Daily Mail Org interview with Airborne Priest and Kaja-Cola Girl Coco āCrushā Cuomo
((Cocoās voice claim is Barbara Streisand from Funny Girl ))
[Male Orc voiceover] Blood and thunder! This time, on Daily Mail Orgrimmar, we interview a Goblin priestess who knows. What she wants.
Coco āCrushā Cuomo isnāt just related to an infamous Horde B celebrity who helped her get this interview on her own merit. Coco is an ensign working her way through the ranks of the Goblin Airborne priests. The so-called Glorious 64th Angels Squadron. Coco is clever as a whip, and from the start she quickly saw the advantages of walking the line. Between a mastery over the Light and the Shadow. As a discipline priestess. Yes.
āMadness aināt profitable. It just aināt. If I go full-on void user, what am I gonna spend my good gold on then? Light above! Foil hats? A hundred cats? Crazy people stuff? Come onā¦ā
But what about following the Light, Coco? Surely, there is āpure profitā in following the path of the righteous? After all, donāt most Goblin priests argue that thereās money to be made in a line of work where everyone needs to be saved?
āEh. Light magic aināt much better. Am I gonna spend the whole time preachinā at people to change, makinā em feel bad about who they are? People donāt change, theyāre mortal, they gotta mortal kinda nature where they make mistakes. I canāt do that, Iād be some kinda liar if I said I could do that. False advertisinā. I mean, I could lie to you and try butāLook, I can change you a gold for some silvers. You got gold? Alright? Iāll give ya a hundred silver. But Iām a priestess ova here, not a Titan. I donāt work miracles.ā
Coco knows that investing in the path of profit and wealth is about garnering power. The right kind of power, she says. Power that can be used to lift people up. And save their souls. Save them from eternal torment.
āWhen people commit terrible acts, and then they feel guilty? That shitās expensive. Do you know the kinda financial burden mean and evil people place on a society? Do you know how much havoc and destruction everyone from the Burning Legion to your average, uh, everyday jackass who wonāt stop his trike while youāre crossinā the streetā¦ how much all that costs? Sinning is expensive! Wastinā Ogrimmarās public funds with lawsuits and expensive projects to rebuild a whole city thatās makinā bad moral decisions accordinā to, letās say technically most people (most of them Alliance okay) and that same sinninā city ends up gettinā raided as a result? None of thatās profitable, ya mook. So I work to keep people on a good path.ā
Interesting. But what about the morally-greyā
āDonāt rain on myyyyy paraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade!ā
Okay, that was random singing. Anyway, another thing that Coco Cuomo knows? Sheās engineering a new way. For the masses. To enjoy. Kaja-Cola.
āHey, I know that stuff about my Blood Elf sister Trixany Cuomoāsheās only a step-sister by the wayāthat wasnāt good for business. She practically pulled a Kaelāthas, or a Sylvanas or an Azshara evil Elf stint and tried to take over the planet with Kaja-Cola. Now that Iām leading the Kaja-Cola Girls band, weāre not gonna be gettingā involved in world domination, replacinā all the worldās potable water with cola or anythinā like that. Just healthy, borderline inappropriate, sometimes very inappropriate starlette drama. Weāll be tearinā apart the Alliance GNOMEADE girls on the concert stage and the social media streams. Yeah, so. Youāll be seeinā a lot more of me, Coco Cuomo on your local battlefield and your scryinā orbs, folks. Be sure to tune in!ā
And Ensign Cuomo says, if you like her story? Youāve got to roleplay to learn more.
Lokātar. This is Brut Ironaxe in the Orgrimmar studio, signing off.
