UNORTHODOX.

A DREAMER. FRUSTRATED SINGER, WRITER AND FASHIONISTA. follow me on twitter & instagram:@clarissaleah

[clarissaleah]

Gusto ko

Gusto kong mawala lahat ng sakit Ng pait,na bumabalot sa akin, gabi-gabi, sa aking pagtulog na tanging sandalan ko ay ang mga unan At kinabukasan, hindi na nanaising muling sumikat ang araw, sapagkat gusto kong mawala Ang kirot, na dulot, ng paglisan mo sa akin sa kabila ng lahat, binigay ko Binuhos ko ang buong panahon, na ngayon ay nasayang lang, Sayang lang dahil hindi na muling maghahawak ang ating mga kamay, hindi na tayo ang magkaramay sa lungkot, sa saya, sa mga sandaling hindi mo ipagpapalit At ngayon ay gusto kong mawala ang galit, Ang poot sa puso kong wala ng iba pang gustong maramdaman kundi ang mawala lahat ng alaala na pwede ko pang gamitin upang kumapit, upang lumapit sayo, Iiwas ako, liliko ako sa landas kung saan hindi patungo sa’yo, papalayo sa tahanan mong minsan nang naging tagpuan, taguan kapag may tampuhan, Kaya gusto kong mawala at maglahong bigla, kung saan ikaw ay wala, kung saan ako’y malaya Mag-isa, na tanging hawak ko lamang ay ang pag-asa, na ang gagawin ko lamang ay ang umasa Na lahat ay mawawala, mababaon sa limot at lahat ay maghihilom Ang mga sugat, na dati ay ang isa’t isa ang lunas, ngayon ay gagaling pagdating ng bukas, Ang bukas na hindi na tayo magkasama, na hindi na tayo ang haharap at sabay na titingin sa alapaap Kaya’t sa huli, gusto kong mawala ang mga katagang “tayo”, na ikaw ay lilipas, dadaan  na tila walang nakaraan Na ang matitira na lamang ay ako, buo, sa piling ng iba, sa mga yakap na hindi ko gugustuhing makawala.

[clarissaleah]

There are adversities in life that seem to be insurmountable. You'd feel weak, you'd feel like it's probably best to just throw in the towel. But in times that you find yourself in dire straits, just look back and see how far you have come and how stronger you have become. Take pride in it, carry on and however clichè this may sound, remember that when the going gets tough, the tough get going!

[clarissaleah]

Upos

Takot akong  muling sumikat ang araw ‘Pagkat ang sakit ay muling mangingibabaw Dadaloy ang luha’t patuloy na manunungaw At ang kalungkutan ay minsan pang papalahaw

Kapgkadaka’y muli kong mararamdaman Ang paghampas ng hapdi at ng kabiguan Mga sugat na sa akin ay iyong iniwan Kalian nga kaya maghihilom nang lubusan?

Takot akong muling dumating ang bukas Baka pagpintig ng puso’y tuluyang magwakas Nangangambang magapos sa mga naiwang bakas Sa mga piraso ng kahapong baon  ay pahimakas

[clarissaleah]

A Mnemonic Sonnet

When you are in doubt And don’t know the way out Let yourself be a scout Then you will surely win the bout

When you are in fear And the world seems so unclear Let God be your spear Then only His words, you’ll definitely hear

When you are in trouble And feel like you will tumble Let your strength be ample Then not a thing will certainly fumble

When you are in sorrow And not ready for tomorrow Let go of that dark shadow Then bliss will undoubtedly follow

Life may be so cruel and tough But remember that not all roads are rough You sometimes think your best is not enough Have you forgotten? There’s no other way but up!

[clarissaleah]

Paranoia

I’m 24. And I don’t frigging care! I’ve been trying to convince myself for five days now that I’m not really worried that I got another year older. Why should I be pressured to have savings? To tick more things off on my bucket list? To start laying long term plans for the future?  Like, I just don't care about these AT ALL...

Oh wait! Am I talking to myself here? I think I just blurted out everything that’s been running through my mind. But you’re with me on this, right? Getting old makes us all a paranoid slash over thinker slash off one’s rocker human being. When we are getting on in years, we always tend to foresee the future despite the fact that we can’t.  And it’s crazy. The idea of not knowing what’s in store for us and what’s waiting for us on the other side of the road terrifies us, it horrifies ME. It sometimes makes me wish that birthdays do not exist (those who love celebrating, don't be a hater, I said “sometimes” aight?). I feel like as I get older, I have to do and accomplish more things; that I have to have more.

Until I realized that growing old is not just about the pressure that the future brings, it also another reason for me to be grateful for how good the past year has been. Yes, there had been ups and downs, tears of laughter and pain, fear and excitement and it wasn’t definitely a walk in the park. I was heartbroken, I almost had a detour on my career path, I was financially incapable of supporting my family and I was spiritually down.  But despite all of that, our Lord God made this year a very memorable and significant one. During those times that I felt helpless, he just proved that once he put me to it, he’ll surely get me through it. He gave me the opportunity to work here in Dubai, which opened the doors of more happiness, learning and experiences that shaped me into a better version of His creation. I've met new friends, became part of new families, and most importantly, I was given the chance to know more about HIM. (all of these are courtesy of my soul sister ). And I am beyond thankful for I had been blessed. God’s plans for me were wonderfully laid out.

Now that I am starting another journey of this longest ride so called life, I can say that the past has strengthened me enough to walk into the future. Yes, I may need more savings, I may need to try new things and I may have to plan for tomorrow, but I don’t care. I can do all of these. I don’t have to be troubled growing old. I have nothing to fear for I am with HIM.

So yes, I am 24 and I don’t frigging care!

also on https://villanuevaclarissa.wordpress.com/

[clarissaleah]

Nope you're not having a delusion, this building is really twisted! 😉 Gives us another reason to marvel at Dubai 👌👏👍 (at Cayan Twisted Tower Marina)

[clarissaleah]

Na Parang Bula.

“May mga bagay na dati-rati sanay tayong ginagawa, tapos bigla na lang mawawala” Mahirap no? Pero minsan hindi natin namamalayan may iba na pala tayong nakasanayan, na may ibang bagay na pala tayong mas napagtutuunan ng pansin.

Naalala ko dati, hilig ko magbasa. Yung kung ano ano lang, dyaryo, libro, blogs, articles, pocketbooks (oo yung precious hearts romance). Tapos biglang nawala. Siguro kasi simula nung nauso ang Facebook, Instagram mas pinili kong ilaan yung oras ko sa pag browse,pakikipag chat at  pag stalk (uy ikaw din diba? :D ). Hanggang sa hndi ko na namalayan, mas sanay na pala akong gawin yun.

Naalala ko din dati, hilig ko  magsayaw. Hndi ako magaling ha, wag kayong ene jen. Tanda niyo ba yung Angelina? Wag nyong sabihing hindi niyo sinayaw yun. Yung nasa kapitbahay ako nun tapos narinig ko sa radyo yun ang tinutugtog, kumaripas ako ng takbo para maabutan ko yung kanta. Nakahanda na yung cassette tape, nakasalang na at “Record” button na lang ang pipindutin.Then Voila! May track na ako ng Angelina, na araw araw kong pinatugtog hanggang sa makabuo ako ng steps.  Pagkatapos malalaman ko na lang pwede pala mag download sa internet. Saklap ng buhay.  Tapos hindi ko na sya naging hilig bigla. Hanggang sa hindi ko na ulit namalayan, mas gusto ko na lang maupo o humiga kesa gumalaw. Hindi na ako sanay.

Naalala ko pa dati, hilig ko mag sulat. May diary pa ako nun, dun ko sinusulat lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Emo na pala ako bata pa lang. Sumasali din ako ng mga essay writing contests (hindi ko lang tanda kung nanalo ba ako), myembro din ako ng school paper namin. Nung college naman, dun ko nadiskubre ang Tumblr, araw araw ako nagbabasa ng mga blogs nuon. Minsan nagsusulat din ako ng sa akin, pa peymus ba. Pero kung anu anu lang maisulat ko, mga ginagawa ko araw araw, rants ko sa pagiging tambay sa bahay at sa paulit ulit na ginagawa ko sa buhay. Yung tipong magamit lang ang freedom of expression. Tapos bigla syang nahinto, biglang hindi ko na sya kayang gawin. Hanggang sa namalayan ko na lang, mas sanay na pala akong makibasa na lang ng sulat ng iba.

Nakakalungkot, kasi lahat alaala ko na lang. Na lahat nasa isip ko na lang at hindi ko na ginagawa. Wala namang masama sa paggawa ko nun, pero bakit ko tinigil? Pero bakit ko hinayaang sanayin ang sarili ko na wala ang mga bagay na yun. Minsan naisip ko nga, bigla na lang ba talaga nawala o pinili ko lang talagang pakawalan? Hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na. Hanggang sa may iba na akong nakasanayan. Tapos bigla ulit mawawala.

[clarissaleah]

Hope never leaves. Oftentimes the difficulties we face make it seem as if hope has abandoned us. But it never leaves;it's always there, ready for us to embrace ☺👍🌇

[clarissaleah]

Basics. 👕👖👟👌

[clarissaleah]

Ow ow teeh deyhh 😄👠👒👜👓

[clarissaleah]

Dress down Thursday #ootd #white #red #blue #basics

[clarissaleah]

Isaw in Dubai! Oh how i miss kwek-kwek and kikiam too! :( #streetfood #onlyintheph #cravings

[clarissaleah]

#thegoodquote #quotes #life #worththewait

[clarissaleah]

Once upon a cold night. :) #juiceworld #avocadonight

[clarissaleah]

I'm not a coffee lover but the cold weather made me sip a big cup of this. :| #bedweather #winter #coffee #sb #iwannasleepmore

[clarissaleah]

Happiness is a state of mind. It is not a consequence of things that happen. Do not pursue happiness-practice it. Sing even if you dont sound good. Smile even if things go wrong. Create happiness and happy you will be :) #life #notetoself #happiness #choices

[clarissaleah]

"Dont forget your worth,when you do,you'll lose what you deserve" #drama #emo #quotes #feelubgblogger #ootd