Clipboard Princess

General ramblings of a tv producer/writer/film critic/pop culture junkie.

[clipboard-princess]

friend: hey which rogue one character are you?

me: i dunno, that’s a difficult--

me: *remembers when jyn erso made the face*

me: oh yeah that’s me

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one day into a five day shoot

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friend: how you ten year old you feel if she could see you now?

me, choking down a green juice: disgusted and disappointed.

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2017 mood board

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I have never related harder to anything than Vince Gilligan saying “I don’t like writing, I like having written.”

[clipboard-princess]

Assassin’s Creed - First Draft Film Review

So my proper review is still on the way, but...

opening crawls that aren’t star wars are opening bores

also this one looks suspiciously like the one from m night’s last airbender 

honestly i could not tell if lady assassin was marion cotillard i think i just assumed it was her but there was a dramatic reveal later that means it probably wasn’t?

the set-up to get to the actual assassin’s creed was... wow

like it is excessive

depressing dollhouse

full of other assassins?

human GLaDOS?

and a lot of dead parents

also i jokingly called a father figure 2nd act ender because i’ve been reading joseph campbell but JESUS CHRIST THERE WERE LIKE FOUR OF THEM

so. many. fathers.

essie davis?

also niche reference but the chief priest dude looked like he was wearin the belt of deltora around his neck 

inconsistent accents

did they just cast Brendan Gleeson to try and explain the accent?

“fuck this shirt” - callum lynch, 2016

also hello environmental committee i’d like to report a MASSIVE WASTE of Michael K Williams

also geez there’s only one assassin who never talks and i wonder who that might be

would it be the woman of colour?

yes it would other tansy - yes it would

full disclosure i have never played the game

but this felt like watching a really long cutscene intercut with watching other people playing the game

lots of lighting

some of it good

some of it bad

some of it... there

honestly this movie was just kinda empty and i’m struggling to get to word count on this one.

[clipboard-princess]

Sometimes I think YA is out of genre-mythical creature mashups, then I remember that centaur cowboys still haven’t happened and that’s a gross oversight from the genre

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so long story short I lost my voice at the Rogue One premiere and had to communicate via notes all night and I just found the document again and I’m trying to reverse engineer the conversation and, well...

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A new entry in the "smugly holding a clipboard on the red carpet" selfie anthology

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Pictured: me delegating at work

[gwillow-deactivated20190925]

WHO’S ON TV?!  KAMALA’S ON TV! Ms Marvel makes her small screen debut in Avengers: Ultron Revolution, airing this Sunday on Disney XD. 

[clipboard-princess]

When you want something so bad you don't believe it's real

[batmanisagatewaydrug-deactivate]

look I have nothing against Brie Larson as a person or an actor but her casting feels like an undeniable result of the cultural fixation with Women Under Thirty

[batmanisagatewaydrug-deactivate]

okay so I fired this off on my phone just as a thought but let me elaborate on this a little:

Carol Danvers is a Colonel in the US Air Force.

Even if we accept that Carol was promoted at younger age than most, that kind of promotion doesn’t come lightly. According to military-ranks.org (a website that I have no reason to question):

By law, colonels must have twenty-two years of service and a minimum of three years of service as a lieutenant colonel. Most colonels spend three years as a lieutenant colonel before being promoted.

I think it’s pretty widely established that Carol joined the Air Force as soon as she was 18, which would place her squarely at age 40 after the minimum 22 year service, assuming she got promoted as soon as she was eligible.

What I’m getting at here is that, unless the Marvel Cinematic Universe is stripping Carol of her illustrious military history, there’s no damn reason for her to played by a 26 year old. At all.

… Unless they think a woman in her forties has no business being a superhero, in which case I’d like to direct your attention to Jeremy Renner (cast as Hawkeye at 40), Ben Affleck (Batman at 43), Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man since age 44), and Paul Rudd (debuting as Ant-Man at forty-fucking-six).

Listen to me. Listen. Women over forty are badasses. ¾ of the new Ghostbusters cast are women in their 40′s. Ming-Na Wen is kicking asses and taking names all over Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. at 52. Those old ladies from Mad Max: Fury Road - including Megan Jaffer, who’s 78 - did their own fucking stunts. 

There Is No Expiration On Women Being Awesome.

[sevensneakyfoxes]

I ADORE Brie Larson (seriously, she is one of my favourite actresses), but I am so fucking annoyed with this casting.

I’m not surprised, though.  The only actresses playing main female characters in MCU that were over 30 when cast were Gwenyth Palrow and Evageline Lilly.  And Evageline is a full DECADE younger than Paul.  Marvel is obsessed with young women and are more than happy to pair them with much older men.

In fact, let’s take look at the ages of the actors playing reoccuring characters when they were cast (using the logic of reoccuring meaning they appeared significantly in more than one film and the previous year to the release being when these actors were cast/shot the first movie):

Scarlett: 25 Gwenyth: 35 Cobie: 27 Natalie: 29 Kat: 24 Hayley: 28 Elizabeth: 25 Evangeline: 35 Brie: 26 Jamie: 26 Emily: 27 Rene: 56 BREAKDOWN: 9 20-30, 2 30-40, 1 40-60 AVERAGE AGE: 363/12 = 30 (28 if you take the outlier of Rene out)

Robert: 43 Jeremy: 40 Mark:  41 Chris E: 29 Samuel: 61 Grillo: 48 Chris H: 27 Sebastian: 28 Paul R: 45 Don: 45 Stellan: 59 Paul B: 43 (age when he was cast for a physical role) Jon: 41 Tom: 29 Anthony H: 73 Anthony M: 35 Clark: 45 BREAKDOWN: 4 20-30, 1 30-40, 9 40-50, 3 50-80. AVERAGE AGE: 778/17 = 46

FUCKIN’ NOTICE ANYTHING THERE?  SIXTEEN YEAR DIFFERENCE. And honestly, I left a bunch of guys out from the Thor franchise that would have bumped up the men’s age even more, like Idris & Ray.

This is particularly egregious because Captain Marvel is MEANT to be an older female character.  She has the same military rank as fucking RHODEY, who is played by Don Cheadle, who is FIFTY. FUCKING. ONE.  There is no fucking way that a 26 year old would ever be a colonel, which means they’re either going to be stupid and ignore this (unlikely), or they’re going to retcon her character and take away that title (more likely).  And FUCK. THAT.

I love Brie, but this role would have been better suited for an older woman.  I am so sick of Marvel feeling like the only characters over 35 that women can play are mothers & aunts of male characters.

[hawkbi-pierce]

THIS. When the casting was announced I said I had nothing against Brie Larson personally, but I thought some of the fancasts fitted the look of Carol Danvers better (Katee Sackhoff and Katheryn Winnick were two that came to mind, and they’re 36 and 38 respectively). Someone’s response: “Oh, well they’re too old.”

SAYS WHO? Have you seen how fantastic those women look? Why do we pretend that the moment a woman hits a certain age she’s no longer eligible to be an action hero? 

[clipboard-princess]

Suicide Squad - First Draft Film Review

I wrote a proper review for Suicide Squad but honestly I had to cut out a lot of my thoughts so I’m putting some excerpts from my rough first draft review here:

hot mess

likes to act like it is pulling the rug out from beneath the audience, despite nailing that rug down in front of the audience twice

also part just literally don’t make sense?

like oh no Harley’s gone ahead and she’s in a lift and she’s fighting people but  then the doors open and the squad is there? like how did they get there? she was in the lift first? is there a faster lift?

not actually funny?

the joker’s new costume is the biggest prank ever played on cosplayers

harley my precious cinnamon roll you deserved so much better than this

like legit did anyone actually go beyond the google summary of the character?

also showing her original costume then just going “nah booty shorts” is the biggest fuck you to fans

literally wears a jacket that says “property of the joker”

you don’t own me because apparently i am already someone else’s property

women in this film only ever do anything because men

and not in a “fuck men i won’t do what you tell me” way but in a “i fuck this man so i will do what he tells me”

also diablo straight up murdering his wife and children??

enchantress’ design is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to a proper comic book super villain and simultaneously exactly why that sort of character doesn’t work in film

captain boomerang should have been an indigenous australian actor like there is literally no excuse

i want to retcon cast miranda tapsell cos she’s amazing and funny and tiny and i want to see her hoovering up diamonds and cracking open a tinny in the middle of a fight scene

killer croc is clearly a black character written by a white guy

doesn’t actually get? why the suicide squad exists?

??batman??

Amanda Waller is the single saving grace of this film so thank fuck she’s being set up for justice league

the score directly informs audiences that “this is the hero bit, these are the heroes”

why can’t everyone just be negasonic?

[clipboard-princess]

when ur a low key nerd but u've given up on the low key part

[clipboard-princess]

Words I never expected to hear:

“Yeah, someone got stabbed so you need to cover the premiere.”

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that said, it is the closest I’ve ever been to Margaret Sixel and George Miller.

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Words I never expected to hear:

“Yeah, someone got stabbed so you need to cover the premiere.”

[clipboard-princess]

#tbt the one time I wore shorts to work and ended up on channel for two months. There's an explanation for what's going on here, but it's nowhere near as good as the raw image.