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Cheers to the consciously, chaotically beautiful, self aware journey <3 Healing is not linear 🤍 Healing is a PARADOX.

[consciouslygrowing]

Let it begin.

This blog is honestly going to be all over the place. A lot of word vomit probably? Maybe I’ll get better at that. No promises though. Little background on me.. I hardly remember my childhood. I saw things I shouldn’t have as a child that formed me into who I am today and what I’ve been through.

My parents are alcoholics. Alcohol has been around me my entire life so I never thought of them as Addicts because alcohol has been so normal for me. I’m not a huge drinker, I’ve had my times forrrsureee and socially but it’s never been an issue for me. When I think addicts I think hard drugs not alcohol for some reason? Like your still addicted to alcohol, you still use to it cope, it destroys relationships, causes pain, causes issues, health issues, everything… like drugs do, so like why didnt I put two and two together? Lol. But anyways, it just hit me at 32 years old, my parents are addicts. So you know what comes along with addiction when you have kids? Emotional, mental, physical neglect. Abuse. As you get older you accept the same from friends, family, and significant others/relationships. Why? Because that’s literally all you know. Duh.

My therapist shared with me today a quote that helped change her life.

“ We spend our lives mastering what made us feel powerless. ”

Example;

For me personally, I felt the neglect as a child mentally, emotionally and physically. So what happened to me? I became extremely sensitive to everything, became extremely empathetic and compassionate for others. I wanted to be the exact opposite of my parents and let me tell you, I’ve mastered that. I feel and I love fiercely with everything in me. I show up, I listen, I try to understand. Which has put me in some sticky situations relationship/friendship wise and stuck around a lot longer than I should have, but that’s another story, another blog.

I just want to share my knowledge and help others while holding myself accountable.

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[consciouslygrowing]

Let’s NOT normalize daddy issues. It’s not a cute trend.

Why has Daddy Issues become this trauma that’s over sexualized by men that most likely have mommy issues? And I’m going to just throw this out there, most likely narcissistic that crave validation because they are insecure with themselves or their moms gave them and enabled their god-like complex. And guess who’s the perfect target for them? Women with daddy issues because we want love so bad we will do anything for it. Like accepting toxic behaviors our dads showed us and abuse. Why has it become this thing some women think is so “ cute ” or brag about? Possibly using it as a dark humor kinda thing to cope with it, I get it. But god damn it fucking SUCKS to actually come to the realization and accept that your dad wasn’t there for you mentally, emotionally, or physically. Maybe you can relate because your dad has passed away. Maybe he passed away on bad terms with you. Maybe he chose things like alcohol, drugs, or women over you. Maybe he just completely abandoned you. Maybe you don’t even know your dad. Maybe your dad is still alive but you have no connection/relationship with him. My parents are married for I don’t even know, 32 years?! But absolutely hate eachother. And that’s just the harsh truth. How’s that for an example of marriage growing up? Something that’s suppose to be so sacred. So special. So beautiful to share your life with another person. It’s been anything but that since I can remember.

Point is, I’m tired of seeing this as some sort of trend because like I said before, it FUCKING sucks when you come to the realization of it all and how it’s effected you from your childhood, to your adulthood.

It’s anything but cute.

It’s not feeling good enough. It’s insecurities. It’s never being able to fully trust a man. It’s always thinking somethings wrong. It’s fighting for someone even when you shouldn’t. It’s accepting bare minimum until you come to your senses. It’s accepting abuse. It’s neglect. It’s walking on eggshells. It’s losing yourself by giving more, more, more and more to someone that doesn’t even love you so you fight even harder for it to get them to love you. It’s constantly wanting to fix broken men. It’s not loving yourself. It’s anxiety. It’s thinking everything’s your fault. It’s constantly wondering if you’re making the right decision. It’s soul crushing. It’s noticing every little change in tone, behaviors, body language and thinking danger, you’re going to leave me. It’s living in fight or flight and freeze. It’s DRAINING.

As a little girl. Your dad is suppose to be your first love. He sets the tone of what a man should be and how a man should treat you and then you never settle for less. If your dad wasn’t there for you in any aspect you’ve probably been in toxic, chaotic relationships. And man I sure do wonder if I had a dad that showed up for me in every way if I would have ever been in any of the shit I was in. Probably not.

Positive side is that this life we live is one big lesson. You can either learn and grow from things, change your ways or stay stagnant. I’m in therapy and I refuse to let my trauma make me stay stagnant. All we can do is move forward and do better. Be better. Choose better. Everything BETTER.

CONSCIOUSLY GROW.

[hermajestyimher]

Whatever you do, keep on moving. Lack of action will have you going down into mental spirals that will cause confusion, anxiety, and depression. Regardless of how things may appear like in the moment or what fears may be clouding your mind, you have to keep moving. Be mindful of the present, and focus on the things you can change today, not on what could happen tomorrow. Do not become paralyzed, because more often than not, things tend to end up being much better in the end than we previously thought possible.

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[consciouslygrowing]

This daddy issue post is either gonna get a lot of hate or a lot of love but stay tuned. Truth is hard.