eyes went wide, and a bright pink hue brushed across his face. The laughter bubbling in your throat only increased at his reaction. “..you’re not wrong,” he half agreed with you once your laughter calmed down a little bit. “But seriously, has she mentioned anything she’s wanted to see or something recently?” You asked, making swift strides with the boy still at your side. You and Hyunjin had made an agreement ages ago, to not get gifts for each other for Christmas, since the other always managed to get to it before it was actually time to gift them. “Actually, there was! She posted a ring she really wanted on her Instagram,” he recalled. “Isn’t it super expensive though?” You cringed, thinking of the price. It was pure diamond, nearly $1,000. Hyunjin shrugged. “It’s for Minhee though,” he reminded. He knew he could afford it. “I swear, im gonna marry her someday. I love her so much.” He was grinning like an idiot in love, which wasn’t too far off from the truth. A moment of silence passed before you spoke again. “If you’re willing to spend that much, then do it! I think she’ll love it,” you replied. He smiled at you, but more gently. There was a look of gratitude behind it. “Thank you,” he said. “For helping me.” You could hear the way his sincerity practically oozed from the way he spoke. Your heart squeezed at his words.
Hyunjin invited you back to his house after school, where you chased his chihuahua Kkami around the house for about an hour before flopping yourself onto his bed in exhaustion. Kkami followed you soon after, placing himself at the foot of his owner’s large bed. Hyunjin was sat comfortably next to you, unbothered by your stray limbs sprawled out around him. He was scrolling through the website that sold the ring Minhee wanted. “You’re really gonna buy it?” You leaned over him, looking at his screen. he shifted his position for what felt like the umpteenth time in the past five minutes. You couldn’t tell if it was from stress, or your palms digging into the mattress right next to him. “I want to, I’m just scared that she won’t like it,” he stressed, turning to you, who was now comfortably curled at his side. “Hyun, she literally said she wanted it,” you rolled your eyes at his doubt. Hyunjin smiled at the newfound nickname you’d given to him. “There’s nothing to worry about. She’s gonna love it.” He sat there, staring at his screen in thought for a few moments. Suddenly, his arms flung in the air. “Okay, I’ll buy it!” He declared loudly. Kkami’s head flew up, glaring at you and Hyunjin. “Sorry Kkami,” he reached over, patting the dog’s head to ease his poor nerves. He huffed, readjusting his position and facing away from the two of you, falling asleep as quickly as he sat up.
You were on your way to class when you heard an all too familiar voice behind you. Your head whipped around, searching the sea of people for the jogging boy’s face. He hopped his way up to you, ending with a dramatic huff and pose with his har falling in his face. You smiled as you continued your walk to your upcoming class. The blonde brought his hand up to rake his fingers through his hair before speaking.
“Are you going to Sana’s party tonight?” He asked, watching people pass your figures as you sauntered down the hall. “Only if you will,” you shrugged, not caring much for parties unless you had familiar company. “Okay! I’ll pick you up tonight and we’ll go together, deal?” He clapped his hands together, like a child opening gifts on their birthday. “What about Minhee? Is she coming?” His head perked up at the sound of his girlfriend’s name. “She said she’d meet me there,” he stopped moving, reaching the door of your class. You gave him a confused look, waiting for him to continue. “She’s getting ready with Ryujin and Mina.” Your lips formed an o shape, nodding your head slowly in acknowledgment.
The end of your day went by smoothly. you huffed, dumping your remaining supplies into your locker, considering they’d be deemed useless during your winter break. Hyunjin greeted you right on time in front of your locker, leaning against the one next to it, watching you closely. You slammed your locker closed and slung your backpack over your shoulder before making your way out of the school with your gorgeous friend behind you. “What are you wearing?” He asked, pulling his car keys from his pocket. “To the party I mean,” he corrected himself. “I figured you meant that,” you said turning to him, plopping yourself into the passenger’s seat. “But I don’t know yet.” You sat for a moment thinking over your options. “I might just go in a sweater and some pants.” You shrugged. You were never really a party person anyway, nor did you really care enough to make yourself look over-the-top gorgeous for people you didn’t know. It’s not like you had that kind of attire anyway.
You decided on something simple to wear. It was a Christmas party after all. Downstairs, you could hear your front door close. “Y/N! I’m here!” Hyunjin called from the bottom of your stairs. You gave yourself one last look-over and decided you were ready for the party. You were greeted by Hyunjin’s lean figure at the door as you came down the stairs - looking flawless, as always. He smiled at the sight of you. “Ready?” He asked, grabbing the keys from his pocket. You nodded quietly, the two of you exiting your house together.
On your ride there, you could only think about how lucky you got with your friend. He was gorgeous, and unbelievably kind.
So why did he take such an interest in you?
The drive was short, only about five or ten minutes. You probably could’ve walked, but it was far too cold to go in what you were wearing. Different colored lights could be seen through the house’s windows, shining onto the lawn occasionally. It was huge. As you and your friend walked closer to the party, you could hear the buzz of conversations and music from inside. There were a few people littered in the yard, speaking quietly to one another.
Hyunjin swung open the front door, the smell of booze and people hitting your face like a train. It was so strong.
People greeted you and Hyunjin kindly, giving smiles and hugs. You didn’t know a lot of people there, but you at least knew the host.
The house was a maze, so you decided to take a seat on one of the empty chairs in the living room and scan the room. Most people were dancing, some were already blacked out. You grimaced, turning away. The party only started a few hours ago.
“Hey Y/N!” a girl’s voice broke through your thoughts. It was Sana. She smiled at you, pulling a chair closer to you. “How are you?” You asked, rather loudly. It was hard to hear your own thoughts when the music was so loud. “I’m pretty good, are you liking the party so far?” She shouted back. Your loud conversation continued for a while, until someone called Sana away. She smiled at you, disappearing into the crowd. More people came and went, making small talk with you before walking away again. Is this what parties are like?
You let out a sigh of near boredom. With a huff, you stood up.
You tried to make your way through the sea of people to the kitchen, where very few people lingered around the white marble counter. The music was quieter in here, easier to talk to people that way. There was a huge bowl of red liquid in the middle - presumably punch - and it reeked of alcohol.
You’re at a party, might as well get a little tipsy, right?
You reached for the stack of red cups and poured yourself a cup. Pieces of strawberries and cherries floated on the surface.
You recognized some of the people in the kitchen, looking around as you took a swig from your cup.
One of them was Hyunjin’s friend, Jisung.
“Hey Ji! How are you?” You smiled, walking over to him. He was talking with Changbin - another one of Hyunjin’s friends as well. His eyes lit up when he saw you.
“Y/N! Its been so long! It’s great to see you.” He said, wrapping you in a tight hug. “Hey, Y/N,” changbin smiled, watching you being crushed by jisung. when he let you go, you tried to catch your breath. Jisung doesn’t know how strong he is. “Jesus, you’ve gotten so much stronger since I last saw you.” you smiled, looking at his insanely large arms. “I’ve missed you guys so much!” You said, hugging changbin. The leather of his jacket made you shiver.
“Did you just get here?” Changbin asked, trying to make conversation.
“Yeah, a little while ago. I haven’t really seen anyone I know, so im glad I ran into you guys.” You smiled sheepishly. “Is everyone else here?” You were referring to the rest of their shared friend group. Changbin nodded, taking a sip from the can he held in his hand.
“Did you show up with Hyunjin?” Jisung started. You nodded, wondering about where the boy had run off to. You were only there for about an hour or two, and you’d only seen him when you entered together. “Yeah, im surprised minhee wasn’t insisting that they get ready together.” You tried to suppress your eyes rolling in annoyance.
“Maybe she wanted to surprise him with her outfit, girls do that, don’t they?” Jisung shrugged. “I guess, maybe im thinking too much into it.” Jisung and changbin nodded in agreement. “It was great seeing you guys, i’ll see you later,” you smiled, walking back into the sea of bodies.
More dancing. More booze. More laughter.
You finally ran into Hyunjin, after seeing him once since you arrived at the party. He said he’d been looking for Minhee. You didn’t know what she was wearing, making it harder to spot her in the house of people. you promised him you’d look for her. He frowned at your response, turning away to continue searching.
Many hours into the night, you found yourself a bit buzzed, mixing into conversations like it was nothing. You found yourself with Minho and Seungmin discussing who the hottest people at the party were.
You were way too drunk for this.
You reached for your phone, but its battery was dead. Of course.
You stood up, walking into the kitchen to find someone to take you home. minho called for you once, but gave up quickly. Luckily, chan was propped against the sink, staring at his phone.
“Can you take me home? Im really drunk.” Your words came out in one string of sounds. You were barely coherent. He looked at you with soft eyes. He nodded, wrapping an arm around you to keep you upright. “Where’s Hyunjin?” He asked, looking around. “my phone is dead, I don’t know.” You mumbled.
As you walked, you looked around the living room again, seeing at everyone. So happy. So carefree. Your eyes lazily scanned some faces until you finally caught a glimpse of an all too familiar one.
Minhee, in her champagne dress, giggling away. She was making her way to the stairs, sneaking away from the rest of the party.
“Wait…” you said, looking at the scene. Something wasn’t right, but you couldn’t figure out what exactly.
Chan swung open the front door, the frosty air hitting your body immediately. Goosebumps covered every inch of your skin. By the time you were in his car, your whole body was shaking from the cold.
“Here,” he said, reaching into the back seat. He draped a hoodie over your shivering body, hoping to warm you up. you smiled at his attentiveness. “Sorry it’s not much. You’ll be home soon.”
You thanked him in a whisper as he pulled onto the street.
You don’t remember much else from the night.
Hyunjin let out a sigh, closing his bedroom door and kicking his shoes off. He never found Minhee at the party. He texted her numerous times throughout the night, but all of them were left unanswered.
He was shocked when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. It was minhee.
“Hey,” he answered urgently, worried sick about her. “Where were you all night? Why didn’t you say anything?” He spoke again.
He was met with a sigh, and Minhee’s beautiful voice.
“Hyunie babe, can we talk?” Her voice sounding so sweet and kind. “I’m not doing this with you anymore. Can’t stand you, actually.” She sighed.
“What?” hyunjin’s voice was small and weak.
“Oh, how naive you are. You really couldn’t tell? Hyunjin, you mean nothing to me.” She smirked into the phone, her words spilled through it like poison. “But thanks for the sex and all the cash, I guess. this’ll be the last time I talk to you. So bye! Oh, and delete my number too-” The phone call ended with a click. He couldn’t listen to another word from her. he could feel a lump gather in his throat, and his eyes burn quickly.
Soon after, almost immediately, a video appeared in their messages. It was short, but more than long enough for him to realize what was happening. He heard her moaning - screaming even - another guy’s name. He could see her face so clearly.
He covered his mouth, trying so desperately to suppress his sobs. How could someone he loved so much do such an awful thing to him? Did he deserve it?
You awoke with a start, your phone buzzing incessantly on your pillow. Chan plugged it in for you when he took you home.
Not bothering to look at who was calling, you brought the phone to your ear, mumbling a lazy “hello” into it.
You were met with sniffling and choked sobs. The voice was familiar. Too familiar.
“Hyune?” You asked, sitting up. “Hyunjin, is that you?”
You were met with more sobs before a response. “Minhee..” He spoke, his voice shaking. You didn’t say anything, hoping he’d say more.
Then the four words that felt like poison filled your ears.
“She cheated on me.”
That’s when you remembered part of the party. When you were leaving, you saw Minhee going up the stairs. Is that what this was about?
“Hyunjin, I’m so sorry. That’s horrible. Should I come over?” Your words were laced with pity. Hyunjin didn’t answer. more sobs.
Without another thought, you slipped on a pair of shoes, and left the house. Hyunjin only lived up the block from you.
“Im coming, hyune,” you said promptly, throwing your phone in the passenger seat of your car. You turned the key and pulled out of the driveway with one swift move. Within a minute you were at his front door. the driveway was vacant, besides his black car in the back.
By this point, your phone was off and he wasn’t on the other end of the line.
You tried the door without thinking, knowing his house too well. It was locked. A pang of fear struck though your body. That wasn’t like him.
Being at his house constantly, you knew where the spare key was and snatched it from its hiding spot. You flung the door open, running through his house to find him.
“Hyunjin?” You called out loudly, your voice bouncing off the quiet walls.
You could hear his faint sobs across the house. “Hyunjin!” You yelled, running to his room.
He was screaming.
Not crying.
Actually screaming.
You opened the door gently, trying not to startle him. the lights were off and he was sat between his bed and the wall, curled into himself. your heart shattered at the sight.
“Hyune..” You started gently, walking over to his corner. He was still in his clothes from the party, just.. more disheveled. You sat down next to him while he held his head in his hands. he refused to look at you.
“Hyunjin,” you placed your hand on his back, rubbing slow, gentle circles into the fabric.
“What did I do wrong?” He sobbed, gripping his hair at the root. It looked like he was going to rip chunks out. You could feel his shoulders tremble with every sob that ripped itself from his lungs. The sobs turned into loud, labored gasps. He was spiraling.
“Hey, hey, look at me hyune.” You said, grabbing his hands gently. His glossy bloodshot eyes finally met yours.
“Breathe with me,” you said, taking in slow, deep breaths, trying to convince Hyunjin to follow. Eventually his breathing slowed and his sobs were reduced to quiet sniffles.
“what happened..? Can you tell me?” You spoke gently. He didn’t respond. He stared at you for a moment, before handing you his phone with a sigh. The screen displayed the final messages between him and Minhee. There, a video waited. You played it, and stopped it immediately. It was a sextape. You didn’t need to listen very long to know.
You were disgusted. How could she do something like that? Especially to someone like Hyunjin?
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hyun. She didn’t deserve you.”
“No.. I just..I loved her so much.. why?” He choked, voice hoarse from screaming.
“It’s okay. I know it sucks right now, but things are going to get better. It’s you and me against the world, remember?” you smiled at him.
He sighed and shook his head. “No.”
You were shocked. “What do you mean?” concern laced your words.
“You shouldn’t have to put up with this…im sorry, Y/N.” He whispered, his voice unwavering.
“No, Hyunjin. I’ve been here since the start. I want to take care of you. I’m here for you.” You grabbed his hand tightly.
“It’s pointless, Y/N.”
“Not to me, Hyunjin. Not if it’s you.” Your hand made its way up his frame, playing with strands of blonde at the nape of his neck. “I’m on your side.” tears burned his eyes yet again, silently marking their trails on his cheeks. It was quiet for a moment.
“Promise?” He turned to look at you, breaking the silence. You stared at him for a moment, taking in his pure beauty. Even after crying for hours, he still looks just as perfect. Even with his puffy, disheveled hair and haphazard shirt, he was beautiful all the same.
“Of course I promise,” you smiled, hugging him tightly.
You stood up, holding out a hand to help him up. He looked at your hand and then up at you, and grabbed it tight.
“How about we just hang out for a little while? i can even start a shower for you.” You offered, brushing yourself off. he shook his head, declining the offer.
“I don’t have the energy to shower.” He said blandly, making the exhaustion evident in his voice. he slumped onto his bed, letting out a sigh.
“How about you change out of that and we watch a movie, hmm?” You looked at him. His eyes were closed as his body was sprawled out on the bed. For the first time in hours, he finally looked at peace. You walked over to his desk, covered in old sketches and poems, flicking on the lamp and watching it illuminate the room. you couldn’t help but see a familiar face sketched out in black and white on a crumpled sheet of paper. It was you. You could feel the undeniable heat creep up your neck and ears, and your heat beat just a little bit faster.
Your focus was back on Hyunjin, watching the light bounce off of his face. He was so perfect.
Now you too, were sat on the bed. You lifted his head gently to remove the hair tie holding half of the blonde heap together. Hyunjin groaned, reaching his hands up to scratch his scalp. He sat up after a moment, walking towards his dresser. He slipped off his button-down shirt and dress pants and swapped them for a t-shirt and a pair of sweats.
You were already under the blankets, preparing a movie for the both of you when he switched off the light. He joined you under the covers, just like he would have when you were little.
“We used to do this all the time,” you laughed, rolling on to your side.
“I remember,” he smiled. “My mom used to come up here and tell us to be quiet.”
Silence fell between you two for a while, your focus trained on the movie.
“It feels good to have you here, Y/N.” hyunjin broke the silence, staring at you.
You had propped your head up on your hand at this point, locking eyes with the boy in front of you.
“Im glad to be here. I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else but right here.” You spoke, genuine and sweet. He smiled, and turned back to the movie. You didn’t stop staring. He looked like he was carved out of stone by the gods. He was absolutely perfect.
“You are so beautiful, Hyunjin.” You spoke, so softly you weren’t sure he would hear you.
“So are you, Y/N.” He was now on his side, staring back at you. A blush crept its way on to your face once again, but under the blanket of darkness, he couldn’t tell. You moved your body closer to him, so you could lay on his chest. He welcomed your warmth and let you settle in before relaxing himself.
“You know I love you, right Hyunjin?” You looked up into his eyes from his chest. “More than anything.”
“I love you too, Y/N.” He whispered into your hairline. He left a gentle kiss at the crown of your head and began to play with loose strands of your hair.
“I’ll always be on your side.” You whispered to him, but he had already fallen fast asleep with you on his chest. This was peace. Not just for you, but for Hyunjin too.
a/n: i wrote this a while ago and got inspiration by my dearest friend @strawbrrychan
hyunjin x reader
genre: fluff
word count: 0.3k
11- how amazing you are with animals especially kkami the two things she loves most in the world getting along perfectly. he swears he’s in heaven
10- he loves the way you play with his fingers when your nervous or just bored
9- he still gets butterflies when your name pops up on his phone even after dating for months
8- he wants you both to go get your nails done together but he is too scared to ask
7- he knows how much you go through and he loves to listen to you rant as much as you hate opening up he will beg you until you give in
6- he absolutely loves when you braid his hair. he especially loves when you’ll put pretty clips in it
5- he absolutely loves your voice. singing, speaking, yelling, laughing, whispering, rapping for all he cares. he absolutely loves it. and when you talk to him before bed… it will put him RIGHT to sleep
4- your eyes. he loves your eyes. he could quite frankly get lost in them, he swears they sparkle. and he loves your glasses. he thinks you look so pretty
3- he loves your piercings and just like your nails, he wants to get some done with you
2- your style. he loves the way you look amazing in everything. baggy clothes, tight clothes, dresses, skirts , jeans doesn’t matter. you always pull it off
1- he loves you. though he doesn’t say it often and doesn’t like showing how much he does. he loves you. with all of his heart. he adores everything you do. the way you walk and talk and laugh and do your daily everyday things. making coffee, reading, making your bed. everything. he swears he sounds crazy but you seem to do everything better
i will write pretty much anything like reactions, imagines, dabbles , one shots, headcannons
i will mostly write about the groups i stan ( nct 127, stray kids, seventeen, the boyz ) but i can try my best to write about other groups i may not be familiar with!!
i write fluff and angst mostly but i can write whatever
i won’t write graphic smut but i will allude to suggestive themes and i will write makeout sessions
I WILL NOT WRITE HYBRID AUS.
i will absolutely not write about rape or any harassment, nothing involving minors or incest. i will also not write anything that goes along with non consensual acts.
a/n: sneak peak of a story i’ve been meaning to write for actually four years… hope you enjoy :)
bang chan x fem!reader
you let out a long exaggerated sigh as you looked down at the broken cracked sidewalk. you were only a few blocks from your apartment, but it was late and you were tired from school today. all you wanted was to be in bed watching your favorite show snuggled up in your blankets. you smiled at the thought. suddenly you were ripped from your snuggly fantasy as you looked down at the boy you stepped on. “shit can you watch where your going i’m already not having the best nigh-“ he started, before vomiting all of your shoes. “shit. i’m so sorry.” he said as you made eye contact. “oh uh you’re y/n right?” the brunette boy questioned looking up at you. “um. yeah.” you said looking to your left just trying to avoid the awkward small talk as he did just yak all over your freshly new uggs. “let me clean this up for you.“
“do i know you from somewhere?” you stared at the awfully familiar boy.
“yes we have biochem together. i sit behind you.” he gazed blankly at you, almost as if he was offended you didn’t already know who he was.
“ah i thought so…well what are you doing puking on people’s shoes at 10:30 at night?” you asked holding out your hand to help him up. he let out a small laugh ignoring your helping hand.
“don’t worry about it. i’ll see you around. oh and sorry about the shoes, i’ll repay you another time.” he gave you a quick head nod as he headed in the opposite direction.
you stood there confused as if that interaction had actually happened. yet the scent of his cologne mixed with the faint liquor has you drawn to his mysterious persona and you found yourself wanting that not to be the last time you spoke. and to your pleasure it wouldn’t be.
this is a snippet of a new piece i’m working on!! hope you enjoy, and feedback is appreciated!!
pairing: bang chan x fem!reader
in your coastal college town, the name christopher bang was simply a familiar whisper in the air of the community. he knew everyone — rather, everyone knew him. he was a social butterfly to say the least, making it his mission to bring a smile to the faces of those he came across. but you? that’s a different story.
you were like a book he didn’t know how to read properly. a puzzle he couldn’t quite complete.
he saw you all over the place.
on campus, taking a stroll.
sitting in the park reading.
across the lecture hall, where you couldn’t quite see him.
but you never spoke.
like a mouse in the walls of an old home- quiet, and hardly noticed.
and then he saw you at parties.
you were a completely different person.
bubbly, and outgoing. willing to talk to anyone who would spare you the time.
absolutely bouncing off the walls with energy and passion.
it intrigued him.
He wanted to know who you really were.
You, sober and on your own, not the person you were when fueled by substances in your body.
a/n: this is from AGES ago but a friend and i were talking about old stories and i completely forgot about it!! i think it’s super sweet,, so enjoy!
“bye, love! i’ll see you later, okay?” you called behind you, walking out the large school doors. you smiled to yourself as you walked home, thinking back to how your boyfriend, felix, asked you to prom.
“y/n,” you heard a familiar voice whisper in your ear from behind you, as you swiftly made your way to your next period.
“come with me for a sec?” the boy said, grabbing your hand. you blinked at him for a moment confused, shutting your locker that was conveniently placed next to an exit. “lix, we have class-“
“so what? this is WAY more important. you’ll love it. besides, it’s lunch anyway,” he smiled at you, tugging on your sleeve. he looked at you with big pleading eyes, the look he knew you couldn’t resist.
“fine. where are we going?” you gave in, a smile creeping on your face.
“it’s a surprise.” he whispered, covering your eyes with one hand and guiding you with the other.
“are we almost there? my legs are tired.” you whiled, after a few minutes of walking.
“we’re here.” you could hear the smile in his voice. soon his hands were uncovering your eyes, blurred figures in front of you. you blinked at the scene a few times, your eyes adjusting to the light.
your eyes opened wide as your hands reached up to cover your mouth. felix had planned a picnic on the school rooftop for the two of you.
a small blanket decorated with dozens of his famous sweets sat there, along with your favorite ice tea, and some popcorn. not to mention the little hand-written sign that spelled out the word “PROM?”.
“felix!” you said looking at him in awe. “you didn’t have to do this,” he smiled at you, grabbing your hand and pulling you over to the blanket.
the two of you ate in peace, sharing loving glances at one another, giggling quietly.
you ran into your house frantically, searching for your dress. you burst into your room panting, your eyes darting from either side of the room. you let out a sigh of relief, seeing your shining cerulean gown, hanging from your closet door in all its glory. “you look wonderful in blue!” your mother always said to you. you smiled at the thought.
you walked into the bathroom quietly, switching on the shower. after all, you only had four hours to get ready.
you stripped off of whatever you were wearing prior, and jumped into the shower quickly.
you sat on your bed anxiety eating away at you, waiting for your phone to ding signaling felix had arrived.
you stated at yourself in the mirror from your bed, admiring the way your gown shimmered in the light.
you almost screamed, hearing your phone ding from your boyfriend’s message. your heart began thumping harder with every step you took, you were convinced it would have beat its way out of your chest, had you not been delicately wrapped in a corset.
“bye!” you called out to whoever remained in your house, shutting the door behind you.
you turned to face felix with a smile, brushing any hair off of your dress. he stood there, gawking at you from his car. a hand reached up to his mouth as he approached you.
“you look so beautiful baby,” he smiled down at you, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“don’t cry on me now, lix!” you giggled, pressing your head to his chest.
once you arrived at the school, you let out a shaky breath, turning to look at your handsome boyfriend. he was dressed in a blue suit tinted to match yours perfectly, a small flower delicately placed in his chest pocket.
“ready, love?” he smiled at you. you nodded eagerly, the music growing louder as you approached the school doors.
you danced nearly the whole night, in complete bliss with felix. he watched you dance your heart out, laughing the whole time. he never thought he could fall more in love with you until then.
once the night came to an end, felix promised to drive you home. you had planned to introduce him to your parents for the first time.
“what if they hate me?” he asked, parking in front of your house.
“lixxie, i promise you they won’t hate you. there’s nothing to hate. you’re an amazing person. and even if they do, who cares? i’m gonna love you no matter what, so what does it matter?” you smiled at him, taking his hand. “they’re gonna love you.” you kissed him gently.
you walked up your front steps, felix’s hand in yours, as he stood behind you. you knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it. a few moments later, the door swung open to reveal a small woman, and a very tall man. you could feel your boyfriend’s grip on your hand get tighter.
“hey guys,” you smiled. “i have someone i want you to meet.” you turned to look at him.
“this,” you gestured to the tall boy next to you. “is by boyfriend, felix.”
a warm smile spread across your mother’s face, opening her arms to hug your boyfriend.
“he’s so cute, y/n!” she said to you.
“it’s wonderful to have your daughter as my girlfriend.” he smiled to your father, bowing politely.
your father even cracked a smile, calming felix’s nerves a little.
“come inside! you’re gonna get cold!” your father ushered the two of you inside. you sat in your living room, conversing with your parents.
“where are you from felix?” your mom looked at him.
“i’m actually from australia, i moved here a few years ago with my mom.” he answered warmly.
“okay okay, enough with the small talk,” your dad cut into the conversation. “y/n, go shower or something! let us talk to felix!” he waved you off. you turned to your boyfriend, and he nodded. you smiled, and walked upstairs. “don’t scare him away please!” you called from the top of the stairs, the smile evident in your voice.
“she really does mean a lot to me, i’m so grateful she came into my life. i don’t know what i would do without her. she’s my best friend, and i love her unconditionally. thank you from raising such an amazing person.” you heard felix speak. you leaned against the door frame silently, watching him smile, thinking of you.
“well we have an audience now and it’s getting late, thank you for bringing her home.” your father stood up. “you’re a good kid, felix. please treat her right.”
you smiled, seeing how much your parents liked him.
you walked him over to the door, stepping outside with him.
“thank you for tonight.” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“of course. i had so much fun. i love you.” he put his forehead to yours. you smiled, pulling him into a short kiss. you pulled away smiling wide.
“is that my hoodie?” he stared down at your outfit, a pair of shorts and a hoodie way too big for you. you smiled, nodding.
“ill give you more tomorrow if you want, okay?” he offered. he smiled, watching the way your face lit up. you nodded eagerly.
“GET A MOVE ON, LOVEBIRDS!” you heard your dad call from inside. you both let out a laugh, finally letting go of eachother. you said your final goodbyes, watching felix’s car pull away from your house.
you smiled, walking back inside.
you knew he’d be coming over in the future more often.
warnings: depictions of panic attacks, funerals, death, suicide
word count: 4k
a/n: AAHHH ITS HERE! i hope you’re excited to read this omg it literally took forever … like over a month. BUT! SHES HERE AND I HOPE YOU LOVE IT!! please please please give me feedback in the comments (what you liked, didn’t like, etc.)!! it’s much shorter than i wanted it to be, but i really tried :( anyways, if you’re uncomfortable / sensitive to the topics listed in warnings, i recommend you don’t read any further. (@punkjisung , enjoy <3
“Class is dismissed,”your teacher sighed, visibly tired from the school day. The bell rang as he spoke, and the hallways were soon flooded with students eager to leave the building. You joined them, walking quickly to your small locker. You tossed the papers from your previous classes inside of it, snatching your bag up and swinging it over your shoulder.
“Y/n!” You heard your best friend’s voice chirp as you slammed your locker, almost as if on cue. You had been waiting for him after the bell rang. “Are you ready to leave?” he smiled, hopping up to you.
“Hello, Y/n! how are you Y/n? I’m good, thanks Jisung!” you rolled your eyes at him, leaning against your locker.
“Sorry!” he looked down, flustered.
“I’m teasing,” you tapped his arm, beginning to walk down the hall to the exit. “Yeah, i’m ready.”
“Is everything okay?” he asked, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You could feel the goosebumps rising on the back of your neck.
You hated that feeling he gave you. The feeling when you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, where every time you hear his name your heart beats just a little bit faster. Or when his fingers graze your skin, you can’t help but feel sparks spreading across your insides like the plague.
You always wished that your were just a little bit more than friends with Jisung, but never had enough guts to ask him. You could never let yourself, in fear of losing the relationship you already had with the boy. He had been your best friend for a few years now.
“Y/n?” he asked again, snapping you back to reality from your thoughts. You shook your head. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just really tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” You smiled at him, swinging the school doors open to reveal the bustling schoolyard.
“We don’t have to go to the coffee shop,” he said, staring at you with concern.
“Are you kidding me? We do this shit every week, Jisung. I promise, I’m okay.” you smiled at him, reassuringly.
“Are you okay?” you said, never removing your gaze from his face. His eyes were glued to the floor for a few moments before meeting your own. For a moment, he looked like he was going to cry. “Yeah, I’m okay.” he finally nodded, a small grin forming on his face.
By the time you reached the shop, the two of you were practically gasping for air, laughing at yet another terrible joke Jisung had told you. You smiled, seeing the familiar painted windows of your favorite coffee shop. You quickly adjusted to the cool environment, the bell on top of the door chiming as you walked inside.
The coffee shop wasn’t large or busy, you and Jisung were one of the few regulars there. You inhaled as you walked in, smelling the freshly made coffees and warm pastries ready to be served.
You had always admired how pretty the interior was. The lights were dim and the wooden beams covering the walls were painted a warm brown. The seats were a complimentary emerald green, matching with the plants scattered around the shop.
“God, I love it here,” you sighed, slipping into the usual booth you and Jisung shared every time you went.
“Do you want your usual?” he asked, standing in front of the table. You nodded, thankful for his memory of your specific order.
That was your routine. Every friday after school you and Jisung would walk to the coffee shop from school, and sit in your usual booth right next to the windows at the front of the shop. You would order a simple iced coffee with caramel, and he would order an iced americano with a slice of cheesecake. Every single week, since the beginning of the school year. You had always felt some sort of comfort there, or maybe it was the fact that Jisung was always there with you.
A few moments later, the boy walked back with your drinks and his snack excitedly. “How do you always manage to get my order right? Your memory is terrible,” you laughed, sliding your coffee towards your body on the table.
Jisung’s head lifted up, his eyes widening a little. A small blush that you were somehow oblivious to, crawled across his face as he spoke. “I don’t know,” he sat down across from you, wiggling in his seat as he began to eat. “I think i’ve just gotten used to ordering it so often.” He spoke. “You’re acting like we don’t do this every week.” he continued, shoveling a piece of cake into his mouth, squirming with joy. You looked at him with pure adoration in your eyes. “They didn’t have it last time, remember? I’ve been through a drought!” Jisung whined, chewing on his cake.
“You’re so annoying,” you laughed, taking a sip of your coffee.
You groaned, tasting pure caramel.
“What’s wrong?” Han looked at you.
“They did not mix this well,” you frowned.
“Oh.. I’m sorry,” the boy's expression mirrored yours.
“It’s fine, I’m still gonna drink it. And it’s not like I can’t stir it,” You smiled softly.
A moment of silence fell between you, as you swished the drink around in your cup.
“How are you always so optimistic?” Jisung sparked another conversation, pushing his plate to the side, finishing his last bite.
“What do you mean?” You lifted your head from your phone. A flash of what almost looked like dejection flashed behind his eyes, before returning to normal.
“I don’t know, after you said that about your coffee it made me think… You’re always looking at the bright side of things. Like… always. I wish I were like that.” he frowned. You narrowed your eyes at him, thinking.
“I do that? I didn’t even realize.”
After that, the two of you took your drinks and began walking back to your house.
“What are we watching today?” you turned to him, taking another sip of your coffee. You also watched a movie at your house, and Jisung would always choose what to watch.
“Can we watch The Grinch?” his chestnut head turned to look at you.
“The Grinch? Jisung, it’s the middle of spring-“ you laughed.
He scoffed, folding his arms. “I wanna watch it, Y/n! You asked!” his lower lip formed a pout, stomping his feet a little. You smiled at his childish antics, watching him with pure adoration in your eyes.
He was so cute. The way his brows furrowed when he pouted, and his cheeks got all puffy. Or the way he’d dance when he was happy. You loved all of it.
You threw yourself on your couch, the TV remote in your hand. You switched the TV on, searching for Jisung’s request of “The Grinch”. You could hear the popcorn popping in the kitchen where he was. As soon as it stopped, his loud footsteps were heard behind you. “Ah! Jisung!” you whined, as he jumped on top of you, placing the bag of popcorn on the table in front of the couch. The movie was long forgotten by then, as you felt his fingers jab at your sides violently. Soon he was sat on top of you with no plan to cease his actions. You couldn’t help but wiggle underneath him, trying to escape his unstoppable tickles “Jisung! No!” you cried, reaching for something to defend yourself. Finally, you managed to get ahold of a pillow, hitting his head with it. His body went tumbling off the side of the couch, smacking onto the floor.
“Ow, that hurt! You’re lucky I love you, Y/N.” he said sitting up.
Both of your eyes went wide in shock. You watched Jisung’s hand fly over his mouth, not bothering to get up from the spot on the floor where he landed.
There was that feeling again. Where you swore your heart could beat out of your chest if it wasn’t for your ribs caging them in, where the hair on the back of your neck stood up, and butterflies swarmed your stomach, making you dizzy.
Did Han Jisung like you back?
You opened your mouth to speak, but Jisung beat you to it. “I like you.” he spoke hurriedly, before he stood up smashing his lips onto yours. You gasped at the sudden contact, and yet he was still so gentle with it. Jisung’s lips were soft against yours, melding perfectly into them. Like they were crafted for you, and you alone. Your heart was beating so hard, so loud, you swore Jisung could hear it too.
Han Jisung was kissing you. He liked you.
You felt his hand on top of yours, the other cupping your cheek, caressing it gently with his thumb. Your eyes fluttered shut, reaching up to rest your arms on his shoulders. Your once stiff body relaxed into his touch, kissing him further. He sat down, guiding your hips onto his lap. His hands were on your waist now, rubbing gentle circles into the fabric of your pants. He lifted your head, placing chaste kisses along your neck as you played with the hair at the base of his hairline. You finally pulled back, breathing heavily.
“I thought..” You began, staring down at Jisung’s now swollen lips.
“Me too,” he smiled, staring up at you. “How long were you planning on keeping it from me?”
“I was never gonna tell you, Jisung.” you sighed. “I didn’t want to lose what we already had. I couldn’t lose you. Not over something like a stupid crush.” he stared at the floor for a moment, analyzing your statement .
“So what does this make us?” he lifted his nervous gaze to meet yours once again. You sat in silence for a moment, considering.
“Well,” you said, standing up in front of him. “Han Jisung, will you be my boyfriend?” You bowed, holding your hand out to him. He smiled up at you, taking your hand and joining you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, swaying your bodies together. You placed your head on his chest, sighing in relief. "Yes," he spoke into your hair gently.
“I’m tired. Let’s nap or something.” You finally said, after a few minutes of just swaying, the movie seemingly quiet.
Your hips finally slowed in sync eventually becoming still, as Jisung lead you back over to the couch. The credits of the movie were well past finished, the tv had yet to shut off. Jisung ran to grab a blanket for the two of you, knowing your house like the back of his hand. He came back to you within seconds, holding your favorite fuzzy blanket and tossing it over your frame. You opened your arms wide, waiting to feel his body in your arms. Soon he was pressed against you, snaking his arms around your waist once again, sighing with a smile on his face.
“Sleep well Ji,” you whispered, kissing his forehead. It felt good, not having to hide how much joy feeling him in your arms brought you.
It was only a few days after you and Jisung had confessed to each other, on a casual Sunday night. The clouds were thick over the sky, rain pounding on your window violently. You were curled up in bed enjoying whatever it was you were looking at on your phone, until you were interrupted by a phone call. You smiled, looking at your boyfriend’s contact appearing at the top of your screen. You picked up soon after, lifting the phone to your ear. You were calm with the silence on the other end of the line, until Jisung let out a choked cry.
“Ji?” You sat up immediately. “Jisung, what’s wrong?”
“I-I feel like-“ he began. You were slipping your shoes on, already preparing to drive to his house. “I feel like I cant breathe,” he said again. “My hands are numb and I’m dizzy. Am I dying? Y/N, I don’t wanna die,” he cried.
“It’s okay, I’m coming. You’re not gonna die, I’m right here with you. Stay on the phone with me, okay?” You rushed your words more that you’d hoped, cringing internally. You jumped into your car, tossing your phone into the passenger’s seat next to you. “I’m almost there, okay?” You spoke hurriedly as you flew past the houses on the street. Only a few minutes passed before you were fumbling out of your car into the pouring rain, and running up to Jisung’s front door. You swung it open quickly, calling out for him in his dark house. You could hear his incessant cries from down the hall and instinctively followed them. Your gentle hands clicked his bedroom door open, to find him placed in between the wall and the side of his bed. His knees were tucked under his chin, as he rocked himself slowly. You dropped to your knees in front of him, bringing his head to your chest immediately.
“I’m here. You’re okay.” You hushed him, feeling him finally grip the back of your shirt.
You had never, not once, seen Jisung like that. He was always the happy-go-lucky friend everyone had. He never had an ounce of dejection in his body - or at least never showed it - which is what scared you the most.
“Please don’t bring this up again,” he spoke into your damp shirt after his cries stopped and his breathing evened out. You nodded silently, promising yourself and him to never speak of it.
It had been a few weeks since Jisung called you, the two of you still went to your usual Friday coffee ritual after school. You still never brought it up, keeping every question to yourself.
You were about to drive home from your coffee ritual, until Jisung proposed a bright idea. “Let’s go to the mall. I want to buy you something.” You blinked at him for a moment. “What? It’ll be fun!” He said shoving the keys into the ignition.
You wandered around the mall for a while, his hand in yours as you talked about anything that came to mind. The thought of asking about Jisung’s phone call still lingered at the back of your head.
There were a few times where you pointed out a pair of shoes or a bracelet that you liked, but you never let Jisung buy it for you. “Please, Y/n!” The taller boy whined, after you said no to yet another item to buy. “Let me get you something!” As if on cue, you stopped dead in your tracks, letting out a quiet gasp. You stood in the walkway of the mall, staring into the window of a store. Jisung inched closer to you, trying to meet your gaze through the store. You gripped his hand, dragging him into the store and standing in front of the item you were drawn to. Jisung stared at your face, analyzing the way your eyes shimmered as you scanned the item. You stood before the piece, your fingers dancing along the hem of it. “I love it,” you whispered, turning to face your boyfriend.
It was a silky cerulean dress, with a slit running along the upper thigh. The straps were simple thin strings, which would presumably hang delicately on your shoulders once you wore it. A smile was spread across your boyfriend’s face as well, watching your mannerisms as you admired the dress. “Will you let me buy it?” Jisung traced the fabric. You smiled wide, nodding vigorously. He swung the dress over his shoulder, grasping your hand gently as you sauntered over to the register together. The woman stood there smiling at you, taking the dress from your boyfriend’s hands. “You two are really cute,” she said, scanning the barcode as the total appeared on the screen next to the register. “Ah, young love,” she sighed, placing her hand over her heart. “That’ll be $19.99.” Jisung pulled out his wallet, handing her a card before turning to you to admire your features for a moment. You met his gaze, smiling at how focused he looked. “Here you go.” The employee said, handing Jisung your bag. You turned to walk away, before she stopped you. “I can see it in his eyes, they’re filled with so much emotion, he could burst. Keep him safe.” She winked at you. You thought back to the night that he called you. “He really does love you. I can see that too.” Although bewildered, you nodded and gave her a smile before meeting your boyfriend a few feet ahead of you.
Jisung dropped you off at your house, hugging you before leaning back to stare at you for what seemed like the millionth time that day. “I’m gonna pick you up for dinner tonight, okay?” He said, placing his hands on your shoulders. You smiled and nodded, giving him a small kiss before walking inside.
When he appeared at your doorstep again, his eyes were sparkling, taking in your glowing figure once again. You stood in front of him in your brand new dress, the corner of your lips turning upwards. You looked up to the sky for a moment, the baby blue you used to see now meeting hues of orange and pink, as the sun descended behind the mountains.
“You look so beautiful,” Jisung finally said, he looked shocked - eyes blown wide. “Thank you,” you smiled, kissing his forehead as you approached his figure.
“Shall we go madam?” Jisung teased, playfully lending you his hand to escort you to the car as if you were royalty. You grasped his hand gently, walking down your stairs.
You reached your destination quickly and blindly (he had you cover your eyes for the “best part”), Jisung coming to an abrupt stop, causing you to run straight into his back. “Sorry,” you could hear his sheepish smile in the way he spoke. You imagined that tinge of pink that coated the tips of his ears as he spoke again, “You ready?” You nodded, bracing yourself for the setting your boyfriend prepared for you. He untied the small cloth at the back of your head, bringing it down off of your eyes. You blinked slowly, your eyes adjusting to the dimming light of the sun. Jisung watched your expression change, a tender grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. You turned to him with eyes which he thought ‘held the entire universe in them,’ smiling wider than you ever have. “Oh my god, jisung!” you playfully hit his arm. He had set up a picnic for the two of you under a small tree. You were stood in a quaint field, decorated with an array of colored flowers everywhere you looked. You hadn’t realized, but Jisung had snapped a photo of your smiling face to remember that day. To remember how much love he felt for you.
Jisung swiped his fingers across your palm, drawing little shapes across it before connecting your fingers together as you walked to your setup. He had bought a few of your favorite dishes, and your go-to order from your small coffee shop on your way home from school.
After a while of picking at a little bit of your food, you found yourself situated between Jisung’s legs, your back against his chest, sipping your coffee occasionally.
“Can we take a photo?” you turned your neck to face him. Jisung grinned at you, as you grabbed your phone from the blanket the two of you were perched on. You held the device in front of your faces, posing for the image. You snapped a few photos, bringing your arms down to see them better.
“I like this one the most,” he pointed out a specific photo. “Your smile looks so genuine there. I really love it.” He started at it dotingly. You watched his eyes finally meet yours, and his lips pulled into a smile. “I love you so much,” he kissed you. You giggled into the kiss, placing your hands on his jaw. “I love you more.” you finally spoke.
The sun had gone down hours ago, leaving you with the ocean of deep purple and blue hues dancing with the stars as they shimmered above your heads. You were still sat in your boyfriend’s lap against the tree, staring at the sky now.
“Hey Ji?” Your gentle voice broke the comfortable silence you sat in. A blush crept up the boy’s neck that you could just barely make out in the darkness that surrounded you. He hummed in response. “Can you promise me something?” You felt the words fall out of your mouth. You shifted in his lap to face him with your whole body. He looked at you confused, but nodded anyway. “Promise me,” you began, grabbing your phone and showing him the photo he had pointed out earlier. “Promise me that you’ll remember this moment, you and I together under the stars. No matter what happens to us, remember how much fun we had.” Jisung let out a quiet sigh, before speaking. “But nothing lasts forever.” he whispered, wrapping you back in his arms. But this time it felt different - his hug. It was like he’d never see you again. At that point, you felt your eyelids getting heavier, letting your body lean further against your boyfriend’s. “I love you so much,” you whispered, letting sleep take ahold of you.
The next morning, you weren’t in a field of flowers with your boyfriend. Instead, you were met with bland ceilings and an empty left side of your bed. You laid in your once warm and welcoming oasis, stretching your arm out to touch the sheets. Your arms moved quickly, frantically searching for purchase in another warm body next to yours. “Jisung?” you sat up, finally looking around your room. Your eyes finally met his, just not in the way you’d hoped for. It was one of the last photos you had of him before he took himself from your world. It was framed on your once shared bedside table; a photo of the two of you in a park together. Tears formed in your eyes, blurring your vision as you let out a choked sob, your shoulders shaking violently as each cry was ripped from your lungs. It felt like you were suffocating. Drowning. Your whole world was dark and meaningless without him - Without Jisung. And it wasn’t fair - how your brain did that to you. How it made you think for a moment, that maybe, just maybe you’d have him back and it all would’ve been a bad dream. But alas, that want the case. You let your grieving mind wander back to his funeral.
You and all of your shared friends were stood in a dismal graveyard, surrounding a casket that didn’t deserve to be there; that shouldn’t have been there. You stood there, staring at the wooden box - cursing it silently. How could you have let him slip away so easily? You’d never forgive yourself for letting the only person who brought real joy to your life slip away from you so easily by his own hand. One of his and your closest friends, Chan, had walked over to you, wrapping you in a tight embrace. He didn’t need to say anything to you. You and already heard it all before.
Your body was shaking now, trembling hands gripping the bedsheets tightly as your mind finally came back from the horrid date.
You leaned over to grab your phone, unlocking it quickly. You opened the phone app, calling a number you knew all too well.
“Hey, it’s Jisung, sorry I couldnt get to the phone, please leave a message-“ his voice rang through the device. You needed to hear his voice again. Even if it was some stupid voicemail recording. It was the only thing you had left of his voice - of his presence.
Han Jisung, your person, your light - was gone. And he was never coming back to you, no matter how hard you tried, or how many stars you wished on. Your light had put himself out for good, and you’d never see him shine again.
It hadn't hit you until that moment - that dream was just highlighting your core memories of him. You scoffed, thinking of how your subconscious managed to do such a thing to you.
You really did have the Wildest Dreams after he died.
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