Growing up, the idea of romance was beyond me. My father left when my mum found out she was pregnant with me, leaving my whole family alone on the support of the Ministry and my aunt. It wasn’t easy, but my family made it through. Romance wasn’t an idea I even gave a second when it had torn my whole family apart.
My second year, I had met two of my best friends (although they didn’t really talk much) Jay and Ciara. Jay was an over-dramatic, boisterous, fun spirit while Ciara was quiet, but once she warmed up to you, was sassy and fun to be around in every aspect. I was never really close to anybody else my age, they all stuck together, and I stuck to my friends that were a bit younger than me.
Fast forward to my third year at Hogwarts. As a young 13 year old, my classmates started becoming interested in each other, I couldn’t really find anyone who struck my fancy. At the welcoming feast, I sat next to Jay (I’ll always remember this moment). He was so stricken with this new first year- her name was Lily Potter- it was like he changed into a different person.
The next few years he’d be determined to get closer and closer to Lily- she wasn’t interested to say the least. However, I got the chance to add another best friend to my list- we’d laugh and joke about all the same things, she joined the quidditch team with me, and on.
In fourth year, I discovered I was asexual. Thanks to Ciara, I figured this out honestly, where would I be without them? but that didn’t ever stop me from wishing one day I might fall in love. I hated it- this stupid emotion made my family life a living hell, why did I even think twice about wanting it? I couldn’t ever tell if what Jay wanted was romance, infatuation, or obsession, but I wanted anything close to it. He saw her in a different light than I ever could.
Sixth year, it all changed. I felt my life turn upside down, the girl whom one of my best friends had been going after since second year suddenly got really attractive. I still remember it, quidditch tryouts. Sam Wood was captain, his last year, with the people I’d practically grew up with, after Lily convinced me to try out for the quidditch team with her my fourth year (and I made it).
We both were gonna get in, that was for sure. But something else happened that day, I don’t even know what it was. Through the jokes on the cloudy, dreary, September day, something made the edges of my mouth curl up, really want her attention, I remember thinking of how contagious her smile was, did I really only want to be best friends?
I had to admit I was almost excited. I had spent my entire life hoping I could fall in love eventually, one day. And there she was, right in front of my face. The one girl my best friend had wanted since practically the first day she walked into Hogwarts. I may have felt something I never had before, but I wasn’t a total idiot. I remember crashing through the door of the common room a day or two later, decisive, excited, and wanting to tell Ciara, they probably thought I had taken something of theirs I was so excited for everything.
Even in retrospect of what happened this year, I think I’m almost thankful. Sure, I didn’t get the girl, but Lily now has who she wants, and quite honestly? I can live with that. I can be alright with living without someone else.