Marts @cmbynlarrie - Tumblr Blog

rocktheholygrail

Hannibal (2013-2015)

2x01 || 2x08 || 2x13

reunitedinterlude

we fell into it hard and fast in 2009 (x) // insp by @ahappydnp's ask

rocktheholygrail

1x10 || 3x13

alarrylarrie

It just… it wasn’t supposed to go this way. He was supposed to get the help he deserved and recover. They were supposed to eventually get back together and rob us all (happily, of course) blind of our life savings for their reunion tour tickets. I was supposed to be able to see him in person, bounding around stage, singing his harmonies and verses, doing mic flips, saying “sing it” and reading silly fan signs. He had so much more life left! He had so much more to do!

This isn’t fair! It isn’t right! This shouldn’t have happened! It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

slimegargoyle

we for real for real need to stop making children famous

since-he-was-eighteen

i’ll admit i’ve been very sidelines cheering on the boys for their achievements in the last 11 years and it is basically fueled by the love i had for them for the first 5 years in one direction.

watching video diaries, googling one direction funny moments back in 2012, remembering cringe quotes, there’s just no way in damn hell i could have ever thought i would be sitting here at 27 years old at 6:30am seeing that one of the boys has passed. my heart goes out to absolutely everyone ❤️

intentionalarry

I came into this fandom a very broken human being. I was twenty-four, had just come out and ended an engagement, and had no fucking clue who I was.

I never saw this fandom coming— the people who changed me, the people I hurt, the lessons I learned, the ways I grew. The truth is, one of the reasons I sidelined myself in this fandom is because I didn’t like the person I had become, and my actions had caused hurt that I needed to take accountability for. So I left. And I did work. And I am SUCH a different person at 34 than I was at 24. But I got that chance. And Liam didn’t. All of the nights spent awake until the early hours of the morning, shitposting and memeing and headcanoning. All of the press junkets, interviews, talk show appearances, performances, releases, charity events. All of the fan initiatives. Project No Control. Rainbow Direction. All of the laughter, some of the best friends I have ever known.

Liam had a part in that. A big part. I remember once, some fandom friends telling me that if I was anyone, I was Liam. I never quite knew how to feel about that. He was a child who was paraded, stripped down, abused, overworked, but he also became someone who was enabled, inflated, unaccountable. And I know what all of that feels like. He never got the chance to grow up, and that’s what fills me with rage the most. Coming from someone who DID get that chance, who has a life beyond her wildest dreams now. Why not him.

I keep thinking about how purely sparkling 2015 was, how giddy and bright-eyed we all were. I’m so sad. I’m so, so sad. I’m so angry, there are so many people I want to torch and pitchfork and roast over a spit. I have no idea how I’m going to ask my boss to work from home tomorrow and how to explain it other than to tell her I don’t feel well.

We have experienced lost. Jay. Fizz. Robin. Others. But I don’t think anything could have ever prepared any of us for this. It was all of our worst unexpressed fears. I just… I love you all. So very much. And I am so, so sorry. May we all remember that We Are 1D Family. We will see each other through this.

If you or someone you love is struggling, please know that I stand here as someone who will happily meet you where you’re at with grace and compassion, and absolutely zero judgement. I think we all need to feel this together, and we all need places to talk. I’m here for that, so happily— because it’s what we do. For family.

1ddiscourseoftheday

Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation, his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.

I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.