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@coltland-fish
HI! Iâm Sawyer and this is a side blog for my PHM stuff so I donât bother my mutuals (love you mutuals). My main blog is @sora-fish but that is mostly JRWI and other fandom stuff.
I hope you enjoy my thoughts because I had to get them out somehow <33
imagine if you will that you grow up with an abusive father and then he dies because your older brother killed him and now he's in jail forever but then he supposedly dies in said jail and you get sent to a foster home and then you finally have a great job but you break your back and go no contact with everyone for 1.5 years but when that's all finally resolved your twin brother is shot off to space forever. hi i'm colt seavers and this is my story
Exact context of this scene btw
No glasses. The shape of his hair, and its slightly darker-looking colour in this light. The shadows on his face almost giving his stubble the appearance of a goatee. He looks so much like Court here.
Just in case you needed any more proof that they are brothers.
Project Hail Mary (to me) is a story about how everyone is worth saving. That you donât need to follow certain steps, or follow certain rules to make life valuable- maybe a life is valuable just from the fact you lived it in the first place. That even if someone âdoesnât even have a dogâ, they made their impact just from living and thatâs beautiful. Itâs why aroace grace is so special to me (other then being aroace myself)- it shows a path untraditional and shows us the value in what society as a whole has deemed as ânonvaluable.â
At the same time though, itâs fun to imagine how the story would change if he had siblings, people that were waiting on him. Itâs fun to dig into the dynamics Grace has in the movie and take a different romantic spin on them. Itâs fun to cross stories over to give two people a happy ending.
I donât think these two ideas are exclusive. I think they both should exist- the knowledge that what Project Hail Mary presents is beautiful while also being able to indulge in fandom, and see what OTHER beautiful things you can make from it is really important. Itâs literally what fandom was based around and I really enjoy seeing all sorts of fan works and interpretations.
Anyways this was supposed to be a shit post about being so much of a multishipper that one of the âshipsâ is just being aroace, but then I spent too much time on Twitter and got sad /j
I imagine that Colt is one of these people that just NEED to move in order to function properly. He CAN'T sit still, he CAN'T stay in one place for too long and he absolutely CAN'T handle boredom. He has to move, he needs to run or fidget with something while waiting for something.
Colt is an equivalent of an orange cat with zoomies that would never end. As a kid he was a problem to every one. I imagine that Court had to catch this menace right before something stupid or dangerous. Just a list of random ideas:
Right before Colt would've dive into the fountain
Right before Colt was ready to jump of the high curb
Right before Colt would run into glass wall he didn't see
Right before Colt would've tripped over Ryland that didn't see his twin running like torpedo
Court always had to keep an eye on Colt, forgetting about Ryland for a second which gave the last one a chance to wonder off somewhere dangerous. So yeah, basically I see Court like this:
Or Colt and Ryland like this:
i like to think that colt didnt actually push ryland away after his accident. this isnt to say he didnt try but every time he went to tell him to leave ry looked like he was about to start sobbing and colt folded under zero pressure
Transmasc Colt coming out to Ryland during middle school: hey so Iâm a boy
Genderfluid Ryland who wonât find out until they are on erid: wait thatâs an option
âyou could have been more selfish, asshole.â
au where years have passed and colt never got answers about why ryland abandoned him to play hero for everyone else - when colt needed his brother the most.
rescuing our brother from his workplace!*
*all of the armed forces on earth are after us
Colt who grew up constantly being called 'coltland' because of ryland and courtland.
Colt who rolled his eyes everytime and hated it because he was colton, not coltland.
Colt who was still called it in college occasionally when people found out he was a twin (it's his go to 'fun fact' during icebreakers).
Colt who still rolled his eyes, but found a comfort in having something in common with his older brother -even if no one but ryland really knew of the significance anymore.
Colt who now is an adult -court who has been 'dead' longer than colt knew him, and ryland, who left the planet years ago.
Colt, who hasn't been called 'coltland' in years, and would give anything to feel close to his brothers again.
Who's cutting onions in here?
Every time I rewatch the fall guy I am just proven that making coltland twins canon would just make sense. Please Ryan gosling, please.
Because Colt is definitely talking to the imaginary Ryland in his head before he jumps in-front of that car. And why the hell is this man yelling at Ryder about glucose if it wasnât because Ryland pestered him about it when he first got into stunts and wasnât eating enough carbs.
Coltland twins canon, trust me.
Going back to this actually cause I think I got it slightly wrong the first time and now I have to do my man Colt a little better,
It was definitely Ryland that was not eating enough carbs, Colt had to drag him out of his self imposed prison while he was writing his thesis to make sure he didnât collapse face first on his laptop screen. Shaking Ryland back and forth like âYOUâRE BRAIN RUNS ON GLUCOSEâ to get him to eat something that isnât dry ramen and coffee. And you know what he was right cause Ryland had a good meal, came back to his work and realized it made no sense and had to start over that part.
This is definitely inspired by the person on TikTok who said Colt probably has a degree in sports medicine, opened my eyes fr.
if we follow the idea of the coltland gentry au that they all grew up raised by court's dad in the gray man, then do you think the twins were extremely worried about ensuring the other was safe at all times? especially if we consider the headcanon that ryland was especially targeted by their dad
do you think that extended to sleeping in the same room and ensuring that nothing happened to the other while one of them was asleep?
do you think then that when rocky later down the line told grace that eridians watch eachother sleep to ensure eachothers safety, that grace felt aching familiarity with the concept? but he didn't know why? because he hadn't fully remembered his brothers? do you think he ever fully remembers growing up with court and colt? do you think he lives the rest of his life without an answer to that emptiness that refuses to go away?
me personally i got no clue
Simon: Sorry to have dragged you out here all this way. It's just that- *glances over Ryland's shoulder and sees Colt duck for cover* *sighs*-SOMEONE don't trust me with their little brother.
Colt: Shitshitshitshit
Ryland: They're behind me, aren't they?
Simon: "They"? I only saw Colt-
Ryland: Oh no, Court is there too. Trust me. He'll see you before you see him. But honestly, the subtle scent of watermelon flavored Bubbalicious is unmistakable. *glares toward his left*
Court: *quietly, nearby* Fuck.
Matching Bloodymary pfps for me and my partner <3
Has anyone written anything about Colt learning about the Hail Mary launch and what happens to his twin, and just... shutting down? Mentally and physically shutting down. He just goes blank, like someone ripped his soul out of his body. All the emotions and the reality of everything are too big, so he physically and mentally can't deal with the situation.
Full-on, Jody considers sending him to a mental hospital because he won't eat, he won't move, and he barely reacts to anything. Maybe she does, maybe she feels like the love of her life is dying; and she doesnât know what to do. He just sits and stares at the ceiling or sleeps. And I think it would be months of thisâ Colt coming out of it only a few times, maybe for a few hours at a time, just to have a psychological breakdown. Like his whole body is trying to rip itself apart, almost like a psychosomatic seizure, before he cycles back into being dissociated 24/7.
Everyone in his life realizes that the only reason he hasn't stepped off a roof is because he made that promise to Jody that he'd let the people who love him help him. So this is his middle ground: slowly self-destructing, but not running away.
And if it's a coltlandgentry au, I think the only thing that could snap him out of the cycle long enough to confront his brother leaving would be Court reappearing in his life. Maybe Stratt feels guilty. Maybe Court, upon hearing about his younger brother's fate, resurfaces long enough to check on his middle brother, only to find him basically catatonic or actively having a seizure.
Maybe Colt used to get like this when they were kids. He'd shut down, go somewhere else so completely and for so long that it could take days to get him back. Maybe that's why he loves physical work so muchâ it centers him in his body. It pulls him away from the fog that used to descend at any moment, where he could lose hours or days of time. And by the time the fog was no longer a constant problem, he was already in love with his craft.
Now, getting him to even go outside can send him into a screaming, seizure-induced fit. Something in his brain has cracked. Its foundation shattered, and he's frozen, unable to jump or move on, just staring at the wreckage of his mind and the long, long life ahead of him without Ryland.
Do you think it was Ryland he clawed himself out of the fog for? That it was his baby brother shivering in his arms, begging him to come back, begging him not to leave like Court did, after Colt lost time like always? Making him promise to do anything, try anything, for him? It was Ryland who kept him from falling off that edge. Ryland who was his lodestar. Ryland who he built the foundations of himself around until he found a way to stand on his own.
Because as much as Ryland was his little brother, as much as Colt took care of and protected him, deep down Colt knew he needed Ryland more than Ryland ever needed him.
So he made himself bigger and tougher than anyone else, so Ryland would always have someone there for him. So the fog would never take Colt away from him ever again. And in turn, he pushed away anyone and everyone whenever he was weak, because he couldn't need them. If he needed them, then he couldn't stand alone. But now Ryland's gone. And while Colt was getting better at reaching out for help, at being vulnerable, his entire reason for every act of self-actualization is as good as dead. He has no ability to conceptualize himself, much less a reality where, Ryland is gone.
So he doesn't, and Court is left with a younger brother he couldn't save and a middle brother he can at least try to.
So he finds Carl. It's not hard. Eva's in prison, but the next best person to pull emotional strings just happens to work for the CIA. Court comes to him and says: Free me. Let me see my brother. Save Claire, make sure she has a good life. It's the least you could do for my brother. Carl tells him to fuck off, then quietly makes things happen behind the scenes. And suddenly Six is Court again, with the world before him and Claire in his care as her legal guardian. Because Carl loved Grace too, in his own way. And Court is good at his job.
Court immediately goes to Colt. Who is a shell in more ways than one. But Court remembers this Colt. He remembers this Colt better than he remembers the version without the fog. The glassy-eyed brother who would come to in the middle of his cereal and ask what was happening, where he was, why his eye hurt. He knows this Colt. So he takes over his care.
It's as easy as explaining things to Jody and Dan, then moving everyone somewhere open and beautiful by the beach. It's day by day, helping Colt eat. Holding his hand. Leading him outside to stargaze or build sand castles by the beach. It's Claire chattering endlessly to Colt about trends, art, photography and how stupid some boy in class is being. It's Jody deciding to live her life and still come back every dayâ or video call whenever she canâ itâs holding him at night and kissing his cheek before she leaves at breakfast; because she said she would stay, and she never backs down. It's watching movies with Dan. Movies they've both seen a hundred times, know word for word, and still pausing to wait for Colt to wake up and say his part.
It's Court's steady presence, who takes to caretaking like his hands were made for it. Like, in another life, this would have been his purpose. (Claire calls him Nurse Grace more than once, and somehow it feels right more than Six ever did. )
It's medication and doctor visits and physical therapy. Always physical therapy. It's agonizing in its slowness. In its quiet. It could take months, maybe even a year, before Colt can stay present in his body for more than a week without seizures, breakdowns, or falling back into the fog.
And maybe this is forever. Maybe he's broken forever. You can't shatter someone's sense of self and expect them to put it back together exactly the same way. Maybe Colt wakes up one day and finds himself an entirely different man. With different wants and loves and desires. Maybe the people in his life love him anyway. Maybe his twin, his other half, his soul outside his body, is eleven light-years away and took the pieces of Colt that made him whole.
But maybe the people who love him can help fill in some of those gaps. Enough that he can stand. And laugh, and stargaze, and love.
It's a tragedy, and nothing will ever be the same again. But everyone keeps living. And the love is still there. It changes a little bitâ not enough for it to stop being a tragedy, but enough that everyone keeps living.
Every time I rewatch the fall guy I am just proven that making coltland twins canon would just make sense. Please Ryan gosling, please.
Because Colt is definitely talking to the imaginary Ryland in his head before he jumps in-front of that car. And why the hell is this man yelling at Ryder about glucose if it wasnât because Ryland pestered him about it when he first got into stunts and wasnât eating enough carbs.
Coltland twins canon, trust me.
