I sat. I sat on my comfy bed in my Mizzou hoodie and yoga pants in my less than stellar Los Angeles apartment eating canned soup and the hard end of a French baguette. As I ate, I thought. I thought about my current state of affairs, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I realized things could be worse. Of course, it was not my well broken-in bed and my mom’s cooking, but it was food and a place to sleep, that I also had funded, and for that I felt grateful and proud.
I stared at my computer screen at the homepage of my legacy blog as if the layout would change itself. I never invested in a domain nor web-hosting. I had reserved those things for the projects of others, selflessly going about my editorial endeavors to build and sustain brands. Ever since I stepped on the blogging scene in 2009, I thought of Xclu Xclu 2 Couture (which later changed to Xclu Xclu’s World) as a nontraditional diary. An unintentional journalist, I covered my own life, both subtly and frankly. I was not the best journalist by any means, because I was too damn biased. After all, it was me, my life, and my digital space.
I am Kendra, the writer, and Kendra is Xclu.
Xclu is an alias, a mere euphemism, for a word with a somewhat arrogant connotation. Xclu is short for exclusive. Yes, I do consider myself exclusive, but aren't we all in our own right? My six-year brand alias originated as a catchphrase (xclu-xclu) that I once used to refer to stylish, edgy, but not so common fashions. I never intended for it to become my actual brand, but it did. It defined an era of my life, one filled with deferred dreams and student loans, dating struggles, the quarter-life crisis, and a passion for style.
It struck me. Change is good. I’m an original blogger, one of the few left, actually. I got to experience the digital revolution firsthand and critically examine the impact it had on communication, capitalism, and ultimately, people. I’ve changed. People have changed, but Xclu stayed the same. My brand is a direct extension of me, and my brand should better illustrate my evolution as not only a writer, but a human being.
So, as I lay Xclu to rest, I’ll remember her journey. I will never forget. I grew with my blog and my brand. I can read posts from a few years ago and revisit my previous self. Just the thought of that is so dope. Call me weird. It’s a compliment.
If you’re still reading, you’re probably wondering when I’m going to get to the point. This post is really boring. I wish I could get a drumroll on Tumblr for my announcement. Since I can’t, please keep reading.
I will always be Xclu. However, I am reinventing my blog as a brand new online publication to reflect my change and growth. I am no longer that commoner in a Midwestern bar. I am no longer that girl who seeks approval and blessings from those who aren’t God. I am no longer the girl who downplays her influence and potential to make a difference in others’ lives. Long gone are the days of helplessness, excuses, and betting on everyone but myself. I will cease to conform to society’s standards at the expense of my own livelihood. I will cease to hold my pen or type just to make others comfortable. I will overshare on social media until I effectively communicate my message, and eventually, you may be writing for me. I will offer raw, honest, stylish, and inspiring content on a new stage. I will take on L.A. and the world with denim and lipstick.
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