continuing Spider being Jake's bio kid: Quarjake/cryptic pregnancy au [now: my womb a hollow. you it's brightest light ]
Jake was on Pandora for a year before Tommy's avatar shipped in, he shipped out on the ship prior to Tommy's. legs fixed up as part of the deal to get him out there. they needed men, reliable men. and with Tommy preparing for the avatar program, having brother's out there might do them some good. he heard one of his old Colonel's put in the good word for him. he doesn't know why they chose him, out of just anybody, why they fixed his legs. but they did.
he wakes up, his legs work, he hardly remember being put out for the surgery. and his brother is dead. has been dead, for 6 years now. died the week before he was supposed to ship out. sick joke is what it is. but there's no changing it.
they're sending the avatar. they sent it. it's a year off. he's gonna drive it. he doesn't even think about it. just nods his head. his brother is dead.
and he's got a year to grieve. he's got a few friends. some grunt work to do. nothing that doesn't come easy.
and then there's the Colonel. he's a nice man. to him anyways. easy on the eyes. his nurturing ways and sharp wit and private king-sized bed definitely keep Jake's mind off of everything. rough hands and strong arms and the beating of a heart against a warm chest keeps him tethered to this alien planet. Jake always had a thing for authority, even if he'd rarely swung this way.
Miles doesn't seem to mind what's between his legs either.
it lasts a while. they normally play it safe. but sometimes, some... action. catches them off guard. but it's never been a problem.
Jake's been preparing with the squints whenever's he's not stuck to the Colonel's side. Grace puts up with him, glad she's at least gotten a year to whip him into shape. he's learned some Na'vi, not enough, but some. he's not... entirely clueless. she's sending 75% marine, 25% grunt into the woods, and that's... better then nothing.
she's quick to get him away from his Colonel. he misses him.
he likes the avatar. likes feeling bigger, stronger. there's something else. he can't quite place it. but it's better.
they move up to the mountains quick.
he meets Neytiri. he doesn't know it, but she nearly kills him. she saves his life. her people take a chance on him.
he doesn't spend a ton of time in his human body. a few hours, not counting sleeping, at very best.
being mostly sedentary and stuck to terrible field rations is doing a number on him. he's exhausted all of the time. terrible heartburn. an odd morning or two he's woken up to the need to throw his guts up. but he never really questions it. he's abusing the shit out of this human body. he should expect some retribution. he can handle it.
months pass. three, to be exact.
he wakes up feeling some wicked type of awful. he tries linking, only to throw up, a pain radiating from his core. he can't focus.
he proclaims it's his appendix, as Grace helps him lie back down in his bunk. then she reminds him that they get their appendix's removed for cryo travel. he hits his head against the bunk.
"I gotta be dying, Grace. this is fucking awful," he groans, clutching his middle, "Lord help me..."
"relax marine, you caught a bug. get some sleep. you'll live."
his son is born just over an hour later.
pushed him out while doubled over in bed with an audience of his panicking nerd friend who looks ready to pass out. his pilot who won't quit calling him a dumbass in between counting out a breathing excersize he's certainly ignoring. and his work mom, who's going between putting her head where it certainly doesn't feel like it belongs, and sitting behind him to rock him like a baby. in the middle of the floating mountains. on an alien planet. when he knows war is incoming. and the man who got him pregnant will be leading that charge. he helped him get ready for it.
he's stressed out to say the least.
his baby boy comes out screaming. which is good. he doesn't want him crying, but that little boy's got a good set of lungs. Norm blurts out that it's a boy. Jake just smiles between curses. Grace is checking the little one over and wrapping him up in a spare blanket, just enough to keep him warm, before pressing him directly to Jake's chest. Trudy and Norm are stealing glances, ooing and awwing all the while.
and then he's back to curling up his sweaty, and now bloodied, sheets. crying into his baby's skin, he's so soft and delicate. wriggling to press as close to Jake's being as he can. his baby loves him so much. his baby loves him so much, and all Jake can think about is how he's doomed. there's not escaping his father's blood. two humans. two demons. one of which is gunning for the Na'vi, the other helped him. fucks sake, he was born on a mountain top in the middle of an inhabitable planet for his little lungs.
"what did I do to you, bubba?" is all he can murmur, holding his infant closer and closer, "what did I do? you just got here, and I alreayd ruined your life, huh baby?"
the baby just coos and settles, his still wet little forehead pressing to Jake's lips, making little sounds every time they move with Jake's words or because he's kissing his baby's head.
Jake's got his arms around him. making sure he's warm and covered every other moment. heart hammering in his chest.
Neytiri does not know why Jake did not return to the village that day. she assumes it was important.
it had been a few hours. he was sore and spent and certainly in shock.
with how poorly he'd been caring for himself, Grace is surprised he managed to survive the damn pregnancy, let alone the labor. she wasn't that kind of doctor, but she also wasn't stupid. unlike the idiot who's still got his head in her lap, and her hand rubbing his back, and the other making sure he doesn't manage to drop the baby, because she's, unfortunately, gotten herself attached.
"we could call him bug," Jake quips, looking up at Grace, "then it really would be just a bug."
no one really finds his joke funny, but they all manage to laugh.
it's settling in that there is a baby amongst them. a baby who can't fit an exopack. a baby who can't go outside. a baby that shouldn't exist.
a baby they can't feed unless, by a miracle, Jake can chest feed.
it's been only a few hours. and this poor kid might really be screwed. but can they go back to base? the only way to do that would be to keep Jake and the kid in the trailer, and flying like that through the mountains is... a choice.
the next time he sees either of his lovers. he's telling them he's got a kid. it doesn't go over well.
Quaritch takes it well, for a mere moment, but tells him if anyones finds out he's the father, they're all better off dead. tells him not to bring "that thing home". tells him he'll "figure out" formula and Trudy can fly it out. tells him it'll be fine when they "level that patch of blue skins" and can "make their own home". Jake feels queasy.
when he tells Neytiri, she feels betrayed. she knows it was before Jake met her. and believes that he didn't know. he couldn't have betrayed her, by definition. but there is a hurt she cannot place with any other word by betrayal. she needs time, she says. Jake knows they don't have it. but can't get himself to say the words.
he's alone. not really. he's got his son in his arms. he's looking down at his sleeping features, tracing them with a thumb.
the baby, still lacking a name other then "bug", twitches, then noses into it. he's got the softest blonde hair, and big brown eyes, when he opens them. Jake can't quite looking at him.
this baby fills him with so much fear. it's palpable. he can feel his heart racing every time he imagines their future.
but he's perfect. he coos and sleeps. leaves unmentionables in the makeshift diapers the crew are pulling together. but he's too damned cute for Jake to care.
the first time he grips onto Jake's finger, he swears he forgets everything else.
"I've got you, bug, I've got you," he whispers in his little one's ear, lifting him back up to his chest, "we're gonna be ok. somehow."
Jake thinks about killing himself and the baby for a moment. it's fleeting and makes him sick to his stomach. passing the baby to Trudy to go throw up.
it had been a thought of mercy. a thought of how do I make sure he never feels fear once in his tiny life. of how do I make sure I don't orphan him. of dear god what have I done and what will I do now.
but he just can't. he can't do that to his little baby.
the war comes. Jake knows it's nipping at their heals, and having a baby to protect changes things. he finds his courage.
he tells the Omatikaya that the humans are coming. and pleads for them to harbor his baby.
Neytiri holds her son, accepting him into her heart the same day she will kill one of his fathers.
one must die so another can take their place.
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