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kathrynhoward

the time travel agency seamstress (that one Tumblr post) | Karolina Żebrowska

theartsyproject

Hugo Simberg, The Garden of Death, 1896.

citizen-zero

Every time I see this I always wonder what the painter’s intended message was. It looks so pleasant, that middle skeleton looks so happy with its work.

Maybe it’s supposed to be a memento mori, but a comforting and encouraging one.

spookyloop

This is one of the most famous paintings in Finland. There are multiple interpretations of it but they all share the same base idea:

“According to Simberg, the flowers represent people’s souls, the skeletons are aids to Death, and the Garden of Death is a purgatory of sorts for souls waiting for entrance into heaven. This artwork invites the viewer to consider the afterlife, to take comfort in his or her own passing, and to not fear what happens after the body fails to function.”

“It depicts Simberg’s thoughts on afterlife, which is not run by angels but skeletons who take care of the heavenly garden with a gentle hand, while waiting for more “gardeners” to arrive. It is derived from the medieval belief that the dead sleep in a blooming garden.”

“In Simberg’s garden the humble Death-like figures struggle against harsh conditions; the landscape around the garden has burnt yellow, it is dry and barren. The cherished flowers grow in exotic shapes, slowly, requiring constant care. The black-clad figures love their nurslings. The garden is a place where Death is allowed to realize its feelings of affection. The Garden of Death can be seen depicting the impossibility of this love; maybe the flowers are tender and fragile because they can not handle the love of Death. Love has two faces: one of them is the face of devastation.”

spookyloop

Out of all the comments I’ve posted on this site this is my favourite. The notes are just full of people showing pure love to the Finnish Skeleton Gardeners.

dankmemeuniversity

lennat2

Once in college, at 3 AM, I couldnt get my printer to print out my assignment that was due at 9 AM, so I emailed my professor with "i am sleeping beauty and some day my prints will come. In the mean time here is an electronic copy"

And she emailed me back in like 5 minutes telling me she'd laughed so hard she startled her dog awake

whatareyoureallyafraidof

beemojis

i have to reblog this again bc i just noticed it’s from Guy Fieri

grapefruiters

(x)

intheheatherbright

Costume. Chitons.

intheheatherbright

Marjorie & C. H. B.Quennell, Everyday Things in Archaic Greece (London: B. T. Batsford, 1931).

killerchickadee

Wait, wait…. Is that seriously it? How their clothes go?

treewizarded

that genuinely is it

itwashotwestayedinthewater

yeah hey whats up bout to put some fucking giant sheets on my body

sourcefieldmix-deactivated20161

lets bring back sheetwares

hostagesandsnacks

also chlamys:

and exomis:

hidingthemane-deactivated201801

trust the ancients to make a fashion statement out of straight cloth and nothing but pins

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Wrap Yourself In Blankets, Call It a Day

awhiffofcavendish

Wear blanket. Conquer world.

goys2men

That last one looks dope

noknightinarmor

the chlamys is more of a dick-almost-out look

itsqueenshroom

my bf and I have the same fucking brain

Quiplash is the greatest game ever made because it allows for things like this and you can’t change my mind.

nyabbycat

gotta introduce the plot somehow I guess

thesesummersonspoet

V.E. Schwab’s advice on creating memorable characters.

doebunnybooks

this has changed me character creation entirely

fixyourwritinghabits

Remember to apply this to both protagonists and antagonists!

largishcat

i genuinely don’t get cishet monsterfuckers. for context, in the wake of shape of water i participated in this loving-the-monstrous type discussion event slash publishing party wherein i debuted a short story about a woman who “befriends” a cave monster—but that isnt the point. the point is i had to hear straight women talk for hours about how the appeal of monsters is some kind of weird “taming the beast” fantasy—loving a monster until it loves you back, sounding like every bad beauty and the beast take ever.

And there’s my queer ass being like literally none of you get it. this isn’t about power, this is about love and alienation and acceptance. you dumbasses, I’m the monster. this isn’t a metaphor for your shitty boyfriend, this is a metaphor for my own alienation from a society that tells me a the way i am and the way I love are grotesque. this is a fantasy of love free of judgement, separate from societal standards that I’ll never live up to anyway. that ghoul doesn’t care if I’m fat, they think it’s hot that I eat well. that immortal fae creature doesn’t care if the gender on my birth certificate matches the one I use now, they barely have a concept of gender in the first place. that tentacle monster doesn’t care if I shave, they don’t have eyes

monsterfucking is queer culture, everyone else go home

redwaltz

Oh. I'm guessing those were all yt women, too. Del Toro isn't Queer, afaik, but he -is- Mexican in the us. It wasn't really that long ago that interracial relationships were just as forbidden and taboo as Queer ones and there's still obviously race tensions going on. The other in Shape of the Water is just as much, and likely written as, being a different race and the feeling of alienation of having a different place of origin. It happens to resonate with everyone who's ever been considered a monster by society, and there's not just one way this has happened.

The whole “love someone until they're not a monster” is extra, super gross in that context because people don't feel BIPOC are actually capable of human emotions who need to be taught to be human by some benevolent yt person who's fetishised their body.

largishcat

reblog this version pls

leia-connor-vas-serenity

It’s important to remember that disabled people are also included in this other, both by society and textually in Shape of Water. Elisa, the lead, is mute, and deals with a lot of shit because of it, particularly from the cishet white man villain. Her disability is also what allows her to connect to the monster, as she’s able to teach him ASL signs he can communicate with. They’re able to connect because they’re both different. To this day, disabled people face a lot of barriers to relationships, like potentially losing disability benefits if they get married in the US.

bellecs

ofgeography

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY–

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

“i received the tv bill today,” my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. “does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?”

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)

my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)

my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)

me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

“don’t expose my kid to that crap.”

DON’T

EXPOSE

MY KID

TO THAT CRAP

“if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT

IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

are you fucking kidding

i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for

my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences

my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

are you fucking kidding

this is the best thing i’ve ever done

lunian

Finally had a free time to make a continuation of this comic and Link kinda regrets he started talking with people more as Zelda adviced him

ston-rampler

Clue: The Movie's multiple endings are fucking classic and i will stand by that fact until the day that i die, but hearing that they only played one ending each in the theatrical release is the funniest fucking thing ever. imagine seeing a great movie and going to talk about it with your friends/family/coworkers but none of you can agree on how it ended. and they did this in 1985, the absolute madmen

vertigo-vertere

Most shows with overpowered supernatural characters always try to come up with elaborate excuses to explain why the characters can’t just magic themselves out of every situation. Good Omens doesn’t really do that, but you don’t really question it because you completely buy that these morons are so unequivocally incompetent that they straight up forget that they have the powers of fucking demigods. They’re like high-level d&d characters who only use the same three moves and have completely forgotten about the 73 magic items sitting in their inventory.

vertigo-vertere

Crowley: I was totally planning on teleporting to this galaxy 4.3 light-years away but then you died and I was sad :(

Aziraphale: Oh I’m sorry. But listen, I need you to go to this village about an hour outside of London

Crowley: You Want me to GO WHere?? How the– how the FUuuck am I supposed to- I can’t Drive, it’s Rush Hour! You want me to WaLK?? In the Rain??! Please, be Realistic.

tanoraqui

I cannot express the effect this post had on me. I read it aloud to my roommate and she burst into helpless laughter because it had never occurred to her that Crowley could do anything to get to Tadfield but drive the Bentley. It absolutely never had occurred to me, either. We both have been reading, rereading, and loving this book for about a decade now.

angry-eevee

Some DnD Homebrew Rules to Fix Common Player Bugbears (Not Bugbear Player Characters, Which Are Perfect)

Brought to you by DMs who have had to concede with players that, yeah, that rule is dumb, let’s fix it.

“Natural 20′s on Initiative are a waste of a Crit″- A Nat20 on initiative gives the player one Hasted Action (to be used to Attack once, Dash, Disengage, Dodge or Use An Item) for the first Round of combat. Nat1′s on Initiative mean the player can use their Action or Bonus Action but not both, and loose their Reaction for the first Round of combat.

“This Healing Potion cost me all my gold and it’s healed me for nothing.” - You can use a Healing Potion as an Action or a Bonus Action. If used as an Action you stop and concentrate on drinking it, and heal the max amount of HP. If used as a Bonus Action, you take a swig and hope it was enough, so you roll for the healing received as per usual rules.

“The Cleric has run out of Spell Slots and there is no healing Cantrip, we’re screwed and they feel useless” - Since Clerics are literal channels between their god and the world, I’ve given my Clerics an ability we called Divine Conduit - As an Action, you may cast Cure Wounds without a Spell Slot by sacrificing your own HP equivalent to 10xthe Spell Level you cast it at (10 HP for Lvl 1, 20 for Lvl 2 etc) as you literally burn yourself up by releasing more divine power than your body can take.

“Why don’t cats have Darkvision?” - No clue. Cats have Darkvision now.

Remember, if the rules as written aren’t working for you and your group, you can change them!