To whose authority do you consign your soul? @colorschanging - Tumblr Blog

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You know what I want out of my migraine and Schrodinger's Lupus treatments? All I really want? It's not to live healthy and pain free, because I don't think that's possible.

I want to be able to run errands, start and then ALSO finish chores, walk my dogs, and cook meals most of the days of the week. That's the list. Mostly I optimistically buy groceries that I am definitely going to be able to cook for sure absolutely, and then throw them away when they rot in the fridge.

S and I were doing the weeding together and then I was talking about all of this with him and he was like, "I do the same amount of yard work that I've always done but all those vines have gone crazy taking over the hedge, and they never did before."

YEAH. BECAUSE I PULLED THEM CONSTANTLY. YOU DIDN'T DO THAT, I DID, YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT WAS GETTING DONE AND NOW I CAN'T DO IT, AND THE ENTIRE PROPERTY LOOKS LIKE SHIT AND THE VINES ARE KILLING OUR HEDGE. BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING IT.

ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN MY RESPONSIBILITY HAS BEEN NEGLECTED AND LEFT UNDONE BECAUSE I CAN'T DO IT. NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF THE SLACK OTHERS PICK UP, ONE PERSON CAN'T DO ALL OF IT THEMSELVES. IT'S NOT FAIR TO ANYONE.

I hate it and it sucks and I want it to be different and maybe eventually it will be?

#he picks up a lot of the slack for what i can't do #but there's only so much one person can carry #it didn't used to be this terrible and now it is and maybe it could be not as terrible in the future

thememedaddy

greenekatgrey

But! That makes me tough and cool.

#that was just not a thing that was recognized in girls in the 80s #let alone in girls who were high performing academically #so i'm not. like. angry about it #i just kinda went oh. well. yeah. that does make a whole lot of things make a whole lot of sense #and i feel sad for that kid i was for a lot of reasons but all you can do is go forward and all you can change is what is now #so it's just kind of you know. things could have been different but they weren't and in reality they couldn't have been and now they can be

Amazing how quickly trigger point injections and nerve blocks can calm down a bunch of angry migraine muscles and return me to a certain level of functionality. Hoping the botox (tomorrow? i sure hope) will do the same, except on a longer lasting basis. I went out and started weeding the long neglected hedge, which was fun and was going great until I pushed way past where I should have stopped, which is a thing that I am not able to discern and probably never will be and frankly it's kind of a drag and I wish I could.

I've been on methotrexate for six weeks now and I think maybe it's kind of working? I can't really tell. My fingers don't feel like big stiff sausages that I can't bend, and I was able to weed for at least an hour each day this weekend without feeling like death. Okay, I mean I did feel like death. But because I pushed too hard and because those wild grape vines are HUGE and VERY entangled, not because I was doing anything at all for more than five minutes. Also it was an oops I did too much and I'm going to throw up and pass out kind of feels like death, not an oops I stood somewhere for ten minutes and now my lower back has seized up and I can't move anymore and I have to go inside and sleep for two days kind of death.

I've spent so long feeling so terrible and it kind of feels like maybe I won't feel as terrible soon? Should I dare to hope? lol. Probably not. Am I going to. Yeahhhhhhh I am.

#weeding the hedge is prime monkey paws behavior #the essence of humanity is using your hands to pick things out of other things and then turn them into a third thing #the development of textiles? all tool use? social grooming and social structures? MONKEY FINGIES BASED BEHAVIOR #so weeding the hedge is very satisfying. on a genetic level. you know what i mean.#or you don't. but i do so you just gotta bear with me i guess

msfbgraves

Imagine having been born in 1905... And all your life it doesn't fucking stop. The Great War, the Spanish Flu, and then you go out of your mind for 7 years. Everyone is traumatised and nothing matters. Then another crash. And then the rise of fascism, and the War to end all Wars didn't and it's 1945 and you're just about still there. You may have fought or ferried the boys from Dunkirk or sabotaged the Nazi occupiers or worked in the factories and put out fires during the Blitz and you're lucky to be alive, because not all your friends made it. But you are and finally, fucking finally, it stops. It stops. You are tough as nails and you can put that strength to work into building something and you do, and people have cars and can buy icecream and you have a pension fund and the kids have money of their own and no nightmares.

I want that for us. I so want that for us. I want to be the generation that has seen fucking everything and is like a MRSA bug and unfazed and when that Cheeto finally dies, I want us to. Plant the gardens and clean the seas because we can and we want to and we remember some joy, some time of trust even when it got broken and we can say to the 20 somethings "let us show you what we can build, how it can feel."

And maybe Gen beta will take it all for granted like the boomers did, but we can give Gen Z and Alpha some peace because we, and Gen Z and Alpha have seen the Dark Times and fuck that noise.

krakenartificer

At the start of the Pandemic, my spouse’s grandmother was in an assisted-living home, and of course they were severely locked down, because with no vaccination available and we don’t really know how it spreads and no tests and anyone over 80 is deffo gonna die…. They couldn’t take the risks. So they weren’t even allowed to leave their rooms. Staff brought meals and left them outside the door, and they left dishes outside, and that was just their life for the foreseeable future.

So we tried to make sure someone called her every day, so she would have some kind of interaction, and one time my spouse asked how she was doing, and her attitude was basically, “Yeah, this happens sometimes.”

Because that was her life. She did live through the depression, she did lose three siblings to the last pandemic. She did live through WWII, and sent a son off to Vietnam, and made a family and a household and a career while knowing one slip of a button might wipe out all life on earth. And she lived through it; she survived.

And so 2020 wasn’t the end of the world, for her. It was just another thing. Because life is made up of sunshine and rainbows and puppy dogs, AND ALSO fascists and violence and rancid millionaires living high while people starve. And when you are in the middle of the shit times, you acknowledge that they’re shit, and also that they are not exclusively shit, because they still include spring days and new flowers and people taking care of each other.

And it was just… a really helpful perspective to get. You can survive it, you can become strong enough to live to 103 despite everything, you can become a source of strength and joy for everyone around you.

catasters

bbcwhereareyou

"There is a plague in this country of headlight brightness," she told the House Appropriations Commitee in July. "It is shockingly bright. If you look back to halogen light bulbs, you're reaching somewhere around 700 to 1200 lumens. New LED technology, these sons of b—s get to 12,000 lumens."

Gluesenkamp Perez brought the — it turns out — bipartisan issue as an amendment to the Transportation, Housing, and Urban Development Bill, asking the U.S. Secretary of Transportation to study the impact of headlight brightness and set a maximum brightness standard.

"It's not a binary choice between walking around in the dark and the fire of 1,000 suns," she said. "The standards on this have not been reformed since before I was born."

(source)

#the little raincoat 🥹

vintage-tigre

Beautiful stop motion animation by CliffCreativity

omtai

oh log we’re really in it now

odddogs

(source)

i think he'd do a really good job running a little noodle stand maybe a food truck where he sells fusion cuisine, something w/ soul food

blondebrainpowered

A dress made of cotton muslin, gilded metal thread and Indian jewel beetles (sternocera aeqisignata), Britain, 1868-1869 CE. Over 5000 beetle wings or parts of wings were used to decorate this dress.

Now housed at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London.