Why (and how) You Should Get Better @ Loving Your Self... Starting Now.
First of all, I want to start by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your level of self-love right now. This is not about further perpetuating self-shame, but instead all about letting yourself off the hook and shifting your perspective so you are more convinced how absolutely necessary self-care is for optimal health and well-being. I would assert that in our day to day lives, there is nothing more important, and nothing that should come before, our ability to care for and love ourselves well. Self-care is non-negotiable if we want to have happy relationships. Self-care is non-negotiable if we want to live pain-free and without illness. Self-care demands our full attention and the condition of our individual and collective lives is an indication of this truth.
Why do we even need to have this conversation? Welp, somewhere along the way we confused self-care and self-love with concepts like vanity, arrogance, egoism, and selfishness. This, in conjunction with our collective readiness to hand over the responsibility of our health and well-being to licensed professionals without much question, have lead to a lot of confusion and at its worst, shame and guilt. We know intuitively that we can not be good for others if we arenāt feeling good ourselves, and yet weāre all working in some way to figure out how to balance the needs of the people around us with our own individual needs (which whether we like it or not, will always take priority). My intention here is to convince you that 1) you are your best doctor/healer/teacher and 2) there is nothing more important than your ability to know yourself, understand your own body/mind, and create a sustainable plan and routine to grow and evolve this area of our life over the course of your life.Ā
There are an infinite number of reasons why we should prioritize how well we are loving and caring for ourselves, but Iām going to narrow it down to the three that keep me most grounded on this Journey of Self, which I am convinced is the only journey to follow if we wish to reconnect with ourselves and ultimately, the world. This reconnection will lead to the sense of well-being we all inherently desire.
1. Your health and well-being (aka. how you feel) are everything. As humans with thinking brains and creative abilities, everything we do is with the ultimate intention of being happier, feeling better, and fulfilling our dreams and life goals, however big or small. Therefore, itās only logical that self-care become your #1priority. Also, Iāve come to learn that I am far more pleasant to interact with when my energy is high and Iām feeling great.Ā
Reconnecting with, and becoming conscious of, our own health means getting in touch with our body, mind, and the non-physical energetic component of our being. For many of us, we never learned how to observe our own body and feelings with keen awareness and respond accordingly with skill and care. This is unfortunate for all of us because our body has the ability to shut the whole show down when necessary. If you are in pain, feeling dis-ease or dis-comfort, your body is demanding your attention and this attention will always need to be directed inward before you will be able to feel good again. Western Science is now learning what Eastern Philosophy and the ancients have known since the beginning of time: we are energetic beings expressed in physical form. Our thoughts and beliefs are energy. The words we speak, the food we eat, the music we listen to, the company we keep, are all interacting seamlessly with our energetic environment. Understanding these energetic connections is the key to unlocking the mystery behind the perceived barriers in our life.Ā
The simple formula here is that in order to have optimal health (feel good/be happy), which is what we all want, we can start by taking on the role of the healer and turning our own awareness inward to learn about what our bodies need to keep us strong and able to move through our life with easy and well-being. Bottom line is, an improved concept of self-care and a routine to keep the practice of self-love consistent, are the root and foundation of a happy mind (mental health), a healthy body (physical health), high levels of energy and life enjoyment, and the ability to meet your goals and live with purpose. If any of these areas are not at an optimal state, improving your ability to care and love yourself will get you there more efficientlyā¦ which is why weāre here: quick, impactful, sustainable tools so we can feel better about our lives and be better humans in our world.
2) Attract relationships that bring growth and well-being, not pain and dis-ease. Our life as humans is a constantly evolving and shifting web of relationships. These relationships determine how we feel and respond to ALL facets of our life. Our relationship with food determines how much energy we have throughout the day, how well our bodies are able to function, and our relationship with the earth and nature. Our relationship with the people that are part of our environment, however deep or superficial the established connection seems, influence our beliefs about our Self, our sense of value, and our role in the function of the whole. Our relationship with the resources that are available to us and the tools that exist to support our journey, determine the ease with which we will meet our goals, stay focused, and flow through life intuitively, rather than blindly trying to control the outcome. Finally, our relationship with the non-physical aspects of our life and world (ie. energy, consciousness, āhow we feelā) determine our level of connection to a global community and groundedness in who we are and why we are here. This is what drives us and, simultaneously, what causes us to ache. It is why you are here, reading these words. You already know intuitively that until you get right with yourself, all other relationships will simply reflect to you the areas of your life that need your attention and care.
Strategy tip: It helps me tremendously to visualize my relationship with myself as I would if I were my own child. When Iām not being nice to myself and allowing thoughts of self-doubt to take over, I imagine that the āmotherā version of me is stepping in and taking over. I replace thoughts of shame, such as āyou should have been more productive todayā or āyouāre such a procrastinatorā with loving and supportive thoughts the way my ideal āMotherā figure would do, such as āin every moment, you are doing the best you can, be nice to yourself Christel.ā Self-doubt is always rooted in a mental illusion of not beingĀ āenoughā so the best way to combat this is to fill your mind with counter beliefs that are purely positive, supportive, and loving. Why? Because this is energetically going to provide you with more strength than thoughts of self-doubt and shame. Thoughts are energy. Positive thoughts provide stronger, higher energetic support. Negative thoughts do the opposite.Ā
3) Self-love is a radical act. Turning the attention and focus to your Self could be considered counter-cultural (radical) if you are familiar with the perspective that focusing on your self happens at the expense of others and self sacrifice is the best way to prove your love. If you have been in environments where love is conditional and held beliefs that love is transactional (tit for tat, you do this more me and Iāll do that for you, you sacrifice for me and Iāll sacrifice for you), turning the focus to yourself will be a radical and transformational act. It will set you apart from your peers because our currently agreed upon paradigm is a conditional and transactionally based love. It will require a paradigm shift to make yourself responsible for filling up your own love bucket. It will be a transformation to learn how to be your own healer, your own doctor, your own best friend, your own lover, and your own teacher before looking to others to meet all of your needs. At the same time, understanding self care and self love will allow you more capacity to love and serve others, while building your core empathy and emotional intelligence.
This is no small act you are taking, to turn and look yourself in the mirror and commit to doing the work. Knowing yourself and understanding your needs and how to meet them requires deep digging. Your mission is to care and love yourself the way you would if you were your own child. If this were the primary goal of your life journey, and even if just this alone, to love and care for yourself the way you would if you were your own child, all of the other dreams and goals you strive so hard for would effortlessly and instinctually fall into place. You have one job and one job only: care for your Self and love your Self well. On this journey, you will learn that your Self also means me and them. Everyone. So by extension of your own self care and love, you will be a container and safe space for health and well-being for others. And once you feel good and whole, your only desire is to serve those around you. This is Nature at Her finest. Itās built into the model: Love your Self and loving others well will come naturally. Love others well and living a life that is easy to love will happen effortlessly.
