im just gonna be real i dont belong here. i mean this in the least attention seeking and least depressing way possible— i dont feel like i belong anywhere. maybe im not outgoing enough but ever since like , middle school, ive been on the internet and i would always see people in their little online cliques and how everyone talked to each other like they were best friends irl. i always wanted to have online connections like that because thats the only place i could find people with those same exact interests as me. but whenever i would try and include myself, it just felt wrong. everyone knew each other so well already, and then i was kinda just there. i felt like i always joined late no matter what.
in no way am i complaining about anything. its just something i come to terms with like this. my online presence just isnt that important. no one really asked what happened when i disappeared for a couple weeks, and thats fine. theres nothing wrong with that at all, but i will shamefully admit that im sometimes really emotionally sensitive.
in no way am i asking for pity. im only writing this out because maybe its the last time i try to involve myself in an online community. i think maybe i just dont have the right personality for it.
id be lying if i said i wasnt sad about this whole thing, its kind of one of the things thats adding onto my pile of both large and small self conflicting issues. but thats just life.
im very very grateful for the connections i have made in my short time on here. ive had good exchanges with all kinds of different people, i wont forget them.
i also had a feeling i wouldn’t be here that long, once again, maybe i just don’t have the right personality for this kind of thing.
and i also want to clarify just in case, im not upset or mad or anything, i just have personal things im dealing with, big plans for the upcoming new year, lots of trips, a couple of booked flights and of course concerts. its supposed to be a good 2025 but as 2024 is ending im in such a terrible terrible place mentally so im just clinging onto the hope that this is just what i have to go through to have a good next chapter, where im finally entering my 20’s.
so this most likely will be my last post on this blog. that could very well be a lie, but as of right now, its not.
thank you so much for everything and if you’ve actually read this whole thing i greatly appreciate it.
