spilled

dreaming

[osteo-necrosis]

Under Blue

The water is lapping

Soft and slow

Slowly rising

Higher. Higher.

The wounds now under

Under the blue

And you can’t see me 

And I can't hear you

[osteo-necrosis]

Pointless

Stand in my rain

Tell me I am wrong

That I am weak 

And you are strong

I’ve done all I can

Been all I could be

But it’s nothing to you 

And nothing to me

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

25/04/25

Friday night, brushing my teeth, I start to sob. Melancholic music serenades my tears.

I look into the mirror and trace a reflection that no longer belongs to me. Parts of me still linger; none good, though. “This can’t be it” seeps through my crying as “Five Years” by David Bowie plays.

At five, I was an open book, but my pages were rotting by the age of six. All of me was left revealed to the world, nothing to keep safe. This began to seem ordinary. The feeling of desolation became a better-known feeling than the rest.

I turned eighteen yesterday. All meaning has slipped away, and now my insides putrefy as these tears flow down my sullen face. I am rotting, once as ripe as a peach flushed in shades of pink by my mother’s love.

Now, I lay bare, decaying beneath the weight of my own hopes and dreams.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

On the rooftop, smoking Reds,

overlooking the horizon.

It’s 5:45 p.m.

Thinking about when my life ended

I don’t think I even got the chance to flourish.

My life ended at the ripe age of seven,

and I’ve been dreaming from six feet below.

But as much as I do,

the weight of my hopes and dreams

bury me deeper

as though I was never meant to escape.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

“Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes.”

—Sylvia Plath

[osteo-necrosis]

Sweet Dirt

No room left for me

Look up from down under

Under the dirt

Under the years

And the air is sweet 

For the very first time

And I am alone

Away from my pain

And I am content

With nothing to show

Please don’t find me

I've nothing to give

[noctivagant-ghost-deactivated20]

i dissolved sugar into warm ink, sipped it slowly, pretending it could sweeten the story i could not finish.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

Title: decay

My wounds slit open;

agro blooms.

My body rots as flowers crawl upon me,

knotting my insides,

churning my thoughts,

creating an abyss of void.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

Title: November

You linger.

You’ve been buried deep inside of me,

wanting to be released.

November, I let you out.

You twist through me,

devouring my insides, my traits.

I’m left hollow,

and you’re ready to be unveiled whole.

I try, and I try

an endless ritual,

an endless reverie of torment.

Will there ever be a season

when I am pure of you?

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

when I am not disguised

do you like what you see?

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

I don't look like myself. Not anyone.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

My minds fuzzy, my brain is growing fungus.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

unabridged me

What must I do to not let you fathom me from the inside out? I am afraid of what you may lay bare from beneath. I do not stand ready to unveil me.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

My own shadow dusks over my purity, i try to change but she won't leave. You have been etched within me. Now, i am you. You have fallen into a comfort of mine, but I mustn't pursue you.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

2013

This is how you scraped from within me. With your fingers curved hurting me. My body rejected your pleasure, your fingers felt like sandpaper; sanding what was once left of my innocence. I can never get her back, she is gone and will be gone forever, until I learn to love myself the way i carelessly loved you. Needles and pins harshly caressed me inwards. You hurt but i crave you so much.

[cherrywinerosemaryandthyme]

something smells so swell and so sweet

it's not you dear it's not you

you were a string along of sour and wit

I smell sweet im a dancing frolicking swan

you dear you are what hunts down the prey

you devour me ,my mind ,my thoughts

all I think about now..is you