o dp

Me, making a poor life decision: I should make a tumblr that consists only of my witty one liners and my attempts at explaining popular culture

[congratulationseveryone]

I am the creator of cursed kitchen curses

Me

[congratulationseveryone]

Saved from this nonsense by the magic of homosexuality

Me

[congratulationseveryone]

Not Grumpy Cat: You're really gay.

Polar Vortex: You left me no choice.

[congratulationseveryone]

Not Grumpy Cat: You can't just stab things when you experience feelings.

[congratulationseveryone]

I'm too lazy to take my shoes off.

Me, while wearing flip flops

[congratulationseveryone]

VA and HJK: *talks at length in the groupchat about Cells At Work*

Me, a tired victim of autocorrect: 102 unread notifications Jesus cried

Not Grumpy Cat, an opportunistic gremlin:

[congratulationseveryone]

I don't know how to use an ATM.

Me, an Adult

[congratulationseveryone]

“Yep yep you can literally never get osteoarthritis in your head”

-Verdant Anubis

[stonesfromglasshouses]

You’d be surprised what comes out of me.

Me

(via

stonesfromglasshouses

)

[congratulationseveryone]

Because of who I am as a person, unfortunately

Me, on two unrelated occasions in the space of an hour

[congratulationseveryone]

Polar Vortex: The thing is the fact that it was probably titled like that deliberately means -

Not Grumpycat: Not everyone is a Fall Out Boy fan, Polar.

Polar Vertex: I know, that's why I was paying it so much attention.

Not Grumpycat: Oh. I read it and just thought "ha ha, humans."

[congratulationseveryone]

Why would I make orange juice worse by adding stuff to it?

Me, on mimosas

[congratulationseveryone]

Assassination attempt failed because you hired a racist.

Polar Vortex

[allystruggles]

Taylor Swift is an #AllyIcon!! She needs to date Macklemore (feat. Ryan Lewis) ASAP!!

[congratulationseveryone]

Me: if you're gonna be me, please don't flirt. You'll undoubtedly do a better job than I would, and that would ruin my reputation

[congratulationseveryone]

Polar Vortex: Holy Shit Hitler is a robot.

[congratulationseveryone]

Food Truck Lady:Would you like a hamburger, hot dog, or a veggie burger?

Polar Vortex:I'll take a veggie burger.

Food Truck Lady:Do you want anything on it?

Polar Vortex:How about bacon.