I am sorry I am not in fact finished
I guess what I found so enchanting about the nico hischier pepsi hostage situation is that it is part of an overall incredibly badly executed campaign which is besides everything fucking flopping on yt and Also somehow the most perplexingly bad installment of it.
the campaign overall contains, as far as I can tell, 4 installments with the same structure (intro while drinking pepsi zero sugar, food discussion/preparation, eating food with pepsi prominently in frame while confidently asserting that pepsi Elevates The Flavor Of Any Meal). the 4 installments for some bizarre reason, out of all nhl players, feature:
- david pastrňak cooking pasta, which is by far the best one, partially because it's the shortest one and partially because pasta is just far more in his element. like I can believe that this man both likes pepsi and is entertained by the fact that he is doing a pepsi commercial. a claim that pepsi zero sugar elevates fresh seafood pasta he just cooked is almost believable when he says it
- mathieu joseph cooking a korean beef recipe from his billet family. a perfectly average sponcon, mathieu is young and talkative and doesn't seem put off by pepsi and discussion there of, the video has a chill vibe and it seems like everyone is having a good time overall. the guy even takes a question of if he prefers pepsi in a can, a bottle, or from a fountain in stride. has the vibes of a vlog honestly.
- josh morrissey shamelessly using the premise of the video to promote his own sandwich joint in winnipeg. in his avarice to make the most of this shit he is the only person that talks about pepsi with enthusiasm. it almost sounds believable because yeah, fuck it, I guess a sandwich with pepsi sounds good.
- and. of course. the nico hischier pepsi themed prison.
before I speak more in depth on what makes the nico one so bizarre. I need to establish that the overall campaign is both badly conceived and badly executed. it is so obviously untrue to claim that pepsi elevates the flavor of any meal that it feels like mockery of the viewer. there is in fact a pretty limited selection of meals that would be complemented, let alone elevated by pepsi. and it becomes more obvious if you put pepsi besides fresh seafood pasta, a hot homecooked meal or an obviously bougie sandwich with in-house made bread. in fact the only menu that pepsi does complement is the diner one, which may be why they went so fucking hard on the pepsi of it all for nico, but I'll get back to it later. however, despite the ill-conceived premise, what really makes this whole thing unbearable is the execution. somewhat revealing and personal questions about personal experiences and homecooked meals are inevitably anchored by bringing the conversation back to pepsi. the delivery of everything pepsi-related is both incredibly chipper and completely unironic. there is nothing funny about pepsi. here is an abridged list of things said out loud about pepsi in these videos:
- "never leave the house without pepsi zero sugar!"
- "what is your favorite pepsi?"
- "what pepsi would pair well with [item currently discussed]?". credit to josh morrissey for being the only person to say anything but "pepsi zero sugar". he thinks pepsi zero sugar cherry would pair well with his signature prime rib sandwich. if you're curious
- "do you prefer pepsi in a can, a bottle, or from a fountain?". somewhat notably pastrňak is spared from this one.
- "pepsi elevates the flavor of any meal"
and. of course. notably asked only of nico hischier. "what is your core pepsi memory?"
so. the campaign as a whole is bizarre. but again, the nico installment is surreal even within the context of the campaign as a whole. frankly it's made weirder by the rest of the campaign.
it's the only one that is filmed like that. it's the only one that looks like a commercial from start to finish. it's the only one to feature the reporter's hair swaying in the wind when the first can of pepsi is opened. it's the only one to feature the fucking pepsi cups turned logo to the camera throughout. it's the only one that ends with a pepsi shot. it's the only one to feature several carefully crafted close up shots of nico drinking pepsi (they all of course feature shots of the subject carefully drinking pepsi with logo to the camera, but nico gets several and they are distinctly more commercial-like). in general the production quality seems absurdly high. the only one on a similar level is the pastrňak one but like. the nico one is filmed like a pepsi commercial. the pastrňak one is filmed like cooking with babish. the explanation for all of the above I think boils down to the producers recognizing that this installment should be more polished due to several factors, which are 1) it features a prominent player 2) it has the most coherent premise in terms of pepsi pairability with the featured food 3) nico hischier is photogenic.
the other part that makes this entire production special is just the fact that, at least based on the provided material, I don't think nico hischier has any sort of fond feelings towards pepsi. inviting nico to play in the pepsi space results in nico awkwardly trying to play along while his eyes flit to the pepsico-sponsored sniper he has been told is watching him from the roof of the building across the lot. his general palette of homecooked meals with creamy sauces doesn't pair well with pepsi zero sugar. the increased pepsi-marketing related effort put into production also puts him on the spot as the only person in the history of the world that has to come up with a core memory related to pepsi.
the overall vibes are also. uniquely weird. the combination of questions about childhood, lighthearted small talk about signature meals and moving the conversation to a secondary location to eat brings associations with a date, except it is uniquely pepsi themed and one of the parties is being held hostage in the pepsi-centric conversation. the only other installment that has anything resembling to a romantic vibe is the pastrňak one and that I am pretty sure is just a result of david pastrňak's raw animal magnetism making any interaction with him feel charged. the nico installment feels like a date you were set up on by a coworker that doesn't know you're gay.
the whole ordeal of course feels like satire, in a way many american commercials I encounter feel like satire. beautiful blonde woman trying her best to procure sincere soundbites about pepsi zero sugar while everyone involved is pretending that pepsi goes well with anything that could be considered good food. all of this is focused on pepsi zero sugar specifically, because the campaign is trying to cultivate the idea of pepsi zero sugar as the healthy option, which is why we're showing a skinny white woman and professional athletes drinking it. the specter of the full sugar version and the people who drink it looms in the distance. pepsi zero sugar: not only healthy, but also a preferable option outside the fastfood parking lot. but also! a brand you have fond memories of and with. what is your Favorite Pepsi?
in conclusion: I don't think nico hischier likes pepsi zero sugar.
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