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AvatarTok and my grievances with its fans and their lacking media literacy, fandom etiquette and entitlement

Obviously !spoiler warning! for all three movies of the avatar franchise: Avatar 2009, Avatar: the way of water 2022 (atwow) and Avatar: fire and ash 2025 (afaa)

As the title says, these are my complaints and grievances with the TikTok side of the Avatar fandom. I will try to stay neutral and factual, but I cannot promise it.

!This is a rant! A very organized rant, but a rant! I will go off the wall and let out steam! A lot! Don’t want to read my annoyed ranting? Don’t, have a happier day (weeks) than I am having!

Content warning (I guess? I hope I got everything and I will not go into depth over the set-up of the actual scenes in graphic detail, but just to be sure), since I will talk about scenes containing:

War

Trauma through war and genocide

War casualties

torture

Suicide attempt (mostly referred to in this essay as “tried/trying to commit”)

Murder

Attempted murder

The Avatar TikTok fandom is driving me up a wall.

Not just because of their use of AI (it has moved on from stickers to actual completely animated TikToks now, I’m getting sick) no, actually far more critical in my opinion: the state of their media literacy, fandom etiquette and entitlement that is prevalent and loud in the Avatar-TikTok community, aka. AvatarTok and TikTok fandoms in general.

Disclaimer: I know not the entirety of AvarTok is like this, and I hope it is just a loud minority, but from what I am seeing it’s sadly a lot of people and my only hope is that they are kids who’ll grow out of it or become less TikTok-brained, chronically online, whatever. Because they are loud, stupid and ruining the fandom when it’s finally “cool” to like Avatar in our social Zeitgeist now.

In this essay I am discussing what is actually happening in the story of Avatar, not what could have been handled better or what I think should be different. I am working with the material that was given to us.

Sections:

I.Before I start

II.Media literacy

II.I characters in a narrative

    1. Lo’ak and Neteyam - trouble maker and golden child

    2. Kiri - child of prophecy/chosen one/mysterious birth

    3. Spider - emotional anchor/tie to the villain

4. Jake - war leader, military dad, scared and tired father

5. Neytiri - native’s struggle with mixed family, genocide and trauma

6. Quaritch - the villain - undeserving/uncapable of change?

    7. The casualties of war

II.II The trio of Neytiri, Quaritch and Spider

II.III liking villains is not the same as excusing or idolizing them, understanding characters is not excusing their every action… or it shouldn’t be

II.IV perspectives don’t change objectively wrong things; opinions ≠ facts

II.V having complex characters means they have flaws that you must accept - characters should have flaws (negating them their flaws takes away from their writing)

II.VI Who’s at fault for Neteyam’s death?

II.VII.1 Trauma and trauma Olympics in the Avatar TikTok fandom

II.VIII.2 Trauma explains behaviour - it does not excuse it

II.IX picking apart one comment section

II.X ways to grieve

II.XI Kiri’s “responsibility” to revive Neteyam - can she even do that?

II.XII Kiri’s and Spider’s relationship is not incest

   II.XII.1 …but some want it to be

II.XIII illiteracy

-side tangent (3) - “It’s not that deep”

II.XIV RDA defenders and the racism and willing ignorance of Avatar’s story and message

-side tangent (4)- “It’s my opinion”

III. Fandom etiquette

 III.I Ships and TikTok fandoms not understanding shipping culture

 III.II TikTok and fandom etiquette

 III.III not understanding the TikTok algorithm

IV. Entitlement

  IV.I demanding characters be revived or killed

  IV.II acting like you can demand a creator to change/write their story to your liking

IV.III bullying people because they aren’t like you/don’t like what you like/dislike what you do like

- side tangent (5) - the death of fandom culture?

V. moral superiority

   V.I fiction vs. reality - TikTok’s non-understanding of it

   V.II stans

Closing statement: I don’t hate the TikTok fandom

Tags:

@be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie

@deathbenomore-blog

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But people who are defending Spider are evil... sure, sure

Their need to see their favourite character brutally murder a teen is... dusturbing.

And the original TikTok wasn’t even bad, it's just OP showing through their likes that all of them are quite ugly

[ddnrchst]

I'm gonna start shooting if i hear again someone saying that Jake's words "you've proven yourself to me" to Lo'ak were about Lo'ak being worthy of his love. Because THEY WERE NOT??

He literally told him that Lo'ak finally showed himself as someone to rely on in life-death situation. Someone who Jake can give a gun and FINALLY be sure Lo'ak wouldn't ignore his orders when it's most important. And this is why Lo'ak had been waiting for these exact words so much, he wanted his dad to accept his as a worthy warrior. He knows Jake loves him. He just wants to be something bigger than just being a son, that's what is called growing up, fellas.

Like THAT IS HIS BABY BOY WHAT ARE YOU ALL UP TO

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People want Jake to be an abusive asshole so bad, it's insane.

Yes, he’s not the best father, but he’s not maliciously walking through life wanting his son to feel miserable.

He’s a shitty communicator and shitty at feeling and expressing his emotions, and that should get worked through, no doubt, but to act like he can just *snap* fix it when he's

- In war

- preparing for war again

- grieving his firstborn

- shouldering the burden of the title of Toruk Makto

- shouldering the emotional load of Neteyam’s death

Is insane.

[tearsanctuary]

“why are you getting frustrated with your characters? you write them, they can do whatever you want”

NO THEY CAN’T. this little fuckers have some psychological power over me i CANNOT MAKE THEM DO SHIT

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Like... I wanted to resolve your fucking communication problems with your sibling thirty pages ago, why do you hate my story planning?

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Closing statement: I don't hate the TikTok fandom

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So, this has been at least a one-month-long project.

I realize that writing 117 word pages about AvatarTok will make it seem like I hate the AvatarTok fandom - in general.

That I do not.

I do not hate anyone or anything I have discussed here.

AvatarTok is a vast community with wonderful artists, editors, interested and passionate people.

This essay was never about them and it was never to make anyone, even those I have complained about in this essay, look or feel bad. I am merely extremely staggered at what TikTok fandoms are and AvatarTok has become a TikTok fandom I’ve gotten more active in lately, prescicely because their willing ignorance of story telling, story beats and nuance is making me feel a lot of things from being bedazzled and concerned about their understanding of fictional stories and characters as such to being downright mad.

And I wanted to let that out.

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V. moral superiority / V.II stans

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So… I gave a little taste of my opinion regarding stans way in the beginning of this essay (side tangent (1) - Neteyam’s fanbase), but I want to bring the loud stan bases that I have encountered on AvatarTok up as a whole.

First of all: stanning is perfectly fine.

Second: even if you’re a stan you have got to realize that 1. Not everyone likes your fave as much as you do and they’re not obligated to 2. As much as you love your fave, you don’t have the right to make others feel bad for liking/favouring another character 3. With loving a character has to come understanding said character. Understanding means that the character has flaws. You ignore those flaws you admit to yourself that you’re not really a fan of the character, you’re idealizing the character. You shouldn’t do that. You should look at characters critically.

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V. moral superiority / V.I fiction vs. reality - TikTok's non-understanding of it

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Things can happen in fictional stories that are morally reprehensible. A story can depict that. A story can depict a failing father and not immediately give you a fourth wall break to reassure you that the creators are aware that the character is acting wrong here.

A thing simply being depicted in fiction does not immediately mean that the creators want or believe that same thing in reality.

People liking the villains does not mean they would defend people in reality doing the same things.

It is simple. Please.

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V. moral superiority

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This is just a very annoying movement online in general, not even TikTok-specific, although it does come across as if its most prevalent over there.

This fucking need to be better. Morally superior. And not in the sense of actually being kind or doing good. But in looking right, no matter what kind of asshole you turn into as long as you get internet brownie points. It’s sad and it’s pathetic that this is so prevalent.

It has no doubt existed before, but now it feels like it’s everyone. And that is pathetic.

To have the need to put others down, anonymous, on the internet, best with a crowd behind you just waiting to dogpile on anyone. Just in general, the constant waiting for any- and everyone to slip up in any way, to then jump and ruin their image. It is vile. It is unemployed. It is chronically online. It is so anti-social.

Go and interact with the people in your vicinity in real life. Please.

1.      These are still fictional characters - liking a character ≠ endorsing their actions

This is directed towards people giving villain-enjoyers dirty looks.

Villains are fun. Villains are oftentimes liked because they’re so unapologetically evil. And in a fictional setting you can actually enjoy them being evil because they’re not real. You can also just like that they’re an effective challenge for the protagonist.

Just because someone loves Quaritch or Varaang or finds them fascinating doesn’t mean they don’t understand they’re horrible people and don’t deserve to win.

The same goes for liking Jake for example: Is he a shit father to Lo’ak and should learn to communicate better? -yes! Is he the villain of his family? - no! He’s fighting tooth and nail for them. He’s doing everything he can think of to keep them safe. It is not his fault that Quaritch is hell-bend on hunting him down. Let the man be stressed.

Do I love Neytiri? – yes! Would I like if she killed Spider? – no! Because I can see how that would not actually gratify her in the long run or help her actual grief.

Do I love Spider? – yes! Do I like that he saved Quaritch? – obviously not. But I can see why Spider would do it.

Do I love Lo’ak? – yes! Is he an innocent bean and is Jake in the wrong for being harsh with him? – no. Jake definitely handled their conflicts wrong and he should actually listen to Lo’ak, but he is very much right in not standing behind every decision Lo’ak takes because Lo’ak is in the process of growing into himself and has to learn that he has to think before he acts.

Do I like Quaritch? – love to hate him Do I want him to succeed? – fuck no.

Do I like Varaang? – I find her so fascinating and I hope for more insight on her in future movies Do I think she’s justified/excused in what she’s doing? – No. She’s torturing and killing Na’vi out of her own free will. She needs a reality-check.

Characters are supposed to have flaws and people are allowed to enjoy them for having said flaws. Just because you enjoy watching a flawed character that makes conflict more entertaining doesn’t mean you agree with their wrongdoings.

Why does TikTok need their hand held so much?

Maybe we do need a nine-hour Avatar movie. Maybe Cameron should record himself with the movie, pause every few seconds and explain why he and the writers decided to have every character do whatever they did and said in every fucking scene.

Maybe then they’ll understand. Fucking hell.

2.      Picking and choosing when child murder is acceptable

By now this spiel should be obvious: what have I been ranting about for at least 5 word pages? What makes me mad the most about AvatarTok? - the non-existence of thinking of a certain corner of Neytiri and Neteyam stans who demand Spider’s death.

These people don’t exhaust me anymore.

They make me mad.

Mad, because they’re hypocritical and proud of it, while any slight argument against them is blocked with nonsense.

No, Neytiri killing Spider is not the right thing to do. No, she would not be justified in commiting child murder.

It is fucking rich that the people who cry and cry and cry that Neteyam shouldn’t have died and that his death was so sad want a character who is just as innocent as Neteyam and just one year older than him to get murdered by the mother of his closest friends. And then have the gall that this would be said woman’s due right.

No.

In what fucking world would making Neytiri a child murderer be a good thing?

In what fucking world would her family be able to still look her in the eye if she did kill Spider?

In what fucking world is child murder acceptable point-blank? - There’s a reason why Neteyam’s death was so horrid. Because he was a child. He was 15. He was shot. He died. That is horrid. Spider is 16. All he did was dare to exist and get attached to Quaritch because somehow that asshole was who made Spider feel like he owed him that. That should be something to ponder over. What the fuck must Spider have as parental figures if he saves Quaritch?

But no, kill him. Why think for two seconds when you could just… not? Watching movies is so hard.

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side tangent (5) - the death of fandom culture?

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To be fair “the death” is maybe (hopefully) overly dramatic on my part, but I feel winded at this point.

I am saying this as someone who is in no way a veteran in fandom, but I have been in fandom for a good chunk, started going into fandom spaces around 2015-2018 and was fully (actively contributing) in them by 2019 and really in them by the time Covid-19 hit.

But even so I can see that things are changing. That fandom is changing.

And as far as I can see, on my fyp at least, fundamental parts of fandom are being lost for whatever reason. Be that because the culture around fandom is changing or because newcomers are demanding changes of a space that has existed for decades and established its own rules and guidelines and they want it to cater to them instead of learning how to navigate the space by themselves for themselves like every other person in the decades before has had to learn.

I am not really scared of losing fandom as we know it. I am uncertain if some people can tell that fandom maybe just isn’t for them and leave. I am uncertain if people understand that you don’t have to be in the fandom of a medium. You can just watch/read the medium and leave it at that.

I want people to remember that they themselves are responsible for what they see when they browse through fandom spaces. They manage what they see and don’t see.

I understand completely that there are parts of fandoms that are very, very uncomfortable. I ran into those spaces as well, especially on Wattpad and FanFiction and when I didn’t know how to work the tag-system on Ao3. But at the end of the day, you manage your experience. You don’t get to dictate what others do. You can reprimand them if you think that is your duty, but they’re not obligated to listen to you.

You also do not get to demand that everyone in fandom falls in line to only say and do things you like and feel comfortable with.

Because that once again works against critical thinking. Getting to hear differing opinions every now and again is good, it keeps your brain active and lets you work up some reasoning/argumentative skills or you can just take in the differing perspective and try to understand how that person came to that conclusion. That is hard and I am also not always able to do that, I’d not paint myself as a saint who’s always able to see all perspectives, especially not when I’m overly emotional. That reflection can come days, weeks or even months later.

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IV. Entitlement / IV.III bullying people because they aren't like you/don't like what you like/dislike what you do like

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That should be a given, but fandoms somehow never manage that.

And I find this to be sad.

This is not just about AvatarTok or even Avatar’s fandom. This about fandoms as a whole. Everyone has their own opinion about a medium and can voice said opinion on the internet.

No one has the right to bully others.

You can engage in discussions, but they should stay that - discussions, not turn into harassment or insults.

You don’t get to hack away at someone because they like a character you don’t like or vice versa, because they like a ship you don’t and vice versa, because they’re critical of something you love about the story and vice-versa.

Just be decent human beings.

Treat others how you want to be treated.

Have the balls to stand to your opinion, even if you get critiqued, but still be able to accept legitimate criticism. That is hard, I know, but it should ideally be possible everywhere.

Which leads me to…

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IV. Entitlement / IV.II acting like you can demand a creator to change/write their story to your liking

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The same applies here.

I also cannot differentiate anymore between those who demand Neteyam back as a coping mechanism/in a joking manner and those who genuinely want Cameron to change his story and kill Spider and revive Neteyam.

Again, who do you think you are to stand there and say “Cameron, I, a random TikToker, don’t like how you write your passion project, not because I have legitimate critiques of your franchise (of which there are at least a few, the most obvious being a white man writing a story about sci-fi natives), but because this character I liked died and character I didn’t like lives and is becoming more important to the plot.”

That is not what fandom is for.

Of course fans can offer critique. But to act like your critiques or your ideal version of the story (your fanfiction in anything but name) should be what the canon story follows, is delusional and disrespectful to the creators of this franchise.

1.      The story doesn’t have to cater to you

Should be obvious: the story is there to bring its message across and to (obviously) tell its story. No one can write a story where every story beat appeals to everyone who is following the story.

That doesn’t automatically make that writing bad.

A story is also not always there to show the ideal version of a situation/a reaction/a character.

That would be boring and a tad too utopical for Avatar. Avatar’s story walks the balance of a gritty war story in an fantastical world. It is such a phenomenon visually, so beautiful and colourful, that placing a war and colonization story in it can feel like a missed opportunity, because you want the world explored, but the story has other plans. (That’s why extra material exists)

Seeing characters you like be killed off before getting any meaningful character or development feels like a missed opportunity.

And it can be that, no doubt.

But the Avatar franchise knows what it is. It is still telling its story. Still repeating the cycle of violence and war. It has made it clear by now what it wants to portray:

Of course: show off the amazing advancement of its CGI

Portray a sci-fi version of colonialism

Show how humanity is failing its nature and planet

Portray a lifestyle in tune with nature (yes, the Na’vi are a very romanticized version of Native American stand-ins, and that is disappointing)

Show the effects of poaching, deforestation and war

That is what Avatar is about and that is what it should portray and that is what it should try to approach with respect.

Since I am in no way a native American, nor a member or descendant of any native groups whose culture was an inspiration for Avatar, I cannot say how and to what extend Avatar is portraying said cultures accurately, respectfully or tactfully, it is not my place to judge, I simply do not have the viewpoint to do so.

But in broad strokes/in general/in laments terms - a story should tell its story.

Said story is what can get critiqued for what it is. Critiquing something for what it isn’t or should be in your subjective opinion is hair-splitting that you can do, but it leads to nothing productive.

2.      The creator doesn’t have to cater to you

Should be obvious and again, I’m sure that most people on TikTok who act like they’re mad at Cameron are just exaggerating their reactions for the internet, but it gets to a point.

That point being… Neteyam and/or Spider.

Who are you as a fan of the franchise to think that you can demand a creator kill off a character simply because part of the fandom doesn’t like him?

Who are you as a fan of the franchise to think that you can demand a creator reverse his decision and revive a character simply because he turned out to be a fandom sweetheart?

Cameron, just like any other creator (author, filmmaker, etc.) is letting us have part in this idea he had. This story he made up and thought about and made lore of. This world he built. We as fans don’t get to dictate what he does with this story, it’s his. It doesn’t matter that a loud part of the fandom wants Spider dead in Neteyam’s stead – this is Cameron’s story. If he wants Neteyam alive, he’ll be alive, if he doesn’t, he’ll stay dead. If he wants Avatar to stay to rely on its various white savior-adjacent characters then it will.

You can be disappointed, you can critique the choices made, you don’t get to demand story changes for something as simple as your comfort character not being there anymore. That is just straight up disrespectful. To any creator. That is their creation. Their art. Their time and dedication.

Write fanfiction. Write “Neteyam lived”/”Spider died”/”RDA never came”/”X character survived/died”-AU’s.

3.      Just because it’s not catered to you doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad writing

This is not me saying that Avatar is without flaws.

That is also not what this essay is about, now that I’m at it. This essay is in no way saying that Avatar is a perfect story with no flaws or shortcomings or a franchise that you cannot critique. I am just not focusing on those shortcomings in this essay, because the focus of this essay isn’t so much the story of the Avatar franchise as much as it is the perception a part of the fandom has of the story and how this part of the fandom makes me feel a little crazy.

This is about people who think that the writing of the story is bad because what is happening is not their ideal version of the story/characters.

No. A story not doing everything you think it should is not bad writing. It can be, but that is not always the case. It can also just be that you’re not interested in what the story is actually about (for example Avatar being about war and people crying about it not being a cozy family living in Pandora with no drama (“I miss when Avatar wasn’t about war”, that whole thing))

A story deciding to give a character depth/more reasoning is not bad writing, even if it makes that character flawed or more morally grey or not just a black-and-white cardboard cut-out anymore.

We should be able to see what is a designed flaw in the story/characters and what is a flaw in the writing itself. Those are two different things and it is important to see them as such: a character not being a perfect little bean who’s always nice and does everything right is boring. A story will have story beats/character beats that are defined by their flaws. Many character arcs are about overcoming flaws, be those actual flaws, perceived flaws, flaws that turn out to be good qualities, or even giving in to these flaws and making them your own or outright falling into those flaws and making yourself deliberately worse. That is story-telling when you have a character-focused story. Clashing of characters, ideologies, flaws.

Depicting flawed behaviour or complicated relationships is not an immediate endorsement of the unhealthy dynamics being portrayed. For example: Jake and Lo’ak: their relationship is rocky and Jake is not doing a good job of making Lo’ak like a loved or seen son. That is intentional. That’s not a flaw in the writing. We will see how their relationship is in future movies and then we can say if its bad writing. Because as it stands after afaa, their relationship is reasonable for the types of people they are, considering their situation. It can feel like Jake has to relearn what he already learned in atwow, and that he just regressed in afaa, but that is not seeing what grief and stress can do, which is what afaa is portaying. Grief and stress as Jake and Lo’ak are experiencing it is no doubt straining their relationship again, especially because both are stubborn people and, once again, Jake can’t communicate for shit. That they would have another fall-out was a given.

That is not bad writing. That is just the story not doing what you wanted.

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IV. Entitlement / IV.I demanding characters be revived or killed

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Oh, what could this be about?

It’s AvatarTok… what’s their only loud whining points?- dingdingding! Neteyam’s death and Spider’s existence! No Neytiri for once, but 2/3!

AvatarTok has been whining about Neteyam’s death and Spider’s existence since atwow in 2022. They haven’t grown since then (which - embarrassing, but alas) and are still wishing Spider were dead in Neteyam’s stead.

I cannot differentiate anymore between those who demand Neteyam back as a coping mechanism/in a joking manner/to keep the gag going and those who genuinely want Neteyam back.

I think we can be glad that Cameron is so old, unlikely to be on TikTok or social media in general and has the reputation and standing in the film industry that he does.

Because… who do these people think they are to demand such as thing?

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III. Fandom etiquette / III.III not understanding the TikTok algorithm

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Simply said… an algorithm can’t differentiate between you commenting something positive or you commenting expressing your dislike, it only notices you engaged with the content you got. That’s why it gives you more.

Don’t comment. Block accounts, click not interested.

If you choose to engage with content you don’t care for you have no right to cry that the algorithm gives you more of the stuff you don’t care for.

Maybe this is controversial, but I’m of the opinion that TikTok isn’t made for fandom. Sure, it’s nice for edits, but I don’t believe it’s made to be a fandom space.

TikTok isn’t made for fandom on the basis that it’s so hard to manage your experience, which is what fandom lives or dies by. People getting into their niche and being left alone there because they’re surrounded by like-minded people. TikTok’s algorithm can’t differentiate that and gives nicher fandom content to casuals/non interested fans and it disrupts the usual fandom discourse. That, or it creates such a bubble around you that just the slightest hint of someone not agreeing with your viewpoint winds you up uncomfortably much because TikTok’s algorithm has conditioned you that you’ll only see what you like.

Videos discussing fandom etiquette that I found, though are unrelated to what I said (as in I wasn’t inspired with these videos specifically in mind) I’m just giving out more viewpoints:

Video 1: “Fandom Is Dead, Here’s How We Fix It” Link: https://youtu.be/v_dplUkY0SE?is=I_T2rTkP3qxmmaPL

Channel: AlleyDreamer posted: 23 May 2025

Video 2: “Fandom Policing, Purity Culture and the Death of Media Literacy” Link: https://youtu.be/AFVRjNG1sSk?is=PL_4gurzA48rBgY8

Channel: E posted: 17 December 2023

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III. Fandom etiquette / III.II TikTok and fandom etiquette

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Aka. the thing that withered and died and TikTok is just making up stuff because they’re new to fandom, or so it comes across at least.

Fandom etiquette is so simple.

Don’t like don’t read/interact

Don’t hate on/harass artists/writers

Be respectful to others in fandom spaces/treat others like you want to be treated

No, just because you don’t like something doesn’t automatically mean it has to be “problematic”. You can just not like something. It’s okay if you don’t have a reason for your dislike and you are basing that dislike out of a gut-feeling. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Again, of course there’s actual problematic things in fandom.

But Aonung x Neteyam isn’t one. Kiri x Spider isn’t one. Neytiri x Ronal isn’t one.

The ships are fine. You don’t have to like any of them. But just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean you can deny others that.

You don’t like a ship that’s harming no one? - keep your opinion either to yourself or go into a circle of people who share your opinion. You don’t have the right to make others feel bad for liking a ship that’s harming no one.

There is this trend going around, in TikTok fandoms in general, but AvatarTok too.

The gist of it is that a video or slide show starts with “Oh, another Avatar fan”/”Oh, I’m an Avatar fan too” in front of an excited background to the “Ain’t shit” sound bite from Doja Cat and then it’s followed by takes the creator either agrees or disagrees with.

My problem with this trend is that’s it’s reactionary nothingness. It’s not clear if they see these takes as wrong because they simply dislike or disagree with them or because they think they’re misinformed. It also switches from people not understanding the story (takes like “Jake hates Lo’ak”, “Spider killed Neteyam”), people getting facts wrong (using Na’vi and avatar interchangeably, thinking Tuk is a boy) and opinions you either agree or disagree with, oftentimes sprinkled with shipping discourse to shit on ships you don’t get behind.

A trend of a similar vein is with the “three songs I fucking hate”-sound bite. Either opinions that you don’t agree with, things you don’t like, actual not understanding of the story, no in-between line, no differanciations made.

I don’t know if that is not understanding the difference or if it’s laziness, but it comes across as just hating to hate or trying to make yourself superior for simple task of understanding the basics of the medium you’re a fan of. Which is fine, the biggest problem there is TikTok as a platform not having the filters for that to get managed for people who don’t want to see that.

III.II.1 fandom guide: new to shipping 101 - ship and let ship

Simple as that.

You don’t like a ship, you don’t search it up and don’t interact with content on that ship so you don’t get bothered by further content about said ship.

If you do get ship content you don’t like: scroll quickly, don’t interact, block users if you must, go to a completely different fandom or topic for a few days/weeks to rid your fyp of that what you don’t want to see.

Don’t make others feel bad. Don’t bully, don’t harass, don’t make yourself out as better for not liking what they like. Just let them be.

1. It’s not “better” if you’ve been in fandom for a while and don’t care about fandom etiquette, it makes you an asshole

If none of this was news to you and you’re still doing anything of the sort… you are part of the problem. You are not helping.

If you know the rules of fandom, abide by them. We’re all responsible for making fandom a nice environment. If you know the rules in fandom and you choose to still go against them you are the problem.

Just leave people be and be respectful.

[confusedexisting]

III. Fandom etiquette / III.I Ships and TikTok fandoms not understanding shipping culture

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III.I.1 Can you ship non-canon ships?

Pretty simple: yes! Non-canon is the foundation fandom is built on! It’s the fans of a property going “Oh, what if?” and trying to live that out/imagine that, and that of course includes romantic/platonic pairings, aka. ships.

No, not every ship is your cup of tea. Not every ship is my cup of tea. That is normal, that is fine, not everything has to be your cup of tea.

That TikTok and TikTok fandoms either don’t know or have lost that knowledge is not the problem of fandom as a whole. Fandom has existed for decades. If you’re new you’ve got to learn and understand how fandom is build and how to manage your experience.

And, I’ll say it frankly: TikTok is not build for fandom and a good chunk of people who get into fandom through TikTok aren’t built for fandom. TikTok’s algorithm is built on only feeding you what makes you stay and feel good, so you’ll stay on the app more because you’re in your little echo chamber.

But once you get into fandom that filtering is up to you. And TikTok’s algorithm is not advanced enough to understand what part of a fandom you’re into, only that you like watching that one specific medium.

That’s how “normies” got into fandom through TikTok. By accident.

And because they’re used to TikTok only giving them what they like and also because they’re likely new to fandom as a whole, the entire concept is foreign to them.

What I’m saying is… I don’t get the “that’s not canon”-outrage.

Yes. You’re in fandom. On the fan side of the media you’re engaging with. There will be discussions and theories about canon, no doubt, but a big part of fandom is its vastness, creativity and imagination. Its whimsy. It’s non-canon creations in its basis. You only want canon material, go to the actual medium.

I’m putting this into this AvatarTok essay specifically because TikTok fandom has become so… purity culture-esque (?) is what I would call it.

Nothing can be explored or expressed anymore without someone commenting their unwanted “I’m in enemy territory”, “side-eyeing sticker” or general rude, unnecessary responses.

You’re in fandom.

Not in your little bubble with stuff curated only for your personal comfort and enjoyment.

Fandom is big.

Fandom is broad.

Fandom has many corners and every medium has one. Once you’re in fandom, you have to learn how to navigate yourself until you know which corners are for you and which aren’t. That is your responsibility. You manage your experience. TikTok is ill-equipt for that, so you need to manage more than you’re used to on TikTok. Block tags, scroll faster, don’t comment, go to a different tag for a while and ignore that fandom as a whole for like three weeks and you’ll have it mostly washed from you FYP.

Aonung x Neteyam was the ship after atwow.

Jake x Tonowari was/is pretty popular.

Neytiri x Varaang is an obvious ship. The protagonist getting shipped with their personal counterpart/parallel/villain is common as all hell. That’s the same with Jake x Quaritch.

“But they’re not canon”

Neytiri x Ronal exists.

Jake x Tonowari exists.

“But they’re already married”

Yes.

Not everyone ships because they want their pairing to be canon in the story.

You can ship things for so many reasons other than wanting a pair to be canon:

You like a dynamic

You like a vibe

You like the tension between the characters/actors

You like a what-if

You don’t like who a character is with canonically

You want representation

You like to spite people

… countless more

What’s important is… ships only actually become TikTok’s beloved “problematic” if the ship in itself promotes and causes actual harm, and even that can only count for canon ships and how the story itself handles said relationship.

What fandom does has nothing to do with it in-universe/in canon.

Fandom is not there to be your little fun-time, child friendly space.

It’s mostly run by adults. Not every dynamic people want to explore will be a healthy one because in fiction, the tension between unhealthy couples is a lot more captivating.

Just because you ship a ship that’s not good for each other means that you are in favour of actual harmful relationship dynamics. It just means that you can enjoy this fictional medium and are playing with the dynamics of the characters.

Of course there are lines you shouldn’t cross and ships that shouldn’t be promoted.

But that’s ships like Quaritch x Neytiri (because of the colonizer x colonized dynamic) or Quaritch x Kiri (adult x teen, psychopath murderer x kidnappee) and even those have an out.

That out being called – exploring the dynamic, not endorsing their relationship in itself, especially not as a healthy or a romantic or even sexual dynamic.

People can like the tension between Quaritch and Neytiri because it is a really nice dynamic how Quaritch went from racist and cocky about humanity’s superiority to getting killed by Neytiri, to getting reborn in the body looking like the natives he hates, to finding out how he originally died and growing fucking terrified of even seeing Neytiri’s arrows, to that not standing for him and him doubling down on his cruelty, him still being too scared of Neytiri and only growing cocky enough to not be scared of her arrows anymore when he has an entire clan of fanatics behind him that just burned the ground Neytiri is on and she’s the only one of an entire clan who hasn’t surrendered.

They have a very nice villain-protagonist dynamic and it shows how Quaritch isn’t just Jake’s villain. He’s Neytiri’s too and he’s good in his role.

Seeing that dynamic can lead people to ship them, without endorsing the actual ship. Liking a dynamic ≠ endorsing.

The same thing goes for Neytiri and Varaang.

Most people who ship them know perfectly well how unhealthy they would be, but they like the dynamic, which is why they’re exploring their what-if.

The only time I personally have seen the majority of AvatarTok come to agree about a non-canon ship being better than a canon ship is Kiri x Spider and Kiri x Rotxo.

And many want Kiri and Rotxo to be canon. That’s fine.

But it again boils down to “this media isn’t catering to me” and the general Spider-hate of AvatarTok.

Ship Kiri x Rotxo. You can think that they should have been canon.

But remember that actual canon has laid out to plain and simple which ship was obvious.

Kiri and Rotxo don’t exchange even one word with each other in both movies and Rotxo is dead now.

Spider and Kiri shared their first actual scene together and we almost immediately get Spider staring at Kiri with heart-eyes, them being more playful with each other than they are with Lo’ak or Tuk in comparison and Kiri is sulking for a good bit after Spider’s kidnapped because she’s upset he’s been kidnapped and that he’s not with the Sullies. And in afaa, they’re attached at the hip.

Rotxo’s actor confirming that his character had a crush on Kiri does not change canon even if you’d prefer Kiri x Rotxo over Kiri x Spider.

TikTok having a hate-boner for Spider does not change canon.

If you prefer one ship over another, you ship that ship and don’t bully others for not sharing your opinion.

If you don’t understand a ship you still let those shippers be. Most ships in fandom are harmless.

Jake x Tonowari, Neytiri x Ronal or Neteyam x Aonung shippers won’t ruin the canon ships for you.

In the same breath: you don’t get to bully others because they don’t like your non-canon ship.

Learn that shippers about everything exist and that you will likely not change their mind. Shipping out of spite exists for a reason. Ironic shipping exists. Platonic and casual shipping exists.

You can’t judge someone off of the ships they like all the time. Choose your own peace of mind, don’t interact with shippers/ships you don’t like and scroll.

III.I.1.2 when does shipping turn from harmless fun to disrespect?

Obviously when you actively promote real-life harm

when shipping something harmless like the ships mentioned above gets you bullied.

When people start harassing you because you like or dislike the dynamics of two fictional characters.

But even your unwanted comment of going “yeah, no”, “ew”, “I’m in enemy territory” or “Oh, that’s not…” under a video, fanart, edit of a ship. Wonderful. You saw a ship you don’t like. Obviously the post was for people who do like it. You’re not the target demographic, your comment was not needed. It is completely in your right to comment, but it is still very disrespectful to diss others for enjoying a ship just because you yourself can’t get behind it. Learn to scroll. Make everyone’s lives nicer.

III.1.3 forcing your opinion on others/acting like children

In the same vein from my examples just now, the same goes for people needing others to like what you like because they like something you don’t.

Scrolling is free, it spares you the disgust, confusion, arguments and upsetting yourself or others.

I don’t get into shipping discussions despite loving many rarepairs in many of the fandoms I’m in.

You could chalk that up to me being a multishipper, but that is not the reason.

I don’t get into fights over ships or get ships I don’t like on my fyp because I know when a ship-TikTok isn’t aimed at me and I have the ability to just scroll.

That is as easy for me as it is for everyone else.

You’re choosing conflict for self-gratification and your need to be objectively right about a subjective matter. Grow up.

[confusedexisting]

III. Fandom etiquette

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1. What’s fandom etiquette?

That’s the rules people should ideally be following when engaging themselves in fandom spaces.

Most commonly

giving spoiler warnings

tagging/giving content warning correctly

no plagiarism

don’t harass others, creators or otherwise

don’t like, don’t read

your kink is not my kink

ship and let ship

Which leads me nicely into…

[confusedexisting]

II. Media literacy / side tangent (4)

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side tangent (4)

“It’s my opinion” doesn’t change that you can get criticized, get corrected or be objectively wrong

Quite the opposite actually.

Because opinions are based on your likes and dislikes and those fuckers are subjective as all hell. Of course you can have your opinion, it’s good that you’re forming your own opinion. But it is used in instances where opinion has nothing to do with it and I’d also chalk this up the illiteracy that’s prevalent on TikTok.

“It’s my opinion” is a statement and sometimes an explanation. An explanation that turns null as soon as you’re denying facts in order to get to keep your opinion. At that point you’re not just having an opinion anymore… you’re feeling attacked because someone dared point out the flaws in your opinion and give you their reasoning as to why your opinion is founded in a bad basis.

And that can feel like an attack, I get it. But it oftentimes really isn’t. Most people want everyone in fandom to thrive.

But despite all that, your opinion can still be wrong. Be that because you’re misinformed or because you’re looking at something from the wrong perspective for the situation at hand or simply because you don’t know what an opinion even is.

An opinion is not a shield. Just because you say something is your opinion doesn’t mean other people on the public platforms you’re on cannot voice their own opinions as well or that you can’t be factually wrong or be magically immune to critique now.

And that’s not an attack. That’s them doing what you are doing as well. Voicing their opinion.

That’s social media for you. People have opinions, just like you do and they will voice them just as you do.

The important thing that is oftentimes forgotten in such discussions is being civil and respectful with each other and that we remember that having an opinion doesn’t mean you can magically not be wrong about something.

(end of side tangent)