It's been a while and now Im starting to lay down all my unwritten sentiments ... I have always thought of going back to journaling recently and it just so happened that the worst time have been surpassed. I am at peace.. and now, I write.
My head has been a mess these days. I can't really figure out a way to organize my thoughts. Im kinda in a cognitive limbo I suppose. And for some reason, this phenomenon always happens when its that time of the year to get a year older.. So for the record, I just battled a sort of intent to make a career upgrade. Which I didn’t make by the way. That’s the thing with failure. It kinda gives you a jolt to your spine. Waking you up from the reality. I haven't had that in a while. or should I say, I needed that at this part of my life.
The thing with grieving is..(well yes, I considered it grief since a part of me was somewhat taken because of the circumstances), it changes a part of you. I dunno.. for some reason. I hate to be sentimental about it but I think I don’t really have a lot in my life right now, so I really do keep in my personal space whatever I have. Be it dreams, family, love.. of any genre as long as its mine.
I know it's my fault. I haven’t taken it seriously. Joking about it but knowing at the backend that failure is on the verge of coming. Denying reality I guess.
Lesson number one: If you want something, do it with every force and energy that you have. Don’t be lukewarm sentimental about it. Do it even if you have to fight againts the Gods.
I had to learn it the hard way I guess.
I’m warming up right now and I’m glad I had the perfect moment to write.
I always thought of writing as a Time Machine. recollecting my thoughts and making it tangible in the present. A time capsule which I could read through and remind me of a certain chapter in my life.
I’m still thankful. Though, I came to know how people differ on how they react on failure. Mine. Per se.
But come to think of it, at the end of the day, nothing else matters except for that goal. It hurt me a lot. Yes. but I still have a chance to take it with me. To hold it in my hand. To celebrate with my family and make myself proud again.
Sometimes, when you get a wake up call from reality, It would mean you get to be more mindful of your old reality. It's a humbling experience that pulls you to the ground but not to a point of decline. It just prepares you for what is yet to come. I hate to be cynical about it but these thoughts are helpful for me to get through it all over gain.
But I guess that’s the thing with life. That’s why it's called a battlefield. It just hones you one trial at a time or in simpler means, like a computer game that levels up your charcterter to be fit for the next stage. You can’t be level 1 forever, at some point, you have to deal with the big boss for you to know what it is like on level 2. Even if you loose a lot of lives in the process, the win would always be incomparable.
See you at the next level Kid.
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