Claudius

he/they

[irondive]

guys we're running out of time

[the-muppet-joker]

I've mupping relapsed

[cloudy-claude]

he’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

[mindflamer]

there is still time. there is still time. until your bones are in the fucking ground there is still time.

[cannibalcaprine2]

and then after that is THE SKELETON WAR

[the-muppet-joker]

i like your new poem, kermit. i hope marsha likes it too. have you tried making friends with her?

Landlords are Leeches. You're telling me to befriend a member of the leeching class? Educate yourself before ever looking me in the eyes again, Bootlicker!

[redstonedust]

the beauty of the world is that there are people out there having basically indistiguishable gender and sexuality experiences and one has several microlabels and an army of pride flags, one says "idk i guess im nonbinary or something" and the other is comfortably cis with a little flexibility. and all of them are correct because your identity is whatever you make of it.

[willgrahamscock]

[theebbestboy]

[a-sentient-cup]

[virtualgirladvance]

[sausaged-rat]

[lastoneout]

Sorry we really went from free the nipple, take back the night, slut walks, and ending gender/sex segregation in sports being fucking milquetoast feminism 101 concepts to fucking girl dinner and "I just worry about fairness if we let trans girls play against cis ones" and "it was right of that woman to call the cops on a black man for existing near here in public during the day time because men are all violent monsters" and "radical feminism isn't transphobic we just need to kill all men including trans ones those oppressive traitors" and I will legit never be able to be normal about it. What the FUCK happened. I'd say I wonder what the feminists of my youth would say about this but I'm one and lemme tell ya I want to throw up. Go fucking read bell hooks or do something else useful please because all of this learned helplessness, gender essentialism, and transphobia dressed up as feminism is actively holding us back.

[homunculus-argument]

If you're having a private phone conversation with the phone off your ear, no headphones, and the speaker on in public, that's a public conversation now. That's an open invite, and I'm going to chime in if I have an opinion. This is now OUR disagreement about your boyfriend's spending habits.

[jamierthanyou]

(guy who literally has easy access to painkillers voice) ough,,, everything aches,,, ouch, if only,,, there was something i could do to stop this,,,,,, guess ill just put up with it,,,,

[technofeudalism]

if you wiped every ICE agent off the face of the earth, a hundred million people would become safer overnight. if you wiped every furry off the face of the earth, the entire internet would collapse for good in a matter of hours. i know where my allegiances lie.

[pro-rev-frankie]

new jersey new jersey

2001 2025

first concert most recent concert

[cloudy-claude]

i don’t usually post about mcr on here but their tour lately has gotten me so emotional??? like who i was when i first discovered them vs who i am now is so different but i grew up to be the person i’ve always wanted to be. it’s just so beautiful that i get to go to their concert as my adult self. I know teenage claude is going buck wild and she would be so proud of and excited for this present day queer nonbinary freakazoid to enjoy the hell out of the concert AND form a brilliant life for myself i never thought possible. so yeah thanks mcr for making me nostalgic and reflective in the very best way :)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[the-muppet-joker]

Hey gang for those of you waiting for my return just letting you know that running the muppet joker account has put a very real strain on my real life marriage and I have decided to step away from the blog for the foreseeable future.

I have been talking to her and everone else in my personal life "in character" as the muppet joker so that my blog would be as true to life as possible. I have been wearing Joker makeup around the house, which at first she found funny, but now she can't even look at me. I started compulsively fantasizing about the muppets and it's ruining our sex life. I accidentally called her Kermit in the bedroom and she made me sleep on the couch for a week.

Our son turned one year old this year on July 5th, on the day of Dashcon 2. My wife begged and pleaded with me to stay home and celebrate his birthday, but I was stupid and selfish and had become completely taken over by the muppet joker persona at that point. I went. I returned home to an ultimatum. Its my family, or it's the muppet joker. I chose my family.

Sorry tumblr. I have failed you. I have failed my wife. I have failed my son. I have to go now, to be with them, and to watch my child grow up.

Goodbye, Homosapiens

[cloudy-claude]

goodbye my liege :’( it’s been real

[cloudy-claude]

hey google how to sus out if your long time best friend is into u in a bff way or in a gay gay homosexual way without me showing any of my cards and NOT just telling them that I’m lowkey in love with them….

[enki2]

[cloudy-claude]

gotta get on this grindset

[pukicho]

Going to scary zoo. Want anything?

[pukicho]

[wuntrum]

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith