im so tired of people constantly forgetting bisexuals exist and then using that as an excuse to ignore us or act like bi people are trying to insert themselves into lgbt history/spaces/culture or whatever. like we've always been here and constantly present in it with you, it's not bisexuals' fault that we're an after-thought to YOU.
like there are hundreds of recollections every day that are like "i saw this beautiful femme lesbian at the store" or "the plumber i called was a butch lesbian" and never ever did their sexuality come up in conversation so u dont actually know. and it is NOT a bad thing to be grouped together with lesbians and we dont need to, nor should we!, stop using the word lesbian. you dont have to stop assuming a woman is a lesbian, thats not a bad thing. theres only an issue if that internal view then convinces you no other reality exists. the issue is that it's 2026 and i'm STILL seeing discourse whether or not bi women "can" be butch/femme, and the arguments are always abt how bi women couldn't possibly fit the criteria or have a deep understanding of the culture. but in reality you see them all the time and ascribe the b/f labels on them. but because when YOU see a big woman with hair all over her body except her buzzed head and it never occurs to YOU that she could be bisexual, you then assume those kind of bi women dont exist. because youve never seen them! but thats not true. what you mean is you never thought of them, which has nothing to do with how things actually are.
it's a common joke for people to go "whos gonna tell her" "the closet is glass" "i think they call it lavender marriage" when you see a woman whose boyfriend is visibly feminine, he's dancing too "fruity" or better at make up than her or has a "gay accent" and the only thing you can think about is betting on how long until they break up when he "realizes" hes actually gay. but then when you need to picture a bi man you always think of the most generic cis dudebro. and when bisexuals of all genders talk about gender nonconformity you dismiss them and act like we could not possibly understand the ACTUAL gender intricacies of queerness. you were too busy calling the gnc men in relationships with women their beards and hallucinating stupid ass terms like """straight passing""". bisexual gender fuckery has always been here and goes beyond Guy with Painted Nails and Girl with Dyed Hair, YOU just dont recognize them as bisexuals at that point.
and it just gets to a fucking point. just recently, i remember the discourse abt "historically lesbians and gay men have been having sex with each other all the time" was RIGHTFULLY named as lesbophobic and homophobic. because it obviously is that. but it's astounding how many people didn't even think that had anything to do with biphobia. some even going "it's okay to just call yourself bisexual". and of course on my biphobia post i need to lament that yes some bisexuals are at fault for that, some people insist on calling themselves lesbians despite fully embracing their attraction to men as well. so "just call yourself bi" isnt irrelevant in all situations. okay did we get that disclaimer?. however in the ~queer history~ and ~dykes and fags fucking sloppy~ conversations it's absolutely wild how so many just couldnt imagine any biphobic aspects in it and even blamed bisexuals for it?? like again, we dont know the actual sexual desires of lgbt individuals in history. just because an event is called dyke march or gays & lesbians against xyz doesnt mean bisexuals werent there. not only were bisexuals not just staying home like "oop better sit this one out bc they forgot bisexual from the banner!" other community members also probably weren't denying access from women who fuck women and men who fuck men just bc the Labels Weren't Right.
like 50% of the lesbians & gays fucking rhetoric could disappear if we fixed the biphobic attitude that people who YOU think look like "fags and dykes" couldnt possibly be bisexual. like the people in question probably werent as often simply clinging onto labels that didnt fit them, trying to expand the meaning of lesbianism or homosexuality, but more so people who were comfortable in their self expression and attraction to all genders and acting accordingly. but now looking back, the people whove internalized biphobic stereotypes as fact can't imagine a reality, where gnc people very active in lgbt communities and the culture and activism and seeming interchangable with gay men and lesbians, could actually be bisexual instead. and therefore it's more likely to them that gays and lesbians were fucking as an inherent part of their identity than those people having been bisexual.
biphobia in this case is a catch 22 where bisexuals can only be taken seriously and our experiences & identities recognized when we are visible in the canon of Queer Culture and History; but when we are very clearly visible in every area of it, it goes unnoticed because theres an idea that a bisexual would never act/look like that since it's a gay thing.
reading comprehension check point: i am not saying using terms like lesbian, gay man or homosexual is bad. i am not insisting we all starts calling random people vaguely wlw or mlm in the name of progressiveness and inclusivity. i'm saying that when you use these labels all the time and are only immersed in them, you simply cannot then base your perception of bisexuality on your own worldview where you never think about it as an option.
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