concrete complications

Finding the jackhammer

[lorimere]

Yeah something about a name fitting someones profession is just perfect. Makes me sad my name won’t work for that.

[concretecomplications]

Once has a Gyno called Dr. Hyman 🙃

[concretecomplications]

Im scared

I’ve been really struggling for a while now but things keep coming to a boiling point.

At the risk of mixing metaphors, imagine my life as a large glass of water. It’s been filling up for a while with all my responsibilities and stresses. The stress of covid, cancelling my wedding due to covid, moving to the suburbs where I feel alone, dealing with my perfectionism, work, family, politics- everything. For a while I’ve felt like I could keep making the glass bigger, that I could handle more, but it feels like I’ve just been adding drops to the top and relying on surface tension to keep it together. Lately, ANYTHING, beyond a basic inconvenience makes it feel like the glass will shatter. I can sometimes let some of the water drip down the sides (basically panic until someone offers to take on some of my responsibilities) to keep it together but I’m always left feeling guilty. Plus, it always happens again, with increasingly smaller things making it overflow.

I KNOW hurting myself won’t fix any of this, but I’m scared at how frequently these thoughts are occurring to me. I’m also not actively planning anything or making decisions, but the thoughts are there. I’ve occasionally had this before but I was able to distract myself, I’m worried because today they’re not to easy to dismiss anymore.

I know there’s nothing going on in my life that is truly THAT bad, but I feel like I’ve been treading water for so long and I’m just, tired. It would just be much easier to run away from it all.

Right now, my husband and I came up to my mom’s house to help take care of my 95 year old grandmother while my mom goes on a business trip. We got here yesterday to have dinner together before her flight last night. My grandmother doesn’t speak English well and is having trouble with dementia . Cut to today- my mom has now tested positive for covid, meaning we’ve been exposed.

My husband ‘s mom is going into breast cancer surgery this week and he was supposed to help her and now can’t. And he’s rightfully upset that my mom didn’t take her minor symptoms seriously enough to tell us.

He’s gone back to our house at my suggestion so that if by some miracle he’s not sick, he can actually help. But now I’m alone with a 95 year old woman who doesn’t understand why I’m avoiding her.

Work is insane, I’m losing faith that things will ever get better- plus 90% of my team is out next week so I can’t even take a sick day if I even do have Covid.

Every question my grandmother asks makes me want to scream at her. She’s confused and I’m lashing out because I don’t have the energy to be patient the 7th time she’s dragged herself up a flight of steps to ask me the same question again.

The glass feels like it’s cracking.

My mom and my husband are the only people I’d even consider telling that I’m having these thoughts, (except, apparently, an internet of strangers) but I don’t think they have the emotional bandwidth to help me right now. If anything I fear them reacting as if I’m being dramatic and whiny. Plus, it’s not dire need at the moment- I’m just scared by the thoughts, no where near action- and I don’t want this to seem manipulative.

But I’m scared and I feel utterly alone and don’t know what to do anymore.

It hurts so much.

[concretecomplications]

I’m so overwhelmed.

[concretecomplications]

When you avoid covid for 2+ years only to be brought down on a weekend in May, you watch LOTR the extended editions and snuggle with your pup on the couch

[funnytwittertweets]

[concretecomplications]

As someone who is both 29 and has a husband, I can tell you that I feel the same. It’s like I’m in kindergarten telling my parents I have a boyfriend. I expect people to say “that’s nice, honey”

[concretecomplications]

Day 2 (posted late)

[concretecomplications]

Trying some accountability. Day 1 of attempting to find movement that makes me happy.

[lindensea]

Halt and Catch Fire didn’t go that hard only for…no one to know about it. It was out there, consistently serving SOLID character-driven writing, sharp (but still sensible) twists and turns, complex characters and complex characters only, dealing with gender and business politics and mental illness, high production value with cool 80s clothes and sets, hackers?!! Badass computer engineer mothers? A rad score peppered with eclectic 80s songs?Mackenzie Davis?! Lee Pace?!?? Like we had it all but slept on it.

[concretecomplications]

Why is no one talking about the masterpiece that is Halt and Catch Fire!?!?!?

Probably the best thing I’ve watched in YEARS. Watch it.

[bellybuttonblue-deactivated2021]

[streaksofmoonlight]

The whiplash of feeling excited and hopeful about Blue Georgia to the horror and anger over witnessing an actual live fascist coup. January 6th sure is a day.

[dakotaaaa]

some thoughts on self objectification 

[theresagooseinthemainframe]

Holy mother of hell

[closet-keys]

this is a huge reason why lesbians can go years just not figuring out that they aren’t attracted to men. when your whole understanding of attraction is “objectifying yourself to the point that you understand intimacy as a performance to be the perfect sexual object for a man” then the question of who and what you desire isn’t even being asked- let alone answered. 

[decalexas]

 a few years back, i read “cinderella ate my daughter" by peggy orenstein (which is an interesting sort of crash course on the ways in which gender roles are really impressed on children through media, capitalism, toys, etc.). I read it like 5 years ago so if I get anything wrong, forgive me; I don’t own the book so I can’t consult it.

but one thing that really stuck with me was a part where the author speaks with (I believe) a child psychologist, and they talk about sexuality of teenage girls. one thing the psychologist mentions is that, when talking about sex, sexual attraction, etc, girls will frame it in terms of how they look, rather than how they feel when asked about their feelings (emotional and physical): “I feel like I look sexy, I look hot, etc,”. from the onset of experiencing sexuality, etc (which really means, going back to childhood, because girls are really bombarded by objectification from the time they’re tiny), girls are already alienated from their own bodies and sense of what feels good, right, or okay.

 no wonder the process of realizing you’re a lesbian can be so difficult; it’s also no wonder that we have so many women who look back and say it took them years to realize that what happened to them was sexual assault, or who look back and say that they weren’t happy or satisfied in relationships but stayed in them anyway, or that women are so constantly critical of their appearances in everything they do. all of it comes down to the fact that women are so alienated from their own bodies, feelings, and experiences. monitoring how you look constantly really creates such a distance between you and your actual life, it takes you out of the moment, it makes it difficult to judge your actual feelings, or create boundaries, or bond genuinely with others, or have positive experiences free of self-criticism. 

[concretecomplications]

This hurts me in a working-through-scar-tissue kind of way.

[blackqueerblog]

I do not know this baby but I love this baby.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

This is it. The singular most uplifting video I’ve ever seen in my entire life. When Sam said there’s good in the world worth fighting for he meant this.

[midoriyasbones]

Reblog if you 100% okay with a transgender person correcting you if you accidentally misgender them or use their dead name.

[your-friendly-deactivated-deact]

please do

[diavolosthots]

Not just transgender, but anyone. If i ever call you he/she/they and it’s wrong, like yeah call me out.

[liberal-memes]

Liberal Memes

[hungwy]

my ancient greek history professor is making us post memes weekly. i swear to god

[blackpyrefly]

heres one for you

[thepringlesofblood]

my time has come for hyperspecific classics memes

[saltykingsalty]

I…I need context. I’m gonna research all this shit one day.. If I remember after work

[lemonsharks]

I understand most of these!

[marisolinspades]

[concretecomplications]

I LOVE THIS IDEA. This is such a great way to get people engaged with the topic

[politijohn]

When we begin eating the rich, Bernie says start with Elon Musk

[songsofwaterandnight]

Now look how Bernie came for his whole hairline like that

[concretecomplications]

Also, if everyone drank someone else’s beer, doesn’t everyone still get a beer? This only is bad for people if someone is selfish. It’s called sharing jackass. Just because you feel you’re entitled to owning all the beer and forcing people to pay you for it makes YOU the selfish one.