that CHYYNEEZ guy. @chyyneezballa - Tumblr Blog

i don’t know

I feel like a rush of things has happened in 2021. I’m enjoying the journey but whats this self doubt?

i don’t know

Why am i so insecure? Why am i so jealous? Why do i feel all these negative emotions when I should be so fucking happy? (I am though)

i don’t know

Actions speak louder than words. I’m putting in 1000% and I feel like she’s only giving me 50%.

i don’t know

I thought you wanted this too? Is words just words that come out of your mouth?

i don’t know

I read so many fcking articles on beginnings of relationships and the “honeymoon” phase.....

i don’t know

Is she compatible with me? why do i keep comparing myself with her ex? who i think is still not over her.

i don’t know

However, if there is one thing I’m SUPER grateful for, is communication. I think “communication” was established early on so that I don’t have to “hold back” about things. I want to be 1000% honest/blunt with her so there is no regrets.

These things are literally like 5% of what I’m thinking about in this “dating/relationship”

Let’s see how long this “honeymoon” phase last..

Views

Back in the day, I never understood why people liked looking at sunsets. I thought it was dumb as hell plus my eczema would act up anyways..

until in 2016, when i took a chance and started a journey in the west coast and then my “view” changed (mentally and literally.)

Two significant views made me speechless: Santa Monica and my friend’s balcony in Eagle Rock (Between Glendale and Pasadena)

Santa Monica is my freaking facebook banner because I just couldn’t get that view out of my head. I was addicted. I was hooked. I wanted to see that sunset everyday for the rest of my life. it was beautiful. Just being there, that vibe and feeling made me mentally at peace. It was sucha refreshing feeling that I almost rarely feel in my life. I wanted to feel that all the time.

The balcony was probably maybe 10 feet by 10 feet, enough for like two chairs. It had a small view of the city of los angeles and man that feeling was almost the same as Santa Monica. I would sit in that chair for both Sunrise AND Sunset and just stare out....almost speechless. It wasn’t even that big of a view but it was a view nonetheless. There were some deep talks on that balcony but “view” changing for sure. i hope you doing well brother.

West coast left sucha big hole in my heart which is still there til this day. I never forget the growth i went though in the west coast. In a span of 5-6 months of living there, i felt like i’ve mentally grown easily 2-3 years.

At this point of my life, I’m like 80% like fuck it but the 20% of my asian-ness kicks in with WHAT BOUT THE MONEY HUH. Yeah i fuckd that up the first time and paid a grave price so I learned my lesson.

Once I get to a comfortable financial position, there will be no hesitation.

The mental struggle

You know when you have SO many thoughts in your mind..#thankyoutumblr

In some social settings, I feel like i have a 10000 thoughts in my mind and I have to repress my thoughts or else I’m afraid of getting judged

I developed social anxiety which then caused my facial flush all the time. I think I still have some but its not as bad as when I first started my current job.

Social anxiety is a bitch.

I lost confidence in myself and I had no way of rebuilding my confidence. Its almost I feel like I’m just hiding from the world..but then something happend..

For the first time in a while, I met a girl at a wedding and i thought the vibes were good. SHE even asked for my number before she had to leave which left me mind the fucking BLOWN.

I was playing Ne-Yo - Miss Right the entire week because i swear this song literally talks about my situation and i had this dance video planned out in my mind ahahaha

Anyways, I asked her out to dinner the day after the wedding for the following weekend and she agreed. But the week leading up to the “date” was probably the worst anxiety fucking things i went though.

I overthink EVERYTHING and was most likely wrong in the end. You know that “waiting” game for texting. This girl left me hanging like a day while I was asking a question (and many other things) so i was all types of FUCKED UP in the mind. Girls dont fucking do this. it drives me crazy because i KNOW you see the text.

During the whole week, we just BARELY talked as to compared to the wedding. It was weird. She was a nurse so i was giving her the benefit of the doubt. it was almost two strangers meeting for the first time again once the day came.

Once we met, the butterflies was still there. Vibes were good until a certain point. I believe when you have a conversation with someone, it should be 50/50. It was like this during dinner, but after when we walked around, it turned 90% her, 10% me. I was almost turned off at this point and she talked about the most RANDOM fucking thing.

I got turned off mentally. But man she was cute as fuck. She wore exactly what I like girls wearing, that white tank top and blue jeans. fuuuuuuuuuuck looool Every time she would go off on a topic, I would just look at her up and down and be like, fuck you cute though.

Date ended and i texted her the next day saying I enjoyed our dinner and blah blah like a fucking GENTLEMEN. She responded basically saying she enjoyed it too and wouldn’t mind getting dinner again.

I haven’t texted her since but to me, I’m not going to make that first move. The vibe i got was I was more interested in her than she was into me. I mean hey she asked me for my number so if shes REALLY interested she would ask me to grab dinner again right?

I’m so whatever about this situation because the week leading up to that date was all for nothing. I got so excited for this date but it was almost the opposite. I’m going to take it as is and move on..

Thanks for reading yall.

08/18/19

youarenevertoofarfromhome

“NYC. April 27, 2017 (i)”

chyyneezballa

squad.

thanks CJ for the pic!

3AM feels.

you should be my girlfriend, my baby, my lady.

use to call you my..

#kpop #henry #girlfriend #sadatfirst #butpicksupafter #songtalksaboutEXgirlfriend

i love how i can write things here and look back later and think what the hell was i thinking..hahaha

ANYWAYS

certain songs at this hour give you those feels that you use to feel back in the day. my playlist is on shuffle but theres a recent korean artist that came out with an album recently that hit me..her name is Hoody (weird, i know) but anyways shes got a really nice voice and one of her songs hit me just now..and its called The Light.

Even though I don’t know what she is saying, i can SORT of understand what she is tryna say by the flow and rhythm (and broken english) of the song.

This song just hit the feels at this hour, not like depressing feels but more “neutral reminiscent feels?” if that makes sense

I also wanted to get the “OH SHIT THIS IS DOPE TO CHOREO/DANCE TO” mentality out of my mind because theres just some songs you just wanna vibe to and this is definitely one of them.

This song gives me the old shaun evaristo - unthinkable piece feels...you have to watch it at urban paradise 2010 (gen2)...powerful as hell..and btw i miss old shaun evaristo dancing..thats the dancing we need right now..i HATE dance trends..i cant even see unique dancers anymore..stay true to yourself and your craft..but thats another story..

have a listen and leme know how u feel. :)

#aomg #hoody #the light #jay park #goodassalbum

Single by 30

if you haven’t seen it by Wong Fu Productions, go watch it..

Post coming soon.

#deepthoughts #discoveringyourself #3moreyearstil30

Random thoughts.

Does anyone even write on this anymore? lolol

I just skimmed through some old posts and damn...i’m wondering why did i write half that BS..ESPECIALLY on dance...#lul

I just wanted to write some stuff here because

1. im bored

2. playstation network is down or else i’d be playing overwatch

3. i thought my tumblr account got hacked so i did that reset pw shit and it was in my spam folder.

SOOO UPDATE on my life..

just came back from the LA/LV since i left in May for my high school boy’s wedding and i plan on going back to the west soon..but man..

WEDDING? MARRIAGE?

shit got me thinking...

this couple has been together for 12 years...TWELVE MUFKIN YEARS! Sorry i don’t know ANYONE else even CLOSE to me thats been together for 10+ years because “shit happens” right?

This couple was THAT asian couple in high school that you knew was going to get married..it was THAT guy in the group that everyone said would get married first, without a DOUBT.

Am i jealous? not really.

Am i jealous of their happiness? YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM

sike. nah but foreals its crazy to think that we’re all trying to find someone that is “compatible” enough for us..its also crazy to think that if you are even in a relationship, the next step WOULD be either breaking up or marriage right? I’m not saying the first thing when you see someone is “IMMA MARRY THAT GIRL/GUY” (even though im guilty of saying that couple times LOL) but I still think its crazy to even THINK about spending the rest of your life with ONE person in the WHOLE world...insane right? I guess that would be the reason that I would be jealous in the first place. (THE WHOLE WORLD THOUGH?)

Finding that person is the journey, but if you found that person congrats..just at least don’t REGRET it in the future because then that leads to divorce and LOTS of regret.

I use to not believe in marriage because to be honest, I just couldn’t see myself settling down. But as time goes by, I start to see what marriage could be and what a “family” really means. I’m not saying the next girl I have interest is like “ima marry that bitch” but HEY it could happen..which kind of happened when I went to this wedding..

TO BE HONEST, i dont think she’s interested in me now like we had before...time flew by and we both moved on a lot after high school but DAMN..i still remember that fling we had like it was yesterday.

STORY TIME:

If i could describe her vibe, back in high school, she was like that cool girl that would make you laugh and you could just get along with as a FRIEND and that was good at dancing too..i remember when we had practice, whenever she danced, i would like peek over and be like GOD DAMN..ahahha

I actually liked her in 7th grade because she was so cute with those glasses and i liked girls with glasses back in the day but i remember she liked my fucking best friend because he was a “tall and smart and handsome” which broke my heart so i was like EFF THIS BEECH...but anyways

5 years later...senior year of high school..

i was at her house and we were watching a movie in the family room with our other friend and we kinda sat near each other on the couch. Halfway through the movie i remember CLEARLY i was fiddling with her hand because i wanted to hold her hand (secretly cause our other friend was on the other couch and i didnt want her to see) and she was kinda fiddling around and then we held hands for like TWO MINUTES and then some shit happened that cause u to get up and changed the channel...i was like aw...haha I also do remember visiting you the night before you went to Taiwan for like a month or two and we talked for a little bit and then I kissed you on the cheek and i said something along the lines of “i’ll be waiting for u when u come back” AND the email i sent to you after said “please stay single”

LOLLLLLLLL IM CRINGINGGGGGGGGG SO BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I WAS SUCHA FUCKIN CORNY ASS LOSERRRRRRRRRR

cue in ::chris brown - young love:::

ah high school days..whats funny is that after she came back, it was never the same because it was when we were about to go to college for the first time..and i guess i felt this vibe that she didnt want to get into a relationship before college...but it was like never said she didnt want to? but its weird cause i never really got closure TIL THIS DAY..lool BUT after a year she got a boyfriend then i knew..plus then i got into my first relationship in college..but thats another story..

I only had two regrets in life regarding pursing relationships and shes one of them..

But at this wedding, we’re both single...and she’s looking even better than ever..and she lives in LA and i’m tryna to head back to LA/LV soon..so should i pursue? hell yes.

The story continues..

ps. shoutouts to all 5 of you tumblr ppl that still use this and i know will read this so enjoy! :)

pss. shoutout to the girl that is never going to read this EVER, but if u are going to, i hope it doesnt sound creepy because this is how i felt at the time haha

#excusemyGRAMMAR #onlineGRAMMAR

FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

groups tho.

#kevinnguyen fire

STRAIGHT FIRE.

#wow

OHkayOHKAY

#thatswhyNOPPOismynig

#2nasty

Las Vegas vs Atlantic City PART ONE - LAS VEGAS

So i decided to write a post on my experiences on both places because i've spent a decent time in both areas. Hopefully, this helps some people out there who want to vacation on either destinations. This post is mainly for tourists and not harcore gamblers haha. I'll throw in some poker stuff to people who are interested in the game. And again this is from my perspective and from my experience so if you have something to say, please feel free to comment and share!

LAS VEAGS!

The Strip: Ahhh. Who doesn't love walking on the strip? So iconic on so many levels. I've literally walked from the beginning of the strip, which i consider to be from Mandalay Bay which is right by the McCarran airport to about where Wynn is which is about a 4-ish mile walk. Hey, i wanted to soak up everything haha. I always recommend walking on the strip at night because every casino lights up and its A LOT cooler (temp.) at night haha. (depending on what season you go) I could go on for days about the strip but you get the picture. There's lots to do on the strip so take in everything and don't go to those strip clubs handed out by the spanish guys. #iwarnedyou

The Casinos: Well first off, if you're from new jersey, you don't have to worry about paying for parking because every casino has FREE PARKING. I hear that light that went off in your brain haha. Thats always a plus if you go to atlantic city often and you're like "why do i always have to $5-$15 for parking?" ANYWAYS, I've been to, let's say, 90% of casinos on the strip. I haven't been to Tropicana (cause theres one in nj) If i HAD to rank the top 5 casinos, based on overall presentation, in my opinion, it would be:

1) Wynn - Now i base everything on my first impression. So coming from the parking lot, I was already anticipating a lot for this hotel. You know when you walk into something luxurious, you get this feeling. This was the feeling. Usually, i take a tour of the entire casino before giving my judgement. I don't even believe in like "feng shui" or anything (why not? you're chyyneez. stfu,) but it was giving this very welcoming and asian-esque vibe. The colors on the flooring and the carpet were very vibrant almost like a bright maroon red. The poker room was actually pretty small if not smaller as comparable to the Harrah's poker room in AC, but its conveniently located right next to the parking deck so thats a plus. Wynn also connects to Encore which is its other property which is where there club XS is. Club was like a big "U" shaped with an okay size dance floor. But from beginning to end, I felt like I needed to make more money as soon as I walked into this hotel haha.

2) Bellagio - I've been in bellagio many times before, so this might not be at all "spectacular" for me, but for tourists this is always a top spot. The fountain outside. duh. Let's all stand here and watch everyone go "OOOoo" "AHHHhh" "So pretty". But the funny thing is the fountain goes by the song instruments and i was surprised it was hitting little hi-hats so i was screaming "OH SHIT. MUSICALITY" LOL no one else got me and I look like an idiot. ANYWAYS, lets move onto the casino. I remember walking in the front entrance and there was two golden lions greeting me which i thought was cool. They have a lot of "gold" statues and also have a very luxurious feeling to the casino. All the high rollers come to this casino so it already puts that presumption that this casino is high class. Now i have no problem with smokers in casinos, but for some reason the linger of cigarette smell was super strong here. Thats the only downside i would say.

3) Aria - I think Aria has got to be the CLEANEST casino i have ever been to. That is the first thing I noticed. Usually, you would notice the waterfalls and stuff from this casino, but i noticed how nice and clean it was as soon as i walked in. This is one or the more "artsy" hotels which i personally prefer more because there's just more to look at in general. Even behind the front desk, there's this big weird lighting display thats suppose to be artsy looking. There are some really beautiful fountains in this hotel as well thats worth a picture or two. This place also houses one of the cirque du soleil acts called Zarkana which i heard was pretty amazing. I think Aria is underrated and more people should really take a look inside to appreciate the art into designing a casino.

4) Linq - This is a new upcoming casino which is the one with the BIG white ferris wheel. Yeah, i know you've seen it before. Did i go on it? HELL NO. i'm afraid of heights. But if i was with a girl, then by all means.....NAHMEANS. anyways, theres actually a small strip of shops in between this casino and i believe Flamingo? Don't take my word for it but there are TWO dope streetwear stores in that strip and theres some street performers in that little strip. Inside this casino is pretty small. The floor was white and it was made of what seemed like heavy glass. I think i saw a lot of young crowds here because there was like a mini bar right in the center if i recall correctly. I played poker here (1/1 which is the cheapest ive seen at any casino) but unfortunately i lost haha. SO EFF THIS PLACE. nah kid. its very nice but kinda small.

5) MGM grand - Home of all the famous boxing fights. Pacquiao vs Mayweather. Lets go Pacquiao!! But thats besides the point. TWO things i have to mention about MGM grand. one is HAKKASAN. if you're even a slight nightlife person, you HAVE to hit up Hakkasan. The place is HUGE. If you are into the EDM scene, Tiesto and Calvin Harris are resident DJ's and are on the WEEKLY rotation during the summer. Yes, calvin harris dj's every week at Hakkasan. MINDBLOWN. MGM grand has also one of the NICEST pool's in vegas called Wet Republic Ultra Pool. Now i personally haven't been to the pool nor am i into that "daylife" scene but it looks dope. All them cali girls are all about that vegas pool life haha. So start working on those summer bodies ladies.

and THATS IT.. for now. i'm tired of writing this. This took me an hour on and off to write. plus its friday night. I purposely left out A LOT of things so i can talk about it in the next post aka FOOD.

Hope you enjoyed my post!

#lasvegas #ididnotproofreadbeforeposting

cheddarrs

ooooohsam

😩 I love her ugh

chyyneezballa

auto reblog

Tight mufkin eyez.

this is by far the nastiest musicality piece ive seen from this nig. You might watch this once, but trying to catch everythin he does and the way he does it with his control is insane.

if i ever saw this nig live, id get hyped fck,

#krump #BEAST #imissthatRAWenergy #getbuck