We could be Heroes

[cherryrocksfm]

I am a little bit worried I accidentally grew up. I went out with a friend last night and had no interest in the drinking or even the bar, which, even if I don't drink alcohol, I'm still up and dancing in. Last night. I sat from the sidelines and watched.

[lady-knight-]

Living in the country can influence your style, I see it everyday. I wondered: “What if, deep down, you’re a gothic, but live in the countryside?” Sure, there’s no clubs, specialized stores or parties there, and a metal or fetish goth look can clash there. 

But still, you can totally combine it with cottagecore, I think, if you’re torn between the two.

-Wear Dark mori and/or strega inspired outfits. With crochet shawls, long victorian dresses, 70′s flowered dresses, combat shoes, and aprons; all in shades of black.

-Use black curtains with flowers or gingham pattern, and shades of black patchwork blankets.

-Along jars that contain fruits or jams, keep curiosities such as toadstool mushrooms or belladonna berries. Of course, not real ones, but  fake models made of plastic or ceramic.

-Practice embroidery, but with subjects such as bats, spiders, etc.

-Plant black flowers (tulips, volubilis, hollyhocks…) in the garden. If you have no animals or kids who risk to consume them, try toxic plants as well (like hemlock, poppies…). Let brambles or nettles grow.

-Decorate your pies with subjects such as moons, owls, octopus…

-Have a black dog or cat.

-Use black porcelain china, yet flowered (I know, no easy to find).

-Appreciate owls and toads company, by listening to their yells at night.

[cottagemoridollynatural]

Living in the country can influence your style, I see it everyday. I wondered: “What if, deep down, you’re a gothic, but live in the countryside?” Sure, there’s no clubs, specialized stores or parties there, and a metal or fetish goth look can clash there.

But still, you can totally combine it with cottagecore, I think, if you’re torn between the two.

-Wear Dark mori and/or strega inspired outfits. With crochet shawls, long victorian dresses, 70′s flowered dresses, combat shoes, and aprons; all in shades of black.

-Use black curtains with flowers or gingham pattern, and shades of black patchwork blankets.

-Along jars that contain fruits or jams, keep curiosities such as toadstool mushrooms or belladonna berries. Of course, not real ones, but  fake models made of plastic or ceramic.

-Practice embroidery, but with subjects such as bats, spiders, etc.

-Plant black flowers (tulips, volubilis, hollyhocks…) in the garden. If you have no animals or kids who risk to consume them, try toxic plants as well (like hemlock, poppies…). Let brambles or nettles grow.

-Decorate your pies with subjects such as moons, owls, octopus…

-Have a black dog or cat.

-Use black porcelain china, yet flowered (I know, no easy to find).

-Appreciate owls and toads company, by listening to their yells at night.

[cherryrocksfm]

My friend text me asking if I'd rather do yoga or pilates.

I sent my message back without reading it properly...

I replied I want to do pirates.

[cherryrocksfm]

Heartbreaking but beautiful game.

Endling - extinction is forever.

[derangedrhythms]

Colossal desire to escape, retreat, not talk to anybody.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath ⁠— July 1950 - July 1953

[cherryrocksfm]

Something hard about going through life with a name you dislike but not knowing what to call yourself either. I feel disconnected, a lost identity.

[cherryrocksfm]

On 22nd April 2023 my 15 year dog Jess died

[cherryrocksfm]

My dog died yesterday

Her name was Jess, she was 15 years old

I'm hurt

[cherryrocksfm]

With Emily

Watched the DnD film today, we both loved it,

Went to spoons for a burger and a drink, then headed off to play some pool.

It was a really nice day.

[cherryrocksfm]

One day last week, I had a message from my brother apologising for the way he has treated me. He apologised for everything, he said none of it was my fault, only him to blame.

I've been happy since.

I've told a few people, but I don't think they realise how much this means to me and how it's settled a part of me inside. I feel whole.

[cherryrocksfm]

Saw friends today, Clare and Ashley, we went for a walk, just under 10 miles it was, absolutely wonderful.

Saw donkey, calfs, lambs, cows, sheep, alpacas, deer.

We're planning on going to Simons seat soon.

[cherryrocksfm]

I've booked my maths exam today, I also learned that the apprenticeship I want to go for, well, there is only one spot. So that means I'll be up against my friend for the spot.

Sad times.

I've also become readiccted to Riverdale.

[cherryrocksfm]

There's a guy at work threatening to report me because he said I spoke to him in an annoyed tone. 😒

[cherryrocksfm]

Sunday... this week at work, there was an op where 235 cm of small bowel was removed from the patient. It's pretty interesting how much the body can live without.

I've just been quiet today. I'm trying to find a reason to sort my life out and tidy the house. Other than Jess, there isn't one. I do wonder what will happen to me when she dies.

[cherryrocksfm]

It's Saturday, and I have a rare whole weekend off. Today is a wipeout. I put a fentanyl patch on for the first time yesterday, spent the day spaced, trying to do maths revision.. safe to say it's not going well. I've taken the patch off, haha.

There is this guy at work who I try to be normal around but end up just being a bit of a loud dick because we were friends but then people started saying we should be a couple and asking if I fancied him all the time, apprently no one asked him this. So, anyway, I became super awkward and turned into a bit of an arsehole. I'm different at work anyway, but he sets it to a new level. I know it's me and not him.

[cherryrocksfm]

Orthopaedics day today, I work in a hospital.

It was a really nice day, though, chilled but not slow. Everything flowed, but it wasn't rushed. Lovely day, despite leaving late.

Jess wet her bed for the first time whilst I was home. Normally she would tell me she needs to go out for a wee but she didn't seem to realise herself.

Jess is 15

[cherryrocksfm]

I believe it's all in the eyes, there are those I work with who have struggled, alone. It's there in their eyes they're tired, worn, still holding something from whatever it was that scarred them inside. A pain that is ingrained, a thousand tears cut like glass and left the scars there hidden in plain sight.

Then there are those who haven't experienced it or have had good support around them. Their eyes still have a life in them, not dulled by the reality of facing the world alone.