“you hate it when it’s loud, but you know what else is?” v2
timeskip!oikawa tōru x f!reader
w/c: 1.2k, slightly suggestive ,, wait! series
the arena is always too loud.
the squeak of sneakers on polished floors, the rhythmic, deafening thud of volleyballs meeting palms, and the relentless, piercing shrieks of his fanbase. it suffocates you. you’ve always hated it—the volume of his world—but you sit through it, tucked away near the player tunnel, just to see him.
oikawa knows. he knows exactly how the noise grates on your nerves, how your shoulders tense when the crowd roars. every time he looks up at the stands, his eyes find you instantly, tracking the slight crease between your brows. his adoration for you isn’t something he hides; it’s an all-consuming, heavy thing that bleeds into every glance he throws your way.
when the match ends and the CA san juan players begin their usual lap to greet the fans, definitely ignoring the people named quack, sura, and mika doing the six seven emote. the barrier separating the court from the stands becomes a chaotic surge of bodies. you’re standing near the railing, waiting for him to break away from the media, when the crowd shifts violently.
“move it,” a sharp voice snaps.
before you can register the hostility, a frantic fan shoves past you, hard enough to send your shoulder slamming into the metal railing. the impact rattles you, but it’s the suffocating proximity of the screaming crowd that makes your breath hitch. they don’t see you as a person; you’re just an obstacle between them and him.
the screaming stops.
not all at once, but the sudden drop in temperature radiating from the court causes a ripple effect of silence.
oikawa had been smiling, waving his usual practiced, blinding smile, but he had never taken his eyes off you. he saw the shove. he saw the way your frame stumbled back against the metal.
the transition is terrifying. the playful, charming setter vanishes, replaced by something dark, cold, and entirely unhinged. he crosses the distance between the court and the railing in mere strides, his long legs eating up the space. his face is completely blank, his eyes blown wide and fixed entirely on the girl who had pushed you.
“what the hell did you do?” oikawa’s voice isn’t loud, but it cuts through the remaining ambient noise like a blade. it’s entirely devoid of his usual sweetness, dripping with a quiet, lethal venom.
the fan freezes, her face draining of color as the god she was just worshiping stares down at her with undisguised disgust.
“how dare you?” he steps closer, towering over the barrier, his chest heaving. the sheer intensity of his gaze is suffocating. “who gave you the right to put your hands on what’s mine? look at her. you made her upset. you’re annoying her. i tolerate your screaming, but if you think for one second you can touch her and get away with it—”
“tōru,” you whisper, your voice trembling slightly from the sudden attention of the entire section.
the sound of his name on your lips snaps the thread of his restraint. the dark, menacing aura evaporates instantly, replaced by a desperate, pathetic panic. oikawa drops to his knees right there on the hard floor of the arena, his hands reaching through the bars of the railing to clutch at the hem of your shirt, completely unbothered by the hundreds of eyes watching his public breakdown.
“my angel, my sweet girl, i'm sorry,” he begs, his voice cracking with a terrifyingly raw emotion. he buries his face against your thigh, right there in front of his fans, his teammates, the cameras. he doesn’t care. nothing else exists. “i’m so sorry i let those things near you. please don’t be mad at me. please don’t look at me like that. it’s my fault, it’s all my fault for letting it get so loud. i’ll make them be quiet. we’ll leave right now, just please don’t hate me.”
the fans are frozen in horror, watching argentina’s star setter shamelessly sob and beg for forgiveness at your feet, completely whipped, entirely in love with you. he looks up, his beautiful eyes glossy and wild with a desperate need for your reassurance. “let’s go home, okay? let’s go home right now. i’ll fix it. just tell me you forgive your tōru.”
you can only nod, overwhelmed by the spectacle but craving the quiet just as much as he craves your touch.
oikawa doesn’t waste another second. he stands up, shoving his way past security without a care for his post-match duties. his arm wraps securely around your waist, pulling you so flush against his side that you can feel the frantic, irregular thudding of his heart. he shields you completely from the lingering stares, his grip borderline bruising, guiding you out of the arena and straight into the waiting car.
the drive back to his apartment is silent, save for the heavy sound of his breathing. his knuckles are white on the steering wheel, his jaw clenched tightly. every few seconds, his eyes cheat a look to you in the passenger seat, checking, monitoring, making sure you aren’t slipping away from him.
the moment the front door of his apartment clicks shut behind you, the atmosphere shifts. the silence of the apartment is a stark contrast to the arena, but it isn’t peaceful. it’s heavy, thick with his possessive energy.
oikawa doesn’t even let you take off your shoes before his arms lock around you, lifting you slightly to press you back against the closed door. he buries his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply, consuming your scent to ground his frantic mind.
“finally,” he groans, a dark, needy sound vibrating against your skin. “it’s finally quiet. just us.”
his hands slide down your back, gripping your hips with an intensity that leaves no doubt about how badly he wants to consume you. he starts kissing your neck, frantic, messy, desperate marks that tell the world exactly who you belong to.
“i’m sorry. you hated it there, didn’t you?” oikawa murmurs against your skin, his lips brushing over your collarbone. his fingers dig slightly into your skin, anchoring you to him. “all those people... all that noise. it makes your head hurt. i know it does. i hate them for making you uncomfortable.”
he pulls back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark with a dangerous, worshipful heat. his thumb brushes over your lower lip, pushing it down slightly. his expression is a mix of desperate adoration and something much heavier, much more demanding, like he wants to eat you alive.
“but you don’t hate it when it’s just me, right?” he whispers, his voice dropping into a low, husky register that sends a shiver straight down your spine. his eyes lock onto yours, tracking the way your breath hitches in the quiet room. “you hate it when it’s loud out there... but you love it when i make you loud in here, don’t you, sweet girl?”
he doesn’t wait for an answer, his lips crashing onto yours in a deep, possessive kiss that steals the very air from your lungs. his hands shift, lifting you effortlessly so your legs wrap around his waist, pinning you securely between his body and the hard wood of the door.
every touch is heavy, every breath is shared, and as he carries you deeper into the quiet safety of you two’s bedroom, you know the silence of the night is about to be broken entirely by him.
n: i kept getting distracted, it was supposed to be finished hours ago. does anyone here play the card bot called sofi 🤣 fuh i want a butler gojo card, i placed a bounty on his head for 5 custom fics.
“what’s in that pretty head of yours?” tooru oikawa asks.
the room glows with the morning light, peeking through the curtains. tooru’s fingers lightly brush some of your hair.
“dunno… just spacing out, i guess,” you reply.
tangled in the sheets, clothes pooled somewhere on the floor, your breathing syncs with his. your head lays on his arm, left hand resting on his bare chest and drawing little shapes.
“still can’t believe we did that,” you mumbled, raising your hand to admire the band on your ring finger, shining brightly as it caught the sun’s rays.
“yeah, me neither…” he replies, kissing your forehead sweetly. “you’re my wife now,” he smiles, taking your fingers and kissing it.
“and you’re my husband,” you giggle, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. his fingers graze up and down your spine, tickling you, yet you never wanted to pull away.
“can’t believe you could make such pretty noises either— hey!” he teased, interrupted by a sharp slap to his peck. you sat up to give him a dirty stare, hair falling onto your shoulders. he only stared back, smug as ever as he chuckled deeply.
“whaaatt? come onnn, don’t be like thattt,” he whined, trying to pull you back into his arms. as soon as you fall back onto the bed, he’s facing you head on, scooching close enough to nudge your nose with his.
“i hate you,” you grumble with a small pout. he takes your chin in his fingers, leaning you up to share a kiss with him.
“yeah? how ‘bout now?” he asked in a softer voice.
“dunno, try it again,” you whispered back. he only smiles and meets your lips once more. quick pecks turn into a long, deep kiss, fingers tangling in his messy hair as his return to your back.
tooru’s tongue licks across your lips, gently asking to be let in. out of breath, you push him away by his chin.
“tooru, we have to get up,” you reminded him. he rolls his eyes and dips his head to kiss along your collarbone.
“five more minutes,” he protests.
“you said that earlier and now we’re naked. come on, i’m hungry,” you groaned. he only whines and traps you in his arms.
“tooru, get offff!” you giggled, his hair tickling your neck as he started giving loud smooches to your chest, lips smacking with each muah! “you’re such a little freak!”
“yeah and you married this little freak,” he giggled back, hands unwilling to let go.
“then i’m filing a divorce,” you say, but only tangle your legs further with his.
“go ahead,” he says, climbing up to meet your face, forehead pressed against yours.
“you hate it when it’s loud, but you know what else is?”
timeskip!oikawa tōru x f!reader | 6.7k special
w/c: 2k, husband!oikawa ,, wait! series
the human skull was simply not designed to withstand the auditory assault of a late-night infomercial selling a revolutionary, multi-tiered vegetable dicer.
you pressed the heels of your palms against your temples, trying to physically compress your brain back into a manageable shape. the television screen flapped with aggressive neon graphics, casting chaotic blue and yellow hues over your living room, three girls named kat, jello, and mayo we’re doing the six seven emote while the spokesperson practically screamed through the speakers about the unmatched efficiency of stainless steel blades. your head throbbed in perfect, miserable sync with the man and girls’ enthusiastic hand gestures.
beside you, sprawled out like a giant, discarded marionette, was oikawa.
he was supposed to be resting. his knees, currently elevated on a mountain of throw pillows that he had aggressively pillaged from the armchair, were wrapped in ice packs. a heavy, fleece blanket draped over his long torso, and his messy, chocolate-brown hair was sticking up in every imaginable direction—a direct consequence of him running his fingers through it every time a volleyball statistic popped into his head. he looked soft, radiating the kind of post-practice warmth that usually acted as a natural space heater, but he was also entirely oblivious to the fact that the television volume was currently somewhere around a level that could wake the dead.
“tōru,” you groaned, the sound muffled by the sofa cushion you had pulled over your face in a desperate bid for sensory deprivation. “please. the volume. it’s like he’s chopping vegetables inside my ears.”
no response. he was staring at his phone, his thumb flying across the screen as he furiously analyzed game footage from a rival team in the argentine league. his eyebrows were knitted together, his lower lip slightly bitten—the exact expression he wore right before he delivered a devastating jump serve that made opposing liberos reconsider their life choices.
“tōru,” you tried again, reaching out a blind hand to swat at his thigh. “turn it down. my head is about to physically detach from my spine and roll away.”
that got him. the mention of your discomfort was like a cheat code that bypassed his hyper-fixation entirely. his head snapped toward you so fast you heard his neck pop. the phone was tossed onto the coffee table without a single shred of respect for its glass screen, landing with a loud clatter that made you wince.
“oh, angel,” he said, his voice dropping an octave into that smooth, caramel register he only used when he was thoroughly concerned or plotting something entirely self-indulgent. “is it too loud? why didn’t you say anything sooner? you’re suffering in silence while i’m sitting right here like a fool.”
“i literally just said it twice,” you mumbled into the cushion.
instead of grabbing the remote and clicking the volume down button a few notches, oikawa snatched the plastic device and smashed the power button with an intensity that suggested the television had personally insulted his lineage. the screen went black. the sudden silence that filled the room was so thick you could almost taste it. the loud vegetable man was gone and so are the three insane girls doing the six seven emote, replaced by the gentle hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and the distant sound of evening traffic outside the apartment.
you sighed in profound relief, letting your muscles untangle. “thank you. my hero.”
“of course i am,” he murmured.
the couch shifted. at home, oikawa possessed the spatial awareness of a newborn giraffe. the ice packs were kicked to the floor with a wet thud, the fleece blanket was cast aside like old news, and suddenly, there was a very large, very warm, very determined setter crawling across the cushions toward you.
he’s officially migrated over to you. he slithered over the expanse of the sofa until he was hovering directly over you, his long limbs framing your body, trapping you in a cocoon of expensive cologne and laundry detergent.
you peeked out from under the edge of the cushion, blinking up at him.
oikawa was smiling. it wasn’t the polite, plastic smile he gave to the sports reporters or the blinding, theatrical grin he used for the cameras. this was his dangerously pretty, entirely unhinged smile—the one where his eyes crinkled at the corners, full of an affection so heavy it borderline felt like a threat. his gaze was locked onto your face, consuming every detail as if he hadn’t spent the last four hours staring at you anyway.
“you hate it when it’s noisy, huh?” he whispered, leaning down until the tip of his nose brushed against yours. his breath was warm against your skin, sending a ridiculous, electric shiver straight down your arms.
“i hate it when a man screams about blenders at eleven p.m., yes,” you managed to say, though your voice lacked any real bite because his thumb was currently tracing the line of your jaw with agonizing gentleness.
“well,” he murmured, his lips brushing against the corner of your mouth as he spoke, his voice a low, vibrating rumble that resonated right in your chest. “i can think of much better things to fill the quiet with. i’d much rather listen to you.”
your heart performed a dramatic, olympic-level backflip.
he was so bad for your health. it was a well-documented fact that oikawa had the ability to reduce your brain to absolute mush with a single syllable, and he knew it. he used it to his advantage like the tactical genius he was.
before you could formulate a coherent response—because your vocabulary had suddenly shrunk to a handful of vowels—he collapsed his weight onto you. not entirely, of course; he was well aware of his own size and muscle mass, so he braced himself on his forearms, but he buried his face directly into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply as if you were the only source of oxygen left on the planet.
“tōru,” you wheezed, a small laugh bubbling up despite your headache. “you’re heavy. you’re like a giant, needy weighted blanket.”
“i’m your husband,” he corrected into your skin, his lips moving against your collarbone, sending another wave of heat through your veins. “and i’ve been deprived of your attention for a cumulative total of three hours today because of film study. do you know what that does to a man? i‘m wasting away. look at me. i’m practically skin and bone.”
“you’re entirely made of muscle and milk bread,” you chuckled, your fingers automatically finding their way into the soft curls at the nape of his neck. you began to gently massage his scalp, knowing exactly how much he loved it.
oikawa let out a sound that could only be described as a cross between a sigh and a purr, his entire body going completely slack against yours. he was a menace to society on the volleyball court, a cold-blooded competitor who terrified his opponents, but in this living room, under your hands, he was a puddle of absolute mush. he was so deeply, entirely whipped that it’s embarrassing. if his teammates could see him right now, whimpering because his wife was scratching his head, his athletic reputation would be permanently ruined.
“more,” he mumbled, nudging his face further into your neck, his nose cold against your skin. “right there. you have the best hands in the world. better than mine. and my hands are worth millions of pesos.”
“don’t let your manager hear you say that.”
“i don’t care about him,” oikawa sniffled dramatically, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist, pulling you so close there wasn’t even room for air between you. “i only care about you. your head still hurts? let me fix it. i can kiss it better. i’ll kiss every single part of your face until the pain goes away. it’s a scientifically proven medical treatment.”
“i don’t think that’s how neurology works, tōru.”
“it works because i said so.”
he shifted upwards, his dark eyes sparkling with an intensity that made you want to hide under the couch cushions again. he began to fulfill his promise with terrifying enthusiasm. he kissed your forehead, right between your eyebrows where the tension usually gathered. he kissed the bridge of your nose. he kissed your left cheek, then your right, his lips soft and lingering, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake.
you couldn’t help the giggles that escaped you, the sound echoing softly in the quiet room. every time you tried to turn your head, he would follow, relentless and entirely devoted to his self-appointed task.
“tōru, stop, it tickles,” you gasped, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders to try and hold him still.
he paused, his face mere inches from yours, his chest rising and falling against yours. the look in his eyes changed from playful to something so profoundly tender it made your throat feel tight. he looked at you as if you had personally hung the moon and stars in the sky just for him to look at. it was a level of adoration that was almost overwhelming, a complete and utter surrender to you.
“you’re so beautiful,” he breathed, his voice dropping all of its usual theatrical bravado. it was genuine. the kind of honesty that always caught you off guard, no matter how many years you spent by his side. “i look at you and i feel like my chest is going to explode. is that normal? can a person actually die from liking someone too much? i think i fell in love with you again.”
“i think it’s clinically impossible, but you’re welcome to try,” you whispered, a soft smile spreading across your lips.
“i’m serious,” he pouted, though his thumb came up to gently stroke your bottom lip. “i think about you when i’m practicing. i think about you when i’m on the plane. i see a nice rock on the side of the road and i think, ‘oh, she would probably like that rock, let me carry it five miles home for her.’ i’m entirely at your mercy.”
“a rock, tōru? really?”
“a very nice, shiny rock,” he insisted, his eyes widening with sincerity. “only the best for you.”
you laughed, the sound rich and full, and the last remnants of your headache seemed to dissolve into the air. you reached up, cupping his face in both of your hands, squishing his cheeks together until his lips puckered out like a fish. he didn’t mind at all; he just stared down at you with sweet compliance, entirely content to be handled however you saw fit.
“you’re incredibly ridiculous,” you told him, your heart swelling to a size that felt entirely unsafe. “but i suppose i’ll keep you around.”
“you have to,” he mumbled through his squished cheeks, his hands sliding down to securely grip your hips. “we signed papers. it’s legally binding. you’re stuck with me forever.”
he leaned down and pressed a proper kiss to your lips then. not the frantic, desperate kisses from earlier, but something slow, deep, and thoroughly intoxicating. he tasted faint like the green tea he’d drank earlier, and the way his mouth moved against yours was so full of a reverence that it made your toes curl inside your socks. his fingers dug slightly into your hips, anchoring you to him, ensuring that you couldn’t move an inch away even if you wanted to.
when he finally pulled back, just far enough to breathe, his eyes were slightly heavy, a soft flush creeping up his neck.
“more?” he whispered, his voice entirely devoid of its usual teasing edge, replaced by a soft, genuine plea.
you slid your arms back around his neck, pulling him down toward you once more, completely helpless against the weight of his devotion.
“you can always have more,” you murmured against his lips.
Seventeen // Took My Bitterness and Made it Sweet [Brother's Best Friend! Phainon x f!reader]
Summary: One summer day when you were thirteen, your older brother Mydei brings a boy over to play. You don’t expect anything good out of boys, but somehow, the boy- Phainon, you learned his name was, seems to want to know you better and include you in everything. Every time you expect nothing and think he’s just here for Mydei, his guileless yearning to be closer to you continues for years. Your denial of feelings and Phainon’s easy and confident persistence seems to complicate whatever was within your heart even further.
A/N + Warnings: Modern!AU, reader is introverted, reader is 1 year younger than Mydei and Phainon, LONG AF 21K WORDS IM SO SORRY, trig identities, Mydei slander (bc he's your brother), extremely self indulgent. I wrote half of these sections while I was in school, so apologies if there are inconsistencies in the writing
Tagging the lovely @zozo-01 since she stuck with this ever since she tagged me in snippet sunday (Thank you Zo, I love you <3)
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
Age: 13
At the young age of thirteen, you've already written off boys. They were smelly, mean, and dumb... you could go on. Which is why, when your brother Mydei brought home a friend for the first time, you were not expecting to like him.
It was a random summer afternoon when you were lounging in your room, listening to music while you draw. It wasn't long until you felt like you heard the front door open and close, along with an extra set of footsteps...? You thought you were hearing things- perhaps it was your mom who was walking. But just a second later, you heard an unfamiliar voice.
It's another boy, you think.
For a moment you forget the animosity you have against boys. The memory of your brother dejected and purposely isolating himself last year rings clearly in your mind. Your family had left your town of Castrum Kremnos and moved to the more populated city of Okhema to get a fresh start, especially because of the grief caused by your father. However, this also meant that Mydei would be leaving his friends.
Though you have not had many interactions with them, you knew they were good friends and meant a lot to your brother, even if he didn't want to admit it. A dull ache lingered within your household despite moving to the free and prosperous Okhema.
So you decide to give this mystery boy a pass.
Your tablet flashes, signaling low battery, and suddenly you realize the predicament you're about to be in. Shit. You left your charger with Mydei after his broke, so now you have to go in his room to ask for it.
Did you really have to go in? Your mind goes back and forth between saving your tablet and staying in your room and waiting it out. Looking back in your room, avoiding interacting with the mystery boy and your stinky brother seemed really tempting. You had hobbies! You could definitely find something else to pass the time. But a part of you can't help but be curious, and before you know it, your feet were dragging you to Mydei's room.
You walk as lightly as you could, trying not to alert them of your existence before you were ready to go in. The door was half open, and you hear the low murmur of their voices, along with the electronic sounds effects of what seemed to be punches or shooting. You gulp, overthinking of whether Mydei would even hear you over the video game noises. You knock anyway.
"Yeah?" Mydei's voice calls out. You breath a sigh of relief- at least he heard you. You grab your nonexistent courage and push the door to enter. Keeping your head down, your footsteps hover lightly on his floor as if you were sneaking in. And then your breath catches in your throat.
The mystery boy- A boy sits on the edge of Mydei's bed beside him with a controller loosely in his hand. He looks up at you the same time your brother does, and you get a full glimpse of his face. He was sitting, but he looked around the same height and age as Mydei. White messy hair framing his face, bright blue eyes, and an even brighter smile. Why was he smiling at you?
And was that the scent of wheat?
Your brain barely catches up to the overload of the mystery boy, but Mydei fortunately snaps you out of your trance.
"What do you want?" Mydei's voice is curt and straight to the point as always. You catch the mystery boy stifling a laugh, nudging your brother and whispering something like "how gentle", to which your brother nudges him back subtly. You don't know why but you feel self conscious all of a sudden.
"I-I need the charger." You mutter. Ew. You become aware of how awkward your voice comes out.
"It's on the desk." Mydei replies, quickly focusing back on the video game. You cringe. The desk? The one all the way across the room? Where you'd have to pass this weird smiley boy? Your anti-social self loathes this, and you wish you could cuss at Mydei for not getting the message but alas there is a guest.
Men. They certainly stress women out. Even your own brother.
You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up as you swiftly cross your brother's bed to snatch the charger. Okay, you did it, just quickly in and quickly out, easy right-
"Hey."
The white haired mystery boy calls out to you, and you flinch like those cartoon robbers caught in the police lights.
"I'm Phainon." He says with a smile. "Do you wanna play with us?"
Your pupils dart quickly between the boys and Mydei's TV, where some sort of FPS game was paused. The thought crosses your mind so fast, you almost flinch in disgust at the thought of playing this violent video game with boys.
"I- what?" You grimace, though it comes out meek. Phainon only continues smiling, lifting his controller to gesture at the game.
"We're about to enter a lobby, you can join us if you like." Phainon only continues smiling, lifting his controller to gesture at the game. The invite makes your heart beat faster- though you're not sure if you should be flattered or weirded out that you're being included. Mydei seems to voice the latter.
"Why would we do that?" Mydei's words come out blunt as usual, though you don't fault him for it because you also couldn't find a reason to join them, especially when you didn't really enjoy your brother's video games. More importantly, you felt like it was gonna be awkward.
"Um, I'm okay. I don't really like shooter games." You reply, slowly backing off with the charger in hand. Weirdly, Phainon perks up more, still talking to you.
"Then we could play something else. Do you like Mario Kart? Or Party?" Phainon suggests. You and Mydei both give him a grimace like true siblings.
"We don't have to include my sister in everything." Mydei says. From the way he said it, you felt like Mydei briefly told Phainon about you, which doesn’t help with your face burning at the thought of being mentioned.
"I-It's fine, really. You guys play." You say, taking the last word to finally exit. You're at the threshold of Mydei's doorway when Phainon steals the last word, calling out one last thing.
"Maybe next time then."
You almost flinch again, your steps abruptly stopping, and shit. It signalled that you heard him, so now you had to answer. You slowly turn, putting on a smile.
"Yeah... sure." Your answer wasn't confident, and you realize you might have come off as fake- like you were putting on a customer-service smile with an empty promise.
And yet, Phainon- this smiling boy, continues to beam at you like he actually believed you.
You don't trust yourself to not embarrass yourself any further with that interaction, so you you quickly pull your brother's door closed and retreat back to the safety of your room. You sit on your bed, charger clearly forgotten and your posture rigid as a soldier as you reflect on what the hell just happened.
Your heart was beating too fast. Too fast, but... not for a boy, right?
It's ridiculous, you think. Phainon was the guest here- a stranger. There was a supposed to be a sense that playing video games with them was some sort of uncharted territory when he was your brother's friend. But it’s like it has been reversed.
You've met boys before, obviously in your elementary school. They were smelly, mean, and dumb... loud, reckless, and careless... Yet Phainon was strangely not like them. And you were sure as hell knew that none of them ever looked at you like that- like it was normal for you to be there, or that it made sense for you to join. You press your palms to your face, as if wiping it would get rid of your overcomplicated thoughts.
This is so stupid.
Somehow, you get the feeling that you weren't going to forget him.
A few hours later, you realize you actually aren't going to forget the boy. Especially when you find him setting up the dinner table.
Your mother called you and Mydei down that evening for dinner, and you pause for a moment in the hallway as you see the white haired boy still here. You caught a glimpse of him just washing his hands, meaning he was definitely staying to eat. He answers your mother with a cheerful "yes ma'am!" and you make a face- both at the thought of Phainon joining your family for dinner, and the fact that he just called your mother "ma'am".
Your mother calls you and Mydei to set the table as usual. You realize how giddy Phainon looked as you saw him from the corner of your eye, sleeves rolled up and posture upright like he was ready for your mother’s cooking. He suddenly realizes you too.
"Oh, hi again." Phainon's eyes blink at you as he turns away from drying his hands.
"Hi..." You quietly nod to him, and he smiles at you again. By this point, you felt that he could probably tell that you were weirded out by him a little- being a guest and all yet being so comfortable with people he just met. You don't even remember the last time you were comfortable in your own skin. And yet here you were, standing awkwardly at your own dinner table in your own house, while this random boy acts like he belonged here all this time.
For once you latch onto the task of setting the table gratefully, busying yourself with forks and knives in order to not to pay the obvious elephant in the room any mind. You definitely don't realize the way he kept glancing over, and you certainly don't realize how he pulled your chair out for you.
Once dinner was set, your family takes their seat and starts on a nice home-cooked meal. Your mother gets curious and starts asking Phainon questions, since she too realized this was the first friend Mydei brought home. You keep your head down mostly, as you weren't really a part of this conversation. Funny enough, Mydei stays quiet too. Birds of a feather you were.
"How long have you two been friends?" Your mother asks towards your brother and Phainon. Though of course, Phainon takes the lead and answers.
"Since the beginning of the school year. Mydei has been helping me with studying for history." Phainon beams, his head nudging towards Mydei to acknowledge him. "He's really good in that class."
Mydei grumbles something unintelligible in response. It's weird... weird how Phainon's praise for your brother warms your heart. You knew that your brother was good at history, that much was true. But nobody was perfect (and as his sister, you knew firsthand of Mydei's particularly annoying traits such as his attitude). Phainon goes on about how he met Mydei from how he admired Mydei's competitiveness in gym class, but Mydei of course mistaken it for rivalry. You internally cringe at the thought of more boys being over competitive in sports.
Still, the sound of Phainon talking about your brother like he was perfect was... different somehow, genuine- even though that wasn't part of the question your mother was asking. You poke mindlessly at your food, a small smile slipping out as you recognize the hidden weight behind Phainon's polite answers.
Your mom continues to pester Phainon and Mydei with questions, with Phainon answering and your brother contributing the bare minimum. At one point you swear you see your mother rolling her eyes fondly at Mydei's lack of answer. You knew she likely shared the same sentiment as you- thinking how your brother was secretly happy for making a new friend.
"What grade are you going to?" Phainon's voice interrupts your thoughts, and you blink up, realizing that he was suddenly talking to you.
"Oh- eighth..."
"Eighth? Cool. Are you looking forward to high school?"
"I don't know..."
"That's okay. I think high school is gonna be fun! What's your favourite subject?"
"Um, art."
"That's awesome." Phainon says it like he actually means it, which makes your grip on your fork tighten. "Do you draw a lot?"
"Yeah I guess..."
"What kind of stuff do you draw?" Holy moly. You start cringing more, feeling some sort of embarrassment as Phainon presses on with the questions. He really wasn't letting this conversation go.
"Um... just things..." You shrug. You’re not really sure you want to say out loud that you draw silly anime characters at the dinner table. There's a pause, where Phainon just nods at you. It's like deja vu, where you expected the talk to end here. And yet-
"I'd like to see them sometime." He says, smiling. Your heart seems to catch on to the deja vu, doing that strange little jump again like before.
You don't understand it.
You don't understand why he wants to know more about you, or why he's being so polite, or why he keeps trying to include you, or why he's smiling so much. Why it ironically feels physically hard for you to look him in the eye. Going to a friend's house for the first time is typically awkward, is it not? But nothing seemed difficult for Phainon. In fact, everything seemed relatively easy for him.
Dinner continues with your brother and Phainon bantering and bickering like boys do while your mother smiles fondly. Once you finish, you walk quickly back to your room, wanting to be back in the safety within your walls, where you will not be bothered by some stinky-
“Hey!” Phainon calls out to you, and you flinch, stopping in your tracks. His footsteps pad across the floor, with Mydei silently beside him. “I still don’t know your name.”
“It’s (Y/N)…” You reply softly. You would think that your brother would have introduced you, but alas there he stands, anti-social and nonchalant like all boys try to be. Well, almost all boys.
“Well (Y/N), do you wanna play Mario Party with us?” There was the question again, but rephrased with your name with the addition of a more family friendly video game. He was purposely trying to include you, wasn’t he? You pause for a moment, thinking. Phainon grins, pressing on. “Your brother told me that you need help unlocking a minigame in the two versus two mode.”
“But there’s three of us…”
“Yeah. It can be me and you versus Mydei.” Phainon remarks casually. Before you could quirk an eyebrow at the strange pairing, Phainon continues. “Your brother already claimed he would still win.”
And it’s strange, you think. How the stars are perfectly aligning, so much so that it almost seems suspicious. Something prickles at your pride. Mydei has always been competitive with you, but to be honest, playing Mario Party with your brother has started getting boring. Here Phainon was, offering a fresh perspective by fueling Mydei’s competitive spirit and wanting you to join.
You blink blankly at your brother. “…You wouldn’t win partnered with an AI.”
“Yeah? Wanna bet?” Mydei growls immediately after. It earns a chuckle from Phainon, as he gets a first hand experience of you and Mydei being essentially the same person, and furthermore a glimpse of your own sarcasm against your brother. Phainon looks over at you, beaming.
“So, what do you say?”
You look at the boy, whose posture remains hopeful that you would join. Your stomach fluttered again- why? At this point you realize how bad it would be if you declined him again like you subtly dismissed him before. But he was... intelligent, you think. Intelligent in how he phrased his words.
"Partners?"
Phainon is already pushing Mydei's door open like he owned the place (while the real tenant grimaces). His other hand is outstretched to you, and somehow you see the change now. The invite was no longer a push, but a sign of him waiting. This was weird. He's too warm... too-
"Yeah." Before you knew it, a smile slowly spreads on your face, and you take his hand. He somehow lights up even more, giggling with you as he tugs you into Mydei's room, with the shared goal of beating your brother.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 15
Two years ago was when you’d say you officially became friends with Phainon: That day he was first invited to your house by Mydei.
You remember playing Mario Party with the boys, which turned into a whole marathon of video games. But you also ended up learning about Phainon. How he actually lives very far from school, in the countryside of Aedes Elysiae. Little things like how he wanted a video game console, but found it useless if he no one to play with- hence why he was so excited to get the invite from Mydei to play video games at your house.
As you finally come into your own in high school, you don't freeze up anymore whenever Phainon comes over. He’s starting to get taller and his voice has lowered, but you barely realize it because of how often you see him. However, there was still the notion that Phainon was more of Mydei’s friend than he was yours. They were classmates first after all, but now that you knew him better, you felt like being in his presence more.
"Mydei, I need help with homework." You blurt out as you dump your bag on the couch as you come home. Mydei and Phainon were already there, sitting at the dining table, heads buried in their notebooks. Mydei clicks his tongue.
"What homework?" Your brother grumbles, already dreading your request and dramatically setting his pencil down. Phainon peers over at you behind him.
"Trig stuff." You reply casually. Mydei lets out a groan.
"No."
"What?!" You shout, immediately getting defensive. In times like these, you're reminded how obnoxious your brother is. Not that you ever forgot. "I have a quiz soon."
"I'm busy studying for my own test. Figure it out yourself." Mydei says. You catch the subtle sound of Phainon snickering behind your brother, and you get suspicious of whether he was laughing at you. Little do you know, the white haired boy caught a glimpse of Mydei's notes- messy and full of frustrated scribbles, because he too was struggling with trig stuff. Of course, he didn't want to admit it.
"Mydei, please. You're not saying no because you suck at trig too right?"
"No, I'm not." Mydei replies curtly. It was a lie of course. Again- birds of a feather you and Mydei were... both struggling with maths. You thought you could at least rely on your brother since he had at least a year of experience. But still, he waves you off. "Ask someone else."
You were about to open your mouth to argue, when-
"I can help." Phainon leans out for you to see him, offering his services easily. A beat of silence goes by until you and your brother both shout what?! without any shame.
What was it you said earlier? You don't freeze up anymore whenever Phainon comes over?
The hairs on the back of your neck prickle again, and you start feeling self conscious... like when you were thirteen meeting Phainon for the first time. Your notebook and past quiz that were prepared in your hands, slowly hide themselves behind you as if to back off. You knew your notes were messy- maybe even more than your brother's. But worst of all, your equations were half finished, red marks on your previous quiz with see me after class as the cherry on top.
You really don't want Phainon seeing this.
“I-It’s fine… I don’t want to bother you guys.” You try slowly backing away, hoping the boys would get the message that you changed your mind. Phainon only continues to smile, disregarding your stance.
"It's okay. I don't mind." He shrugs, already walking to the other side of the dining table so you could sit next to him. Shit.
Your brother rolls his eyes, seeing this as a sign for him to leave and study in peace. Wait, Mydei- He wasn't supposed to leave you alone with Phainon! He's so stupid!
"Whatever, I’m going somewhere else to work. Just don't fail her." Mydei glares one last time before dragging his stuff into his room and slamming his door like a princess, leaving you alone with Phainon.
"I won't." Phainon says simply, his arm resting on the back of the chair. He looks up at you, who was still standing there, and you flinch.
"Do you wanna come over here?" He asks. Your cheeks go warm at his... gentleness. You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was a tiny part of his voice that sounded like he was teasing you. Still, you walk over, stiff as cardboard as you awkwardly sit in the chair next to him with your disappointing notes in hand. Immediately, you become aware of how close Phainon was, so you unconsciously shift your chair a little further from him, purposely distancing yourself. An awkward silence occurs for a good minute, until Phainon notices something and laughs quietly, looking at you.
“...What?” You stammer, your pupils flickering back and forth between him and the floor.
“Hm?” Phainon tilts his head as if he was an innocent puppy, though you knew he was far from innocent. Did he have to keep staring at you like that?
“What are you looking at?” You ask almost curtly, attempting to shoo him away.
“What am I looking at?” Phainon repeats your question with a knowing grin.
God, why did Phainon have to be so stupid? He truly didn’t know the effect he had on you- making you forget how to speak despite him coming over to your home for years and teetering off embarrassing yourself whenever he spares you a little glance.
But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? It wasn’t just a small glance to you.
Things like going the extra mile to help you with something you struggled with, being persistent in including you… Realistically, it didn’t mean anything special but oh, at the same time it definitely did. Why else did you wish you had looked in the mirror for before this, wondering if you should fix your hair a little before seeing Phainon? Why else would you think about changing into something that makes you look less like a bum? It was a little crazy now that you think about it. Mydei would definitely say something about it for sure. Something like “Why the fuck did you change your clothes when we’re in our own house?” to which was a valid argument- one that you didn’t want to have. So you usually end up doing nothing, but overthinking it anyway.
Phainon speaks again, seeing as you’ve seem to have gone silent for some reason. Thankfully, it stops your intrusive thoughts, but in turn makes your cheeks heat up a little.
“I’m looking at you because you’re sitting so far from me.” Phainon’s mouth curves upwards, his tongue teasingly between his teeth. He gives a playful pout. “Are you scared of me?”
You watch as Phainon grin turns into a playful pout. You realize what he meant with you sitting all the way at the end, accusing you of avoiding him or something.
Still, you deny it. “N-No…”
“Well then-“ Phainon lets out a soft grunt, and you get a little startled when you notice his foot hooking through the leg of your chair to bring you closer. That home-y scent of wheat wafts through your nose as soon as he got you where he wants.
"Okay, show me what you've got." He says. You cringe, still cosplaying as cardboard as you slowly slide your embarrassing notes and past quiz over. He looks it over silently, and you hold your breath.
"Hey," Phainon looks at you with a certain softness, something you definitely weren't expecting after your atrocious quiz score. "This isn't bad."
"I-It's not...?" You think he's making fun of you. Phainon shakes his head with a smile.
"No. To be honest, I struggled with trig identities too. I think you're overthinking it, let me show you how I did it..."
Phainon teaches you how to approach the math questions you struggled on, and you start questioning whether he was lying about struggling on this too. From how he was explaining it to you, it's like he never struggled at all.
Then again, the only tutor you've known is your brother, so your standards are pretty low.
It's somewhat hard to concentrate as Phainon points out certain things and watches you do questions. He's close- really close. Your shoulders would be brushing if you hadn't purposely leaned away. It was so much so that you notice the little crease in his brows and the way he bites his lip when he's concentrating.
"See? You're getting it."
What was this...? Your heart starts doing those stupid little flips again, but you’re not sure if it’s just your brain mistaking it as nostalgia. Because it was the same way he was kind and patient with you two years ago. The same way he stayed for you at your dinner table despite you being difficult. The same way the smell of his hometown consumed you. The same way he continued to smile at you like it costs him nothing.
"What?" Phainon asks, softly glancing at you. You snap out of your trance and realize you were staring at him- daydreaming. How embarrassing.
"N-Nothing." You reply too quickly, ducking your head. Still, your eye flits back to him to peek, and he was smiling anyway. A warm feeling courses through your body, and you suddenly feel extremely comfortable. An idea comes up. "Can you help me with my English essay after?"
Phainon laughs, indulging you. "You need help with that? I thought your brother would be better with words."
You make a face at him, thinking, since when Mydei was good with poetry?
"You know- words like fuck and dumbass." Phainon clarifies. You laugh, realizing he was being sarcastic.
"That's exactly why I need help." You explain, and Phainon chuckles with a nod.
While you were being tutored, you shyly asked him why the heck he was even doing this- why he was willingly tutoring you when he had his own things to do, and didn’t have to in the first place. He only smiled a little, saying, “I like helping you.” You sputtered, exasperated as you questioned him, not being able to wrap your head around why that was a valid reason. But the implication was forgotten because he just made things easy for you. It doesn’t pass Phainon’s mind, but to be honest, he didn’t mind.
At some point, your eyes start drooping and getting heavier. Your textbook and notebook pages get blurrier. You feel your neck giving up on you, making your head lurch forward a few times.
“You falling asleep?” A soft voice whispers in your ear.
“No…” Even the dullness of your tone betrays you.
Phainon chuckles, and you get a little embarrassed. No, you cannot fall asleep at this point. Not when Phainon was right beside you. What if you drooled? Or snored? Mydei was always complaining about your snoring, and even though you were in denial, you get self conscious at what could happen. You force your eyelids open, but they only get heavy once more.
Before you knew it, your head fell to rest on a squishy pillow. The pillow briefly shakes beneath your cheek just before you passed out. How embarrassing- you eventually did use him as a pillow. You need to get up, but you don’t. It was mostly because you were tired, but perhaps a teensy tiny part of it was because you never wanted to leave.
You were drifting deeply into dreamland for who knows how long, and by how soundly you were sleeping, it seemed like you never wanted to wake up. That is, until something soft taps at your shoulder. Your eyes don’t really open until the tap happens a second time.
“There you are.” A soft chuckle reaches your ears, and you finally realize the predicament you were in.
The first thing you saw was Phainon, and you realized that he was sitting much closer than expected, and close enough that you could make out the little crinkle in the corner of his eyes as he smiled down at you.
“Hi.” He says again, softly greeting you, seeing as you haven’t fully woken up. Your brain seemed to be blissfully empty in this moment, simply savouring the view without informing your body to move. It doesn’t last long though, since Phainon slowly tries to extract himself from you without jostling you too much. “Was my lesson really that boring?”
You don’t even have the energy to respond, your eyes barely opening, though you hear Phainon’s voice fading in and out.
“I have to go now. (Y/n)-” Phainon chuckles sheepishly as he attempts to pull his sleeve caught from under your weight. “(Y/n), you need to wake up for me. Your brother’s gonna get mad at me again.”
“Mmph- y-you’re leaving now?” You suddenly scramble to fix your hair, sitting up properly to look at Phainon who was already reaching for his jacket. He turns back to you with a smile.
“It’s late.” He simply says. And he was right. As you looked outside, you could see the sky already pitch black. Just how long were you out for? What time did you fall asleep? Did you really lay on Phainon’s shoulder for that long? The thought makes you blush. You glance down at your forgotten trig homework, and see a bunch of sticky notes written with arrows and small notes for each question.
“Oh.”
Phainon seems to notice the mortification slowly creeping on your face at your brilliant response. He laughs under his breath.
“I’ve written down some notes for the last few questions you had. I hope they’re helpful in some way.” Phainon seems to be in deep contemplation, like he was thinking back to his notes and hoped they sufficed. He decides not to overthink it or potentially stress you out even more. So he smiles and waves, heading towards your door. “See you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight…” You managed to squeak as he left.
As your front door clicks shut, you collapse forwards on the table, simply staring at your scattered homework in silence. The living room felt strangely warm despite Phainon having already left. The scent of wheat lingered, the subtle air of his breath when he leaned in to explain something better, the feeling of his shoulder beneath your cheek- his entire presence lingered.
Mydei casually walks down the stairs, his eyes flickering between the door and you. He leans forward on the table, looking down at you with the same arms-crossed, unreadable expression on his face. Though it was the same perpetual look of mild judgment he always gave, this time you felt like he could be suspecting something else.
“What…?” You say with a hint of attitude in your tone, side-eyeing your brother who clearly had something on his mind. You hated when Mydei did this.
“Nothing.” Mydei shrugs, reaching forward for the now stale popcorn. The silence continued to stretch, making you uneasy. “...Were you sleeping on his shoulder?”
“I- No…“ Smooth.
Mydei’s eyes narrow at you, getting skeptical from your very convincing answer. Fortunately, he scoffs and doesn’t address the secret you thought he was going to, but unfortunately, he decides he’s not going without a jab at you. “God, sleep on your bed next time.”
Your eyes widen in embarrassment, realizing that Mydei did indeed catch you sleeping on his best friend’s shoulder.
“S-Shut up Mydei!” You knowing he was teasing you for drooling on Phainon’s shoulder.
Mydei doesn’t even breaking eye contact with you. His gaze remains fixed, blinking blankly like he’s expecting something yet also wanting to ask something. You’re caught between deciding to stay silent or throwing something at him because you knew he was teetering off pointing out a certain something between you and Phainon. Why couldn’t you talk to your brother about other things? Trying to have a normal conversation with Mydei was like trying to argue with a brick wall that occasionally made blunt remarks and observations about your life.
“You seem... happy.”
You stared at Mydei, your heart skipping beats- though you weren’t sure if it was because you were anxious or the fluttery feeling of actually admitting what Mydei was likely referencing. The thing about having a sibling was that you would be fluent in their lies, but the biggest problem was that they would be fluent in yours too.
Because later that night, after denying everything to Mydei which you were sure sounded suspicious- you realized the thought had finally taken shape.
Fuck. You looked forward to seeing Phainon. And it’s not like you haven’t, but after months of avoiding the question altogether, you slowly started to come to the terrible conclusion that your heart was craving his presence. There was no way you were going to get rid of the thought since you acknowledged it.
You knew Phainon didn’t come here to tutor you, and he too had work of his own and things to study for. Phainon had stayed. And even though you made him explain the concept four times, and continued cringing over trying not to break over trigonometry, your previous feelings of thinking you were a bother eventually seemed to disappear. He was patient with you, and never sounded annoyed, which in turn ruined your life in the way that you never stopped thinking about this moment.
You felt like you could depend on him comfortably without judgement or impatience. And he would let you take up as much of his time as you asked him for.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 17
Ever since that night when Phainon helped you with your homework, you felt like you could be more carefree around him. Before, Phainon was just Mydei’s friend. Just a boy, who was annoyingly good at everything and nice in a casual way that easily made people gravitate towards him.
At seventeen years old, you think you know better. You were an adult, applying to universities, and thinking about careers.
You think you've matured. Which is why crushing on Phainon feels childish now.
You've admitted it internally in your head, that you've had a crush on him. A baby one at least. Over the years, you've watched him grow and you considered him a friend like your brother did. But somewhere throughout the multiple times he came over to your house, you found yourself finding every part of him attractive. It wasn’t your fault though, that he hasn't stopped with his whole golden boy persona. He was good at everything, liked by everyone, and fine, you'll admit he's cute. But he's eighteen now, already graduated and in university. So, you start seeing less of him.
And because you've matured, you pushed your silly little crush deep deep down early in the year.
Besides, there was a guy in your grade who you've been liking for a while now. You talked often with him, and he was funny and clever. You play the same video games, and share the love for art. He was super attractive too, and him teasing you lightly and seeking you out only made you fall harder. But you mistake the laughter and banter for warmth- for the kind of connection you yearned for.
Near the end of the school year, you finally admitted it to the boy. Your feelings, out on a plate that trembles from your shaking hands and pounding heart and... he laughs.
"Wait, you thought I was serious?"
The words hit you and you instantly become hollow. You don't even remember the rest of what he said. Something about how he never saw you in that way. But all you could focus on was the little scoff, the awkwardness, the laugh. The humiliation replayed in your head all day, and you realized too late that the teasing was never friendly, and that your feelings were more disposable than you thought.
By the end of the school day, you feel nauseous. Ironically, not from the pit in your stomach but from how you didn't know how to keep your face from not looking nauseous.
And to make things worse, you had to keep a not-nauseous face in front of your brother... and Phainon, who were both picking you up after school.
You think you were doing a good job- purposely walking three steps behind them and looking down, lest they see you secretly wiping your tears. But as the three of you walk to the bus station, Mydei's eyes widen as he catches the sight of your reddening nose.
"You okay?" Mydei asks suddenly. You blink up, and fuck- even your eyes couldn't hide how puffy they felt.
"I'm fine." You reply. But your voice is croaky, and your sleeve suspiciously in front of your nose.
"You're crying." Mydei observes.
"I said I'm fine." You turn away defensively. Mydei's jaw gets tight, and he steps closer to you.
Panic and anger starts flaring up between you and Mydei, the two of your snapping and cutting off each other.
"What happened."
"Nothing."
"Who did it then?"
"Nobody."
"I know it wasn't fucking nobody."
"Just drop it Mydei!"
Phainon steps in gently with his hands raised between you and your brother. "Hey, let's just get to the station, okay?"
You almost forgot Phainon was there. You didn't want to know what he was thinking, and in the moment you didn’t care. Mydei glares at you, growling as he turns to keep walking to the station, reluctantly following Phainon's advice. You follow the boys silently, your heart hammering. It's embarrassing you think, how you've just argued with your brother out in the open like a child. You were eighteen for fucks sake.
The bus ride was painfully quiet between the three of you, and you didn't dare look up from your feet. After a while, Mydei speaks again.
"Was it that guy?" Your brother's voice low, but clearly aimed at you. You start getting nauseous again.
"No." You lie. It was small and desperate. You almost cry when you see your brother shaking his head from the corner of your eye. Was he disappointed in you? For lying? Because of the guy in your class? You weren't sure. Still, you knew you should never have told him. Mydei says nothing.
When you finally reach your home, you don't wait to rush straight to your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. You drop onto your bed, face flat into your sheets as you sob into them, hoping they muffle the sound. You feel so stupid.
Meanwhile, Mydei stomps into the house, shoulders rigid with anger as he violently sits on the couch, his fingers pinching his brows. For once, Phainon is nervous to enter further into your house. Even with uncertainty and a small ache in his chest, he approaches Mydei.
"Are you okay...?" He asks, slowly putting his bag down. A long silence passes, and Mydei doesn't even look up at him.
"Do whatever you want." Mydei says, not even answering Phainon's question. Okay- so obviously Mydei (and you) weren't okay. Phainon sits beside him anyway. He eventually convinces your brother to go wash his face to cool down.
An hour passes, and Phainon realizes he was alone. Actually, he realized it a lot longer ago, when he heard the sound of the bathroom door closing... and then Mydei's own door.
This should be awkward for him. Being promised a normal hangout but now being left alone in a house that isn't his, where both his friends were upset. Against his better judgment, he softly walks down the halls to your door. He hesitates a little before knocking lightly.
"Hey... are you okay…?" He asks.
On the other side of the door, you gulp, swallowing your sobs for the nth time. You stay silent, both from not knowing what to say and not wanting to face him.
"I-I don't need to come in." Phainon continues cautiously, and you keep quiet. "I just wanted to know if you were okay..."
You shouldn't be replying to him, not now. Even so-
"I'm not." Ew. Your voice comes out watery and snotty. Weirdly enough, something in Phainon's chest breathes a sigh of relief at hearing your voice.
"Can I sit with you?" He asks immediately after. "We don't have to talk."
You hesitate again. Every nerve in your body is telling you no- that you should keep the door locked and not let him or anyone see you like this. But Phainon's voice was gentle, just like you've always known, and- ...this is so dumb.
"...Fine." You mumble, creaking your door slightly open.
Phainon immediately pushes the door wider. His heart sinks when he sees you with red swollen eyes and hunched shoulders. But you don't even notice- in fact the only thing you do notice is the ghost of a hopeful smile just before he crushes you with a hug.
"Hey," He murmurs, as if greeting you after not seeing you for a while. "I've got you."
You stiffen for a second. The hug wasn’t even that tight, his grip light and loose like he was afraid of breaking you. His hold remained respectful, and so you let yourself melt into him, chin resting on his shoulder even if it was for a few pathetic seconds.
He pulls away eventually and gestures for you to sit back on your bed while he sits on your chair. You’re hoping Phainon doesn’t notice the disgusting tissues piling up in your trash can.
“Do you… wanna talk about it?” He asks softly. And it’s really none of his business. But at this point you’re desperate and you’ve already let him in your room. So, you tell him.
You tell him everything despite the moments making your face hot with humiliation. From how you thought your shared interests and teasing with the guy meant something, to how you stupidly convinced yourself it was mutual. Somewhere along the line you also slowly realize how delusional you must have been. The boy simply didn’t like you because he didn’t see you in that way- no fault in that. But was it so bad to think that something could have came from it?
You shakily recall how much you trembled during your confession, voice and body and all. It should have been a sign since then. So, the answer is yes.
“I feel so stupid.” You blurt out, rubbing your eyes again. “
“Don’t say that,” Phainon coos softly. “It takes guts to confess. I’m sorry it turned out this way.”
“You are…?” You sniffle.
“I thought he would have liked you too.” He explains matter of factly. “Anyone with the same dynamic would have.”
Suddenly, a bitter type of anger twists within your stomach.
I thought he would have liked you too. Anyone would have.
Phainon’s words were kind, but you felt that they were too kind for the utter stupidity you subjected yourself to. You think about how some of your classmates knew of your playful rivalry with the boy and started encouraging it. You think about the nights you spent up texting your friends, secretly giggling and squealing over every little interaction and replaying conversations you had with the boy. You think about how much time you wasted.
And then it hits you- how stupid you look right now. Crying, eyes swollen, puffy nose, and your voice all watery and wobbly… with Phainon watching all of it. Heat starts flooding your face again, and before you knew it the bitterness was tumbling out of your mouth.
“You don’t know anything.” You mutter quietly. But Phainon hears it.
“What-“
“You don’t.” You stand up suddenly, your change in demeanour now prevalent. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
No wait-
Your seething words get to Phainon, the corner of his eyes turning downwards, heart aching. You immediately feel the guilt and shame, but it’s too late.
“I’m not.” Phainon replies quietly. Somehow, his tone was normal- unaffected even after the bitterness from you. For a second your heart wants to double down. But your words tell a different story.
“Yes, you are.” You refuse to make eye contact with him, but your message remains clear. “Just- Just get out. Please.”
There’s a pause where a small part of you hoped that Phainon would stay. But of course, your words have already left your mouth and told him otherwise. Phainon stands up, a deep sigh coming out of him. He nods once with a bittersweet smile as if accepting something he doesn’t want to.
“Okay… I’ll give you space.” Phainon says softly. He hesitates at your door for a bit. “I’ll be outside if you still want to talk…”
Phainon finally leaves, making sure to close your door for you. Almost immediately, you start crying again, though the embarrassment lingers longer than the tears. Curled within your blankets, your mind can’t help but replay the moment, finding a new detail to hate each time. You shouldn’t even be crying this much. Even as you found yourself liking this boy throughout the school year, you internally told yourself to prepare for the chance of heartbreak. You couldn’t expect everything to be a happy ending, right? Yet as you become aware of the sorry state of yourself now, it seems to be more painful.
Because maybe, a small foolish part of yourself thought that he might say yes.
The more you thought about it, the more humiliating this whole thing felt. The butterflies, the daydreams, the hopeful little fantasies you built in your head- how arrogant were you to think someone would like you back? The answer should have been obvious from the beginning.
On the other side of the door, Phainon stands there for a moment with a heavy heart as he hears your muffled sobs and sniffles. He’s about to turn and walk back to the couch when suddenly- a familiar pair of footsteps approaching make Phainon snap up. Mydei.
The boys both look at each other with wide eyes, not knowing where to start. Phainon’s mouth opens though nothing comes out, while Mydei stands there with an unreadable expression and his arms crossed.
“I-I wasn’t- I mean- I was just…” Phainon trails off, not really making any sense.
“I know.” Mydei replies while letting out an exhale. Phainon’s half relieved but also half confused. He knew Mydei was quite protective of you, but he surprisingly wasn’t mad at him for talking to you after a meltdown. Mydei opens his eyes, but avoids looking towards your bedroom door. “Was it about that guy…?”
Phainon is torn between telling his best friend and respecting your privacy. It was hard when Mydei was already this perceptive- what else was there to hide?
“Nothing gets past you, does it?” Phainon sighs with a meek smile. A neutral answer, yet it told Mydei everything he needs to know. Your brother doesn’t press on for information, only deeply exhaling again while walking towards the living room.
“I’m bad at this.” Mydei mutters, flopping on the couch. Phainon curiously trails after him. “You’re better than this than me.”
Phainon blinks, then rounds the couch to sit beside him. “That’s not true.”
“She talked to you, not me.” Mydei says flatly, rubbing his hands on his face. Phainon swears he saw the corners of Mydei’s eyes still recovering from redness(?) but he decides not to comment on it. He thinks back to your red eyes, and how he wished he could have comforted you more.
“I know you… never really liked that guy in the first place but,” Phainon says, giving a hopeful smile. “She needs you more than me. Even if she doesn’t say it.”
“And…? I’d just make things worse.” Mydei lowly protests. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Yeah, you probably would.” Phainon pokes at Mydei, and his head snaps towards him giving him a glare. Phainon chuckles, though he knew his friend would know that he was half joking. Phainon offers a weak smile. “But at least it meant you tried.”
A beat of silence hangs in the air, but it wasn’t heavy this time.
“I’m sorry.” Mydei says, his voice low. Phainon’s ears perk up, unsure if Mydei really meant that.
“What did you say-”
“I said go home.” Mydei deflects, facing away from him. But even with the unsaid words, Phainon knew his friend had a lot of heart, and didn’t mean to cause this conflict and awkwardness. Mydei picks up Phainon’s bag and throws it at him. “I’ll talk to her later…”
And finally, Phainon breathes a sigh of relief, having a gut feeling that this would resolve itself soon enough.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 18, start of university
It’s been about almost a year since that argument you had with your brother about that stupid crush.
Mydei did end up knocking on your door that night, and you had a talk. It wasn’t perfect by any means- there was still some frustration and shouting. Mydei kept telling you how he knew he should have trusted his gut on how that guy was bad. You kept telling him that it wasn’t his business, and that you could take care of yourself. You weren’t a little kid anymore.
Eventually, the anger fizzled out and Mydei remembers that the whole reason for this conversation wasn’t about being right.
You both sit in silence for a while, until Mydei gives you an awkward side hug, murmuring about how that guy sucked. If it was anything you could agree on now,
“You’re not serious about beating him up are you?” You ask incredulously.
“Yeah I am. Got a problem?” Mydei replies without an ounce of care. You roll your eyes.
“Um yes, there is a problem. An ethical one.” You say like it was obvious- because it was!
“Who gives a shit?” Mydei shrugs. You can’t help but laugh at Mydei’s straightforward yet completely honest answer, because truthfully you would probably think the same if it weren’t for repercussions. You knew you couldn’t change anything from what happened, though a part of the embarrassment still remains deep in your heart. You decide to do your best and move on- and more importantly, you didn’t want to argue with your brother, or stay mad at him for his way of thinking.
Later that night, you also made sure to text Phainon, and you get a reply back pretty quickly.
(Y/N): I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. I really appreciate you coming to comfort me, even if I wasn’t accepting of it.
Phainon: There’s no need to apologize. I understand you were hurt.
For a moment you stare at the screen. Even with all these years knowing Phainon, his gentleness still astounded you.
Phainon: You’re tougher than you think. Always have been.
You smile at the text. Stubborn would have been a better word, you think, especially with Mydei as part of the context. Still, this was the last time you saw Phainon before entering university, which made things slightly awkward. Things are resolved, but you still can’t shake off the fact that the last impression you had was bawling your eyes out in front of him, and then snapping at him right after.
The summer passes quietly after that. You don’t see Phainon much since you were preparing to start your own journey in university. You were ready for things to change.
Well, most things. Mydei was still protective of you, and you suddenly see a (less nice) carbon copy of your mother following you into the post-secondary life.
Make sure you lock your doors, I don’t care if you’re just going for a coffee down the street. And don’t walk home alone when you have night classes. Holy moly, it was barely even the first day and he was already giving you orders like it was boot camp. Still, you don’t fault him for it. You figured you’d catch yourself forgetting something like that eventually, since these seemingly “normal” procedures might not be the first thing you think of.
Speaking of your first day and Mydei- he insisted on picking you and your friend up after the orientation party.
“Please don’t tell me that stupid mascot was there.” Mydei groans.
“It was.” You reply, giggling as you and your friend hop in the backseats.
“I thought they’d stop doing that, bringing him to all these campus events.” Mydei scoffs, then mumbles something about how the mascot was just dancing in a corner. Clearly the mascot was haunting his dreams.
“Hey, he’s doing his best.” A familiar voice laughs.
Your nose catches onto the realization first, the familiar scent of wheat drifting past you as you shifted into Mydei’s car. You abruptly look up from tugging on the seatbelt and realize- oh. Phainon was here too in the passenger seat. Wait- he looks… different. He wasn’t completely unrecognizable but his voice got lower, and he seemed much more confident which was somehow possible.
Well this was unfair. What was that line you heard from that one video game again? “Doctor- you’re… huge!” And you think that because holy fuck he was huge. From what you could see, his arms got all bulked up with muscle, shoulders extending past the width of the passenger seat of your brother’s car. What the hell happened over one year? Phainon goes through puberty and he gets taller and hotter. You go through puberty and you get pimples and a menstrual cycle. Or in other words: fuck you I guess.
“Is that Phainon? The guy you mentioned?” Your friend whispers to you, which snaps you out of your trance.
“Wha- I mean yes-”
“He’s cute. Super cute.” She whispers with a knowing grin. You’re hoping her statement falls on deaf ears but to your dismay, Phainon turns around, and you finally see his handsome face and smug grin.
“Was I supposed to hear that?~” He asks, looking at you straight in the eye. It wasn’t even the first day yet and your brain was already getting fried. Over a boy of all things.
“No.” You seethe, smacking your forehead at your friend’s whispering that could have been quieter. Phainon laughs.
“Don’t inflate his ego.” Mydei adjusts the rearview mirror, casually making a jab at Phainon. Though, it doesn’t really do anything when Phainon was still smiling.
“So, did you ladies have fun?” Phainon asks smoothly, looking back again, addressing the both of you. Your friend doesn’t answer, and you somehow get the feeling that she wanted you to talk, making your face subconsciously heat up.
“Um, yeah I guess.” You say awkwardly. You don’t know why you get shy when you respond, slowly sinking further into the seats as you struggle to even look at him. Phainon’s the same he’s always been- warm smiles, teasing lilts to his tone just to get you to talk to him, the scent of wheat. Still, your friend nudges your arm, telling you that she too noticed your speechlessness in front of him. Something is different. He is different.
As the car ride goes on, it’s fairly silent. Even though Phainon was sitting in the passenger seat, you couldn’t help but feel aware of your surroundings- like if he was gonna turn around or ask you something again. You tell yourself it was just to prepare yourself if he decides to look at you again. You hate that your eyes trace over him.
“Are you gonna start going out like this every weekend?” Phainon’s poses this question to you and your friend, though his eyes linger on you mostly.
“I dunno… Why?” You inquire, your shoulders slightly tensing when you watch Phainon’s lips curve into a teasing grin again.
“Just curious,” He shrugs. “Maybe you’d be better than Mydei who stayed in his dorm all the time when he was in first year.”
Mydei grumbles, giving Phainon a light shove as his friend giggles.
“There’s nothing to go out so often for.” Mydei proclaims with his arms crossed. His eyes then flicker to you in the rearview mirror, deciding to attack you for no reason like every older sibling does. “You couldn’t even go out without getting lost."
“I’m an adult Mydei.” You protest with an eyeroll as your brother embarrasses you (though he really is just a worrywart).
“Debatable.” Mydei scoffs.
“Mydei!” You yell. Phainon chuckles watching your short banter, then cuts in himself.
“She can handle herself.” Phainon gives Mydei a reassuring smile. There it was again- just a small little boost of confidence, that stupid faith he had in you that casually made you lose it. Not this again.
Still, even as the car pulls next to the curb and you’re ready to flop on your bed and gossip with your friend all night and more importantly brush off these feelings-
“Bye!” Phainon rolls his window down, waving at you. “Don’t stay up too late!”
Your feel that tingle at the back of your neck as you’re stunned at how Phainon said that phrase, though you barely have time to process it.
“Oh my god…” Your friend latches onto your arm, startling you for a second. She hunches over as she walks to your shared dorm together, looking at you with a knowing smile. “Are you gonna address the elephant in the room, or should I just say it?”
“What are you talking about?” You ask in a monotone voice as you unlock your door. You were hoping it wasn’t about-
“Uh hello? This Phainon guy, obviously.” Your friend says with an eye roll as if the topic was plain as day. “You didn’t tell me you guys were a thing.”
“We’re not,” you sputter. “He’s just a friend. My brother’s friend to be exact.”
“Yeah? Well this friend looks pretty happy to see you.” She hums, clearly not convinced. You both walk over to your her bedroom where you sit to talk. You roll your eyes, though you couldn’t stop how your body unconsciously tried turning away from her to hide your face. “He literally turned around to talk to you every five minutes. Did you even know he was gonna come to your orientation to flirt with you?”
You sputter at her bluntness, also not liking the way you got flustered so easily by her observations. But now that you think of it, why did Phainon even come along just to join Mydei to pick you up after your orientation?
“That wasn’t flirting.” You argue, cutting the conversation short and not willing to entertain any more questions. “Anyway- are you gonna tell me about the drama that happened at prom or what?”
You and your friend end up chatting into the late hours. More importantly, you end up skillfully avoiding and not responding to that statement she made. Truthfully, your own thoughts terrify you.
Deep down, a part of you knows that if Phainon was gonna keep talking to you like that- like he was teasing you, being all confident, and smiling and implying he wanted your company, you’re not going to be able to pretend it means nothing.
You remember yourself one year ago, when you confessed to that boy in your school and how embarrassed you felt when he laughed and scoffed. You remember how dumb you felt for misreading things, and believing that it was something more. You can’t let yourself do those things anymore.
Unfortunately for you, confidence looked really good on Phainon.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 18 (a few months later)
You think you settled into your classes and university life pretty well. Looking back at your orientation day, it felt a little ridiculous how much you spent worrying about Phainon’s perception of you. You were convinced that after you pushed him away that night when you were seventeen, that you had ruined everything. Or at least, that’s what you expected. You knew Phainon wasn’t the type to hold grudges or lie, but with the way he looked and talked to you that day, it was if he was entirely unaffected.
As the semester goes by, you realized you were in your head too much after all. You were lingering outside with your friends, already complaining about a group project that was assigned when suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder.
“Hey, found you.”
It’s Phainon.
“Oh, hey.” Your eyes widen when you realize it’s him. Your eyes trail up to finally meet his gaze, which looked a little too pleased with himself. Was he even aware of how he somehow just became unfairly attractive over one summer? Meanwhile, your friends’ jaws drop at the same time when they notice him spawn out of nowhere, and immediately interpret this as a signal to move two meters away.
“How are classes going?” He asks with a calm smile. You suddenly get a sense of scale of how much taller he got, now that you were with him standing up and not in a car. It was slightly embarrassing to you, how he was hunched over slightly to talk to you better.
“Okay I guess,” You say, shrugging. “Getting busy.”
Your friends watch, half in awe and half-deadpanned as you give Phainon a boring answer. And still, he smiles, remaining engaged as he talks to you.
“Good, good… Do you already have plans for the break?” Phainon asks, almost sheepishly.
“I dunno, probably staying home with Mydei…” You reply. Phainon seems to inhale a little deeper before speaking again.
“I know finals are coming up soon… but I wanted to revive an old tradition, if you’re game?” Phainon asks. You cock your head to the side, unsure of what he meant. “The winter market, back near your home.”
Ah, right. You do remember the winter market- one you went with Mydei and Phainon when you guys were younger. You guys were barely teenagers, insisting you could go out by yourselves, and end up spending a majority of it listening to your brother whine about the cold. Still, it was a much simpler and nostalgic time you considered a core memory.
“Do they still do it?” You ask, your eyes widening at Phainon bringing up something so nostalgic out of the blue. “I don’t know if I could convince Mydei to go… At his grown age I think he’d still complain about the snow.”
“He would do that.” Phainon chuckles breathily, knowing Mydei’s behaviour as well as you. “But I already convinced him to go.”
“You did?” You ask, your eyes widening. You truly underestimated Phainon’s power.
“Well, he did grumble about it for a good five minutes…” Phainon admits, scratching the back of his neck. “But he said he wanted to bring some of our friends, if we were going.”
Mydei has friends?
“Oh… your other friends…” A part of your confidence crumbles at the mention of your brother’s and Phainon’s other friends. You want to go- though you hadn’t really thought of why your heart was urging you to. At the same time, you’re not sure if you’d want to be in a group with randoms you didn’t know. For all you know, they could be just as stinky as your brother! Your response turns slightly dismissive. “I don’t know… I’ll check with Mydei if he’s going first.”
“He will. And if he says no I’ll make him go.” Phainon gives a devious grin and a thumbs up. Your uncomfortable posture turns more relaxed and you smile, seeing exactly what this was- the same game you’ve been playing for years. He was trying to invite you again.
“I’ll think about it.” You say finally. Phainon smiles wider, the corners of his eyes crinkling like he subtly won you over.
“I’ll hold you to it.” He leans closer with a wink, and you think your brain stops functioning for a good second. He then straightens, giving you a casual wave before walking off. “See you then.”
You watch as his figure walks away, spotting one of his friend groups nearby and jogging to them. And-
“Oh. My. God.” Oh yeah, you almost forgot that your friends are still standing there.
They squealed and whispered animatedly, all nosy about your ties with this hot guy and theorizing on whether you’ve been dating or if the flirting was normal. The bombardment of questions and exclamations obviously pointing out Phainon’s… Phainon-ness made it hard to conceal your nerves. Wait- why were you nervous again?
“You guys-” You attempt to compose yourself, but your stammer already gives out your subconscious feelings. “You guys are delusional. Just because some attractive guy happens to be talking to me doesn’t mean anything romantic.”
“So you think he’s hot.” One of your friends chides, completely ignoring your argument and latching on a random detail. You pause for a moment, your mouth agape as you realize the small slip you made. You shake your head dramatically to dismiss any other thoughts, but your roommate beats you to answering that.
“That’s (Y/N)’s friend, Phainon.” Your roommate so graciously corrects with air quotes around the word friend. You have no idea why your cheeks start to burn up when your roommate sarcastically addresses Phainon as your friend. Or was it just an intrusive thought that you seemed like more than friends? Either way, you hope your flustered expression is not seen by your friend group. “And I’ve been saying the exact same things to her, but she’s denying the… well- whatever’s going on between them.”
“He’s literally my brother’s friend.” You roll your eyes as you correct her, emphasizing the involvement of Mydei in this whole ordeal. “As in he’s known me since I was like thirteen?”
“Uh-oh, that’s dangerous~” One friend sing-songs with a smug grin. “That means he’s already got a leg up in the game. And judging by what I just saw, men like him are hard to find. Y’know- kind, hot, knows all your habits?”
You want to roll your eyes again and ready to deny all these claims your friends are making, but you find yourself replaying that whole conversation with Phainon just now. Knows all your habits? It was certainly dangerous but not in the same way your friend stated. It was more like dangerous in the way that you didn't want Phainon remembering every embarrassing thing you did in front of him and being close enough that he would bring it up. You think back to how he kept trying to include you and ask you questions about yourself, and when you realize the exact same thing just happened-
“Sooo, what did he talk to you about?” Your friend interrupts your spiralling, and the rest of the group turns their heads to you expectantly.
“He asked if I wanted to go to a winter market thingy we have back home.” You say casually. Your friends squeal- making you groan at their overreaction.
“And? What did you say?”
“I said I’d think about it.” You shrug. Your friends dramatically sigh with disappointment, their hands sliding down their faces.
“Okay- why did you say you’ll think about it? This is like… textbook winter arc in a shoujo manga where the leads go on a date and share hot chocolate.” Your roommate says incredulously. You roll your eyes, ignoring her obvious teasing as prepare to explain.
“It’s not a date.” You protest with an exhausted sigh. “Mydei and a few of their friends are going too.”
“Damn, that’s a lot of wheels.” She scoffs. The rest of your friends giggle.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You deadpan, the joke going over your head.
“Nothing.” She beams. “Anyway, what’s wrong with other people going?”
“It’s gonna be awkward as hell…” You groan, gritting your teeth as you drag out the words. Being as introverted as you are, situations like this felt iffy for you. You really don’t want to seem difficult, but if he was inviting other people you didn’t know, you felt like the odd one out.
“So?” She scoffs, grabbing you by the shoulders lazily. “He’s going. He wants you there. He basically just asked you out. Isn’t that enough reason?”
You pause for a moment, your roommate’s argument surprisingly getting to you.
“...That doesn’t mean anything.” You finally utter. Your friends groan in unison.
“Oh shut up, he’s cute! Just let yourself like him!”
Your eyes widen at the bold command. Your friends burst out laughing, enjoying your embarrassed reactions from this so called gossip. It really sucks how now you couldn’t contain the tiny smile that creeps onto your face.
Before you knew it, your thoughts spiralled and you couldn’t stop thinking about how Phainon smiled at you, or how easily he was able to spot you here on campus. Your gaze flickers briefly to Phainon’s direction again, where he was talking with his friend group. You end up staring for too long because Phainon seems to feel your eyes burning into him, and he turns his head to look at you. You awkwardly look away, not knowing whether to play it off or keep looking- either way it was gonna make you suspicious. But Phainon doesn’t seem to think so, because he sends you a small smile and a wave before going back to speaking with his friends.
And now, with your friends observations combining with your own buried feelings, you’re realizing how hard it’s getting to believe that he was just a friend. You thought you’ve convinced yourself that you saw him as strictly a friend of your brother’s that you just happened to get to know. You thought you weren’t going to make another silly mistake about a boy. But… you’d be lying if you said you never thought he was… kinda…-
“Also- don’t you think (Y/N)’s brother is kinda cute?~”
Ew. Your friends continue giggling, not caring that they just called your brother hot in front of you. Yup, daydream-y thoughts gone.
Nothing else needs to be said when a guttural scream tears from your throat.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 18 (Winter break)
A couple weeks after stressing over exams, you find yourself standing in the middle of the winter market. For some reason, you felt like being here in and of itself was another way of admitting the real reason you were going- another way for your friends to tease you about you-know-who.
Speaking of friends, you realized something about Mydei’s friends.
You stuck to Mydei that night as you waited for the rest of the group to arrive. The market was glowing with the same warm lights and cold air, festive music drifting through the crowd. When they arrived, you greeted them all politely, offering a small smile. But you notice something-
All of Mydei’s friends were gorgeous.
What the fuck? As if it couldn’t make you any more anxious than you already were, they had to be stunning too. Even in the cold winter weather they dressed like they came out of a shoot for Vogue. You look at your own attire and feel hyperaware of how your coat makes you look like a puffball, and you tuck your hands in your pockets.
You see a girl with whitish hair that bleeds into a light purple, a cheerful girl with pink hair tied in two pigtails, a group of four that- wait… were those the twins? Stelle and Caelus? Oh god- you didn’t know they were a part of this hang out. Okay, it was probably dramatic to have this intrusive thought of hiding right now- but you couldn’t help it. They were well known across campus, and you couldn’t fathom them having connections to your brother of all people.
“Hey,” You feel somebody tap your shoulder and you turn around quickly- it’s Phainon. “You came.”
“Oh. Yeah.” You nod, breathing out. Your heart does that stupid flip again as you see Phainon- cheeks rosy already from the coldness, and flashing a toothy grin like it meant a lot to him.
“He’s just a friend. My brother’s friend to be exact.” “That’s (Y/N)’s friend, Phainon.” You remember yours and your friends’ phrases being thrown around when Phainon was being introduced. You tell yourself again the same thing- that he’s just a friend, and this didn’t mean anything. That Phainon was just being friendly like he always was, and that whatever fluttering feeling you’re getting in your chest was just some naive hope that needed to be buried away again.
The group moves slowly through the market, a safe distance enough to explore the booths and keeping sight of each other. You mostly stay near the back, hands tucked in your coat pockets as you listen to the group more than talking.
Before you could take notice of it, one of the girls falls into step with you.
“Hi! I don’t think we’ve met.” It’s the pink haired girl. “I’m Hyacine. You’re Mydei’s little sister, (Y/N), right?”
“Oh- hi. Nice to meet you.” You reply, adjusting your scarf to try and not seem anti-social. She then taps Mydei on the shoulder, who was walking in front of you two.
“Mydei, you’re sister is way cuter than you!” Hyacine clasps her hands theatrically and beams.
“Um… thanks?” Mydei blinks, then turns back. Hyacine laughs, and even you manage a small giggle. You kind of appreciate her humour (and jab at Mydei) and hope you didn’t come off as a stranger anymore.
Before you could overthink it, Hyacine tugs you over to one of the booths, asking if you liked cute things. You stumble a little as the girl drags you to who knows where, though you reply saying you do. You notice the little unicorn plushie on her bag, and felt that it was on brand for her.
“Over here!” Hyacine giggles, not caring that you both were obviously straying from the group. There was no time to protest as you both weaving through the crowds until you both stop at one of the artist booths. You look around at what Hyacine wanted you to see, and see various keychains, stickers, and cute little handmade plushies lining the table. They were soft, mismatched coloured little creatures, sitting as if waiting for someone to adopt them.
“These are so cute!” Hyacine’s eyes light up, flickering from plush to plush. She silently hoped you felt enjoyment from this too. “Oh- and this one too.”
“They are.” You blink, picking one of the plushies up. It was a small pastel coloured star with a crooked smile. You thoughtfully turn it in your hands as you admire it. You wouldn’t lie if you said it didn’t intrigue you…
“Oh (Y/N)- that one matches your jacket!” Hyacine exclaims, pointing at the similarity.
“Huh? Oh yeah, it does.” You glance down at your attire and the coincidence that the plush you grabbed was the same colour. You didn’t even realize, but it was as if it was a subconscious gesture.
You stare down at the little star’s cute face and dangly legs. It was cute, and you certainly appreciate the maker’s craftsmanship. But you sigh, putting it down. “Mydei would probably scold me if I bought another one.”
“Aw, really? But he’s gonna be lonely. He even matches you!” Hyacine pouts, then shows you her unicorn plush. “You could match like me!”
You’re about to give an apologetic smile, but you think about the giant horde of stuffed toys you have at home and in your dorm and you feel like-
“What are we looking at?” Phainon’s voice comes from behind you, and you turn your head a bit too fast to where he was peering between you guys. Phainon bends slightly to take a closer look, snow dusting the shoulders of his coat. You get a whiff of his cologne and you have to look away. He looks relaxed in that unfairly easy way of his, even for doing something as basic as looking at stuff.
“We’re looking at stuffies!” Hyacine says joyfully. You shrink into your scarf a little, hoping Phainon doesn’t find it childish that you’re looking at plushies. “(Y/n) likes the star.”
“Hyacine-”
“The one with the little legs?” Phainon says simply. His eyes then flicker down to the one in your hand. “Were you gonna buy that one?”
“Oh-” You’re almost startled at how quickly Phainon noticed the plush in your hand, and you set it back down on the table. “Yeah- I mean… it’s cute, but I already have a lot of plushies at home.”
Phainon seems to be deep in thought as he stares between you and the star plush, but doesn’t say a word. You’re hoping he accepts your excuse and moves on.
“Where were you? And everyone else?” Hyacine pipes up, tilting her head at Phainon.
“I was looking at the ceramics. I lost everyone else a while ago, but- oh, Cyrene said to regroup at the seats near the hot chocolate stand.” Phainon explains. A shiver runs through your spine as you briefly remember what your roommate said about this hangout being straight out of a shoujo manga. “You ladies can head back there when you’re finished. I’m gonna try looking for the others.”
“Okay, see you in a bit!” Hyacine waves to Phainon, then turns back to you. “Are you sure you don’t want to buy anything?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” You say with a bittersweet smile. “I’ll probably forget about it in a few days.”
Hyacine nods, not wanting to pressure you. You turn away from the booth and walk with her towards the designated meeting place within the food vendor area. It was getting later, but from the way you were bumping shoulders with people, it felt like the amount of people were increasing. You both eventually find a few of the others at one of the picnic benches and join them to wait for the rest to arrive. You sigh, as you finally get a chance to sit down. Simply walking around a marketplace somehow exhausted you more than you thought.
For a moment, you close your eyes to rest from the clamour. Suddenly, you hear a little jingle coming from near you and you open them at the soft sound.
“Hey.” Phainon stands in front of you, one hand holding a small fabric gift bag tied with sparkly string and tiny metal ornaments. From the lighting of this area, you could finally see the snowflakes clinging to his hair- even though they were the same colour. He sits down beside you, looking almost amused at your startled expression.
“Hey, did you find everyone?” Hyacine leans over from the other side of the picnic table.
“Most of them. I think Cyrene found the others I didn’t.” Phainon replies. On cue, Mydei and a few others walk past and take their own seats at the table. Phainon’s attention shifts back to you, still holding out the bag.
“What’s this?” You ask suspiciously taking the bag. You felt your heart beating faster, not believing it was what you thought it was.
“For you.” Phainon replies simply, waiting to see your reaction.
“What did you get her?” Hyacine gasps with glee, leaning closer in anticipation. The curiosity overwhelms you too, and you freeze as you peek into the bag.
The little star plushie stares back at you.
“You- You bought it?” You ask softly, though your eyes going wide gave away that you were surprised. Phainon watches your expression carefully, and tries not to smile too much. “Phainon, you didn’t have to.”
“You liked it, didn’t you?” He counters, leaning his elbows on the surface of the table. And oh, how you hated how his casual response mirrored what your friends said to you a few weeks before- about something as simple as this being reason enough. Phainon never seemed to stop, like helping you was the easiest thing in the world.
You stare down at the plushie, then between him and Hyacine. “I told Hyacine I’d forget about it eventually.”
Phainon tilts his head slightly. “Would you have?”
You idly look at Phainon, whose eyes seem to burn into yours with intensity, turning the question into a challenge. It makes you more flustered.
“I-” You stammer, your jaw going slack, not being able to form an answer. You end up sighing with a smile, realizing any excuse you might make would be null in the end. You clutch the plush a little tighter in your hands. “...I guess I wouldn’t have.”
Phainon grins softly at your surrender, the market lights reflecting off his face beautifully.
By this time, the entire group had finally come together and decided to chill out here. You continued talking to Phainon, and for a while, you forget that you were here as a group- like it was just you two.
“Are you doing okay?” He asks you. “You seemed a little distant earlier.”
“I’m fine.” You say automatically. Phainon hums, not convinced. Somehow the tiny pout he sports makes you want to be vulnerable and tell him the truth, so you continue. “I just- it’s hard keeping up with everyone.”
Your reason sounded strange, but Phainon understood what you meant. He nods, but doesn’t push you, giving a reassuring grin. “You can just hang with me.”
The offer is casual, yet it makes you feel warm in the cold weather. And once again it’s like deja vu- where you felt like there was absolutely no reason for him to include you or make you feel comfortable in any way or for any reason. Yet he does. He always does.
“How did first semester treat you?” He says, changing the subject as he bumps his knee lightly against yours.
“It was pretty normal.” You shrug. “I made a few friends, complained about professors and group projects a little. Exams were stressful, but nothing too out of the blue.”
“Complained enough to write a bad review on them?” He asks, clearly instigating. You watch as Phainon’s eyes twinkle mischievously, and you knew the website he was referring to. You snort before you could stop yourself, and Phainon grins faintly at the sound, visibly pleased he was able to pull it from you.
“How else do you think I’m gonna spend my break?” You ask with a bit of sass. He laughs, nodding with approval. Phainon then shifts closer to you a little, his posture becoming more upright. It was subtle, but enough that he was creating a space where his attention felt undivided now.
“You know…” He starts lightly. “We used to hang out more before university started.”
You’re caught off guard by his sudden observation. You didn’t expect him to speak up about the weird distance between you guys, but he was right. The last time you properly saw him was… before that day you bawled your eyes out and then shoved him away when he tried to comfort you. You cringe at the memory. God, you hope he forgot about that and remembered a different day when the two of you and Mydei were happy and playing games or something.
“I- have we…? What about… orientation?” Your grip on the plush tightens a little out of nervousness. You knew damn well orientation didn’t count for shit. Still, you attempt to feign obliviousness to ease some of the discomfort you felt inside, but Phainon chuckles, catching on immediately.
“Yeah? And you probably saw the mascot more than me.” He pouts jokingly.
“No I didn’t-” You stammer, but suddenly stop yourself when you realize he could be right. You internally beat yourself up at the thought.
“I’m just teasing.” Phainon laughs softly, then continues in a quieter tone. “Still… I kinda miss talking to you.”
And there it was. For once your heart wants to remember what it feels like to be wanted like this. You watch as Phainon straightens and closes his eyes for a second too long before continuing, as if he was trying to gather some confidence to prove the intention behind it.
“So,” His smile returns, charming as you’ve always known. “Do you wanna hang out sometime? Just us.”
Just as you thought your heartbeat could slow down, Phainon always seems to do something to prove that it was alive- that something inside was existing. Despite your shock and silence, Phainon doesn’t corner you with his proposal.
“We could go to a cafe, and I could buy you dessert… Or we can play video games over the break… Anything that doesn’t involve that stupid mascot.” He adds easily. Phainon gets another laugh out of you, and you somehow feel lighter. A beat of silence goes by again, and you watch as Phainon looks at you in anticipation.
“Yeah, I’d love that.” You say breathily, a smile escaping you. Phainon exhales, looking strangely relieved, like he-
“Phainon-” Another voice suddenly interrupts, and you both whip your head to the source from across the picnic bench. It was another pink haired girl- albeit a slightly deeper shade of pink than Hyacine’s. Her name was Cyrene, if you remembered correctly. “Wait, are you blushing?” The girl tilts her head at Phainon, and you almost choke on air. Phainon bursts out laughing.
“I’m not.” He turns to Cyrene, insisting with a charming smile, putting his hands up in mock surrender. You take a closer look at his cheeks now that his face was turned more to the side. You swear you saw a bit of pink… was he- no, surely this was just the cold getting to his skin.
“Well you sure blush like you were just caught flirting.” Cyrene snaps back with a bit of attitude. You’re not really sure what to do in this situation, and seemingly neither does Phainon as he looks like he’s being teased by his friend. Cyrene then turns towards you with a soft smile.
“My name is Cyrene. You’re (Y/n), right?~” Cyrene asks, and you nod in response. You found it peculiar how everything she said sounded both playful and sweet- like a song. She looks at you with her eyes bright and cheerful. “You’re really pretty, you know that?”
“I-I am…?” Your cheeks go warm as you short circuit at the sudden compliment. Hyacine who had been off engaging with the others returns to insert herself in this conversation, and nods along, agreeing. Wait, Hyacine- she was supposed to be on your side!
“Mhm~ So…” Cyrene drags out her words with a devious smile, wagging a threatening finger at Phainon. “If you are flirting, you do know Mydei would beat you up, right?”
“I would.” Mydei lazily chimes in from a few seats down, diagonal to you. You almost forgot he was here. Phainon’s skill at isolating you guys was certainly effective. Your brother’s two little words give you mixed thoughts: one making note of how little hesitation or humour there was in his tone, and another where you seriously have concerns of your brother threatening to beat someone up again. Perhaps a trip to a rage room was due soon.
“See? He just said he would kill you.” Cyrene enunciates, clearly understanding that her friend didn’t seem to register the what she was implying. Oddly enough, Phainon just chuckles.
“And, I wouldn’t blame him.”
The rest of the conversation becomes a blur. You start losing track of what they were saying after Cyrene groaned at Phainon for being an oblivious puppy in knowing the consequences. What a bizarre answer… …Consequences of what?
You think back to the compliments Hyacine and Cyrene paid you, saying you were cute and pretty. You thought it was just girls hyping another girl up- as girls do. But then you think of Cyrene calling out Phainon for blushing and threats for him potentially flirting, and wonder if she was teasing him… or if she actually meant it. There was a part of you that was in disbelief, inching closer to the fact that… you might actually have a chance.
On top of all that, there was Phainon’s own reply, confirming that he’d take a beating from your brother if he actually did cross a line. You tell yourself you were reading too much into it again.
“So… I’ll see you soon, right (Y/n)?”
That night after everyone bid their farewells, and you and Mydei returned home in your childhood home, you quickly crash into the warmth of your bed and whip out your phone. You contemplate whether calling your roommate was gonna lead to her lovingly bullying you again, but you end up telling her everything anyway.
“I don’t know what else to tell you, girl.” Your roommate sighs endearingly at you through the phone. “He made an effort to invite you, he looked for you, bought you a present... I don’t think you’re imagining things… so what do you have to lose?”
You notice that you’ve gotten too excited from how high your heart rate must be. Your smile falters (not realizing that you were even smiling this whole time in the first place), and you remember your own consequences.
“...That’s just the problem.” You sigh back, sitting up properly now. “I don’t want to be delusional again. I can’t just launch myself into… whatever this is and make up assumptions that aren’t real.” You grab your little star plush Phainon got you from your bag. You glance down at your star plushie again, fiddling with its stupid little legs, thinking- why does a star even need to have legs?
Your roommate’s voice softens. “But it feels different, doesn’t it?”
You don’t end up answering her.
“I’m not expecting anything.” You say finally. Despite these months of your stubbornness with the topic of Phainon, your roommate doesn’t argue. She just smiles knowingly on the other side of the line, and lets it go.
You conclude the call by telling her the rest of the whole marketplace experience, and her own winter break shenanigans. Later, when your room is quiet, you lie back on your bed, holding the star plush up to the ceiling.
You look at its silly dangly legs, finding something so out of place cute that makes it different from the rest. Stars were supposed to stay high above everyone else, beautiful from a distance.
But perhaps this star had been made to reach people anyway.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 19, second semester
Winter break came and went pretty fast. You and Mydei spend it mostly at home, spending time with your mom. Phainon went back to his hometown for the break as well. Like you said yourself, you weren’t expecting anything to happen during this time.
That is, until, a week after your second semester started, you started receiving texts from Phainon already. You remember your eyes widening at your phone screen when Phainon asked you if you wanted to do something during the weekends. From something as small as asking to join him in playing video games, to him insisting on accompanying you to a bookstore for your manga series, you said yes. Some small part inside you craved spending time with him, and you realized you did miss him a lot all this time. You felt like you reconnected with Phainon- just like when you were kids.
At the end of the semester, one of your peers decided to host a mixer and invited everyone in the class. The invitation sat in your messages for a while before you accepted it. A mixer… Just the thought alone of being invited sent a quiet thrill in your spine.
Now, standing in front of the mirror, there was a brief moment where you wondered if you looked like you were trying too hard with your outfit… or too little. You wore something that showed a little more skin- a little more mature and confident, something you didn’t usually wear. Still, you decide not to dwell on the issue for long and head out.
By the time you reached the location, there was already music and familiar people from your class there. People were clustered up, animatedly talking, hopefully having fun after the stress of final exams. A girl from your class waves you over, and passes a light drink to you. Soon enough, you overcame the initial anxiety and it felt freeing to mix in with the group.
Well, only for the first ten minutes.
You were going to excuse yourself to say hi to another acquaintance when a white-haired mass suddenly came into view- a particularly tall and handsome white-haired mass.
Phainon? Here of all places?
Your stomach drops and you quickly duck near a corner, careful not to spill your drink or look crazy sneaking around. You peek over and see Phainon with his back turned, leaning against the kitchen island as he engages in conversation with other people.
Your pulse was getting frantic, but you take a deep breath to try and calm yourself. Oh, but who were you kidding? If Phainon saw you here, you were sure that he would report you to Mydei within the minute.
Phainon walks away from the kitchen counter, going off somewhere else, and you go the same direction as him to not cross paths with him. Could it be possible to avoid him this whole time? God, it was stupid when you thought about it. You basically just got here, and it shouldn’t even be scary to see Phainon here. But you weren’t really in the mood to see his smug grin or get lectured by your brother. Maybe you could hang with someone else and hide-
“That’s an interesting strategy.” A voice murmurs in your ear.
Phainon was already standing behind you, bending down to your height and way too close as amusement curls at the edge of his lips.
“Ah- Phainon! You scared me!” You hiss, your face going warm with embarrassment as you jolt backwards. Phainon only grins wider at your startled reaction. You become defensive, eyeing him up suspiciously. “What- why are you here?”
“I know the host.” Phainon says easily, then cheekily fires the same question to you. “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing.” You grit. Phainon chuckles and shakes his head at your answer, and you internally smack your forehead. Out of all excuses, you had to say the most suspicious one?
“Nothing but drinking, you mean?” Phainon inquires, pointing at your cup and clicks his tongue in mock disapproval. “Mydei won’t be happy to hear this.”
Your face freezes at the mention of Mydei potentially knowing you were here. “I-It’s only five percent alcohol!”
“Ooh, how scandalous.” Phainon laughs, and you puff your cheeks in frustration of him teasing you.
“Oh shut up. I came here by myself so I’m not here to get drunk.” You say, rolling your eyes.
“Even more scandalous.” He says with a whistle, and you groan. Phainon’s eyes soften, sensing he’s teased you enough. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Mydei.”
Phainon’s words surprise you a little. Oddly enough, he let's you have fun and doesn't report you like you thought he would.
As the night went on, you were pulled into conversations and stupid debates, laughing at some of your peers’ weird dance moves. Every now and then, you’d catch sight of Phainon somewhere across the house- sometimes talking to other people, sometimes smiling at you, and sometimes bumping your hip beside you as he indulges the conversation with you.
The buzz of the music gets louder as the night goes on. You participate in the fun, but eventually you start feeling tired. Phainon notices and he taps your shoulder, leaning down, telling you something… but you don’t hear anything. Because he was so close, you suddenly realize the golden sun tattoo on the side of his neck- when did he get that? As Phainon spoke, you felt a little rush inside you, making you space out. You tried making sense of your surroundings but you soon realize that he was taking over all your senses. What you could see, what you could smell… muting all of them into one: him. Was he experiencing the same buzzing feeling? You watched as his lips curved up into a grin, whispering something to you. You stare at his lips- a faint blush colour, soft and plump… you wondered what it would feel like if you…
You nod plainly in response to him, though his words clearly weren’t getting through to you. Phainon realizes you were spacing out and he chuckles lightly and stands back up, holding his hand out. You blankly take it and he guides you out of the party. Also, did you just think of-
“You okay? I asked if you were getting tired.” Phainon breathes out, his voice finally reaching your ears.
“Hm- oh, yeah, I’m fine.” You perk up as you snap out of your daze. “I am a little tired…”
“I’ll drive you back then.” He says, already taking his car keys out. He phrases it not even as a question, like he would do it for you regardless. “Do you have everything?”
You nod, and you both get into his car. The drive back to your dorm was strangely quiet. It was slightly awkward since your peer’s house wasn’t even that far from your residence, so the ride was gonna be short. However, it felt like there was something else underneath. It was something heavy, but not an uncomfortable-pit-in-your-stomach type of heavy. It was something more charged.
The blinker clicks lightly while the streetlights gradually slide across Phainon’s face in fleeting moments. His jaw, his mouth, the curve of his hands gripping the steering wheel. You looked away before you could get caught staring. God, you were going crazy for sure, you think.
Your pulse still hasn’t settled. Was it adrenaline from the party? Maybe so, but even then it shouldn’t make you think of kis-
“We’re here.” Phainon softly sing-songs. You get out of the car, and Phainon decides to walk you to your door. Again, not a question.
When you both walk into the building together, you realized it was sort of awkward with the both of you being silent this whole time. Even more so as you arrived in the narrow hallway just outside your door. Phainon walks behind you, close enough that his presence alone fills your space. As you stop at your door, you decide to say something, though he’s closer than you expect when you turn to him. You clear your throat, your hand fumbling inside your purse to find your keys to regulate yourself.
“Thanks for the ride.” You say, looking up at him gratefully. “And… thanks for not snitching on me.”
Phainon huffs a quiet laugh. “Anytime.”
You smiled despite yourself, like it was a subconscious thing- maybe it even a contagious thing, knowing Phainon was here. Even as you briefly look down to take your keys out, Phainon was already looking at you, like he had something to say, but he doesn’t.
You were about to unlock your door and say goodbye, but somehow your body doesn’t want to listen. You don’t feel like doing it. Your dreamy daze continues, your eyes dipping over Phainon’s outfit. You suddenly felt aware of how good he looked in a white skin-tight shirt and jeans- did he always wear things like this? You catch a glimpse of the sun tattoo you saw earlier beneath the collar of his shirt, and you even swear you see a broad gold ring on his chest- another hidden one beneath his shirt. It makes you even more curious- but more than that, it made you want him.
Before you knew it, your body had a mind of its own, leaning in without shame with your hands shyly but certainly reaching for him- to be closer to him. Your fingers brush his, and your breath hitches, the sparks making you second guess if you should even be doing this. But when you finally bring yourself to look up at him, his gaze was already looking down to your mouth.
“(Y/n)...” HIs voice drops, barely louder than a breath. His expression softens, yet his pupils were blown wide, as if there was something unguarded slipping through. He leans in, slow and careful, giving you time to pull away. Your breathing and your heart beats faster than ever. This definitely wasn’t just the adrenaline from the party.
Suddenly, a small click is heard and Phainon mutters a curse and pulls away quickly.
Wait…
You were stunned for a few seconds, watching as he pulled back. Before you could think of how to react, your door swings open to reveal Mydei looking sleepy yet confused. Oh yeah, your roommate already went home for the summer, so now you had a giant cat invading your space. You told Mydei you were gonna go out with some friends and then go back home with him after- you forgot you left him lounging here for a while.
“Where were you?” Mydei quirks an eyebrow at you, and gives an even more skeptical look at Phainon. “And what are you doing here?”
“I was just dropping her off.” Phainon says lightly, though you could tell he was trying his best to not sound shaky. You weren’t sure how it was possible for him to reply and make up something so calmly. Especially since the skin of your hand was still buzzing where you touched his just seconds ago. “She just got caught up saying bye to some friends.” Mydei gives him a weird look, but doesn’t question you both, and you give a sigh of relief.
Your brother and Phainon make small talk, both asking if they were heading home for the summer. Meanwhile, you remained silent, in your own little bubble unable to calm your racing heart.
“Get some rest.” Phainon addresses you with a simple wave, and just like that, he was gone. God, you wanted to… you wish you could…
“Why is he even still here on campus?” Mydei interrupts your train of thought as he holds your door open for you.
“O-Oh… I dunno. I bumped into him on the way back.” You say casually, walking into your dorm. Lies. “Why are you here so early…?”
“It’s night time.” Mydei retorts back. “Anyway, are you done packing your stuff?”
You nod, and quickly grab your bags and head back home with Mydei.
The drive was silent, but for you it wasn’t. Even though you were exhausted after the mixer, you couldn’t seem to be able to rest during the long drive home. You look out the window, a small smile plastered on your face as you replay that brief yet charged moment in your head. The way he leaned in, the way you could feel his breath on your lips as he whispered your name…
You almost kissed him.
Was it always like this? Your heart was beating fast as it always did, but for once you didn’t feel surprised. It felt more like… you were finally letting yourself do something you always wanted to do. Like you’ve been waiting and wanting something, and that it was okay to want things.
Maybe it was just the realization that Phainon was always perfectly within your grasp.
⋆⋅☼⋅⋆
Age: 19, Summer Break
Phainon: Good morning.
Phainon: I’m sorry about last night.
It’s been a good twelve hours since you and Phainon almost kissed. At first you thought you had hallucinated it, and that you became delusional for real. Just as you had believed that this was just a figment of your imagination, Phainon never texted you- until this morning.
(Y/n): Phainon, I don’t understand.
(Y/n): Was it something I did…?
Phainon: No, god no. Never.
(Y/n): Then why are you apologizing?
You felt your smile drop, the warmth from last night following suit, slowly leaking away.
Phainon: Because I'm sorry if I crossed a line.
Phainon: You didn’t do anything wrong. I just didn’t want things to be awkward between us.
And it’s just so funny, isn’t it? How you’ve kept yourself safe on your own little island, with walls built so high and an army to guard your heart. And the one time you decide to let them down and embrace the sunlight, it hurts so much more.
Confusion seems to consume you, making you anxious. The thought that you might have been too forward and was reading it all wrong feel like deja vu, specifically the same bitter feeling that you were so used to. The mere thought that Phainon didn’t want this to happen, makes your stomach coil. However, underneath the dreadful feeling was something else- because this wasn’t about you. Although you had this uncomfortable twinge of fear you refused to admit out loud, it wasn’t for yourself, but for Phainon. You stay rigid in your bed, staring at your phone. What exactly was Phainon thinking of that you weren’t?
A week later, you start getting antsy because you realize how quiet your summer vacation began. You continue to get nothing from Phainon. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, assuming he was probably busy with things back home. But as your phone sits on your desk, the screen continuing to be dark and empty, you find yourself constantly checking it, and it didn’t take long for your mind to spiral.
It’s ironic how noticeable an absence can be.
Later, just past noon, you start to smell food being prepared, so you go down to investigate. You realized your mom was going all out for some reason, seasoning steaks and cutting vegetables as your kitchen became a room with groceries stacked high. There seemed to be something in the oven already as well. You get curious and decide to ask Mydei what your mother was preparing for.
“Hey.” You ask as you walk into his room, seeing him lounging and playing a video game lazily.
“Hey.” He responds. Mydei eyes you a little for a second then goes back to focusing on his game. “You’ve been in your room for a while.”
“Yeah…” You sigh a little sheepishly as Mydei points it out, straightforward as always. “Do you know what mom is preparing all that food for?”
“We’re barbecuing tonight, remember?” Mydei replies smoothly without looking up from his game. “I’ve got a honeycake in the oven too.”
Mydei was in charge of the cake apparently, and already had it in baking in the oven. You soften at the thought. And then you don’t because he might have put boogers in there.
“Oh… that’s a lot of food.” You remark. Something feels off for some reason, ironically like an emptiness despite the feast being prepared.
When you walked into his room, you considered asking your brother what he would do if he was hypothetically faced with the situation you were- with Phainon that is. But then you already think of his response and- “I dunno, they both sound like idiots to me.” Yep, no help at all. To think you almost considered bucking up the courage to ask your brother for advice, when it should be better to question his reliability.
Instead, you ask him a more direct question-
“...Is Phainon coming?” You ask. Your cheeks get a little warm, but satisfying your curiosity was more important.
The mention of Phainon seems to get Mydei’s attention a little more. “...No?”
It’s ironic how one little word could get you to frown so easily. But it simply didn’t sound right to you. Ever since you were teenagers, Phainon has came over consistently to your house, showing up to practically everything. Barbecues, birthdays, movie nights… or even the simple weekends where nothing special was happening, he ended up staying longer than expected. And when you all became older and busier, he always made the effort to show up at least once. There had never been a question of whether he was coming.
“Oh…” The disappointed response tumbles out of your mouth before you even thought about it. You tell yourself that Phainon wasn’t obligated to come over, that he had his own life and responsibilities. Heck, he wasn’t even your friend first- he was technically Mydei’s but…
Still…
“Why do you ask?” Mydei asks, pausing his video game, sensing that you were concerned about something deeper.
It still felt wrong to you.
“Because… I thought he’d be coming. He always comes over during the summer…” You reply cautiously.
“So?”
“So... he’s your best friend.”
“Isn’t he also yours?” Mydei retorts back skeptically.
“Well yeah… but usually you invite him over.” You say meekly.
“I asked him already.” Mydei sighs. “Said he was busy.”
A lump forms in your throat. God, what were you supposed to do now? There were too many things unsaid, and even more things you wanted to ask. A part of you felt like Phainon’s response was an excuse- that if you didn’t get him now, that he’d just get farther from you. Were you going to have to wait until who knows when to talk to Phainon again?
As your hand idly trails along your brother’s bedroom wall, it was like you’ve experienced this before. You, at thirteen years old, gathering all the courage you had (none) to nervously enter in your brother’s room to get your charger back- all at the expense of meeting Phainon. You remember how shy you were when Phainon tried talking to you that time, how weirded out you were when he tried to include you out of the blue. You were at the same place you were then- at the threshold of Mydei's doorway until Phainon stole the last word, calling out one last thing.
"Maybe next time then."
Before you could overthink it, you push yourself off the wall and face Mydei again.
“Can you ask him again?” You ask, and Mydei gives you a weird look.
“Why would I- he’s gonna say no again.” Mydei says. Now, why would his dear sister actively request Phainon’s presence? Even you, the sister, do not know.
“Tell him I want him there.” You reply. The quiet determination in your eyes almost shocks Mydei.
He blinks at you for a split second, like he understood the meaning behind it. Your brother doesn’t question you for once. He doesn’t get suspicious, or feel the need to protect you.
“...Fine.” Mydei sighs and picks up his phone again, and you watch as his fingers tap the screen to send the new text to Phainon. You stand there biting your lip, not even sure if this would work. You can’t even believe that Mydei actually agreed to do it.
You thank your brother, and finally walk out of his bedroom, knowing the response might take time. But not even a second after you step into your own room, a buzz comes from your phone.
Phainon: Hey, I’m on my way. I’ll be there around 5.
Phainon: Thanks for inviting me
A glimmer of hope finally starts to exist within your mind. Phainon was coming, simply because you asked. And maybe you were right about him- maybe he was just waiting for you, just like he always has.
A few hours later, your doorbell rings. Your mom is the first to dash to the door, dropping everything to greet Phainon with a bone-crushing hug. Of course, Phainon’s used to it so it does little to affect him.
“Phainon! Oh my goodness, look at you!” Your mother coos, the same endearments making Phainon chuckle. She continues gushing about Phainon as if he was family already- which in a sense he was. “You’ve grown so much- and so handsome too! Mydei, can you believe it?”
You can smell your brother’s eyeroll from here. Meanwhile, Phainon smiles easily, nodding and murmuring something polite and charming. You haven’t even gone down to greet him yet, but little does anyone else know, hearing his voice- the mere existence and knowledge that he was here sent a thrill through you.
You hear your mother tell the boys that the barbecue will start soon, and they should wash up. The boys insist on helping your mom and they argue in a good-natured way. They split up and start preparing different things, with Mydei helping your mom prepare the grill. You hesitate for a moment, but take this as a cue to finally talk to Phainon.
You walk out from your bedroom, and as you linger at the top of the stairs looking down, Phainon seems to subconsciously pause mid-motion. Your heart still skipped when he looked at you- hands tucked into his pockets and white messy hair catching the sunlight from outside your backyard’s door. He subtly turns his head to you, and his smile was still there- soft, slightly hopeless, and nervous, like he was bracing himself for this moment just as you have.
“Hey…” He says lightly. It’s only been one week since you last saw him, yet it feels like it’s been a year. He even greets you like it’s been a year, and you knew he was feeling the same thing you were. You step closer, and you watch as his eyes attempt to hide the tension.
“Hi…” You take a deep breath, the feeling of determination not helping you steady your nerves. But truthfully, you cared more that he was just here with you. His hopeless smile seems to be contagious as you start to sport the same one as you sigh with relief. “You made it.”
“Yeah…” Phainon breathes out. Oddly, his smile gets wider, like he was happy to end up coming to your home.
“...Can we talk?” You ask hesitantly. As always, Phainon surprises you, as he willingly walks closer to you, as if to follow you wherever.
“Of course.” He replies smoothly. You give him a nod and slowly lead to towards your bedroom for a more private conversation.
You close your door after Phainon walks in. He seems to curiously look around your room, noticing the little trinkets and photos that have changed over the years. He hasn’t been here for a while.
“Can I sit?” Phainon asks, patting your bed. You nod and say yes, and you both sit on the edge. You didn’t know where to start- diving straight into the obvious thing seemed too heavy.
“Mydei told me you were busy…” You remark. “I thought you weren’t gonna come.”
“I know.” He admits sheepishly. You felt the honesty beneath his words as he tries to ease any negative feelings you might harbour towards him for his initial excuse. “I just thought that… I had crossed a line.”
“Crossed a line?” You repeat. Phainon pauses, then sighs endearingly. Your question was innocent, yet posed a different meaning for Phainon. For the first time in weeks, he feels the weight of what he’s kept inside.
“Remember what happened after the mixer?” Phainon asks. You nod, and he continues. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what?”
“You know what.” He says with a light chuckle and nudge to your arm to ease the tension and awkwardness. “I… I almost kissed you.”
“But I almost kissed you too.” You remark guilelessly. Your gaze was unwavering, and you can feel him register the resolve behind it. You weren’t going to drop this were you? Of course you weren’t. So Phainon exhales slowly, giving a small awkward smile as he lowers his guard a little.
“...And that’s the problem. You’re Mydei’s sister. You’re not just anyone to me (Y/n)- you’re important. I can’t risk ruining what I have with you and Mydei.” Phainon sighs, rubbing his forehead like this was making him sweat. With how he was behaving, you get the feeling that he likely felt guilty- like a bastard who shouldn’t be liking his best friend’s sister, making it equivalent to a sin. Phainon seems to know something you don’t. Phainon sputters a little as he’s stuck between going off on a nervous rant and being gentle. Then he finally brings himself to explain further. “I-I mean… what would you have done if we really leaned in? Do you even know how to kiss?”
“No…” You admit. “But you seem like you’d be good at it.”
“You really think so?” Phainon laughs softly, seeming curious at your remark. Oddly enough, his tone gets softer like a whisper as he presses you for another question. “Why do you say that?”
“You’re… you know…” You stammer, trying to latch onto something specific, but truthfully you could say anything. You take a good look at him and he’s still perfection incarnate. Phainon laughs softly again.
“I think you think way too highly of me.” He smiles, his tone slightly teasing like he found your answer amusing. You might even go as far as to say that he might’ve sounded a bit shy when he said that. Phainon’s hand lays on the bed, his pinky millimeters away from yours. He leans back a bit, as if to get a better look at you too. “How would you know if I’ve kissed anyone?”
You think again for a moment, except this time you didn’t have an answer. Phainon looks back at you patiently.
“I don’t know.” You admit quietly, but determination lingers in your eyes. Did you really know? No, of course not. No matter how perfect you thought he was, there was no way you could know if he had that kind of experience. So there was only one way to.
“But I want to know.”
Phainon’s breath catches in his throat, genuinely speechless for a moment at your response. He simply looks at you, the noises of the evening starting to disappear. His blue eyes seem strangely brighter than usual, like they were seeing every past version of yourself. And now here you were, your present self saying words that mirrored his own when he first met you, yearning to know more about each other. Just a girl standing in the hallway, waiting for someone to notice her, and a kind boy simply smiling back at her, who always has. He suddenly lets out a chuckle, small and breathless as he finally surrenders his noble front.
“Come here then.” He coaxes softly, his lashes seemingly fluttering in slow motion as his eyes open. You blink in surprise.
“What?”
“Come here.” Phainon repeats, his expression softening. His smile doesn’t falter, in fact- only getting wider and making the corners of his eyes crinkle in that boyish way you’ve always known. Somehow, you understood, and you start to surrender your own noble front as you move closer to him, unashamedly smiling just as bright as him.
Phainon’s eyes trail your own as your thigh touches his. His hand comes up carefully to cup your cheek. There was no more hesitation in either of your movements. No more almosts and no more waiting- only the split second pause where you both realize this was the closest you’ve ever been, breaths mingling and eyes hazy as if you both couldn’t believe this was happening. You lean in even more, just the same as you did that night, and Phainon does too, just like you always knew he would.
He leans down, and presses his lips to yours, letting his restraint crack just to taste what he’s been waiting so long for. You both close your eyes, savouring soft warmth of each other’s lips. Even the little smiles and chuckles, and now your hands softly laying on his chest were enjoyable.
You pull away for a brief moment, yours and Phainon’s lips leaving with a soft smooch sound. There was a flicker of disbelief in your eyes, with Phainon’s looking equally as stunned. But the easy smiles that come after make you realize how it came so effortlessly for Phainon- nothing but affection.
You both stare at each other, a little breathless and a little shy as if it was a way to come back down to Earth. But neither of you seem to want to let go. Phainon’s hand remains near your cheek, while yours remains loosely gripping onto the hem of his shirt.
“I’m glad you wanted to know.” Phainon says softly with an awkward but loving smile. He gets a laugh out of you too, and even now he finds himself craving the sound more. He’d like to make you laugh like that more in the future. Now if only… “Shit- your brother’s gonna kill me.”
You watch as Phainon looks away slightly, his face going pale except for a sheepish blush. The consequence dawns on you as well, but in this moment as you’re still high on dopamine, you couldn’t bring yourself to feel it.
“He’s gonna kill me too.” You shrug, trying to make him feel better. “And you say it as if you’re not one of his favourite people.”
“You’re his sister, he can’t be mad at you. Not for long at least.” Phainon says while sighing. Even though this guilt eats him up, he can’t help but smile. “Me though… I might need to pay in my next life.”
“But he’s never threatened to disown you.” You challenge. Phainon lets out a hearty laugh at your honesty, knowing his best friend could get quite creative with insults.
“Maybe not, but I feel like I’m about to find out.” Still, even if you both were about to be disowned by Mydei, you don’t think you’ve ever seen Phainon look this happy to be disowned.
“We should head down now.” Phainon says softly, as the laughter dies down. You nod, though neither of you really move, both still sitting on your bed, smiling like dopes. You both laugh again, until Phainon stands and offers you his hand to stand up as well.
You take it without hesitation, and he pulls you up gently. And he doesn’t let go- neither of you do actually.
His fingers fit between yours easily, like it was meant to be this way. You and Phainon begin to walk towards your bedroom door to exit, though he seems a little hesitant.
“(Y/n)- how exactly are we going to explain to Mydei about this…?” He asks nervously, looking mildly embarrassed. You shrug, still not really caring.
“He’s just gonna have to deal with it.” You say casually, reaching for the doorknob. “Also, maybe don’t mention my brother within five minutes after we kiss.”
A cheeky grin spreads on Phainon's face, finding your response utterly defiant yet endearing. He chuckles, shaking his head while smiling helplessly. A thousand teasing responses are circling within his head, though he opts to sprinkle a little sarcasm in there. “My bad. I’ll try to do better next time then.”
“Oh? There will be a next time?”
A guttural scream tears through your throat (again?). MYDEI?!
Your’s and Phainon’s jaws both go slack, speechless as you both remain frozen in the threshold of your doorway. There stood your brother, deadpan with his arms crossed… wearing an apron and oven mitts.
“Wh- MYDEI!!” You scream, mortified. You want to throw something at him, but the only thing beside you was a Phainon. “How long have you been standing there?!”
“How long have I been standing here? I think the better question is why you both aren’t downstairs.” Mydei’s tone reeks of sarcasm, very much not in the mood to take any bullshit from either of you.
You realize Mydei was right- the entire house smelled delicious with the smells of good food was wafting everywhere.
“There are steaks being grilled outside. I made honeycake...” Mydei lists, looking genuinely perplexed. Then his eyes look between you and Phainon, looking absolutely disgusted. “And yet here you both are… …kissing?”
You think you see Mydei shiver and gag slightly when he says the k-word, which should have been funny but right now you feel too defensive to think about that.
“MYDEI!!”
Mydei barely has time to react when you suddenly decide to launch yourself at him.
“Hey-” Mydei sputters, grunting as you smack his arm, and then his shoulder. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“What is wrong with you?!” You snap back and hit your brother more though it doesn’t really affect him since he was holding you back.
Meanwhile, Phainon watches the petty catfight of a sibling argument with a fond smile on his face. With Mydei looking disgusted while wearing an apron and oven mitts, fighting against you who was aggressively clawing at your brother like a cat, Phainon internally declares that he has never seen a more stupid thing in his life. Goodness, was this the glory that Kremnoans were known for? Somehow, it endeared him even more.
“I don’t get why you’d be busy kissing when there’s good food downstairs.”
“STOP SAYING IT!”
“I made you a honeycake… for this?”
“I know you made honeycake! You mentioned it fifty times in the past two minutes! Is this seriously your priority?!”
“My priority?- Look at yours!”
Was there really any point to this argument anymore?
After a few more lovely seconds of arguing, Phainon sighs fondly and clasps his hands, one of yours and the other on your brother’s shoulder. You and Mydei oddly stop bickering, both looking at Phainon’s expression which could only be described as fond disbelief. This entire scene was ridiculous, but somehow also his favourite.
“Alright alright, let’s just go down now. Hm?” Phainon smiles, hoping to ease the playful bullying. Mydei continues to glare at him. Right message, wrong messenger…
“...I’m gonna kill that guy.” Mydei seethes, looking straight at Phainon yet addressing you.
You want to start fighting your brother again, but to your surprise, Phainon laughs harder before you could react. Then, with the same gentle amusement from years ago, he reaches over and lightly pats Mydei’s shoulder.
“I’ll hold you to it.”
The words feel familiar, because they are. You look at him now- his eyes crinkling with mirth as he said nearly the same thing months ago. For some reason, as you watch Mydei glare at Phainon- the bastard you just kissed had the audacity to smile at him, the silent look they gave each other somehow explained something you were secretly worrying about this whole time but never had to.
Mydei probably knew, you think. You’re not sure how long he’s been suspecting it, though when you look back at your own antics it was probably obvious anyway. You cringe internally, not wanting to think about your brother knowing about this thing with Phainon for who knows how long.
“Now- can we go eat before someone gets murdered?” Phainon asks tenderly, interrupting the chaos. It’s ironic how Phainon seems the happiest here, while you and Mydei both grumble and surrender. He’s still smiling, still patient with you and your brother. Phainon laughs again, and you all head downstairs together- though this time, Phainon doesn’t let go of your hand.
And naturally, you don’t think to let go either.
Your porch lights seem to glow with the same warmth that you’ve felt over the years. Your mother lovingly scolds Mydei for disappearing, and Mydei only grumbles saying nobody appreciates his cooking.
You feel thirteen again as your memories overlap with reality. The smell of home cooking, summer air drifting through the windows, your brother being broody… And Phainon- a boy who started out a mystery, a teenage boy who simply sat at your table smiling like he already belonged there. You come to realize something: Phainon had never been a guest at this house.
All those years, while you were busy mourning things you thought weren’t meant for you, something else was growing beside you the whole time. He became so much more to you, simply because he wanted to be, and because you finally let him.
And for Phainon? Of course it was easy for him. He had always been reaching for home in the first place.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
Notes:
For reference, this fic is called Seventeen :)
Anyway thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoyed <3
Edit: THERE ARE SO MANY ERRORS I'M CRINGING SO BAD
— 𝒂uthor's 𝒏ote ﹕ hello hello! another addition to number neighbour, the unofficial collection. chatfic, but towards the end it has less of the chat and more of the fic. without further ado.. proceed
requested ☆
more in the number neighbour collection
akaashi — smau // ushijima — chatfic
if you're being honest, you should've known doing this was a bad idea.
at first, anyway.
you're staring at your phone screen, the bright light blinding you in the dark of your room. you rub your eyes and squint at the small rectangle in your hands.
you should be sleeping, but they do say that night is the best time to be awake. and for some reason, the internet trend of texting your number neighbor did seem like a stroke of genius five minutes ago..
your phone number ends in a 4, so you have two options. either a 3 or a 5.
making up your mind, you decide to start with a 3. you open a new text thread, type in the number that is identical to yours except for that last digit, and bite your lip in anticipation as you begin to draft your message.
you
hey number neighbor!
hope youre having a good night :)
xxx-xxx-xx3
Please stop texting this number.
you
huh
xxx-xxx-xx3
I'm a 45 year old male and this is my work number; I don't have time to deal with unemployed people like you.
Do not contact me again.
you
fuck im so sorry
message failed to send
ah. he actually blocked you.
you let out a breathless laugh into your pillow, face burning from embarrassment. “oh my god.”
well. that went horribly.
but now you're fully awake, and the adrenaline of getting instantly rejected by some 45 year old man (you hope he isn't too peeved about that..) has you feeling reckless.
after all, there's still the 5.
you copy the number, change the last digit – again, a five this time – and send the text before you can overthink it.
you
okay i hope you arent a 45 year old man this time too
because my other number neighbor just blocked me lmao
anyway hi number neighbor !! (take two)
xxx-xxx-xx5
??
who is this??
and why are you texting me at 2am about middle aged men ^-^
you
im your number neighbor 😔
our numbers are the same except the last digit
xxx-xxx-xx5
hold on
you
holding
xxx-xxx-xx5
WAIT OMG THEY ARE
you
see im not insane
xxx-xxx-xx5
debatable
you disliked this message
and wow your other neighbor blocked you immediately?
that’s embarrassing for you
you
i don't need another person to tell me 💔💔
xxx-xxx-xx5
too bad i'm telling you
you
okay dude
xxx-xxx-xx5
you know what vibe you give off (^-^)
you
what
xxx-xxx-xx5
small and grumpy
you snort quietly into your blanket.
if you have to say so, there's something stupidly easy about texting this person, even if it's only been a few messages. the texts come quick, like they're typing the second they get yours instead of leaving you on read for a bit. half teasing, half genuinely interested it appears.
you hesitate, fingers stalling on the keyboard before hurriedly replying.
you
first of all
im not grumpy
xxx-xxx-xx5
if not grumpy
you texted strangers at 2am
that, btw, automatically makes you a little weird
you
says the person answering
xxx-xxx-xx5
touché ;)
you liked this message
but what made you text me
well me and the 45 yr old man
you
couldn't sleep
you?
xxx-xxx-xx5
my practice ran late
bones aching and muscles sore
brain is still awake
you
practice for what
and what the fuck is that a fucking haiku
xxx-xxx-xx5
secret ;)
fucking and fucking yes fucking it's fucking a fucking haiku
you
i literally said it twice.
you are so dramatic
xxx-xxx-xx5
thank you! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
you roll your eyes – dramatic is honestly the perfect word for them. and as for those blasted emoticons, kaomojis, whatever you call them-
in any case, every message sent through from them somehow feels like they can't help making everything sound theatrical, even through text.
your phone vibrates again before you can answer.
xxx-xxx-xx5
WAIT
what if YOURE actually a 45 year old man trying to lure me into a false sense of security!?
you
yeah definitely
that's exactly what's happening
xxx-xxx-xx5
i knew it you CON ARTIST
you
go to sleep grandma
xxx-xxx-xx5
grandma??? 😨
i'm youthful and radiant actually (≧◡≦)
and i'd be grandpa
you
gramps, only old people say youthful and radiant
xxx-xxx-xx5
and you have experience with that
you
omfg no
xxx-xxx-xx5
wow
this relationship is becoming toxic
you swear like a sailor (⇀‸↼‶)
you
this is not a relationship 😭
arr me hearties
xxx-xxx-xx5
wow okay
way to friendzone me
you
we're not even friends
xxx-xxx-xx5
YOU'RE SO CRUEL
you
goodnight annoying neighbor
you changed xxx-xxx-xx5 to annoying neighbour 🙄
annoying neighbour 🙄
get rid of that emoji i’m begging you that is gruesome
you
no i’d rather not
annoying neighbour 🙄
well then
annoying neighbour 🙄 changed xxx-xxx-xx4 to oh so lovely neighbour (˘ ³˘)
annoying neighbour 🙄
now we're matching
you
i actually don't mind that tbh
annoying neighbour 🙄 liked this message
you fall asleep smiling at your phone despite yourself.
the next morning, you wake up late. obviously not because you went to sleep past three am.
your phone is at 12%, and there's a text waiting for you.
annoying neighbour 🙄
good morning! •⩊•
did the 45 yr old text you back yet?
you snort, a little huff of laughter escaping your mouth.
you
no 💔 he blocked me remember
annoying neighbour 🙄
oh yes
i should do that
stranger danger you know..
you
oh stfu
why are YOU awake this early
annoying neighbour 🙄
stop with that attitude
some of us are productive members of society
you
i don’t believe that for two seconds
annoying neighbour 🙄
then believe it for one
the next few days, texting him weirdly becomes part of your routine, first nature.
well, you still don't know their name, or age, or what they look like (a boy, apparently), but you know quite a lot at the same time.
like how they're the type to talk with their hands because they spam texts in bursts instead of one message, and you know they complain dramatically when they're hungry, you know they're competitive about literally everything, and-
yeah, you could go on.
annoying neighbour 🙄
just beat my friend at mario kart btw
im basically a professional athlete
you
that is not athleticism.
annoying neighbour 🙄
that's wrong actually!
my thumbs are incredibly talented
you
that sounded gross
annoying neighbour 🙄
OH MY GOSH NOT LIKE THAT??
why is your mind so dirty (¯ ¯٥)
you reacted ! to this message
you never send selfies, but they never ask either. however, sometimes you catch yourself wondering,
wondering if their grin is as smug as it sounds through text,
wondering what kind of expression they make when they type all these stupid dramatic messages,
wondering if your luck is crazy enough that they have an extremely attractive face.
judging by your luck so far, though, probably not.
one friday night, you're brushing your teeth when your phone buzzes from where it lies on the sink counter.
annoying neighbour 🙄
EMERGENCY
you
what
annoying neighbour
🙄
i need you to settle an argument
you
why me :/
annoying neighbour 🙄
because i trust strangers on the internet
obviously
you
that sounds unsafe
who would even think! of texting on in the first place??
annoying neighbour 🙄 liked this message
annoying neighbour 🙄
my friend says mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste
tell him he's wrong
you
LMAO i'm brushing my teeth right now what a coincidence
your friend is right actually
annoying neighbour 🙄
blocked.
you grin.
you
wow first the 45 yr old now this
everyone keeps abandoning me 🤧
annoying neighbour 🙄
you deserve it for your horrible opinions
you
you're so dramatic
annoying neighbour 🙄
you've said!
you do continue texting me every day though ⸜( ˙˘˙)⸝
now go brush your teeth, i bet they're stinky..
you
oh shut up
then you pause, because he’s right; every day. without really meaning to, it's become constant.
whether it's during class, or late at night, while shopping, when he's apparently ‘at practice’.
you're still not one hundred percent sure what sport he plays, but you're beginning to suspect volleyball purely because of how often he complains about his shoulders, since you're somewhat knowledgeable on the sport.
and also, because one time he texted:
‘if one more person tells me serves are easy i'm going to lose it.’
this time, you're sitting in your kitchen eating cereal straight from the box when another text comes through.
annoying neighbour 🙄
i think my teammate is trying to kill me.
you
HELLO??
annoying neighbour 🙄
he spiked a ball directly at my face
i'm sure it was on purpose (◑_◑)
you
oh so you do play volleyball
..
wait did i guess right
annoying neighbour 🙄
shit
you
HAHAAHAHHA
annoying neighbour 🙄
don't laugh at me
i liked being mysterious and all that
you
there is nothing mysterious about the way you text 😭😭
annoying neighbour 🙄
wow.
you stifle a laugh, then return to your cereal.
not even a minute later, though-
annoying neighbour 🙄
for the record i'm very mysteriously good looking ᵔ.ᵔ
you nearly choke on cereal. the confidence on this man..
that night you're walking home from the convenience store when your phone buzzes – again.
annoying neighbour 🙄
bad news
you
what now
annoying neighbour 🙄
i think my teammate stole my knee pads
you
just confirming this is the same teammate who spiked a ball into your head and said mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste right
annoying neighbour 🙄
YES
you
cool
why would someone steal knee pads tho 😭
annoying neighbour 🙄
jealousy
envy
obsession
need i go on
you
no thanks
annoying neighbour 🙄
you wound me (╥﹏╥)
you smile, fingers typing back a snarky response, but then, then-
someone bumps into your shoulder, hard, and your phone nearly slips out of your hand as you nearly faceplant onto the concrete.
“sorry,” the stranger mutters, barely glancing back before continuing down the sidewalk.
you frown, then glance at your phone. you type out a response again.
you
bro someone walked into me and nearly knocked me over
and at the exact same time you send it-
annoying neighbour 🙄
OMG
i just saw someone almost eat shit on the sidewalk ⊙﹏⊙
you stop dead in your tracks.
that.. can't be a coincidence, right?
slowly, you look up.
across the street, near the crosswalk, a tall guy in a white hoodie is staring at his phone.
then he looks up too.
and even from this far away, you can see the way he freezes up.
no. way.
your heart starts pounding, frantically panging against your chest in a quick rhythm.
nope. absolutely not. there's no fakaashing way.
you start to type again, but slower this time, fingers hesitantly pressing each letter.
you
if you're wearing a hoodie by chance
what colour is it
annoying neighbour 🙄
white
you
oh my god
that better not be you standing there.
you stare across the street in horror, and the guy lowers his phone slowly.
then the light changes, and instead of crossing toward you-
he immediately turns around and starts walking fast the opposite direction.
like, fast. really fast.
your jaw drops, not at the speed (although shit, it is insanely quick) but at the fact he's literally running away.
you
DID YOU JUST RUN AWAY??
annoying neighbour 🙄
SELF DEFENSE
you
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
annoying neighbour 🙄
this is too much pressure suddenly Ծ_Ծ
i wasn't emotionally prepared to find out you're like actually real
you burst out laughing. people stare, but you don't even remotely care.
annoying neighbour 🙄
so you were the one that nearly ate shit..
you
oh hush
you changed annoying neighbour 🙄 to run(a)way queen
run(a)way queen
i would complain but that's sort of genius
you
i know
run(a)way queen changed oh so lovely neighbour (˘ ³˘) to shit eater :p
you
im not playing you better fucking change that right now before i chase after you.
run(a)way queen
oh please like you could catch me
you
YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS
run(a)way queen
OKAY OKAY
run(a)way queen changed shit eater :p to run after queen
you
really
run(a)way queen
hey i had no ideas it's better than shit eater
you
you mean akaashiit had no ideas
akaashiit
oops
run(a)way queen
what the
after that, things get worse, or better – you're not entirely sure.
because now there's a face attached to the texts.
okay, well. sort of. you really only saw him for maybe.. three seconds?
tall, brown hair (you believe; it was hard to tell from only the faint light of the streetlamps) and that white hoodie.
also,the most obnoxiously smug posture you've ever seen in your life.
you
you literally fled the scene like a criminal
omg are you a criminal
run(a)way queen
listen i panicked
you
mhm sure
run(a)way queen
AND YOU WERE SHORT???
like i've been calling you short but damn you really are
this is the best day of my life
you
blocked.
run(a)way queen
NO WAIT
you still don't exchange names though. mostly because now it's become weirdly funny not to.
he calls you gremlin, menace, shortstack, the likes.
you call him drama queen, pretty boy, loser, read more.
he reacts quite strongly to pretty boy, which is suspicious.
one night he randomly sends:
run(a)way queen
be honest
am i your favorite person to text
you
absolutely not
run(a)way queen
you replied in 4 seconds btw （˶′◡‵˶）
and with that, you promptly yeet deposit throw your phone across the bed.
sometimes, he disappears for hours, usually after ‘practice’, but that's understandable since you're busy too.
then he comes back texting like nothing happened.
run(a)way queen
im alive
you
congrats here's a golden star ⭐️
run(a)way queen
wow no concern for my wellbeing??
you
?i gave you a star what more do you want dude
run(a)way queen
heartless (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
you
whered u go anyway
run(a)way queen
match
you
did you win?
the pause that follows is long enough that you think he won't answer, then:
run(a)way queen
yeah :)
you
good job then
i'm sure you played well
three whole minutes pass.
run(a)way queen
careful there!
you almost sounded nice (≧◡≦)
you
JUST LET ME COMPLIMENT YOU
a few days later, you're sitting in class half asleep when your phone vibrates under the desk.
run(a)way queen
EMERGENCY PART 2
you
if this is about ice cream again i'm blocking you
for real this time
run(a)way queen
dead sirius?? ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
you
you didn't.
run(a)way queen
ANYWAY
worse
i think one of my classmates has a crush on me and is planning to confess later
you blink.
why does that annoy you a little..
you
okay?
run(a)way queen
okay??
that's all u have to say?
you
what do you want me to say 😭
run(a)way queen
idk maybe cry a little (˶‾᷄ ⁻̫ ‾᷅˵)
you
and why would i cry
run(a)way queen
good question actudnf fkrmtm
you stare.
yeah.. he definitely got his phone taken away.
frowning, you lock your phone harder than necessary.
stupid. that's stupid. you don't even know this guy!
later that evening, he texts again.
run(a)way queen
sorry i got my phone taken (◑_◑)
you
yes i could tell
run(a)way queen
i rejected her
your fingers pause over the keyboard – it's funny how you know what he's talking about straight away.
you
why are you reporting this information to me like i'm your manager
run(a)way queen
because secrets aren't good in relationships!
you
there's that word again..
you hate how warm your face feels.
the first actual real conversation happens accidentally.
you're out in the rain, trying to get home, safe and sound, when your umbrella honest to god snaps inside out from the wind.
you stand there in disbelief, getting more drenched by the second. surely your day can't get any worse.
run(a)way queen
you alive
you send a picture of your destroyed umbrella, and his reply comes immediately.
run(a)way queen
LMFAOOO
that umbrella gave up on life
you
this is not funny
run(a)way queen
it's a little funny
wait where are you rn
you pause, then send a vague picture of the street.
run(a)way queen
oh wait i know where that is
you
what
run(a)way queen
don't panic but i think im like 5 mins away
you
that sounds threatening when you say it like that
run(a)way queen
LMAO
do you need help or not
you glance up at the pouring rain and instantly get pelted in the eye, which makes up your mind straight away.
you
fine
but if you murder me i'll be really annoyed you know
run(a)way queen liked this message
five minutes later, more or less, a black umbrella appears beside you.
you turn your head, and-
oh.
oh, he's pretty.
the first coherent thought that hits you.
still fluffy brown hair damp from the rain, stupidly sharp eyes that are crinkled up,. taller than you by an infuriating amount, an athletic build.
and smiling at you like this is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to him.
“you are shorter than i imagined,” he says immediately, and you roll your eyes.
“you ran away last time,” is what you answer with. you try to keep the tremble out of your voice, and pray that if he does hear it, he'll believe it's from the cold.
shit. you understand why that girl had a crush on him now.
he shrugs, still grinning at you. “fight or flight response.”
“and.. you chose flight.”
“obviously.”
his voice embodies his texts somehow. dramatic and smooth and teasing all at once.
you stare at each other awkwardly for two seconds.
then at the same time,
“you really are pretty–”
“you really do talk too much–”
you both stop, and he blinks. then grins slowly.
“waaaait,” he says, an even larger smile spreading across his handsome face. “what was that first part?”
you flush. “nothing.” oh, why did you have to open your mouth?
“no no, say it again, i insist.” he's still grinning.
“absolutely not.”
“you think i'm pretty–”
“oh my god shut up.”
he laughs loudly enough that two people walking by glance over, and you swear one of them leans over and murmurs about ‘what an adorable couple you are’.
you clear your throat, tapping your foot against the pavement. “ i do not talk too much. i've literally barely spoken – if anything, you’re the chatterbox here.”
he continues to stare at you, an amused expression on his face.
“what?’ you demand.
“that was sixteen words in one sentence.” he beams. “point proven.”
“it was two sentences you nincompoop-”
walking home beside him under one umbrella feels like it's the only right way.
which is dangerous – walking next to him is dangerous, breathing the same air as him is dangerous, just being near him is dangerous.
that's the only conclusion you come to during the fifteen minute walk home.
before this, he'd just been texts on a screen, annoying messages at 2am.
dumb kaomojis. dramatic complaints about volleyball and life and mint chocolate chip ice cream.
now he's this actual, living breathing person beside you holding an umbrella, slightly more over your side than his without mentioning it.
and unfortunately, he's pretty enough to be a genuine problem.
“you're staring,” he says casually.
you'd think he's being cocky if you didn't chance a look at him to see the red snow peaking his ears.
god, he knows exactly what he looks like – of course he does.
“you talk exactly like you text,” you mumble into the collar of your jacket.
he smiles. “is that a compliment?”
“not really.”
he stops, causing you to stop too. “ouch,” he says, quirking an eyebrow at you that you snort at.
you glance at him sideways. “sooo.. what do i call you now?”
he gasps dramatically, putting a hand to his forehead. “wow. after all we've been through together, you still don't know my name?”
“bye, i'm leaving-”
“hey- wait-” he reaches out and grabs your wrist just as you turn to leave. you weren’t really going to, but..
when you turn to him with wide eyes, he clears his throat and lets go, albeit reluctantly.
you don’t know that, of course.
he laughs again, all loud and easy but sort of.. breathily? this time. “you can keep calling me number neighbor. or runaway queen. whatever is to your liking, maam,” and flourishes a bow.
you heave a sigh and cross your arms. “that’s stupid.”
“says the person who still hasn’t told me their name either.”
a smile pops onto your face, and you hastily pull out your phone.
he frowns now. “what.. what are you doing?”
you only hum. after a moment, you hold your phone up, turn the volume all the way, and an automated voice comes out, like the one used for google translate.
“touché,” the robotic tone says.
he bursts into a fit of laughter.
when you reach your building, neither of you say anything as rain taps against the umbrella softly.
he shifts his weight awkwardly.
“well,” you start quietly, “thanks for rescuing me, i guess.”
“you’re welcome, tiny gremlin.”
“die-”
he grins and wags a finger at you. “hey, don’t make jokes like that.”
“oh, i’m not joking.”
then his grin wavers, then softens when he realises you're only teasing.
“text me when you get upstairs,” he murmurs. “so i know you didn’t slip and- die, or something.”
you sigh. “i solemnly swear i will not slip and die.” you turn to walk away.
“wait.”
you glance back, confused.
he’s rubbing the back of his neck now, looking oddly nervous for the first time since meeting him.
“you- er, still- still think i’m pretty, right?”
you stare at him blankly.
then immediately walk off without answering while he shouts offendedly behind you.
guess you’ve both pulled a walky-offy now.
you don't know it they're coincidences or not, because now he starts appearing everywhere. not intentionally, probably, but it's situations like you'll be walking past a shop or on the street and suddenly get a text.
run(a)way queen
look left ;)
and there he is, across the street holding up an energy drink with that stupid grin.
or, you'll be in line at a café and hear, ‘wow, fancy seeing you here!’ like he didn't absolutely text you twenty minutes earlier asking where you were, all innocent and ‘oh, no reason!’
but, he still refuses to tell you his name, which honestly would annoy you more if you weren't equally stubborn, like two peas in a pod.
instead, your.. relationship settles into this weird in between.
not strangers, and not exactly friends either.
maybe flirting – although you're trying not to think about that too hard.
for all you know, he does this with everyone, or he could be in a relationship. for now, you're content to stay whatever you are.
you're lying in bed one night, contemplating whether to sleep or text your number neighour, when he beats you to it and suddenly sends:
run(a)way queen
can i ask you something
you
depends if it's weird
knowing you yes
run(a)way queen
rude
you liked this message
do you think we wouldve talked if we met normally?
you
wdym by that
run(a)way queen
idk
like if we met randomly somewhere would you have talked to me
you think about seeing him for the first time in the rain.
his stupid smile, the confidence, the way everyone probably notices him immediately, and honestly? you probably would've assumed he was out of your league and avoided eye contact.
but you don't say that.
you
maybe
if you weren't annoying 🥹
run(a)way queen
im never annoying?? (>o<)
you
would you have talked to me?
run(a)way queen
yeah
i think i would've noticed you anywhere actually
when you eventually learn his name, it's completely by accident, which feels unfair considering how long he (and you) dragged it out.
you're at one of his volleyball matches – he'd convinced you to come after spamming you twenty four seven.
so there you are, sitting, pretending not to care‐
except you absolutely do care, because he's..
well.
annoyingly good.
and the girls behind you won't stop talking about him.
“oikawa-san's seriously so cool.”
“who? number 1?”
“yeah! him!” comes the following reply, then a dreamy sigh.
your head snaps up.
oikawa? oikawa.
of course his name is something like oikawa.
he's about to serve again when he looks up directly into the stands, and the girls start squealing.
but he finds you instantly, and smiles a real, genuine smile that warms you from the inside out.
later after the match, your phone buzzes just as you're leaving.
run(a)way queen
you came!! ヽ(^。^)ノ
you
against my will
run(a)way queen
you still watched the whole game though ≧☉_☉≦
you
yes well unfortunately your volleyball propaganda is working on me
run(a)way queen
that's because i'm amazing darling
you
don’t call me darling
run(a)way queen
sorry darling
you
okay
you changed run(a)way queen to oikawa..
oikawa..
YOU FOUND OUT
what's with the .. though it looks threatening
you
your fangirls were squealing your name it was kind of hard not to find out
oikawa..
oh how nice of them
well it's only fair i know your name now??
you
hm
l/n
oikawa..
pretty name for a pretty person (o^ ^o)
you
boy 😭😭
oikawa.. changed run after queen to darling l/n (づ￣ ³￣)づ
oikawa..
perfect
you
wtf is that kaomoji bro
oikawa..
change my name to pretty boy oikawa (≧◡≦)
you
only because you won't shut up if i don't
you changed oikawa.. to pretty boy oikawa..
pretty boy oikawa..
okay seriously what is with the ..
you reacted 😊 to this message
the more you text, the more oikawa starts calling instead of texting, and it gave you the shock of your life when he first did it.
usually late at night, and you'll answer half asleep with a groggy voice to hear,
“l/n-channn.”
“why are you saying my name like that.” is your default response. and his will be, “because i'm suffering.”
“dramatic.”
then he'll ramble for twenty minutes while you listen sleepily, occasionally offering your mumbled inputs like ‘mhm’ and ‘uhuh’.
sometimes he talks about volleyball, or school, and most of the time random things that don't matter.
and sometimes, there are quiet pauses where neither of you says anything at all.
those are your favourite.
whenever you're upset or in a bad mood, you don't bother telling him – mostly because you're used to dealing with things alone.
but one night when you answer his call, he notices that you're.. different, straight away.
“what happened?”
you frown, knowing he can't see it since your camera's off. “nothing.”
“liar.”
“wha- i’m serious.”
oikawa sighs softly through the phone, and you shift uncomfortably, pulling your blankets closer to your neck.
“did someone hurt your feelings?”
you laugh weakly, tilting your head. “that sounds so kindergarten.”
“answer the question.”
you stare up at your ceiling, vaguely making out the dying glow in the dark stickers that are stuck up there.
“i- it's no big deal- but um.. sort of.”
there's rustling on his end like he's sitting up.
“who?” oikawa says urgently.
“it doesn’t matter.”
“it matters if you sound sad.”
your throat tightens unexpectedly – that's the thing with oikawa.
he jokes around constantly, acts unserious all the time. but that only means moments where he suddenly becomes serious hit way too hard.
“my friend cancelled plans again,” you admit quietly. “for her boyfriend. and- i know it's selfish of me to be sad about that, but it always happens, and last minute.”
“wow. that sucks.”
you smile faintly. “thanks.”
it's silent for a few minutes after that, save for the sound of your combined breathing, then he breaks it.
“wanna come watch me practice tomorrow?”
you blink. “what?”
“you heard me loud and clear.”
“that's your solution?”
“well, yeah. if your friend sucks then i'll just steal you instead.” you can almost hear him grinning, and if he turned his camera on you're sure he would be.
it only takes a second to make up your mind.
“you know what, sure. i have nothing better to do anyway.”
so, the next day you go.
you almost turn around three separate times before even making it inside the gym.
you spot oikawa through the open doors and unfortunately remember how attractive he is. great.
he's standing in the middle of the court when he notices you. one second he's talking to one of his teammates, the next his whole face changes and he straightens up so fast, like a dog spotting its owner in public.
you barely have time to process that (did he just do that?) before somebody else notices too.
“oi.”
a guy near the net squints at you for a moment, then his eyes widen. “wait.”
you pause awkwardly near the entrance, hovering and not sure if you're supposed to go in or not.
another guy turns around at the tone of his voice and immediately points at you. “NO WAY.”
your stomach drops instantly, because why do they look like they recognize you??
“that's them, isn't it?” the first guy says.
“the phone person?” another one blurts out loudly.
you choke. “sorry, the what?”
oikawa visibly pales.
“mattsun,” he yells, horrified. “WHY WOULD YOU CALL THEM THAT.”
“because that's literally what you call them,” the guy – mattsun, apparently – says flatly.
“not to their face–”
you stare at him, expression beginning to turn amused.
“..phone person?” you repeat slowly.
silence for about four seconds, then another teammate snorts. “yeah, because you were ‘mysterious phone neighbor’ for like, months.”
your brain completely stalls.. “months?” you echo.
oikawa closes his eyes like he's in physical pain.
“okay,” he says carefully, already walking toward you, “before they start exaggerating–”
“you literally talked about them every day,” someone cuts in.
“alright, that is such a lie–”
“you asked us if using two exclamation marks looked desperate.”
“i-”
“you made iwaizumi read over your texts once,” mattsun adds with a lazy smirk.
you whip your head toward him so fast your neck almost cracks, eyes wide and glaring. “you what?”
oikawa looks genuinely cornered now, holding up his hands sheepishly. “in my defense, i didn’t know if saying goodnight twice was too clingy.”
you stare at him blankly.
and it hits you then, that this idiot has apparently been talking about you to his teammates for months while you thought you were just some random person he texted when he got bored.
now you can't even properly make fun of him for it!
oikawa stops in front of you, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly like he did the first time you met face to face. “listen, they're making it sound worse than it is.”
“you made your teammates help you text me?”
“once..”
“three times,” somebody corrects from the back.
“nobody asked you.”
you bite the inside of your cheek hard trying not to laugh, but ever so observant, oikawa he notices the moment you do.
his eyes narrow. “don’t.” that only makes it worse.
“you were workshopping your texts?” you manage between chortles.
“okay, wow,” he says, looking betrayed. “this is a vulnerable moment for me, you know? don't rub it in.”
you lose it a little after that, enough that a laugh slips out before you can stop it.
and the thing is, the second it does, oikawa just.. stares at you, like he forgot there are other people in the room.
the way he's just looking at you causes your laugh to falter, and the two of you lock eyes for a long moment until he clears his throat.
“l/n-”
and the moment is gone when someone smacks the back of oikawa's head while walking past.
“quit flirting and practice,” the guy says bluntly, prompty smacking him again but harder.
“OW– iwa-chan!”
you laugh again, louder this time, and oikawa turns toward you looking extremely offended.
“you're enjoying this way too much.”
“because it’s funny.”
“my suffering should not amuse you.”
“your suffering is the funniest thing about you sorry to say.”
he gasps like you've personally stabbed him in the chest, then points dramatically. “see? this is what i deal with.”
you roll your eyes affectionately and cross your arms. “you love me, really,” you say offhandedly.
oikawa's ears dust a bright red.
it doesn't occur to you how important he's becoming to you until oikawa slowly starts disappearing.
it starts as slower replies, missing calls, and shorter messages. you tell yourself he's busy.
until nothing at all.
you
hey.
you alive?
seen
and oikawa always replies – even if it's just to be annoying.
three days later, he finally texts.
pretty boy oikawa..
sorry
been busy
and that's it. your stomach sinks.
you
everything okay?
pretty boy oikawa..
yeah dw about it
which is an obvious lie, but every time you try asking after that, he just brushes it off.
eventually you just stop asking.
you find out through social media; some volleyball account posts clips from a tournament.
the caption says:
‘aoba johsai eliminated after intense semifinal loss’.
that's oikawa's team.
and it all makes sense now. you stare at your screen, and immediately text him.
no answer, so you call.
straight to voicemail.
and you don't have to think before grabbing your stuff and heading out where you think he's most likely to be.
the gym is dead silent when you arrive, lights dim.
you almost think he's not there and are prepared to leave until you hear a volleyball bouncing somewhere inside.
you follow the sound, and find him alone.
he doesn’t notice you at first – he seems to be serving repeatedly at the far wall, hard enough that the impact echoes through the gym.
again
again
again
agai-
“oikawa.”
he freezes, and the ball rolls away slowly across the floor.
for a second he just stands there with his back to you, then laughs quietly.
except it sounds wrong, forced and twisted and sounds so unnatural coming out of the brown haired boy.
“you, ah- weren’t supposed to see this.”
your throat tightens, and oikawa finally turns around.
and oh,
he looks awful. eyes tired, eyebags hanging, smile plastered on and barely there.
“why didn't you tell me?” you ask softly.
oikawa shrugs like you're not even there, not worth talking to you. his shoulders hang low, drooping. “didn't really feel like talking.”
“you.. disappeared.”
“sorry.” he says lightly, like it doesn't matter.
you step closer, footstep sounding loudly against the wooden floorboards and state, “you lost one match.” not gentle.
his jaw tightens, eyes fiery. “it wasn't just one match.”
right. of course it wasn't.
for him, volleyball is everything.
you suddenly remember all those late night calls, all the pressure he puts on himself every single day, all the moments where he'd laugh something off before changing the subject too quickly. all the times he acted overly confident like he was trying to convince himself just as much as everyone else. that maybe, just maybe, if he stopped moving for even a second, everything would finally catch up to him.
then, quietly, he murmurs, “i'm so tired.”
and oikawa never says things like that. he complains dramatically all the time, sure, but never seriously. never in a way that sounds this honest. this exhausted.
you don't know what to do. standing there suddenly feels awkward, and maybe you shouldn't have come after all, like maybe this is something private and ugly and painful and hurting that he never wanted you seeing.
but then he laughs again under his breath, except it still sounds wrong, jagged around the edges, and you realise he's waiting for you to treat this like a joke so he can pretend he's fine again.
instead, you walk toward him slowly until you're close enough to see how his shoulders shaking.
his eyes flick up to yours, surprised.
you could melt, drown in them and be happy.
so before you can think too hard about it, you wrap your arms around him.
oikawa goes completely still like his brain short circuited, like he wasn't expecting comfort from you at all. you can feel the sharp inhale he takes against your shoulder, and for one horrible second you wonder if you crossed a line.
then his arms wrap around you, leaning in and burying his head into your shoulder.
he's still shaking.
you close your eyes. “hey,” you mumble quietly.
he lets out this weak little laugh, muffled into your shoulder. “don't. this is kinda embarrassing for me.”
“i don't care.”
“i do.”
“good thing this isn't about you then.” you wince; maybe that wasn't the right thing to say.
thankfully, another laugh escapes him at that, and he doesn't let go. if anything, oikawa's grip tightens more, fingers bunching in the back of your hoodie like he's afraid you'll disappear if he loosens his hold even slightly.
the gym is completely silent around the two of you now except for the faint buzzing of the overhead lights.
after a long moment, he says in a tiny voice, “i really wanted to win.”
and god, that hurts.
he feels so painfully human. just a boy who wanted something so badly and still couldn't reach it.
you embrace him tighter. “i know.”
he exhales shakily. “i hate losing.”
“i know.”
another pause. then he mutters against your shoulder, again. “oh, you're gonna think i'm pathetic after this.”
you pull back immediately just enough to glare up at him. “don't say that.”
“i'm serious. i'm literally standing here having a breakdown over volleyball.”
“yeah,” you answer, frowning. “because it matters to you.”
his expression shifts. the exhaustion is still there, heavy under his eyes, but something else slips through now too. surprise, maybe. or relief. like he expected you to brush this off the same way he always tries to.
instead you're still here.
oikawa stares at you for a long minute before speaking again. “you came all the way here.”
you blink. “obviously.”
“why obviously?”
you open your mouth automatically, ready to answer, but nothing comes out.
why obviously?
because hearing he lost made your stomach drop.
because the thought of him sitting here alone hurt worse than it should have.
because over the last few months, he somehow became the first person you want to tell things to. the first notification you look for when your phone lights up. the person you think about constantly without even trying or wanting to.
because somewhere along the way, you fell in love with him.
oh.
oh no.
your face must give something away because his entire face changes.
“l/n-chan?”
you can’t breathe properly all of a sudden.
this is bad.
actually terrifying.
because what if you ruin this? what if you care too much? what if all the flirting and jokes meant more to you than they ever did to him?
“hey,” he says again.
oikawa's hand lifts hesitantly, fingertips brushing against your sleeve as if he's not fully sure you'll let him.
“what happened?”
you stare at him helplessly, and apparently that's enough.
his eyes widen slightly before cracking in a way that completely wrecks you.
“oh,” is the only thing that comes out, his mouth an ‘o’ shape.
“don't,” you blurt out before he can say anything else.
oikawa blinks. “don't what?”
“make it weird.”
“make what weird?”
you gesture vaguely between the two of you, mortified. “this.”
oikawa merely looks at you. then the corners of his mouth lift a little.
“a bit too little too late for that.” ayo laufey reference
your throat burns, and it hurts to swallow. “oikawa–”
“i think i started liking you the first time you insulted me.”
now it's your turn to stare at him. “huh?”
he smiles weakly. “you called me grandma.”
despite everything, a laugh bubbles out of you. “that's your romantic origin story?”
“don't judge me,” he mutters. “i was charmed. you were charming.”
you shake your head, still laughing breathlessly, and when you do something in his expression relaxes. maybe he was nervous too, and that maybe he thought imagined the whole thing.
oikawa reaches for you again, giving you enough time to pull away if you want to.
you don't.
his arms wrap around you, almost cautiously now, like you're something fragile in his eyes. you can hear his heartbeat through his thin shirt, fast enough to make warmth spread through your chest.
“hey,” he murmurs into your hair after a while. “are you.. crying?”
“no, shut up.”
“this might be the best day of my life.”
you laugh wetly into his chest. “you're so annoying.”
“yeah,” he says gently, tilting your chin up to gaze into your eyes. “but you like me anyway.”
when oikawa pulls back, he's smiling properly for the first time since you got there. tired still, but smiling. his eyes flick down toward your mouth for a split second before darting back up again, and he looks.. nervous.
is he.. is he going to–
“..can i kiss you,” oikawa asks carefully, “or are you gonna bite me.”
you blink at him in disbelief. “that is genuinely the worst thing you could've said.”
“sorry,” he says immediately. “i got i want to kiss you disease.”
you snort, heart melting on the spot at the same time.
because this is oikawa. loud, confident, obnoxious oikawa who flirts with literally everyone without blinking. and somehow, he's standing in front of you looking like the answer really matters to him.
so before you can overthink it anymore, you grab the front of his hoodie and kiss him.
he makes a startled sound against your mouth before kissing you back instantly, one hand coming up to cup your face like he's scared you'll disappear halfway through it.
truthfully, a kiss worthy of the fairytales.
and when you pull away, oikawa's staring at you like he just won the lottery.
“wow,” he breathes. “i- wow.”
you point a warning finger at him. “don't start.”
“you're literally in love with me.”
“you love me more though.”
oikawa's grin widens so fast, almost blinding.
“hey, y/n-chan?”
“what.”
“remember when you hoped i wasn't a forty five year old man?”
you groan so loudly it echoes through the gym, and oikawa laughs hard enough that he has to lean against you to stay standing.
hearing that sound again feels like finally being able to breathe.
you wake up to your phone vibrating nonstop against your mattress. you're surprised it isn't leaping into the air.
still half asleep, you blindly grab it, fumbling and squinting at the brightness.
tooru 🤍
good morning my amazingly amazing significant other >’v’<
hm that sounds off
sorry sorry
good morning situationship
that sounds worse actually
ignore that you're not my situationship..
i love you
good morning love of my life
good morning DARLING ;))
you drop your face back into your pillow, groaning. he’s so endearing.
another text follows.
tooru 🤍
HELLO???
are you ignoring me
this relationship is so toxic
you
oh my god shut up
why are you awake
tooru 🤍
i’m experiencing great joy and whimsy!
darling
you reacted 😐 to this message
you
tone it down a little
tooru 🤍
never
dating oikawa turns out to be exactly as exhausting – in a good way — as you expected, now that he’s officially decided you're his person.
he gets dramatically offended if you take too long to answer texts (“i’m your top priority!”) he throws himself across your shoulders whenever he sees you after practice like he's been separated from you for years instead of six hours (“reunited at last!”). he complains constantly that you ‘don’t compliment him enough’, despite the fact you called him beautiful once and he looked so emotional about it for the rest of the day.
but there are quieter things too, things he does without noticing.
saving the seat next to him automatically, and walking on the outside of the sidewalk. tugging you closer absentmindedly whenever crowds get too big like it’s second nature, and falling asleep on calls because he says your voice helps him unwind and relax after practice.
one afternoon, while you're sitting across from oikawa in a café, you zone out so badly you don't even realise he's talking to you until he flicks your forehead lightly.
“ow? what was that for??”
“you're doing the thing again,” oikawa replies, chin in his hands and elbows propped on the table as he gazes at you with those eyes you could drown in.
you blink twice. “what thing?”
“the overthinking thing!”
“uh, that’s not helpful at all,” you grin, amused, stirring your tea. the scent wafts up, drifting into your nose, and you inhale deeply.
“is it not true?”
oikawa reaches across the table, hooking his fingers loosely around yours. he’s been doing that quite a lot lately.
“what’s going on in that scary little brain?” he asks, tracing little shapes onto the back of your hand. imagine he wrote will you marry me lmao
you hesitate before shrugging nonchalantly. “nothing.”
oikawa frowns, stopping his thumb movements and causing you to jut out your bottom lip. “you know you don't always have to do that, right?”
“do what?”
“pretend everything's fine before you've figured out if it actually is.”
you look away toward the café window, a little annoyed.
“you do that too. and i just don't wanna ruin stuff.”
“ruin what stuff? y/n, darling-”
you gesture between the two of you.
oikawa stares at you for a second before snorting.
you narrow your eyes at him. “tooru. what now?”
“sorry,” he says, already laughing. “i just remembered you literally texted me because a forty-five-year-old blocked you.”
you groan, drawing it out as you thud your head down on the table. “can you stop reminding me? my gosh, that was ages ago.”
“and now we’re here.”
his thumb brushes lightly over your knuckles.
“you're not gonna ruin us, idiot.”
us.
like there's never been another option.
a week later, you discover he has screenshots of your texts saved.
“YOU SAVED THESE?”
oikawa, sprawled comfortably across your bed, looks completely unashamed. “of course i did!”
“why.”
“because they’re cute, why else?”
“they are not cute.”
he gasps dramatically before turning on his phone and reading one aloud.
“‘go away you're literally annoying.’ wow. true romance right there.”
you immediately lunge for his phone while he yelps and nearly falls off the bed cackling.
“give it!”
“never!”
“tooru–”
“wait wait, this one's my favorite.” his voice softens slightly while he reads. “‘text me when you get home okay?’”
you stop moving. you remember sending that, late at night after practice when he sounded exhausted over the phone and you got worried.
but you didn't realise how much it meant to him.
oikawa glances up at you with his stupidly fond little smile.
“that was one of the first times i thought i was completely screwed.”
whenever oikawa has a game, he never directly asks you to come. instead, he send things like:
tooru 🤍
match tomorrow btw
you
okay
tooru 🤍
okay???
thats all???
you
good luck?
tooru 🤍
woah i can really feel the support
you reacted 😊 to this message
it's worth it, though, when you show up regardless, and his entire face lights up as he spots you in the stands.
like he's surprised someone came for him specifically, even though he has a million fangirls that giggle his name.
oikawa only cares about you.
naturally, iwaizumi talks to you first about it.
one day after practice he falls into step beside you while oikawa's distracted arguing with kyotani, probably about something stupid.
“thanks,” iwaizumi says suddenly.
your brow furrows, and you turn your head. “er- for what?”
“for dealing with him.”
you snicker. “that sounds concerning.”
“oh, you have no idea.” he has an exasperated expression on his face, but then it shifts. “he's happier lately.”
before you can answer, oikawa appears out of nowhere and throws himself dramatically over your shoulders.
“iwa-chan, are you talking shit about me?”
“always.” iwaizumi deadpans.
oikawa gasps mockingly. “fake friend.”
“shittykawa.”
“shittyzumi.” then oikawa turns to you pleadingly. “save me.”
“nah. go on, iwaizumi. how many others you got?”
“no!”
it's funny how one stupid, impulsive text at two in the morning somehow flipped your entire life around – now your days are full of him. oikawa. your boyfriend. it still feels surreal to say.
his voice. his laugh. his constant whining. his hand finding yours automatically.
oikawa loves loudly, openly, like he's physically incapable of hiding it. he talks about you constantly, drapes himself all over you every chance he gets, looks at you like you're the best thing he’s ever found.
one night after practice, the two of you end up lying on the floor of his bedroom while he complains dramatically about training.
“i'm dying,” oikawa groans, letting his long legs flop over your stomach.
“you said that half an hour ago.” you half-heartedly attempt to push his legs off, to no avail.
“it's a slow death.”
you snort quietly, glancing over at him. his hair's still damp from his shower and there's a bruise forming near his knee.
you reach over and brush your fingers lightly against his hand, and he immediately intertwines your fingers together without even opening his eyes.
automatic, like breathing.
“hey,” he says after a minute.
“hm?”
oikawa lowers his arm to stare at you properly before smiling brightly.
“thanks for texting me after. imagine if you’d only texted the forty five year ol–”
you burst out into a fit of laughter. “oh my god–”
he grins sleepily before rubbing his thumb absentmindedly across your knuckles just like he likes to do.
“seriously, though,” he says more softly. “meeting you kinda changed everything for me.”
pursing your lips, you murmur, “that's disgustingly cheesy.”
“yeah?”
“yeah. for me too, though.”
“aww.”
you squeeze his hand tighter, smiling helplessly. “good thing you answered, then.”
“best decision i've ever made.” followed by, because he physically cannot stay serious for more than ten consecutive seconds:
“also, thank goodness i'm hot.”
you grumble and shove his face away while he laughs hard enough to nearly fall onto the floor completely. sadly, he didn't and his heavy as fuck legs are still laying on you.
tooru 🤍
i love you my number neighbour
you
i love you too my number neighbour that isn’t the forty five year old man 😚
tooru 🤍
you ruined it 😠
you
EMOJI
tooru 🤍
so what
anyway what if i text MY other number neighbour
you
oikaw fucking tooru
tooru 🤍
OKAY
you liked this message
“tooru?”
“yes, my darling?”
“why are we texting when we're right next to eachother?”
oikawa smirks at you. “romance.”
i wrote this on google docs so the quotation marks look so different.. but anyway fucking hell that was a ride to write!! sorry, kat. i tried to make it 6.7k words for you but there was so much i wanted to fit in there so it ended up um exceeding that by 2k 😚
a/n: the end of have, do, will – if slowburns aren’t your thing, this can be read as a one shot :)
content: angst
word count: 4.4k+
[ oikawa x reader, iwaizumi x reader ]
part one. | part two.
–––––
On the corner of the first street, Oikawa Tooru stands with one hand in his pocket and the other low at his side, a gift bag held limply in his fingers by the paper handles that hang dryly onto his sweaty palm. The spring sun is beating down against him in his button-up dress shirt. He’s in slacks and some nice sneakers, a little scuffed on the edges but still fairly new. His hair is swept neatly to the side as usual and he put on cologne this morning. Not the one he usually wears day-to-day, but the next best one after that. He hopes it’ll be enough.
