haven't seen you around for a while now. i hope you're doing alright ♡
Hi omg it's been a really long time WHEW
i'm not sure how many of y'all are gonna see this lol but basically what happened was that I ended up getting really busy with school and i didn't have much time to write. so this account got pushed onto the back burner as my classes started to get more intense and we ended up having in person classes again. college has really been kicking my ass (three years of this, what else is new), and i ended up losing some of my interest in kpop as a whole. not that i don't still enjoy it or love and support the boys, it's just that keeping up with content and actually participating in fandom became harder and harder for me as classes picked up.
i could barely juggle my own mental health along with my coursework, so writing and maintaining my fan accounts got pushed aside for a while. i know i still have a lot of stuff to start writing, finish, and catch up on lmao but as of right now, i'm not entirely sure when i'll be able to set aside the time needed for this account. and i feel terrible about that, because i love reading all the comments you guys leave in the reblogs and i love knowing that y'all actually enjoy my writing. fandom and fanfiction aside, writing is a big part of my life and it's more than just a hobby for me and this account was such a great way for me to challenge myself while sharing what makes me happy in the hopes that you guys could enjoy it too, and i'm really glad to know that you do!
so from here on out, i'm just not sure when i'll be able to continue writing on here as it takes a lot of creative energy and right now i'm very short on that, as well as any other sort of energy in general :[ i tend to burn out very quickly, and it takes a while to be able to just sit and actually be productive, even though i love writing very much. so, i have to take long breaks to catch up to myself. and i hate to do that because i do love writing, i love writing for the fandom, and it makes me sad that i can't keep up with all the requests :( but i just have to get myself back on track again and figure out what exactly my interests even are.
im sorry for this long ass post lmaoo i just wanted to say i miss this acc and i miss writing stuff and thank you so much for checking up on me! it's been a roller coaster recently, and i hope i can come back here and write some more eventually. this was a really long post LMAO thanks for reading everything if you did, if not i totally understand LOL y'all are great, hopefully i'll be back soon <3
OH MY WORD. I just found your pages (and your smuts) and I am in love. I cannot lie, your fics are the best I've ever read. I really enjoyed the 'Affairs of the Court' w/ Youngbin and the Bathroom with Jaeyoon... ahhhh i Just, ive read them over and over and I can't get enough
OMG !! thank you so much, you’re too kind 🥺🥺 this really makes me feel so happy thank you! I’m glad you like my writing 💕💕
just wanted to drop in and say hello and also say sorry. my requests have been closed for a while and idk when they’ll be open again but I haven’t been motivated to write recently (or do anything much really). It’s like I write two words and then I can’t go on, but I feel really bad for being terrible with updates and requests.
anyway, if y’all wanna talk or just say hello, my inbox is still open for lil messages like that !
OH and also- I’ve gotten a few new followers lately and I’m really REALLY grateful that you guys like my posts ! Seeing all the likes and the reblogs really makes me happy, even tho ik Im bad at actually keeping up w content, but still thank you guys SO much !!
Inseong’s birthday :((( I make fun of him SO much I bully the old man but ykwhat. He’s not so bad. He’s my lil ray of happiness, but don’t tell anyone I said that bc I will deny it.
[It’s been a while since Taeyang moved out of the apartment the boys shared, and distance has led to them seeing less of each other. So, Hwiyoung decides to visit Taeyang one day, hoping to offer some company. Both of them end up sharing some long overdue thoughts.]
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"You know, talking to the plants won't actually help them grow."
Taeyang looked up from his seat by the window, lowering the small pot in his hands. He saw Hwiyoung, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and eyebrow raised. He didn't realize he'd left the door open.
"Beats not having anyone to talk to at all," Taeyang shrugged, turning back to the succulent. Living by himself seemed like a good idea at first, and Taeyang had enjoyed the privacy and peaceful atmosphere for a while. But a part of him missed the chaos and noise that came with having roommates.
There was a moment of silence, in which Hwiyoung walked over and dropped himself on the bed across from Taeyang. He leaned back on his hands and watched his ex-roommate put the plant down on the table just to pick another one up. Hwiyoung hadn't the slightest idea why Taeyang owned so many plants, but he didn't miss the fond way Taeyang ran his fingers along the striped leaves of the one he was holding.
"What's that?" Hwiyoung tilted his head to the side, nodding to the small plant when Taeyang looked up.
"Haworthia attenuata," Taeyang answered immediately, holding the pot toward Hwiyoung so he could get a better look. "Zebra cactus."
Hwiyoung nodded, looking intently at the raised white lines that ran across the plant. The name slipped his mind almost immediately, he didn't feel any different when he looked at it, and it didn't give him a spark of joy or anything when he touched the tip of his finger to a stripe. It was just a small plant.
"What about the one you were holding before?" Hwiyoung asked, tilting his head lazily to the side as Taeyang's brows furrowed for a quick moment, slender fingers reaching for the first pot.
"Pinwheel aeonium," Taeyang lifted the plant, showing Hwiyoung how the leaves were arranged in such a way that the plant itself slightly resembled a flower.
Hwiyoung raised an eyebrow, eyes drifting from the pot to the hands that held it, delicately balancing it on two palms. "The way the leaves are shaped like a flower. That's cool."
He looked up from studying the ring on Taeyang's pinky just in time to see the beginnings of a small smile, one that only graced his friend's face when he was fully enjoying himself.
"It's called a rosette," Taeyang straightened, leaning forward to better show the pattern. Hwiyoung thought he didn't care, but he found himself following along as the older boy trailed a finger in a spiral around the plant. "It helps the plant get as much sun as it can, while directing any water that lands on top straight to its roots."
Hwiyoung nodded like he understood even though he knew he'd forget in a few minutes. He wasn't in the mood to actually learn about plants, but kept asking questions anyway.
"Which one's your favorite?" He pushed himself off his palms and looked around the boy's room, noticing several other plants, both small flowers and succulents, delicately placed in any empty space.
There was no answer for a moment, so Hwiyoung turned his head back to Taeyang, feet tapping quietly against the bed frame. The older boy had fixed him with a look that was somewhere between confusion and embarrassment. Hwiyoung knew the expression because Taeyang's sharp eyebrows and full lips were drawn into lines as if he was trying to figure something out, and the tips of his ears were turning pink.
"What?" Hwiyoung crossed his arms, leaning his head against the headboard. A few strands of hair fell across his eyes but he wasn't bothered enough to push them back.
"What are you doing?" Taeyang set the little pot back on his table, pushing it away from the edge.
Hwiyoung raised his eyebrows even though Taeyang probably couldn't see them because of his fringe. "I'm talking to you. Isn't that what you want?"
Taeyang shifted in his seat, eyes dropping to the floor to study his shoes. "I didn't think you cared about plants."
"I don't," he replied, noticing the way Taeyang gripped his thighs, fingers paling. "But you do."
That made the other boy's ears flush deeper, eyelids fluttering in rapid blinks. That was a habit Taeyang had when he was flustered. A smile tugged at the corners of Hwiyoung's mouth; it had been a while since he'd had the opportunity to make Taeyang blush. He missed it.
"But I guess you'd rather talk to your plant friends, right?" Hwiyoung teased, studying his fingernails in mock disinterest.
Taeyang shrugged, crossing his own arms across his chest. "Maybe I would, since none of you ever bother coming by, anyway."
After he moved out, it had gotten harder to see Taeyang in person; everyone had their own busy schedules, and the only contact they had was in the group chat. It wasn't as if no one wanted to hang out, though, and things had been the same way when Inseong and Juho had found their own places. They didn't drift apart, the boys just saw each other a lot less. But Hwiyoung knew that comment wasn't made in general, it was specifically about him.
Instead of feeling hurt, Hwiyoung returned his old roommate's stare, biting back a grin.
"You miss us?" Hwiyoung asked pointedly.
Taeyang pursed his lips, blinking slowly to collect his thoughts. His head cocked to the side and he ran a hand through his hair. Hwiyoung noticed every change in his expression, even if Taeyang thought his eyes and lips were momentarily covered by his hands. "Do I miss the guys? Yeah, but I don't think I'll move back in."
Hwiyoung couldn't hold it back any longer, he let the smile grow wider. "Who do you miss the most?"
Taeyang thought he had his expressions under control, but to Hwiyoung he was just like an open book sometimes. He could let all his thoughts show right on his face, and Hwiyoung knew every single one of them. Hwiyoung leaned forward, inching toward the edge of the bed.
"That's not fair-" Taeyang instinctively pressed himself back against his chair.
"Why not?" Hwiyoung felt a familiar pang in his chest, one he hadn't felt in a long time. He reached out for the chair's arm rests and pulled, rolling Taeyang closer. With a sharp inhale, the older boy stopped only inches away.
"Because..." Taeyang paused, shoulders tensing. He looked back into the warm brown of Hwiyoung's eyes; they were so soft at the edges only for him.
Hwiyoung waited, arms caged around the flustered boy. The panging turned out to be his heart, beating a bit faster with every passing second. He knew what he wanted to hear, but it just had to be from Taeyang.
And Taeyang finally caved, a sigh escaping his lips. "Because you already know the answer. You know I miss you the most."
Taeyang watched as Hwiyoung's eyes lit up, curving into half-moons as the same bright smile spread across his face. The breath caught in his chest, taking in the boy in front of him. Having spoken the words out loud, Taeyang realized just how true they were. He missed sharing a room with Hwiyoung, missed talking about random things until they fell asleep mid-conversation. Missed hearing Hwiyoung ramble about the inevitable death of the universe in his deep, sleepy voice.
"You don't know how happy it makes me to hear that," Hwiyoung reached for Taeyang's hands, wrapping them in his own. Taeyang had missed this, too.
"Is that why you came here," Taeyang lowered his eyes again, studying the ringed fingers gripping his. "To make me tell you I miss you?"
Hwiyoung laughed this time, a quick succession of notes that made Taeyang's pulse skip. "It's part of the reason. I also came to tell you the same thing."
Taeyang didn't speak, just looked up expectantly at the younger boy. He was always the more bold of the two, just as reserved but gently nudging Taeyang forward all the time. If not for Hwiyoung, Taeyang knew he'd probably just be stuck like a streetlight, watching as everyone passed him by. Hwiyoung was what kept him moving, kept him from pushing back into himself.
Hwiyoung leaned forward, eyes sweeping across Taeyang's face and remembering every edge, lift, and curve. It had only been a few months, but Hwiyoung wanted to make sure nothing had changed. The older boy didn't avoid eye contact, he stared back with his own silent question waiting to be answered.
"I miss you, too," Hwiyoung finally spoke, voice low and heavy with a lot more things he wanted to say. "I know you probably aren't going to come back, and I know I could've just said this over the phone, but you're right. I should come by more often."
Taeyang turned his hands, slipping them more comfortably into Hwiyoung's. "I miss the guys, of course I do. But it's not the same without hearing you talk about random things when we're both too tired to pay attention. It's good for me to have moved out, to figure things out on my own. It gets lonely, though, since you're not here."
Hwiyoung nodded, unsure of what to do next. He'd said most of what he'd come to say, but a few more words kept nagging at him. He wanted to say them, wanted to let Taeyang know the truth, but he just wasn't sure how to go about doing it. He wanted to let Taeyang know everything he'd been hiding inside his heart, but the uncertainty of what would happen after felt like a wall he couldn't climb over.
"And honestly," Taeyang continued, fingers tightening around Hwiyoung's. "I miss a lot more than just your company. I'm not sure if i fully understood it when we were always around each other, but I'm certain of it now."
Hwiyoung's eyebrows furrowed, no longer following. Well, he heard and understood what Taeyang was saying, but maybe it was that he didn't want to fully grasp the meaning behind the words. It was a strange feeling- Hwiyoung had an inkling of what Taeyang wanted to say, but for some reason he didn't want the older boy to say anything. Because what if it wasn't what he was thinking after all? He didn't want the reality to be entirely opposite to what he wanted.
As if he noticed the slight nervousness, Taeyang offered a small smile. Hwiyoung felt heat rush up his neck and into his face at how Taeyang looked, soft around the edges with strong hands holding him in place. Keeping him from running away like he suddenly wanted to do.
"I don't really know how you feel about me," Taeyang said, taking Hwiyoung's silence to mean he was in listening mode. "But I think it's time I told you my side of things."
Hwiyoung wanted to pull out of the older boy's grasp, wanted to laugh his nonchalant laugh and tell Taeyang he'd said all he needed to say and be on his way. But he couldn't. Hwiyoung was rooted to the spot, and not even for the first time, he found himself expectant of Taeyang's next words.
"I like you," Taeyang lifted his eyes to Hwiyoung's, blinking slowly as he watched the words sink in. As he'd expected, Hwiyoung's expression didn't change; he was the same guarded boy as he'd always been. But Taeyang didn't mind that much. "Really, Hwi, I like you a lot more than I thought I did. And it just took some distance for me to realize that. And I don't want to pressure you, but I think I've done most of the talking here."
"Sorry," that was the first word out of Hwiyoung's mouth before a pause and he could see Taeyang hold his breath. The older boy's lips parted expectantly, waiting for the rest. And Hwiyoung supposed it was about time he'd said something, too. "I was just trying to process everything. And thinking about how I should tell you that I like you, too."
Taeyang's face broke into a smile, cheeks and ears faintly flushing pink. Hwiyoung leaned forward, emboldened by the positive reaction. "When you talk about things like plants or dancing or taking quiet walks after dinner- I don't really follow everything you say, but all I know is that, for some reason, I want to share in all those things with you. Hell, man, I don't even care about flowers like that, but I think I'd plant you an entire garden if it makes you happy."
"You don't have to do too much," Taeyang said softly, warm eyes sweeping over Hwiyoung's frame, tense from his sudden boost of energy. "Just having you with me is enough to make me happy."
"Well," Hwiyoung glanced to the side, ignoring the pounding rhythm in his chest. "Now that the talking's out of the way, there is one thing I'd actually like to do. If you don't mind me doing it."
A teasing grin played on Taeyang's lips and Hwiyoung braced himself. It wasn't like he was afraid of being assertive, but something about Taeyang made him want to tread carefully. Made him want to just be gentle.
"If we're both thinking of the same thing," Taeyang tilted his head to the side, pretending to ponder the suggestion. "Then I don't think I'd mind too much."
Hwiyoung paused for a moment, giving Taeyang time to back out if he needed to. The last thing he wanted was to make him feel like he was obligated to do anything he didn't want to do. But the reassuring smile on Taeyang's face was enough to stifle any worry Hwiyoung had. They both wanted this. So Hwiyoung made the first move.
Carefully, he set a hand against Taeyang's face, thumb tracing the defined lift of the older boy's cheekbone. Taeyang was still as he waited for Hwiyoung to move closer, observing the change in his expression. They were the most minute changes, but Taeyang's eyes caught them all- from the lowering of his eyelids to the parting of his lips.
"Why do I feel like I'm doing all the work here?" Hwiyoung muttered, eyes fixed on Taeyang's lips.
Lifting his hand, Taeyang tucked the stray locks of hair behind Hwiyoung's ear, resting his hand at the back of his neck, bringing the younger boy closer with a tug. "Better?" He offered, voice soft and low. The smoothness of his voice always caught Hwiyoung off guard; Taeyang could say anything with that tone and make it sound intimate. "Why are you holding me like I might break?"
Hwiyoung hadn't known it for the longest time, but this was the moment he'd been waiting for. To be with Taeyang in a place where nothing else mattered. Where their surroundings seemed to vanish and it could just be the two of them. Together.
And he didn't see a point in stalling any longer, he already had every feature on Taeyang's face memorized. So Hwiyoung leaned forward, and kissed him.
It was soft and chaste, sealing everything they'd said earlier into something more permanent. Real. Hwiyoung almost didn't notice the way Taeyang nearly melted into him, fingers weaving into his hair. Almost didn't notice the way his own hands dropped to Taeyang's neck and shoulders, holding him close in a way he never could before.
And when they pulled away from each other, Hwiyoung looked at Taeyang with new eyes. His head was clear and it no longer felt like his thoughts were all in a jumbled mess. He was, for the first time, honest with both himself and Taeyang about his feelings, and it felt good to know that Taeyang felt the same way.
"I'll always hold you like this so you don't break," Hwiyoung replied to Taeyang's earlier question. "Because you're precious to me."
i was expecting anything but a mafia concept tbh but i'm excited!!! 🐝
Me too tbh I don’t even know what I expected bc the teaser pics are so different. Maybe the next mv teaser is gonna be them playing around in the meadows or something I don’t trust these boys anymore loll
oh for suuuure 😏 jaeyoon seems to be more lowkey about it but DAWON ugh that mf... he's a huuuge tease 🥴 not to mention his long list of gym thirst traps... insufferable!! i love him
Don’t even get me STARTED on dawon... sometimes I think about that one video of him literally just sitting on the equipment. And he runs his hand through his hair (when it was a bit longer) and is just. SITTING there but man he looks so GOOD just existing and I cannot take it !
It’s really cute how Jaeyoon gets all shy n flustered when he does stuff like that tho, he’s a big cutie ☺️
😳😳😳 you got me Thinking... the sounds he's making in that vlive of him working out in the gym sjdjdjskdssbd jaeyoon and dawon's gym vlives are so dangerous 😩
THAT’S WHAT IM TALKING ABBTT whheewww those lives really... I fully had to take a BREAK they’re so 🥵🥵 but fr they HAD to have known what they were doing
Do y’all ever just stop to think... Jaeyoon would have the prettiest sounding moans? Like man I. Have no more words he’s just perfect in every way and he’d sound really good too
just read your semi? angst piece for youngbin & i loves it!! i know you’re not accepting req right now, so im just going to say.. PLSSS write more angst pieces!! sf9 lacks so much of it
AAAAA thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 and i definitely will ! thank you !
hello! just wondering do you currently have a dawon fic in your requests/wips? i know your reqs are closed right now but i love your writing so much and i'm hoping for more dawon from you :> if not i'll leave a request when they're open again ofc!! thanks and take care love
no i do not have a dawon fic yet! once i get these drafts out, i’ll be more than happy to see your request ! take care bby <3
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