Santa's Side Hoe @cocmast - Tumblr Blog

regularlesbian

friendly reminder that

if we’re mutuals, you are allowed to slip 1 (One) small lizard into my pocket if you see me at the farmer’s market

hookerteeth-deactivated20210327

masturbate the crippling anxiety and depression away

altonzm-deactivated20170213

french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you

italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house

thirdtimecharmed

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

svynakee

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.

orriculum

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

digitalfare

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

jamesandlilys

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

monsterhighalumni

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

wereyoulookingforsomething-deac

Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.

moldychesee

Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three

dixon-arrows-deactivated2018052

Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.

beckyhop

Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.

visionssofgideon

Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl

onceuponamirror

ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.

jumpingjacktrash

internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.

piedude

Irish recipes:

obviouslyphelps

Courtesy of Sincerely Tumblr on Twitter

roze-rabbit

This is the greatest post I have ever laid eyes upon.

bencoppersupportgroup

HONESTLY.

ankh-niggas-anonymous

i feel like this is important for black travelers who are driving long distances:

but what are some sundown towns do y’all know of? like if someone were to do a cross-country trip, what are some towns they should absolutely not go through?

furbytheminx

Small towns in south ga and noth fla

furbytheminx

Ga: Jonesboro, tifton, Albany, valdosta, Macon

Fla: Gainesville, Perry, Madison, Marianna, Quincy, Jefferson county, hell I wouldn’t stop in Tallahassee either

blackgirlshit

Texas: Vidor, Orange, Deep Santa Fe

vici-eux

Texas: Jasper & Lumberton

sneakershoptalk

I’m from Albany and recently the police beat up a young brother for no reason. They were attempting to say he had drugs but he of course had nothing.

baldheadedlilboy

If you go to Stone Mountain and find yourself on the trails close to night leave because they still have active Klan rallys up there

ashrae720

I was driving through north Florida during the day and I felt uncomfortable

The Negro Motorist Green Book was guide for black folk traveling in the 60s. It’s gives a breakdown of sundown towns. 50 years later, I’m sure it’s still relevant.

sh-kira

I feel like the Deep South is just a gamble.

cajunnspicee-blog

Ohio…just in general

alwaysbewoke

laylamajandra

Central Florida, especially the little towns. If you must stop to pump gas, pay away the pump and get outta there asap

jlbi245

Once you get out of St. Louis county start being careful.

St. Genevieve, MO is definitely a no go for me if I’m traveling south.

chubbygirlindreamland

If traveling in Louisiana stay away from small town with low speeding zones. If you are to go into those please drive the speed limit and don’t stop for gas. You will get a ticket for tint of your car. If your military I pay you drive the speed limit and don’t have a military tag. Get gas in the daylight.

joncat71

I’m glad you’re looking out for your bros, at the same time it’s a pathetic look at the country in the 21st century.

lowkeylioness

Saving this and reblogging for myself and my tumblr fam stay safe love you guys (also check the notes for comments on more cities to avoid)

muse-of-mbaku

Ohio: Hartville, Sebring, Salem are all in NE Ohio. Had the worst experience of my life in Hartville.

sad-but-rad-universe

Mississippi. Just. All of it. Especially if you’re LGBT and a POC.

wlwaffle-deactivated20180825

draw women in post-apocalyptic world settings with armpit hair, leg hair, bushy brows and pubic hair ya cowards,, draw brown women/women with dark thick hair with arm hair and happy trails and sideburns and mustaches i’m sick of seeing silky smooth soapy clean make up wearing post apocalyptic dolled up women next to stinky sweaty crusty men with dirty nails and sweaty clothes and sweaty greasy hair and 3m long ugly beards

bal-lantine-deactivated20180730

or, if you must depict women maintaining that shit, at least be interesting about it. I can actually buy someone shaving/putting on makeup if that’s their way of coping, something they do to tether themselves to the past or an ellusive feeling of normalcy. So show me the EFFORT put in, yeah? Show that woman risking a zombie horde because she spotted a fucking tube of scarlet lipstick and christ she hasn’t seen that color in five years but it’s what she wore on her first date with her now-dead husband. Show me the girl who is quietly starting to fucking lose it but covers it up with fanatical commitment to her appearance because if she gets these eyebrows right, maybe no one will notice how she stares at things that aren’t there. I find it completely plausible that some women would go to incredible lengths to maintaining their appearance, because they’ve been socialized all their lives to caring about it, because it’s a part of their identity. So show me how that part gets negotiated with once the world has gone to hell.

c3rvida3

Catch me in your local bunker doing a smoky eye with the ashes of my former life.

17000dollars

with $17,000 you could buy 1,030 small smiling faces.

dogcunt

no you couldnt there are only 9 left in stock

yeahponcho

please excuse my grandpa in the background but here’s poncho enjoying her thanksgiving superworms

mineapple

i will NOT excuse your grandpa he is INTEGRAL to my enjoyment of this video

rosswoodpark

Everyone agrees! Your intestines squirming around like eels in your belly is horrifying!

rosswoodpark

IM SORRY THEY FUCKING WHAT NOW?

thatthinginyourshoe-deactivated

The racks even have hooks to keep them from squirming right off and onto the floor apparently. They desperately want to escape our bodies

aesclepianbanshee

Intestines are muscles, and function involuntarily. If your muscles did not squirm around, then they wouldn’t be able to move food through them, thus you wouldn’t gain any nutrients from anything you eat, and the food would spoil and make you sick. I agree the squirmy wormies are a bit unsettling, but hey it’s actually really good for you! Your intestines work so hard for it! Please give them a little love.

official-liberty-prime-deactiva

I don’t like that get them out

brattylikestoeat

Okay…this is unsettling.

daglout

This post is actually my nightmare

micaxiii

Breaking News! You are full of eels!

iridium-light

#wait til you hear about how they put them back#they just stuff them back in and the mesenteric lining slowly pulls them back into place#no helping required#so it 100% looks like a bunch of squiggly eels getting comfortable in their space again (via lampfaced)