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if only time would stop for us
Katya & Sofia - Goncharov (1973) Dir. Martin Scorsese
[Image Description: a digital painting of sofia and katya from the fictional movie goncharov. they are standing together in gowns, sofia's red and strapless and katya's more chaste and white. they are smoking together. sofia's cloud of smoke has a clock in the middle of it. End Description]
The entire point of, OK, my phone really wants to call it Anastasia so I guess we’re doing that? The entire point of Anastasia (as administered by a board-certified Anastasiologist) during sugary. Sugary? Haven’t I suffered enough? The entire point of Anastasia during augury. Jesus Christ. Hold up. You know what, augury is preferable to sugary. Augury is obviously performed by an auger (makes sense if you give it a think) whereas sugary is performed by…? A sugardaddy? NO THANK YOU. Anyway. The entire point of Anastasia is so that you don’t know what music your sturgeon. Fuck right off. Was playing. While you were under. You’re not supposed to wake up from Anastasia and immediately realize you managed to get earwormed by Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” during your sugary.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CA0jNxon4Oq/
I do think it’s interesting how the novel Dracula is meant to be a modern setting from its perspective. It’s very much that genre of story about an ancient fantasy archetype finding itself in a modern setting, complete with the rules-lawyering that often comes with modern parodies (that isn’t to say the stories of Olde didn’t have fun with loopholes either though).
Except Dracula is a story that plays itself straight. The vampire himself is not stupid. He’s possibly the oldest vampire of all which means he upgraded from animal instinct and mindless echoes of past memories to someone who’s regained his critical thinking skills. The story begins because he’s already adapted to how the modern world works now by hiring a solicitor who understands modern laws.
He knows now that he doesn’t have to march into London with an army like he used to; He can just buy property and the laws of London are forced to respect that. Similarly he’s already experimented in and discovered loopholes to vampire rules and limitations; Vampires are bound by the permission of owners so he simply uses his solicitor to buy and own a bunch of properties. If he needs to be invited in, Dracula hypnotizes someone to let him in.
Vampires need to return to their grave every dusk/dawn (whichever comes sooner), which causes their coffin to act as an anchor that limits how far from it they can travel? Dracula simply rations the earth of his grave into fifty coffins and spreads them across London so his range becomes exponentially larger.
All of these things make the story almost come across as a deconstruction and it might just be! It’s just that Dracula the novel became such a trendsetter that people nowadays see it as playing things fully straight. It almost feels as if the novel is written with the idea that readers have a basic understanding of vampires and their rules, so part of the thrill comes in the revelation of how the titular vampire is working around these rules. Likewise I’ve heard it used to be a trope in English literature for a traveler to visit some foreign land with a monster and escape by going home. But here the foreign aspect of the story is just the first (and final) arc; The monster’s plan hinges on coming to the UK itself!
So yeah. Dracula isn’t stupid and he reflects the idea that people of the past had just as common sense as the rest of us, they just had access to less/inaccurate knowledge and things worked differently back then. Dracula would be like… That bit of someone showing a medieval peasant a meme as they comprehend it perfectly and aren’t even wowed by the Doritos. If Dracula was set in the 21st century he’d probably understand social media well enough to become an influencer if he wanted to, though the issue of being invisible in cameras wouldn’t help.
the obligatory trolley problem post
ok ive actually been wanting to ask this for a while; can getting stabbed in the stomach/abdomen really cause blood to come out of the mouth or is that just a dumb trope for The Drama?
Yes, but also, yes.
There are a lot of injuries that can result in blood in your respiratory system. The most obvious would be puncturing a lung, or bruising a lung (called a pulmonary contusion.) Also, bleeding from the sinuses that gets into the throat can result in coughing up blood (though this one is pretty benign.) As a general rule, you do not want fluid in your lungs at all, and fluid that is prone to coagulating, blocking your lungs' ability to absorb oxygen is a very bad thing.
And it gets worse, for your body to effectively expel a large glob of blood, the way you usually see in films, you would need a lot of blood in your lungs. On their own, even relatively minor pulmonary contusions have a pretty significant mortality rate. What this means is, if you're ever coughing up blood, there's about a 30% chance you're going to die.
Also as a quick aside, particularly violent coughing can result in some minor spotting from broken blood vessels. It's not inherently life threatening, but it is something that should be checked out quickly, because it can be a symptom of something worse. (Such as lung cancer.)
The way these injuries tend to get inflicted is a mixed bag. When someone's been getting beaten (particularly in the upper torso), they've been in an explosion, or a car accident, then it's not that unreasonable for them to be coughing up blood. A pulmonary contusion is a pretty plausible injury in those circumstances. And again, that pulmonary contusion could easily end up being the fatal injury.
When a character has been shot or stabbed in the stomach, then it's less plausible. There's a bit of a distinction here, because if you have serious hemorrhaging from internal injuries and that gets into your stomach, it's quite possible you'd vomit blood. You don't see this very often in film, coughing is far more popular, and in a lot of cases, you'll see characters coughing up blood when they should be vomiting. As with pulmonary contusions, this is not a symptom to screw around with, if someone's vomiting blood, they're at very serious risk of dying, and need immediate medical care.
So, is it just used for drama? Yeah. It is. Stage coughing is pretty easy for an actor, and a little bit of slight of hand with a blood pack can let them get a nice death scene in. It's not about the realism of the injury, and in most cases, aside from coughing up blood, they're not exhibiting any of the other associated symptoms (including the ones that are more common.) When someone's coughing up blood like this, they're also suffocating, because their lung can't absorb oxygen out of the air. As a result, they'll frequently start hyperventilating. Which, you'll never see in one of these scenes. The actor will lay there, deliver their lines, feign pain, and then spit up a red dye pack and relax. Which, that's not how this injury works at all.
So, yes, it is a real injury, but also, yes, this is something that is used for dramatic effect and not out of any interest in realism.
-Starke
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smoking gun
I love the double meaning here so much, because throughout the movie Sofia IS the smoking gun. she’s the warning and the evidence of first Mario’s betrayals, then his son’s, then Katya’s, and if Goncharov had paid more attention, she might have been the warning he needed to save himself.
but then again, maybe not. he was already running out of time.
is it normal to moan when your brother in arms desperately applies pressure to your gaping wound. asking for a friend
“A masterpiece was created in the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone today” video by Kyle Kotajarvi
This wasn’t a government stunt to try and avoid doing something meaningful, but a coming together of community artists who did it for free. Which is why it’s the best.
Ah, le donne... sempre impareggiabili!!!
Ah, women ... always unmatched !!!
And now, for a very dignified classical music recital...
And they did all that in heels. Let’s see Yo-Yo Ma and his buddies do that....
I bet rehearsals were fun
I do not know who is studying this, but someone should be - how tumblr managed to create an entire movie overnight with characterizations, plot lines, and a soundtrack which is terrifyingly coherent and internally consistent. How the heck did we manage internally consistent plots without prior planning?
Oh I am absolutely fascinated by the whole thing, and can definitely imagine its potential as a future case study for any number of topics.
This is just me spitballing here, but I think the speed and consistency is in large part to wanting to feel a part of a community. People in general really like stories and they really like games, and both of those things are best when shared with others.
People are engaging with the Goncharov content because it's fun. You get to participate in this big informal storytelling project/game where we're all coming up with bits and pieces of ideas in a very non-linear way. The rules are rather self-explanatory: whatever new content you create, try to have it make sense with whatever you've seen other people create already. No one had to "write" this rule; it evolved on its own. Since the first people to interact with it kept the basics of the story relatively consistent, the people playing in this sandbox realized they'd have to maintain that consistency to keep the game going.
And I think another reason it's been fairly consistent is how fast it's going and how sharing information works on this website. If people were only occasionally seeing little bits of others' Goncharov content, I think there'd be a lot less overall internal consistency. Because it all happened so quickly, the central ideas managed to get solidified right away - if you logged on just a few hours after the meme started, there were already some well established elements to build off of. We're already starting to see discrepancies in a lot of the details, and personally I think that's part of the fun too.
And and, I think because people are aware of how this evolving as such a nebulous thing, I've noticed a lot of posts being intentionally vague on the details. It literally started as people pretending to have watched a film that doesn't exist; the discussions of Goncharov are vague because part of the joke is the assumption that people have already seen it (people talking about, say, Rocky Horror Picture Show aren't going to list out all the plot and character details because the assumption is that anyone seeking out Rocky Horror content is already going to know that information).
This is mostly just stream-of-consciousness thoughts from the past day, but yeah. Those are my thoughts so far.
Only Tumblr could see a mistranslated bit of Russian on a shoe about a nonexistent Scorcese movie, proceed to make almost every bit of evidence that the movie exists, and then engage in convincing cinema discourse about it to the exclusion of almost everything other than “Man, those Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel do the City Guy dirty”.
No one will ever make an actual algorithm work on this site, because the list of things that we will hype without so much as a nod to The New Hotness existing so far goes:
Sea Shanties
Old Edgar Allen Poe stories
Pre-serum Steve Rogers cooking weird old recipes on TikTok
Loony Tunes Gender Discourse (like, literally gender analysis of Bugs Bunny)
Unsung Historially Important Women
Some guy selling shitty copper in 1750 BCE
A movie almost no one went to see
Hallmark Christmas specials in general (seasonal)
And now we’ve added:
A movie that literally does not exist.
An algorithm wouldn’t stand a chance here. Any attempts at coding one would puke radioactive on first contact with this weird, wonderful website.
This is Our Good Friend Jonathan Harker erasure.
Louise Ross, “Collective Imagination: Goncharov (1973) (2022) as a Model for Communal Filmmaking” (Anarchist Perspectives in Film, Winter 2025)
[ID: Text that reads: “Like its titular protagonist, Goncharov both is and is not. While prescriptivists may argue that the film “isn’t real,”[^1] it has a plot, characters, themes, visual motifs, and even a soundtrack,[^2] all constructed collaboratively by the audience themselves. However, unlike a traditional work of media, Goncharov has no definitive author – details about the purported film can be added or changed by anyone at any time, relying only on group consensus for their adoption. In this way, Goncharov presents an alternative to the classic auteur model, and ultimately to the capitalist mode of filmmaking.” End ID]
Standing in a checkout line, when an older man asks me about my Goncharov t-shirt. I say "It's a movie, " when the person behind me chimes in, "Oh, yes, Scorsese."
The original gentleman goes on to tell me about the author Goncharov, his favorite of his novels, and a famous character from one of the novels. The three of us discuss whether the main character in the movie is intentionally named after the author, referencing that character, or whether it just sounded good to the film maker. We discuss how steeped the movie is in symbology.
Two of us are having a very different conversation than the third.
this shit owns it's just a number go up idle game except the idle mechanic comes from you writing JavaScript to automate tasks it seems like the end goal of the game is to perfectly optimize against this little arbitrary system they've created. There's not any plot to speak of so far but even though nothing is happening people send you messages through the computer telling you to trust no one as they all have ulterior motives. Very relatable.
You don't have to know JavaScript to get started.
guys be careful. this game may look fun but it's actually a ploy to get you to learn javascript
Linocut Art by Elina Adrshina (source)
some rotund seals.
bonus:
1-800-r-u-slappin
