black-coffee

just a writer, artist, and pansexual witch. user is 22.

[classic-crackhead]

FÍLI 'DYSON' DÍSSON X AUTISTIC, MODERN?, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER

(based on my experience being autistic)

•he writes pretty notes with fancy old english words that make up very eloquent prose about you, and slips one in your pocket or hand whenever you two have to be separated for any amount of time

•the problem is that they're written in dwarvish font

•so instead of leaving you something you can glance at and find comfort in, he essentially leaves you a riddle

•so you're just holding it at a distance so you can see it better (or close if you have nearer sight XD)

•just squinting at it, mouth downturned like an old man, while slowly reading each word out like a 3rd grader until you get the whole message

•'is that an h, or a k? is that a g, or a p??? is it a q??? q wouldn't make sense-'

•whats even more maddening is that their regular, common penmanship is equally as difficult to read as their 'oops common isn't cirth' penmanship

•fíli and kíli aren't great at writing in common

•but especially kíli because fíli at least had to undergo more prince training as the heir

•so fíli constantly pinballs between the tightknit, sprawling cursive-esque writing, and the etched-in sort of claws-on-a-tree looking mix of common letters/words in cirth font

•but kíli constantly writes in a mixture of both and it's absolutely horrific to look at

•if fíli writes you a long letter in common, you have to get a chair and a cup of tea or coffee just to force yourself to have the patience

•and also the handy codex

•'thats an r, right?' 'thats an s, lass' 'what?'

•but if kíli writes you a long letter in common, you need the rosetta stone, a representative from the blue mountain- bofur or balin will work in a pinch- and a fucking prayer

•you read one of kíli's hurried notes too fast and you'll get motion sickness

•he can write normally, and with perfectly readable penmanship

•he just never slows down long enough to do so, and he's also of the opinion that unless it's a love note or a letter to his mother, editing or rewriting doesn't exist ever

•won't even reread what he wrote, much less make it legible or edit it

•writes at mach speed in like 7 different conformed fonts because he keeps forgetting which one he's using, the sentence lines are blurring into each other a bit, and without fail very few of the letters look the same throughout, making it very difficult to read even for those who know all the components

•this man only sees the letter or word he's writing at that second

•once he's on to the next one, there is no looking back, not even to make sure he's still writing in cursive

•fíli actually leaves you fully cirth notes sometimes, forgetting that you don't actually know cirth yet

•but fear not

•you asked balin to write you a codex for the cirth alphabet on a piece of cloth, and whenever fíli leaves you one of those, you just take out the piece of fabric and decode

•if you're around 5' tall, he just- forgets you're not a dwarrowdam

•and will write you extensive notes in cirth, especially when you never bring it to his attention that he's doing it

•between this, and any and all forms of written instructions from the others being written in cirth, you accidentally learn how to write cirth before you learn how to speak khuzdul

•and you accidentally learn how to speak ancient khuzdul because you watched bifur sign, and wanted to understand him

•'im real good at charades' you tell yourself, regardless of if you are or not

•you accidentally learn iglishmêk (essentially dwarrow sign language) by watching bifur signing and using a charades style method of determining what he was saying, cross referencing it with the spelling for each of the words he did say, and then using your knowledge of cirth to figure it out

•you can't say you couldn't, because autism+long periods of nothing to do+a language you can't understand+a friend who only communicates in that language (and a little helping of a pressured situation aka the quest for erebor)- I am SURE you would be able to figure it out eventually, even if no one teaches you

•you have a journal you started writing it in

•bilbo is stressed, and you just translate what bifur was saying, and everyone looks at you as if you've grown a second head

•thorin can't say he's too pleased with you managing to sleuth three of their languages that they don't like outsiders knowing

•but he does have to admit he's extremely impressed

•probably makes you learn 'the proper way' with the excuse that if you're gonna know it, he's not gonna listen to you butcher it

•thats regardless of if you're usually good with accents, because he can't admit that you've learned it perfectly

•and that you've learned the ancient version no less

•balin takes it upon himself to teach you the 'modern' version

•showers you with praise and is very gentle in his corrections and reteaching

•fíli once panicked because you were completely zoned out, staring into space

•stood in front of you but you just stared through him

•you occasionally chuckle or smile or frown, and fíli is just SO concerned

•eventually shakes you and you just slowly blink and look at him

•'what?'

•as if you just missed the very last thing he said

•everyone begins to believe you glimpse into some form of beyond whenever you do that

•kinds freaks them out

•you probably do it often on longer horse rides when you've been walking or horseback riding for a little too long and thinking turns into 'peering into the beyond' for extended periods of time

•everybody watches out for you whenever you do it, but some of them really wish you'd stop, cause it's concerning

•fíli is pretty good at adjusting to new circumstances, so I don't think it would bother him

•one time, gloín gave you a big celebratory hug

•and your back popped like 7 times

•everyone looks at you with the most horrified expressions you ever seen

•gloín sets you down very gently on a rock

•he is convinced he's broken your back

•everyone hovers

•ori is crying

•gloín's hands shake with the horror of what he's just done

•thorin supports you with a hand around your bicep

•kíli supports your other side and fíli holds your hand and tells you you're gonna be alright

•gloín is apologizing profusely

•a whole group is father medical supplies and herbs

•dori is in hysterics

•oín is looking at your back, pressing his hand there to feel which vertebrae have been shattered

•you try to explain that it's just cause you've been sitting too long

•your reassurances fall on deaf ears- quite literally for oín

•they may be convinced that you didn't break your back, but they will still insist you put a healing balm on it- to be applied liberally every hour on the hour

•thorin carries your pack and won't give it back until he's convinced you're healed

•you try to prove it was nothing by popping several of your other bones, such as fingers, shoulders, knee, and neck

•you basically just get a bunch of panicked, screaming and crying dwarrow

•even dwalin is as close to hysterics as dwalin gets

•if you're lucky enough not to get carried for the next 3 miles, they're trying real hard to understand how your bones just do that

•they do not appreciate your 'haha my thumb can touch my wrist' trick

•dori, nori, and ori haven't left hysterics

•dori actually smacked gloín's arm several times like an irritated movie mother

•'you oaf! you senseless boar! you've broken her!'

•if you're wondering where bilbo is, he fainted when you popped your neck

•and also fíli is holding his hands gently around your neck as if he's afraid your head will pop right off your shoulders

•aka he's trying to brace your neck

•thorin is bracing your shoulder as if you've just dislocated it on will, and kíli has already field-wrapped the knee you popped, tears freely flowing down his face

[classic-crackhead]

i love the idea that gandalf just knows things as much as the next tolkien-verse enthusiast, and that he pairs people on quests because of their promising future as companions

but I much prefer the idea that he has 0 idea how they'll get along whatsoever, and that he actually kinda hopes they don't cause he thinks it'll be hilarious

so when you complain about the person or people he set you up on this quest with, and he gives you that mysterious 'all will turn out' speech through the pipeweed smoke, I can never view it as a speech of encouragement, but rather as a speech of 'you lot are gonna fuck shit up together, and I love that for you'

but then the group he chooses just continuously gets along better than he expected and they actually start making things annoying for him too, and that's why he spends so much more time with the fellowship than thorin's company

because he set up a hobbit to join a band of dwarrow, but in the second one a bunch of other beings pledged allegiance to the hobbit he chose

and he really didn't intend to choose frodo, cause he still felt horrible that he caused bilbo irreversible PTSD as a hobbit social experiment

so gandalf's relationship to the hobbits basically boils down to someone with lots of worldly knowledge and a love of w33d stumbling upon a very large rabbit warren and going 'oh look how organized and natural everything is, I love the smell of barely concealed, structurized anxiety, and also they grow REALLY GOOD HERB'

he makes a habit of pushing hobbits out of their comfort zones because they continuously prove resilient and hardy, but failed to realize that he was actively giving them PTSD

I mean- he probably was the reason bullroarer took was in that battle in the first place, let's just be honest here

everyone talks about how the tooks are irresponsible and reckless as a genetic trait but no one seems to discuss how through one way or another, gandalf was probably the reason for that, and the scene where pippin dumps a whole armored skeleton down a well is probably just a really good example of consequences for gandalf personally

gandalf didn't just fuck off and do a bunch of other stuff quite as much with the fellowship as he did with the company only because legolas was pretty quiet, and boromir and aragorn could pretty much sort their own problems out

and he still had plenty of problems with gimli's stubbornness, but he also didn't have 12 other stubborn individuals pressuring for the same thing

so basically the fellowship was 4 hobbits he had to keep a close watch over, two humans and an elf he really didn't have to pay much attention to, and a dwarf he could 1v1 in a verbal argument and didn't have to worry about walking away because gimli wouldn't just walk away from the group because group is life for dwarrow, so he may not like it but he's gotta go where everyone else does

if gandalf (or frodo) had put his foot down and said they wouldn't go through moria, gimli would have just talked some major shit about it, maybe thrown a pissy fit

while he was following everybody else cause nobody leaves a dwarf behind, which translates to 'dwarrow are not solitary creatures, don't leave me alone'

but gandalf was constantly fighting thorin because any of the 12 other dwarrow would have- and did- follow thorin no matter how stupid the plan was, and even if they didn't know anything about it, they were gonna- and did- rally behind their king

and gandalf kept leaving bilbo with them because the only other option was for bilbo to walk back to rivendell, and after that was settled, gandalf knew he couldn't turn back after the eagles, so obviously dwarrow, as pack creatures, were gonna take care of him, even if thorin was kinda bitchy about it

so obviously gandalf wasn't gonna stick around the cesspool of mind-grating annoyance of his own creation

and he finally realizes 'oh shit, I forgot about PTSD. I forgot it could happen, and that thorin already had it-'

so then he 'hes a good man savannah' to thranduill and every human in laketown to try and damage control, and the direct line of durin (except dís, cause I was pretty sure she was still alive and shoulda been queen under the mountain) was dead, and arguably there was probably something gandalf coulda done about it, and he carries that into the fellowship, where he sticks around both cause they're less annoying and cause well he can't let that happen again

[classic-crackhead]

FÍLI DÍSSON X AUTISTIC, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER 5

obsessed with making these so have another

(based on my experience being autistic)

•fíli is right around the middle when it comes to jealousy?

•he won't be jealous of everyone and everything that gets close to you

•but gets jealous if he feels like that other individual actually has a chance

•he trusts you

•he just also knows if you're clueless to romance

•he knows because he spent 9 months flirting with you in what he felt was an obvious way before you finally caught on that yes, he's flirting with you, yes, he's doing it on purpose, no, he's not like that to everyone, yes, he's flirting because he's seeking a romantic involvement with you, not 'just because' and no, you're not just seeing what you choose to

•ffs this man practically handed you his own heart and soul

•he basically even labeled them for you

•and you chose not to notice because 'you're probably just seeing something that's not there cause you're an attention seeker'

•fucking WRONG

•you think you're an attention seeker

•he is writing his vows as we speak and asking your opinion of them, and you think you're an attention seeker

•sis

•listen, I know how you feel

•but he is looking at you like you hung the moon

•nay, like you are the moon

•he is the attention seeker

•as in, he is seeking your attention actively

•like- the way a devotee looks to the heavens for signs and grasps at their god's skirts

•thats fíli

•he is seeking your attention so actively, he even forgot to feed himself once because he was too busy making sure he was the one to hand you your bowl

•when fíli does get jealous, I feel like he'd just

•get a little clingier?

•the type to warn the other person by proving how great y'all's relationship is

•you also have to understand

•competition is, to a degree, part of their belief system

•so if a guy genuinely tries to get your attention romantically, fíli probably just goes ':0 oh so you think you can woo her more effectively than I can?'

•dwarrow don't compete for the woman as if she doesn't exist

•they compete for the benefit of the lady, so she can decide which one she wants, if either/any

•fíli, naturally, has an advantage because he spent from the first second he kissed your hand in greeting, trying to tailor his advances to you specifically

•not tailor himself to you, mind you, because if you don't like him how he is, then you're just not compatible

•but this other guy has much lower of a chance because it's been significantly less time

•the more confident fíli is, the less you might notice he's competing

•its a little confusing; he will compete with 100% of his effort every time, but the more confident fíli is that he doesn't have to compete, the less you'll actually notice he is competing

•because he won't be trying as hard to make sure you notice XD

•'you do know the way to a woman's heart, don't you, fíli?' 'i care not for the path to a woman's heart- I only care for the path to yours'

•doesn't talk as much for the sake of talking to you like kíli would

•instead just hits you with gut-wrenchingly good lines that you don't even realize are lines at first

•obviously he's a lil goofy, and definitely confident

•he brings you a meticulously formed bouquet

•he asks óin first, to make sure he didn't pick any bad flowers

•or

•y'know

•poisonous ones

•+cough cough+ kíli picked his One a fistful of ditch flowers and accidentally grabbed some very poisonous ones +cough+

•just saying that fíli put a lot more of thought to such a simple gesture to make sure it went off without a hitch

•thats not to say he doesn't have his moments of irresponsibility, mixed with a little overzealousness

•and we will discuss it, cause fíli and kíli share 4 braincells, and fíli normally has 2 and holds onto 1 of kíli's for safe-keeping so he doesn't lose it

•fíli is a lot like his uncle in the fact that he stares

•a lot

•the holy difference is that fíli doesn't usually have a glowering expression of supreme, brooding distrust and distaste, as if he suspects you of something or wishes to stab you with a bread knife

•no, instead, he stares at you with what genuinely looks like he's giving you the bedroom eyes, knows something you don't- specifically about you, which makes it more concerning- and/or the 'im trying to figure you out' way

•we're all books that just need to be opened and read

•you're just tryna eat, and man's over there giving you the 'im reading your pages' look

•i wanna point out that I think that's how thorin would usually gaze at people he likes? but all the angst that's been building up has jaded him, and thus the result is bread knife stabby stares instead of the sultry eyed gazing

•and another difference is that if you catch fíli looking at you, he won't just keep staring in the 'im gonna fkn stab you' way like his uncle

•he will keep looking at you, but he may give you a cheeky wink, or that little smirk will play around his smoke-pipe

•hes also way more relaxed

•so every time you catch him looking at you, it's like you've caught a reclining prince-

•well I mean- technically he is, so that's the perfect analogy, but you get what I mean

•kinda perturbing because he's always looking at you as if he's looking fondly at the subject of something only he knows

•and you're just kinda-

•semi-anxiously sitting there, wondering what he knows that you didn't tell him

•do you even know that one magical thing it is that he knows?

•did he figure you out??

•you weren't even hiding anything, what did he find out???

•were you hiding something????

•were you hiding something massively problematic so well that even you didn't know about it?????

•i also fully believe that the line of durin are all sleep cuddlers

•dís, frerin, fíli, kíli, thorin, and all the ones we haven't been introduced to

•even the distance cousins like dwalin, balin, gimli and glóin, óin, ori, dori, nori-

•all sleep cuddlers

•every last one

•bifur, bofur, and bombur are the only non-durin line, and as such the only non-sleep-cuddlers

•even if for whatever reason you found yourself sleeping too close to dain ironfoot, you will wind up getting cuddled

•im sorry, but this is just fact

•which means that you're only safe from being cuddled if you sleep elevated, out of arm- and rolling-over distance, surrounded by bifur, bofur, and bombur, or outside the circle altogether

•which is why thorin can be found sleeping often on rocks

•not cause he's embarrassed to be cuddled

•but because he knows if he sleeps within arm distance of anyone else, he will be the one cuddling them

•this is probably also one of the reasons why bilbo goes from sleeping in the circle to outside of it entirely

•he woke up in the middle of dori, nori, and ori's sleep pile

•or being death-hugged by dwalin, who is a frankly terrifying person to wake up accidentally tangled up with

•young hobbits are the ones who mainly do that sleep-pile behavior; the older ones are more 'proper' than that

•unless they're a took

•then it's stacks-on

•if you sleep too close to fíli and/or kíli, you will end up in the middle of a snuggle bundle

•you may actually get woken up because in their sleep, one of them grabbed you and literally rolled over with you

•it doesn't matter how big, small, medium, short, average, or tall you are

•dwarrow are strong little shits

•exist too close to a sleeping durin- even distant relation- and you will get cuddled

•exist too close to multiple sleeping durins, and you'll get snuggle bundled

•notice how anyone who doesn't wanna get cuddles sleeps outside the circle or otherwise out of arm's reach?

•XD the durin line is notorious for sleep-cuddling

•fíli is no different

•as a matter of fact, as a member of the royal line, he's a picture-perfect example of the behavior

•if you sleep too close to him, you'll wake up with his leg tossed over your ankle, or his hand on your bedroll, obviously seeking you out

•you once woke up because fíli had grabbed a hold of the belt loop on your pants and used it to drag you closer in his sleep

•you made a grave mistake by trying to unlatch his fingers from your belt loop, cause he just seized your hand and rested it against his face, delicately curled his fingers around your wrist as if he were holding a religious relic

•of course that just lead to complete entanglement

•one time, you wake up late cause you had to pee, and he was completely just-

•legs tangled up in yours, arms around you, hands on your back, face tucked in your bosom, just dead to the world

•also good the fuck luck getting away?

•the difference between the royal line and the distant relations is that the distant relations are easier to get away from once they've cuddled you

•good fucking luck getting out of a royal line durin cuddle

•it took bifur, bofur, bombur, dwalin, nori, bilbo, dori, and gandalf prying with his staff to get you separated from fíli

•cause he sleeps like a fucking lawn pave stone

[classic-crackhead]

wait

did the dwarrow come here half expecting bilbo baggins to be bilbo 'baggins' of Bag End?

is that why thorin compared him to a grocer?

"haha bilbo 'puts things in a bag cause he's stealing them' baggins? you look more like bilbo 'puts groceries in a bag' baggins"

did they low-key think he just did something really amazing that relates to a bag and stealing that earned him the name baggins? like thorin earned the name oakenshield because he used an oaken branch as a shield at the practically prepubescent age (for dwarrow) of 24?

did thorin approach bilbo with the intimidation tactics of a man who probably thought he was coming into the home of an A-list, hardass burglar who he'd have to demand respect from, only to enter the home of a very unintimidating and homely hobbit who happened to have a last name, and who's last name happened to sound very similar to something that would translate to 'im legendarily good at stealing things' in dwarf naming nomenclature?

kíli and fíli bowing so low and then scrutinizing and greeting him cheerfully because- according to the last name baggins, and him supposedly being a burglar- they think they're looking at a doris payne level burglar

like 'this man's been stealing from dragons since he was like- 2 years old, to have earned the name baggins!'

no one judging because hey, as long as you're not stealing from me

and then they figure out really fast that no, he just has one of those 'surnames' that the race of man usually have

which makes more sense, all things considered, and after which, they're just kinda confused on if they should call him mr. baggins, or mr. bilbo

so we wind up hearing a lot of both

[classic-crackhead]

also thinking about gandalf's position

did gandalf know?

did he recognize ori, and balin? did he grieve for them? did it seem like they were strangers to him simply because the lotr movies were made first, or is gandalf so used to outliving people he cares about that he'd already been jaded to the knowledge that they'd died?

did gandalf keep in touch with the 10 remaining dwarrow from the group, or did those 50 years pass by so fast that he also didn't anticipate their demise?

did he approach ori's skeleton knowing that was the youngest dwarf of the group who had probably sheepishly approached him with a hand-drawn portrait of gandalf smoking a pipe?

did he read the words aloud knowing ori had been the one to write them?

did he know that blood smear belonged to ori?

did he hold onto the book a little longer knowing ori had been the last one to hold it, and in his dying moments no less?

dwarrow won't go to the undying lands, but does gandalf have a way to visit the dead in whatever halls they have?

do dwarrow have a valhalla-type afterlife where they 'live on' after death with their kin?

does gandalf just frequent several different afterlives when he goes to the undying lands, and subconsciously knows he'll be able to do so?

[classic-crackhead]

i love the implication that ori bound a book for bilbo to write his story in, and that ori sketched a portrait of bilbo

and that it was sketched either sometime during their journey, or sometime after, how ori remembered him

and the fact that though bilbo kept it in the chest he kept all his other adventure keepsakes he probably didn't have the heart to look through often because of the multi-layered grief and PTSD it brought on, he also didn't know the photo was in the book, implying that he either only got it somewhat recently, or that he didn't have the heart to start writing in it until now, when he was in a better frame of mind

did he only recently get the book, or did it just take 60 years for him to be able to sit in front of the easel and not give up because the memories were still too raw

did ori sketch him during their adventure? did he slip it into the journal before bilbo left cause he wanted bilbo to have something to remember them by?

did bilbo ask for a journal made by ori, and he sketched bilbo how he remembered him? did he do so knowing bilbo had grown old, or did he do so because he thought bilbo still looked like that because dwarrow physically age more slowly, and theoretically bilbo would still look young at 111 if he were a dwarf

canonically, the dwarrow don't seem to know a lot about hobbits- hell, most other races we see don't seem to know much about hobbits, so it seems feasible that ori- himself only a couple decades older than bilbo- and still very young- wouldn't realize

but we see ori's skeleton in the Lord of the rings movies, and his journal at his death

we don't know when that happened, but it seemed to be quite a while, considering the state of the skeleton

it was stated that balin was in the tomb, but that he and one or two of the other dwarrow had visited bilbo once or twice

the wiki also says ori was killed 24 years before the fellowship found the tomb

did bilbo know ori was felled? was there a letter describing the journey they were going to take and then just- no more letters after that?

did balin and ori take a detour to see bilbo on their way to moria?

every option I think of is just so sad (⁠T⁠T⁠)

[classic-crackhead]

FÍLI SON OF DÍS X AUTISTIC, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER 4

i have discovered that there are different fonts formats I can use, so I'm experimenting :)

(based on my experience being autistic)

•fíli is ✨extra✨

•dwarrow as a whole are kinda, innately extra?

•but as soon as he discovered you, he suddenly had something to prove to someone who wasn't his uncle

•it was a whole other ballgame from just simply proving he was worthy of being king

•he had to prove he was worthy of you

•and to him, that was suddenly far more important

•all his behavior in the movies is multiplied by 100 when he meets you

•i mean- he can't even climb a tree while in mortal peril without serving face and showing off how strong he is

•but when you come along, suddenly he can't sit still

•he's quieter, a little less talkative than kíli, but he's not broody like his uncle

•he literally does just sit there in silence while zoning out and daydreaming

•he doesn't really sit there listening, though he has the amazing ability to daydream and listen at the same time

•so he is sitting there listening, but he's mentally occupying himself at the same time, which is fundamentally different than brooding or staring off into space while thinking about your mortal perils and life goals

•that scene where kíli starts in on bilbo about the orc night raid?

•yeah, fíli was smiling at his brother's teasing but he was thinking about the possibility of setting up a leathercraft studio under the mountain so he can work on his Craft™

•on that note, fíli is a leathersmith and kíli is a potter

•fíli's first gift to you was actually one of his own knives, along with a blank leather sheath

•of course, he didn't give it to you when it was blank

•his uncle had forged the knife and given it to him when he was younger, so that he could give it to his One

•it was a remarkably drab looking blade, unlike literally all of his other ones

•but that's because he was saving the customization for it for after he met his One

•but when he met you, he started getting that inspiration, and would stay up by the campfire, sketching designs and brainstorming what would embody you the best

•if you remind him consistently of a certain animal, a certain element, a certain force of nature, even a certain feeling, he'll implement them into whatever design he chooses

•he laments that he doesn't have all his tools, but uses whatever he can to make the same result

•you can see him crouched by the fire, 'dipping' the metal end of the tools he does have into the coals almost like ink, so he can continue burning the lines into the leather

•he usually waits until you've gone to sleep, hoping the smell of burning leather won't be enough to wake you, but otherwise he's not necessarily secretive about it

•if you ask anyone else why you're not allowed to see it, they'll just tell you that it's a sort of dwarrow ritual, and that you'll get to see it when it's done

•he probably doesn't actually give it to you until after goblin town because the timing needed to be perfect

•even then, only relents because you were upset that he had risked his life for it

•it had been taken and thrown on the pile of weapons in front of the goblin king, and fíli had nearly thrown himself off the ledge to make sure it didn't fall

•the only reason he didn't fall was because bombur had grabbed his ankle and lifted him back to safety

•you didn't have a moment to rest or scold him, but it wouldn't be the last ledge he nearly throws himself from for that knife

•when you all dangle from the tree, fíli literally drops himself to get it back from a dangerous limb it had caught on, and while you, bifur, and ori try to pull him back up, he's tying it around a more secure place like a man possessed

•you may not have time to scold him until the next night when you finally manage to secure a safe haven in beorn's house, but you probably take the opportunity as soon as you see him checking the knife as if some part of it could have up and walked away when he wasn't looking

•if you insist to know what was so damn important about that thing that he'd risk his own life at least twice for it, you're in for a surprise when he reaches out to gently grab your wrist

•he turns your hand over to deposit the knife in sheath, looking earnestly into your eyes

•'because it was made for you'

•you may be confused, but those words are deeper than you might realize

•when his uncle forged the knife, it was for fíli's One

•for you

•when fíli chose the leather, chose the design, the etchwork for the blade, even the small figurehead- it was all for you, in a time when he didn't even know you

•the design for the burning may have come to him after meeting you, but everything else he just- knew

•chose your preferred color of leather, chose a metal that somehow reflects the perfect shade- dark, light, or in between- chose the very same animal or otherwise type of figurehead for the pommel that now reminds him of you. even chose the perfect size, shape, and design to fit perfectly in your hand, needing minimal adjustments for how you use knives.

•he knew from the moment he'd met you; that knife was made for you

•you're confused why he would risk his life for a knife, especially if it was just for you

•when he gives you the knife, depending on how clueless to romance you are, you probably start thinking maybe he likes you, but what if dwarrow are just really hardcore about gifts?

•he risked his life twice, so now it's the most important thing you own, but admittedly, your connection to it is partially because you're super anxious that after he did all that, you're just gonna drop it in a tavern somewhere and lose it

•fíli is fucking delighted when he sees you keep the knife close when you sleep

•but let's all be honest here, you don't form a good, healthy connection to it as it being a gift, and one you genuinely adore, until you can get over the idea that you're just gonna spontaneously lose track of something fíli had almost lost his life twice for

•its probably 2-3 business months until you actually see the designs and what the knife actually looks like

•you've looked at it plenty, but you haven't actually seen it, if that makes sense

•and it probably ain't until you actually manage to do that that you see the emotional value of it and how much effort it took fíli to make it personal to you

•to realize how accurately you it was

[classic-crackhead]

BEORN X AUTISTIC, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER 2

(based on my experience being autistic)

•the quickest in the West on the uptake when it comes to boundaries

•if you're not big on being touched, he knows it basically his first time meeting you

•he looks at how thorin's company acts with each other, and based on how you act with them, what your average probably is

•i'm on the fence about whether he'd be the type to experiment with what you're comfortable with, or if he'd just ask

•definitely feel like he'd rely on body language

•the great part about this is that he gets really in tune with you, your emotions, and your state of mind

•the bad part is that when you react, so does he

•your emotional state begins to partially determine his emotional state

•gandalf said beorn the man is reasonable, and beorn the bear is not

•well, you also have to think that if beorn starts syncing up his emotions with you, the neurodivergent who may or may not have a great handle on your emotions, then he will either become more, or less, predictable

•the bright side? if an unexpected visitor gets on your good side fast, they get on beorn's good side quicker

•the dark side (and what's more likely to occur) is that if you're nervous, wary, guarded, or anxious in any way possible, beorn will be getting antsy much faster, almost more eager to take care of the problem as a bear

•aka the man becomes a little less reasonable

•beorn is able to recognize you as a bear once he knows your scent, but he also knows some things (inhibitions and motivations) have a tendency to get lost when he shifts into his bear form

•which basically means that his motivations will become something closer to what a bear would have- namely protecting his territory

•which isn't a problem, necessarily, but he doesn't really know whether or not he in bear form will consider you an intruder, so he gets nervous at first

•probably warns you not to leave the cabin until he gets back

•but as little as he speaks, he communicates his point well

•there is no 'just trust me' if he has the time to explain it

•its not just 'dont go outside until I get back' it's an actual 'dont leave the cabin unless there is no other choice. I don't know what I'll do to you when I'm in my other form, and I do not want to find out I've killed you. if you are in danger, scream as loudly as you can, and I'll return to you'

•so really, this man makes sure that you know exactly why he's telling you not to go outside

•which just means that if you go outside when he's gone, you do so knowing the risks

•definitely makes you promise to lock the doors and windows when he's gone, cause even though the last intruders ended with friends, he doesn't like leaving you in an unlocked house that just anyone who happened to get past him could just waltz right into

•a little paranoid cause you both fought in the war against the orcs and he's half convinced they're gonna use you against him or vice versa

•the orcs are generally too afraid, because they know it would take half an army of them to beat beorn, and the tactical advantage on this particular mountainside is undoubtedly his.

•if you have a hyperfixation hobby, great! you can do it while he knits

•parallel play king, honestly

•no words needed, but if you sing, or want to talk to him, he'll be at peace

•if you ever find yourself sitting in front of the fireplace next to beorn while he knits or whittles, please, I personally beg of you, ask him to sing to you

•this man has the voice of a god, and plenty of songs from his people that need to touch the air again

•try to use specific words like 'to' instead of 'for'

•doesn't bother him, really, but does occasionally bring back bad memories of when he was used for entertainment

•so just for the sake of his PTSD, try to imply that you'd like him to sing TO you

•just seems more personal and intimate

•its pretty normal for your day to end in front of the fireplace with him, spending time on your hobbies with nothing but silence or low singing filling the air if you're not talking

[classic-crackhead]

BEORN X AUTISTIC, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER

bet you didn't expect it wouldn't be fíli

(based on my experience being autistic)

•okay first of all, he's probably one of the best ones out of this movie to just seamlessly adapt to you

•you felt pretty 'goldilocks and the three bears' about this

•not because there was a bear that lived there- that's just coincidence

•you're probably hyper aware that you're in somebody else's house, and that it looks pretty well lived in

•you probably don't even touch the furniture for fear of repercussions

•especially due to how big the furniture really was

•so you sleep on your blanket on the floor in the middle of the room so you couldn't be accused of breaking anything

•gandalf probably brings you out with him cause you're a woman

•if you're a man- or at least if you don't look like an absolute cinnamon bun, no matter what you identify as- then you'll probably stay in the house

•now in my scenarios, I tend to make you short because I'm 5'1. it's a habit

•but in this case it doesn't really matter if you're tall or short? because you're more than likely not 7' tall

•if you are, then you can request I make one of these specifically for tall people and I'll absolutely do so XD

•this man is not blind- he can probably see you squirming with guilt that you slept in his house, even if you're standing farther away from him

•if you don't like animals, are very afraid of animals, or otherwise disrespect animals, you probably won't have much of a saving grace with him to be honest

•his opinions just harbour too often with or to animals

•but regardless of if you're an animal lover, or if you're maybe a little nervous around animals such as his ponies, if his animals like you, then you have a much better chance of getting on his good side, maybe even his attention

•beorn has a weakness for anything small(er than him), injured, pitiful, and without a home, so really all you need is to stand there looking like an ASPCA commercial, and you'll be golden

•probably pours your drink first not out of chivalry but out of concern, like a cat owner who hand feeds the runt so it has a chance of survival

•if you sleep in his house, you're his responsibility, just know, so he probably panics a little if you looked extra pitiful

•he may not like dwarves, but the fact that he stoically still fed them and allowed them to sleep another night in his house tells me he's just the doting type

•you may not notice since he's so gruff, but he's probably just as bad about giving you too many blankets to sleep under as your great grandma

•'yes, thank you, sir, thats- that's enough blankets, I'm very warm. you also have the fireplace going-'

•'it gets very cold at night'

•yes, beorn, they know, and those blankets are hand-spun, knitted wool

•our poor reader is going to suffocate under those

•if you're a cold sleeper, beorn is your best companion

•if you're a hot sleeper?

•well then idk what to tell you, you're gonna suffer until he can finally get comfortable in the knowledge that you're not gonna freeze if you only have one heavy woollen blanket

•he's the type to be kinda scary, but if he notices your foot is out of the cozy blankets while you're asleep, he'll ever so gently cover those tootsies back up so you don't get cold

•beorn is very sensitive to changes

•he may be able to adapt very well to changes, but he's still sensitive to them

•which means that if you stick around too long (5 days, max) he'll already be adjusting his house to adapt

•i don't feel like he'd be the type to leave his house as it is for too long if you're there with him

•cause I mean- he's hyper aware of any and all problems you might have maneuvering around a house made for a 7' tall biped

•he may not change the house itself much, because it's still built for him, but he'll add little things to make it easier for you

•for example: he won't lower his overhead cabinets, but he'll add a safe platform step ladder or something so you can get to everything

•and if you're anywhere between 5' and 5'5, he probably did so promptly after walking in to see you standing precariously on the counter, with nothing but a step stool placed on one of the dining chairs behind you that you had obviously climbed

•he doesn't talk a whole lot, so if you're the quiet sort that likes long, comfortable silences, or even if you just have phases of it, he's definitely comfortable with that

•if you're the type to constantly ramble and need silence filled, he might find it a bit overwhelming at first, but like I said; he adapts

•eventually, he will get used to and even enjoy your rambles

•now, he might be guilty of not paying attention sometimes, getting lost in thought in the middle of your words, but if he notices he has, he'll usually clear his throat or hum to get your attention, and he'll calmly apologize and tell you he slipped into a reverie 'around the time you said [thing]'

•he listens, of course, to everything you say, and doesn't miss something very often

•he finds words meaningful, given he doesn't say a whole lot of them, so in a way, he hangs on your every word, even if you haven't stopped chittering to him since you woke up

•he also doesn't care if you look him in the eyes while he speaks or not- but he also doesn't always look you in the eye while you speak, either

•he finds it a better tactic to be able to pay attention to what the other person says when you're not looking at them

•you're speaking, so he knows where you are, what you're emotions are, and what you're saying, while also being able to continue whatever he was doing, and also keep the other ear and/or his eyes on your surroundings so he can keep everyone safe.

•if you have a monotone speech pattern, he might look at you more often, and if you have a relatively blank expression more often, he'll watch you more so he can figure out some of those missing variables, working up to being able to do the prior

•beorn himself is fairly hard to read until you get to know him, so you may be a bit awkward or nervous until you learn him

•he is definitely one of those who have a gruff expression 70% of the time, and also has a fairly even voice, even if it's not totally monotone, so you'll have to get used to that 3-9 seconds of anxiety before 'it was a joke'

•once he gets comfortable with you, he's actually fairly quick to a smile, but not in the traditional 'teeth bared, face wrinkled, eyes squinted, etc' kinda smile

•its moreso just a softening of his features, a little lift of the corners of his mouth, and a very slight raise of his eyebrows

•his version of 'losing his shit' in the context of laughter is mainly just closing his eyes, baring his teeth a little in a grin, and a short, chuffed sort of breathy chuckle

•that is his version of can't breathe, collapsed on the floor cackling

•similarly, most of his emotions can be deciphered as different combinations of movement in his eyes, eyebrows, and mouth

•occasionally scrunches his nose, which is fucking adorable

•back around, if you're the type for a lot of physical affection, you'll have to give him some time to get used to you first

•if you ask him if you can hug him, he'll probably say no at first

•you probably don't ask him again for a while, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable

•but worry not, cause ever since you asked, he's gotten used to whatever little gestures you can't stop yourself from giving

•that little habit of tiny touches to let him know you're there quickly become his favorite of aforementioned little gestures

•at first, he tolerated them because they were relatively non-invasive, and he completely understood that you were trying to prevent yourself from getting an accidental injury

•that quick little brush against his elbow with your fingertips as you walk up to him from behind so he doesn't accidentally elbow you in the face

•the way you place them against his back for just a moment when you're stood behind him grabbing something from the counter, so he doesn't back into you

•just those quick, non-lasting touches with mainly just your fingertips, making him aware of your presence and allowing yourself to take up just that little bit of space- neither invading his space or constantly dodging out of his, just weaving in and out of it without bursting any personal bubbles

•when you brush the backs of your knuckles against his stomach or side as a non-invasive way of silently asking him to watch out or get out of the way in little situations where words aren't needed

•the way you just seamlessly try to make things easier for him like opening the stove door when you know he's carrying a pot that's going in it

•or when you see him coming with an armload of firewood and go ahead and prop the door open for him

•or when you ask and go ahead and start setting the table when you come in to him cooking breakfast

•he subconsciously starts doing the same for you at some point

•its his version of reciprocating that beginning level of affection

•covers the cabinet door corner so you don't hit your head on it

•copies some of your little habits I mentioned

•lightly touches your hand when you're, say, about to lift something that's heavy, or when you're about to stand up to take the dishes from the table, to let you know that he'll get it for you

•after a month or two of this, he slowly starts getting used to contact with you, and will let you know he's comfortable by deepening his own contact with you

•instead of quick brushes, he'll start laying his entire hand on your back to let you know he's behind you

•instead of brushing the top of your hand with his fingertips, he'll rest his hand on top of yours

•to get your attention, he may lightly grab your hand or arm and pull slightly in the direction he wants you to pay attention to

•once he gets used to it, he's fast to put a hand on your person in any stressful situation, ready to direct you, protect you, or defend you, or even just to ground himself

•probably the fastest to sleep near you, to be honest

•not out of attraction but rather out of 'we are in the middle of the woods, at the base of a mountain, and I need more than 10 fingers and toes to count how many dangers could possibly get you, so if you're under my charge, I need you close by so I can protect you'

•probably starts across the room and slowly gets closer to you night after night

•its been 3 months and now he sleeps like 9 inches away from you

•he came in from patrol one night and it became like 3 inches away because he heard a troll get a little too close

•never increases the distance again, just winds up curling kinda around you without touching you

•if you ask why, he'll just ask you if it makes you uncomfortable, and if you reply negative, he just-

•stays there

•gives some reason of 'i can keep you safer the closer to you I am'

•its really sweet but we all know that's only ¾ of his reasoning

[classic-crackhead]

FÍLI DURINS ON X AUTISTIC, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER 3

(based on my experience being autistic)

okay so I rambled a lot about the company in general in the last one so this time, I'll actually talk more about lovesick fíli

•an elf tried to flirt with you once

•but it goes horribly wrong for that poor elf, and fíli didn't even have anything to do with it

•the male elf gave you extra food and kept your drink filled

•you assumed that was just his job?

•no he volunteered

•you actually didn't notice him continuously filling your glass or putting more food on your plate

•you genuinely just thought you were losing your mind cause every time you turn your head, the sweet roll you'd just eaten was???

•there again???

•the reappearing sweet roll of neurodivergent confusion

•you know for a fact that you've taken several drinks of that sweet and refreshing nectar water

•why is it full again?

•you can taste it currently in your mouth

•you took the world's largest sip just to prove to yourself the level of it was going down

•the holy grail nectar of AuDHD existential dread

•you were pretty sure a magic cup wasn't involved

•cause everyone else's identical goblets were of varying levels of full or empty

•glóin's has been empty for like- the last 30 minutes

•he almost choked

•you're halfway between convinced you've just lost your mind, because unreliable as it was to begin with, what proof did you have to solidly convince yourself you actually did eat those sweet rolls, and drink any substantial amount of nectar, and the instinctual knowledge that there's no way you didn't

•you didn't realize that part of Elf Serving Manners 101 was 'don't let the guest see you refilling their drink, appetizers, or hors d'oeuvres if you can help it'

•or at least it was with this one in particular

•you probably stared at your goblet for like 9 solid minutes to try and see how it was refilling itself

•only to become real embarrassed when you actually manage to see him refilling it

•he is just shocked cause you've eaten like 7 sweet rolls and haven't finished your main meal

•but you couldn't finish your meal until the sweet rolls stopped appearing because you eat things one at a time in a specific order, and this kind of sweet roll happens to be what you eat before some of the other things on your plate

•so this guy is super confused why you're only eating sweet rolls and a couple bites of the same other food

•you finally find out he's the one actively doing it and you manage to ask him to stop putting more sweet rolls on your plate.

•but now you're embarrassed but also vindicated because thank gods you're not losing your mind

•if the thought even passes your mind that he wasn't filling anyone else's plates or cups as dedicatedly as he was yours, you just assume there's a reason that you don't understand

•there is, but not the one you think

•now you might think 'this has nothing to do with fíli headcanons!'

•but you're wrong

•because fíli noticed this entire exchange

•and this sonuvabitch watched, letting this poor elf royally screw up

•but that also means he watched you as the percentage of belief in your eyes that you'd lost your mind slowly climbed above 70% as the 5th sweet roll hit your plate

•if you hit 90%, he probably would have done something, but he's too busy scoffing internally as this other guy completely flubs his first attempts at your affection

•if you pay attention, fíli will start a habit of putting his hand on your shoulder before handing you food, or otherwise bring small attention to himself when he refills your cup or puts something on your plate, because he wants you to have food and drink, but he also wants you to know he put it there

•not really as a 'i in particular did this for you' but in a 'someone physically did this, and you're gonna witness it so you know'

•he is absolutely haughty because he knows you better than the he-elf

•spends ½ the time in rivendell proving it while casting that particular elf an arrogant look

•you know the one

•i just can't find it in the gif board

•the he-elf fails because he provides you with way too much sensory stimulation in the forms of fancy dresses that look gorgeous but have bad textures, the bath oils and such he makes sure you have available are relatively unused cause they're all heavily scented and would give you a migraine if you used them

•you used one exactly once because it had your favorite scent and hey the experience, but it clung to you with a lotiony, silky smoothness that would have been great, but it just felt like lotion that never quite soaked in fully

•so you wound up having to take another bath to get it off of you cause you felt like a slice of bad gas station pizza

•so greasy it made you feel like you'd never bathed at all

•fíli actually went up and asked elrond if he would have different stuff sent to your chambers

•literally explains it

•'she doesn't want to say it- polite as she is- but those clothes she's gotten are all uncomfortable, and those bath stuffs are too strong smelling'

•explains exactly what your favorite products would do, what they smell like, and even knows what fabrics you'd prefer for every day use.

•'she doesn't like floral. try woodsy kinda stuff instead.'

•he knows exactly what scents you prefer because he notices what scents you wear

•any mention you've ever made, any time you've lingered next to a particular tree or smiled when taking a deep breath of petrichor air, he's noticed

•some scents just cling to you more, like they were made for you

•he notices every time he has the privilege of having his bedroll close to yours

•whenever he hugs you, he notices how your hair smells like wind through a blackberry bush

•you may only remember ¼ to ½ of anything he's ever told you ever, but that's okay, cause he's there to remember it all for you

•whatever years the two of you have together, he is by far the one who's memory is best

•from those few things from 30 years ago that you'll remember clearly, to the many things you don't remember ever happening, he'll remember all of them

•you can actually grow to trust his word and not feel like you have to prove your memory, because you know he would never embellish the truth or away the details when it comes to a memory

•he knows you're sensitive about that and would never break your trust by giving you inaccurate details or saying it went differently than you remember just to mess with you

•its part of that 'look how reliable i am'

•there may be many bouts of loving bickering/bantering, but there'll never be an argument between you

•mostly because he's too calm?

•wants to talk it out, not argue

•you could get as defensive as though you were arguing with a gaslighter, and he'll just patiently wait

•'ibrizlanz, I am with you; talk to me; I am not your enemy'

•very much has an 'its us against the problem' mentality

•would not get along with someone who just constantly argues for the sake of

•but will, if you need it, sit and listen if you needed to vent frustrations

•won't mind if you need to yell, but may place some firm but gentle boundaries if you take your frustrations out on him too much

•because we advocate for healthy relationships in this blog

•and our man here just seems like the perfect example of healthy relationship material

•shockingly patient regardless

•has his goofy moments and still full of boyish wonder and whimsy, but takes love seriously

•dwarrow really do have painfully healthy relationship dynamics and you can't convince me otherwise

•they have a whole culture around love, courtship, and self care

•you cannot tell me

•you also can't tell me their hair just is that glorious without help

•i mean come on

•you're trying to tell me his hair looks this good after +looks at references+ 11 days of traveling over river and rocky terrain, and then climbing a mountain of stairs

•and no products or anything was used?

•listen I know it was the effects and makeup teams

•doin our man justice

•but let me remind you aragorn and boromir spent 90% of their screen time greasy and feral, and no one minded

•while thorin's entire company spent at least half the time looking fluffed and fabulous while also being covered in grime and blood

•bombur's braids never got greasy and he ate food over them

•fíli's lil pompadour of hair on the top of his head never got flattened

•not even the spider silk could keep that shit down

•not even kíli's hair ever got close to aragorn level greasy or feral, and somehow, his bangs never got unruly

•that one scene when they rode in barrels and got river water wet was one of few scenes we actually see their beards and hair looking undone

•also the scene where kíli is literally dying on a pile of walnuts

•so as I stated

•dwarrow are messy but they have impeccable self care

•you would quite literally have to to have such amazing hair when you live under a mountain

•and you could also defend that most of them just have ridiculously thick hair, like fur, but my point still stands

•'oh but that was a different movie'

•then explain why gimli's hair also looked immaculate for 90% of the very same trilogy aragorn and boromir were lookin like they didn't even know what baths were

•apart the occasional helmet frizz

•exactly

•i love greasy feral aragorn and boromir as much as the next

•but I also love the idea that thorin's company stopped every couple days at a body of water to wash their hair with D'warriel Moria, because they're worth it

•'youll have to do without a lot more than a pocket handkerchief, bilbo baggins, before this journey is through' and the dwarrow brought their specialized shampoo that they can't share because thorin uses conditioner for curls and balin needs his diluted purple shampoo to keep his white hair bright asf

•you went on this journey fully prepared to go without a lot of stuff

•but even your hair will be looking fluffy and fabulous 90% of the time

•+gasp+ shock horror, you didn't bring an appropriate shampoo, conditioner, and hair mask combo?!

•oh lass, don't worry, at least one of them has products they're willing to share for the sake of hair care

•aragorns hair woulda looked great if only he'd had the same hair type as gimli

•but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be, cause gimli knew his products would make aragorn's hair worse than leaving it greasy would

•fíli would offer to help you wash your hair

•yes it's part of his courtship but also because it's just better when someone else washes your hair for you

•i think bilbo's hair actually looked better after the journey got well under way than it did before the dwarrow entered his life

•he didn't know how bad his shampoo was for his hair before dori incredulously listed all the bad ingredients for his hair were in it

•'i wouldn't wash the swine outside with this'

•poor bilbo

•they ate all his food and even criticized his hair care

•dwarrow know all about hair types of all types because they have to be prepared

•what if the love of their life, their One™ has 3C or even 4C curls?!

•or they fall in love with an elf that has 0 body in their hair whatsoever?

•when it comes to hair, dwarrow must always, be, prepared

•those braids they make for you have to look perfect, no matter what kinda hair you have

•13 months with the fellowship will have you looking like you got ran over by a train, but 13 months with thorin's company will have you looking like a hair model

•albeit a very tired, kinda bloody one

•and the longer, thicker, and more luxurious your hair, the more they'll worship it

•they can absolutely love you even if you have short hair, just the same as they can love you if you have no beard

•but you get my point

[classic-crackhead]

FÍLI OF DURIN'S LINE X AUTISTIC, FEM-CODED, HUMAN READER 2

as above describes, so below I write

(based on my experience as an autist)

(kinda rambled about food allergies at the end, sorry)

•fíli probably knew immediately that you were the One™

•lost himself and spent 3 weeks flirting with you as if it was his job

•recovered enough to convince himself that he, as a son of durin, had to focus on the quest to reclaim his family's kingdom

•oh, you thought that meant he'd stop flirting and focus up?

•no, he would still flirt, he'd just make an effort to stop practicing his betrothal braids on any grass of substantial length his hands happened to find when he was supposed to be on watch, and any pony he happened to be near when he spaced out

•he tries to be serious but everyone can see the hearts floating around his head all the time

•if anyone wants to know where you are, they ask fíli, knowing he'd be the most likely aside from you yourself, to know where you were last

•and for you it may actually be kinda creepy, cause the longer you're on this journey, the more you realize that 90% of the times you've looked at him or happened to glance at him, he's already been looking at you

•but that also means that between bofur 'all my ducks in a row at all times' of Moria, and fíli 'eyes only for you' of Durin, you don't get separated from the group very easily or for very long

•its about as easy to get between you and fíli as it is to get between kíli and fíli

•he's got two hands, and one's to keep his brother close by and the other's to keep you close by

•which basically translates to you accidentally becoming a part of their fighting maneuvers, and it becomes trio maneuvers because you're suddenly just always right there next to both of them

•cause I genuinely doubt you could have one without the other at this point, they're just of the same mind on everything

•fíli keeps exactly 3 people in his mind the most; his brother, you, then himself, in that order

•thats all 3 braincells taken up, poor fíli

•but in all seriousness, he's the type to flash you a debonair smile while saying 'i can take care of you'

•he is also the type to flash that same smile while gently holding your arm and asking you to take care of him

•cause absolutely no one can look me in my digital face and tell me he wouldn't also want to be taken care of

•as a matter of fact, he just straight up expects it

•we've all talked about the gender equality among dwarrow

•there were women on those battlefields, you just couldn't tell cause of their amazing facial hair

•if you value emotional support and healthy regulation, that's legitimately going to be one of the things fíli shows off to court you

•gonna ask you to hold his hand while óin stitches one of his wounds shut because 'look how emotionally open and full of healthy masculinity I am!'

•i don't know about y'all, but it would work on me

•thorin is a glaring exception; dwarrow aren't usually the type to hide their emotions and hide behind angst and excuses

•we see dwarrow- male or otherwise- crying openly and comforting each other often; thorin angstshield oakenshield is not a great representation of normal dwarven emotional regulation

•i mean come on, they have group cry hugs

•they're constantly touching each other with little gestures for comfort, calming, or just to let each other know they're near

•i can't even say thorin is an example of not healthy masculinity

•cause we see him cry and seek/accept comfort, too

•he's just one of those rare, emotionally constipated dwarrow

•probably cause of PTSD, if we wanted to look into that deeper

•the point is, I think it's within reason to assume that depending on how you are, whether you cry 'too much' or 'not enough,' you would be more supported emotionally among this group than any therapist's office ever.

•and you wouldn't even have to talk about it, cause they've spent the last few months straight up actively trying to figure you out

•so at some point they just know already

•'you're sad' 'i always look like this' 'yes but you look especially like that right now' 'you're right I am sad' 'dont worry, I've already noticed and noted your coping mechanisms and I have just the thing to help :)'

•that also, unfortunately for you, means that after a certain amount of time with them, you can't actually hide what you're feeling either

•you will be part of their coping circle whether you want to be or not

•no matter how good at masking you are

•even if you can fool 1,000 humans, 500 elves, and 100 hobbits(that usually choose not to say anything anyway cause you may not want it mentioned and it would be impolite to mention someone else's troubles without being invited), you won't be able to fool even 1 of your dwarrow allies.

•cause being part of the family group means being taken care of by the family group

•though, said allies may choose to let you keep your feelings to yourself, or may choose not to say anything about your emotional mask out of respect for your comfort, just know that if things get bad, and you get some bad emotions, they will notice, and they will not let you wallow in them

•they will do something about it, because they do not see the sense in bearing the full brunt of one's emotions by themselves; that's why you very rarely see a dwarf traveling alone.

•dwarrow need a minimum of 5 companions on any journey, though some younger individuals may claim they only need 3

•you can technically have only 2 or 3 dwarrow and they'll be okay, but they'll develop crippling dependency issues and separation anxiety.

•if you do see a dwarf traveling alone, they're probably traveling pretty fast, and they probably look pretty angry, broody, or anxious

•in a pinch you can put one with some hobbits, who's general herd behavior fits in rather well with the other's pack mentality, and said dwarf will probably just name themself leader of the group

•but if you think you can experience any spectrum of emotion- and gods forbid a stunted, repressed, or overactive version- and not get understanding, patient comfort, and safe leeways for healthy coping and letting off steam

•you have never been more wrong in your life, my friend

•like with everything else, they can get rowdy, and they won't change how they eat or how loudly they sing, but they'll make sure you have the quietest seat, and they'll make sure not to throw food too close to you, and they'll even cover your ears if they notice they're all still too loud

•cause at the end of the day, they may not be willing to change who they are for one person, but they'll love you enough to want to make sure you're not uncomfortable in their presence

•and they'll not hesitate to tell off anyone who is making you uncomfortable

•they may tease you, and they may at first not take it seriously, but man once they do?

•they may not be quick on the uptake, but once they understand your discomfort, they'll try and make sure they're not the cause of it again

•fíli will especially want to make sure you're comfortable, and as an extension so will kíli

•if food is thrown too close, they'll make sure none of it hits you

•if you don't like or can't have alcohol, fíli will make 100000% certain there's not a single drop of it in your glass or near your food

•if you have an allergy, you wouldn't even be able to trust your own mother more than you can trust fíli with your food and drink

•and you won't even know how he got the information or the assurance that you can eat what he's put in front of you

•but I'm talking even if you're allergic to tree nuts and he's put what looks, smells, and feels like a pecan pie in front of you, I promise you can trust there ain't a single molecule of protein in it

•yes, I'm telling you you can trust this man more than your own senses when it comes to your own allergy.

•as a matter of fact you can trust most of them with it more than your own senses

•you mean you'll die if you touch or consume these ingredients?!

•well then your food will be hand prepared and scrutinized- and chef's threatened with swords and axes if need be- by all 13 of them before it ever gets to you

•yes even thorin

•i can't even say 'right there next to these specific, especially aware dwarrow' because they just straight up all take it equally seriously

•every single one of them manages to maintain their careless attitude while being more aware of your own allergies than you are

•you may look at them and fear cross contamination

•i bet my life that you'd never be safer with anyone else when it comes to that specifically, if they know you're allergic

•don't ask me how it works, just know it does, and when you're around them, you will nearly forget you even have food allergies

•which just leads to danger and disappointment when you go back out into the world of man and realize they're still eating tomatoes off of pewter and drinking wine out of lead-glazed pottery among the elite

•you're only safe among elves because they've accidentally killed or almost killed enough people of the thousands of years they've all been around, that they eventually figured out these things with first-hand knowledge

•let that sink in

•you're safe among dwarrow because your 13 allies care enough about you that they get paranoid for your sake and are so detail-oriented that no rock- or bread roll- is left unturned, eventually leading to just every single dwarf in existence just knowing about your allergy before they even meet you, and because of your good relationship with fíli and the others, you now just automatically don't have to worry about your allergy in any other dwarven settlement in existence

•word travels fast among them

•they discover your allergy at bilbo's house and somehow, when dain (thorin's cousin) lends hands for the coronation party, he's assuring you, completely unprompted, that you'll be taken care of

•'poor sprite; aye, don't worry- we'll make sure ya get enough protein. that lack of peanuts and tree nuts, thats why y'r so weak... don't worry, don't worry, we'll see ya put some muscle on'

•you may be skinny, you may be mid size, you may even be plus sized.

•your allergy may be lactose intolerance

•it doesn't matter

•dain is concerned for your health

•dwarrow will try to put meat on your bones even if your bones already have meat

•the only con of this fact is that if you ever turn on the dwarrow, you will be extremely aware that at least 70,000 individuals know 1 extremely easy way to kill you

•the bright side is that they're too noble to use that method; you'd still be in more danger of them just separating your head from your body than poisoning your milk with a walnut

•either way, if they know about it, you will not die by an allergen amongst dwarrow or because of them

•but I digress

•once you're a friend and family of 13, you're friend and family of 70,000+

[classic-crackhead]

FÍLI DURIN X AUTISTIC, HUMAN, FEM-CODED READER

like the title describes. (based on my personal experience being autistic) (also based on canon research and fan headcanons)

•dwarrows are very committed to courtship

•it usually consists of 'look how [trait] I am!'

•they'll put more care into their hair than usual, sometimes they'll decorate their hair a little more ornately

•anything that'll get across how great they would be in a relationship

•also anything that'll get across how great y'all's kids would be

•'look, I can lift an entire boulder; which means look how great of a husband I'll be, and how strong our pebbles would be'

•dwarrow don't actually have the same idea of a nuclear family? pebbles/kids usually come from a joint decision after courtship and marriage, instead of it being an absolute must/given.

•part of me thinks that there's some form of magic that, by blood rite, any couple can just- spawn a baby???

•just shape a baby-like shape outta clay or smthn and drop some blood from both parties and a lil mountain magic and you'll have a genetically accurate baby

•bagginshield shippers can go wild with that

•bagginshield blood clay dwarrow hobbit pebble born in the heart of the mountain

•we've fired our blood clay baby in the forge fires and placed it in a nursery hole, will aulë grant us a pebble after a full cycle of the moon?

•yes, yes aulë will

•everything fíli has done, he's done it extra for you

•when he danced the dishes into the kitchen, he did some extra fancy footwork with hopes you were watching

•when he played the fiddle, he played it extra well with hopes you were listening

•he secretly polished his fiddle in a hurry, crouched like a gremlin on bilbo's porch

•asked kíli if it looked shiny enough

•got kinda weird when he brought you a giant spider chelicera as a token of his bravery, but his eyes were so hopeful you couldn't say no

•its wrapped in a piece of leather in a pocket of your pouch cause you accidentally felt it when you were digging for something and felt something furry and thought it was a wiry rat

•fíli also picked through the battlefield after BOTFA and brought you an entire, large pouch full of various species' lost teeth

•you didn't know whether to be ecstatic or concerned

•all this cause you happened to keep some animal teeth cause they looked cool

•also makes a song and plays it on the fiddle just for you

•you don't catch on how everyone else softens up and slowly stops playing or gives him soft backup sounds, and suddenly he's the main lead

•you also don't catch how the tempo suddenly becomes soft and warm and loving as a hug

•or how he's looking at you from his place as though you're his entire world

•you're just fucken- chilled out on a rock, soaking it all up like a lizard, eyes closed, blanket tucked up to your chin, slowly falling asleep to Smooth Fiddle in a Forest with Campfire, Birdsong, and Cicadas 1hr (no loop)

•he's written and is playing you his little courtship song and you're thinking that all it needs is the low rumble of thunder in the distance

•you're snug as a bug in a rug

•he looks up from his extremely heartfelt and vulnerable song that everyone else was tearing up with pride and emotion for, knowing it was for you, and you're snug as a bug in a rug

•he imagined a beautiful little smile, maybe a blush on your beautiful face, maybe a bashful looking away

•but you're literally tucked up, sleeping like a cinnamon bun in its second rise

•bofur probably comforts him

•"well- the lass was relaxed enough to fall asleep, so I'd wager that means she liked it! : D"

•they literally just- collectively assume your response was positive

•"maybe that's a human thing?"

•instead of teaching you their ways, they spend the first 11 months assuming that your reactions to things are just- how humans work?

•you didn't not like it, cause they have gathered by now what you look and act like when you don't like something

•so you must have liked this one : D

•when dwarrow show off, they will typically do so in increasingly specific ways so as to prove that they'd be perfect for you specifically

•so at first, fíli may show off as a warrior or through his craft, or with his fiddle

•but then it starts getting increasingly specific to you

•and suddenly he's picked through every apple in the market to make sure he brought you all the firmest ones because he knows you hate soft apples

•he'll start grabbing your bowl of soup and he'll pick out all the soft mushrooms, and things he's noticed you don't like, and then he'll give you the bowl with this proud look on his face

•and listen, if this was kíli, he'd be telling you each time he does it 'i know you hate soft apples so I did this' or 'i know you hate cooked turnips so I did this'

•but this is fíli

•so he just looks at you with this 'are you wooed yet?' smile and unbelievably soft 'i want to marry you' eyes

•and he always looks at you like that, so you just think he looks at everyone like that

•but no he looks at everyone else like he has to serve face but missed an important context clue as to what's even going on

•or with that 'ah yes, I've figured out what's going on and that means I'm winning' look

[classic-crackhead]

the hobbit scenario thing 2

thorin's company w/ a human, autistic, fem-coded reader part 2.

light fíli romance

•most of the company adapts fairly wordlessly to your differences

•you might get some shit from thorin if you're a picky eater

•but ultimately, it's hypocritical because he absolutely refuses to eat carrots or cabbage that's been cooked the slightest degree too long

•and ori refuses to eat anything that's green

•its just not that noticeable because everydwarf else just has adapted to not adding any of those things to whatever they make

•thorin will tell you to at least sit next to bombur so that anything you don't eat won't be wasted

•bombur is a picky eater's best friend, cause he will eat absolutely anything that you dont.

•you won't even have to bring attention to it

•just kinda hand your bowl to him or wave it from across the camp and he will just know

•if anyone else tries to call you weird or something, they'll have 13 dwarrow staring at them like

•they all just have comebacks at the ready that will simultaneously lift you up and tear the hater down

•they also have a main trade that they spend their life's career on, so you can't tell me they would find hyperfixations weird.

•they'd probably find it weirder if you had more than one

•long discussions about hyperfixations and their chosen career

•especially if you happen to have a hyperfixation that is one of their careers

•if your hyperfixation is blacksmithing/forge work, then you can best believe even thorin can be goaded into an absurdly long discussion about it.

•he may be stressed and angsty during the journey, but even he can't resist talking about his glorious chosen career.

•i also 100% think thorin relaxes/lightens up after BOTFA(everyone lives AU) and will remember that you once showed interest (no matter if you were 100% invested or .001% interested, it matters not) in his Craft™, and will proceed to very happily and energetically show you around the forge and point out all the complicated networks of tasks that make the beautiful things

•lets be honest, he gifts you a weapon as a sign of accepting you as his family and you completely miss the importance of the gesture because look how custom and unique to you he made it, and oh my gods there's a beautiful stone imbedded in the hilt that's a perfect representation of your beautiful eyes, whatever color they may be

•everyone else probably does the same thing; you just get a bunch of handmade gifts from them because they were just so excited to involve you in their Craft™

•on the gift giving note, I absolutely bet that fíli has so many knives and swords because a bunch of dwarrowdams back on the blue mountain each gifted him a weapon

•like how some women in stories gift their crush an embroidered handkerchief, dwarrows gift each other going-away-weapons

•fíli was a dwarven heartthrob, and their mother gifted kíli their father's bow.

•fíli similarly just starts gifting you things

•when they're captured by the mirkwood elves, he only actually takes back the weapons he'd taken himself, consciously choosing to leave the rest behind

•you're confused why he, at some point, just starts 'randomly' gifting you beads that are carved out of various materials

•'this one is from the tree outside master baggins' house : D'

•bilbo: it's what???

•'this one is from that orc you saved me from' 'this one is from a boar, but see i engraved a troll on it, cause we went through that together'

•each bead is for an important event

•by laketown, you literally just have like 10-12 months worth of carved beads

•you falsely assume it's just his thing

•you develop an attachment to the pouch of hair beads, whether or not you realize they're hair beads

•you attach some of them to a drawstring on your clothes somewhere cause they're really nice to fiddle with

•fíli takes this as you're thinking about his courtship proposal but aren't sure yet

•takes the fact that you're constantly twisting them between the pads of your fingers as a sign that you're thinking positively on his proposal

•when actually they're just a really nice texture that almost rivals the perfect clothing hem.

[classic-crackhead]

the hobbit scenarios thing

so I'm back on my fandom writing thing, and now I've been drawn back to writing for the characters, so here y'all go.

lemme know if you wanna see more? I'll probably write more regardless, but I might take requests if asked

thorin's company with a fem-coded autistic reader (based on my experience as an autist)

some light fíli romance thrown in as well

•fíli tries very hard to flirt with you

•i don't actually believe he'd be less obvious than kíli, I just think he wouldn't be as vocal if that makes sense

•which is a problem, neurodivergently

•man is gazing at you through the flames of the campfire as if looking at you and flashing his mustache will be enough

•news flash; it won't be

•you falsely assume he's spacing out while looking at the fire and happens to be looking at you

•you sleep at the edge of the group, wanting to get away from the bodies, the snoring, and all.

•fíli is frowning because what do you mean you're sleeping outside the dwarrow safety sleep formation?

•everyone else is also probably concerned about this and try to make the middle of the group more inviting

•but fíli especially

•one of those to constantly try to fix everything that makes you uncomfortable

•offers the perfect solutions to all your discomforts, but sleeping outside the group is your routine, and so it continues

•until it gets cold and fíli practically begs you to give it a chance

•"just for the night- its too cold outside the circle, I'm afraid you'll freeze"

•when you finally agree, I just know fíli is instantly pulling out all the Solutions™ and purposely making sure you get the spot in the circle where the conditions are all met for as close to a perfect sleep as you can get given the circumstances

•everyone is eagerly rolling over or switching up where they sleep

•"you snore the loudest besides dwalin, bombur; I'll sleep here, you sleep there"

•when you agree and lay down, fíli feels like someone who's normally distant cat chose to lay down next to them

•just giddily peaking his eyes open every so often to see if you're comfortable and falling asleep

•afraid to move lest you decide it's not worth it and leave back to your normal spot

•actually might lose a little sleep himself over it as he subconsciously wakes himself up in the middle of the night to see if you're still there.

•sometimes, the lack of emotions on your face startle the group

•you'll be on night watch at one point and the next person to relieve you of it approaches, and you're just completely hundred-yard staring into the distance

•everything's fine, you're actually happy

•but when bofur walked up to relieve you of your watch, he was pretty concerned when you just- sloooooowly turned your head with a completely dead look on your face, before blinking as you realize you're not making any expression and you just blossom into a small smile and soft face, eyebrows slightly raised to show animation.

•the dwarves have to get used to seeing you like that, but they'll eventually understand that your emotions just don't quite line up with the look on your face.

•each learns some of your emotional tells

•fíli memorizes them all

•in new company, balin might remind you that you're making no expression by nudging you

•its almost more uncanny to see you go from 0 expression to an appropriate one for the situation in an instant after being nudged

•dwarves don't really make aggressive eye contact while they're talking to each other, it's a lot more casual

•so they're a little unnerved when you just zero in and stare unblinkingly into their eyes with a polite smile etched onto your face

•once fíli finds out why you do it, he's pissed that people would make you feel like you had to force yourself into uncomfortable eye contact just so they felt heard

•all the dwarrow would insist that you do whatever makes you feel comfortable- and what'll ensure you actually hear what they're saying

•might assume you meant offense in a joke spoken too monotone at first, but after getting comfortable with you, they'd be more likely to assume it was a joke first

[classic-crackhead]

Can we discuss the fact that though Jensen and Misha are both straight men with wives and children that they love and cherish, Castiel and Dean are literally gay and have been pining for each other across several seasons/years?

And please, could we have at LEAST gotten an LGBTQ+ character in that series that wasn't closeted the whole thing, and didn't DIE IN LITERALLY ONE(1) DAY OF BEING ON THE SHOW!?

[classic-crackhead]

I need someone to make an animated, x-ray scene or something, because this dude was literally holding an entire dagger between his buttcheeks. 

[classic-crackhead]

Gabriel, about the Winchesters: they’re valuable asshats.

Sam: don’t you mean assets? valuable assets?

Gabriel: I said what I said.