It was fun while it lasted.
It seems like this community evolved to the point that if there’s not a murder a day among OCs, it’s pretty much boring and uneventful. It seems like the fact people have so many OCs is to subconsciously prepare themselves for when one of them is going to get brutally murdered, it’ll mostly be one out of many.
When I first arrived, which was a few months ago or so, I remember it was really fun and a lot of cute and silly RPs. I live for the fun, fluff and silliness. Of course I liked having occasional angst, but there is a need of a balance between all that for roleplaying to be a good experience.
Yet, at some point, angst-and-murder army arrived. I have a very hard time understanding what need do you have to kill off your characters, make them suffer, all of that. I guess I can’t relate because each of my guys have a part of myself, and killing/hurting one of them would be killing/hurting a part of myself, somehow.
I guess it’s just because I’m too much of a coward to do that. But I live for happy endings and good, balanced stuff. Of course, I’m not saying all I see is angst, yes there is fluff, yes there is sin, yes sometimes it’s just neutral, introductory RPs, but the quantity of angst that you see is incredible. Under that much pressure, some characters would probably die from stress under real circumstances! Imagine if it was you put in these situations, would you even be able to stand it!?
It turned out to have too much angst in the end and I don’t feel like at my place anymore. Now I understand why I suddenly dropped out for a day or two, and even with my slow comeback, I still can’t get myself to get this roleplaying vibe I had before.
I feel restricted, I feel I have to fit in some sort of model to be able to fully integrate myself in the community. I don’t have this feeling of freedom I had in the past. But it’s probably my fault for being unable to accept the tendencies of the community. After all, that’s what you get for being in a DR-one where murders are indeed the main point of the series.
That said, I’m going officially on a hiatus. I’m not sure what I will do. Go back soon, not so soon, never go back, delete this blog, I don’t know. But it’s time for me to reconsider what I’m doing and see what I can do myself to improve my roleplaying experience and get back this feeling I had back when I was in the Kagepro fandom for a while. (It was really fun, but then suddenly I dropped everything out of boredom, dunno why)
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