How to Stop Listening to the Enemy Between your Ears
Yes, you read the title correctly.
Every day for as long as I can remember I have been at war with myself inside my own head. Between battling emotions caused by anxiety and depression, and other mental health issues, these problems have been ongoing for so many years I've lost count. My whole adult life I've been affected by feelings of self loathing, low self esteem and like I'm a failure in general, so I know more than the average person what these feelings can do to a person.
These feelings are always present and have affected my relationships and friendships to the point I've lost most of my friends and almost my current relationship on a few occasions too, and even now it's rocky. Most of these issues are caused by my own thoughts and feelings inside my own head, thinking my friends don't care about me, family don't care about me, and neither does my partner.
1. See Yourself As A Warrior
First things first: You have to start looking at yourself as a warrior.
You’re in constant battle with yourself when things shouldn't be that way, in fact, it should be quite the opposite. You should love yourself, and as much as I used to hate this phrase, if you don't love yourself no one else will. I don't mean that quite as literal as it comes across, but if you're constantly at war with your own self, it takes away from the amazing love someone could have for you because you spend so much time rejecting that love and pushing everyone away.
You are in control of your life, and your happiness can't depend on another person, as sad as it sounds people do come and go, believe me I've lived to tell the tale. When someone leaves, if your happiness depends on them then you will shatter beyond repair, and that isn't the type of control someone should have over you.
Live your life, and own your life, take charge of you and don't put that kind of pressure on someone else. I've put that pressure on others all my life, and it's resulted in me feeling alone for all of it.
Never blame yourself. That’s not what a warrior does. Instead, fight your inner enemy by not giving up. Overcome your issues, do not suffocate in them.
2. Don't have Expectations
One of the biggest causes of inner conflict is that we have too high expectations of other people.
People suck, that's the bottom line. We expect too much, especially from our partner, family members and friends. We expect them to cater for all of our needs, but they're human with their own lives too, and although I'm writing this I totally understand feeling as though you cannot control it, you want people to make you happy, but that can't be the be all and end all.
Never have high expectations. You will only be disappointed.
Instead, expect nothing, and everything else is just a bonus.
3. You’re Not Perfect -Accept That
Stop beating yourself up for making mistakes. Mistakes happen and such is life, life is unpredictable and even now I struggle to make sense of it. If you try to be perfect and appear perfect to others, you're just hurting yourself. You're creating a barrier between yourself and others which means you will only spend more time at war with yourself, because you're not being honest with others. You're not being honest about your true feelings and emotions, and by not sharing you will gradually bottle feelings up more.
Eventually you will end up like me and struggle to even talk about your feelings, and if anything destroys you, it's bottling up feelings.
If you pretend and try to be perfect, you’re never at peace with yourself. Nothing is good enough. Why? Because there's no such thing as perfect, sweetheart.
I get it. You go to work, you come home, you clean the house, you get ready for work the next day, you shower, you sleep, you wake up and repeat. Life is hard, and you get nothing in return. No results.
You question: “What is the point in this?”
You’re never promoted at work.
No one buys your product.
Once you have at least one negative thought like that, the floodgates will open. It happens without fail every single time.
Then comes the waterworks. Self-loathing. Binge eating. Further self-loathing. Repeat.
Never question life. No one has the answers, we're all winging it.
How do you believe in yourself? So many people would love a quick fix to that question. In my opinion, you could read all the self-help manuals and life coach books in the world, they won't just automatically change your deepest emotions and make you love yourself.
You also can't say things to yourself and believe them if it's not what you truly believe inside, because deep down we know it's just a pep talk.
Lying to yourself does not help, and nor does lying to others.
Self help starts with being brutally honest to yourself, and as difficult as it may be, being truthful with others.
If you don't try hard, you won't get anywhere, so go and do all the hard work as that's where things begin to change.
Seeking professional help is also an option if needed. There is no shame.
6. Arm Yourself Correctly
The battles you fight with yourself are very real, it's not about pretending you have no issues left to face and painting on a fake smile.
Wars will still happen with yourself, you just need to arm yourself correctly and you will actually have a chance at winning. You will never be defeated as long as you keep fighting.
Make those changes to become a happier you.
