Chance & Courage

My name is Michelle and I really like to write. Main Blog

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You’re right. You are a mess. And you’re complicated, and confusing, and sometimes you piss me off. But guess what? So am I. Our messes fit so perfectly together they become a work of art. We are a work of art. Broken pieces and all.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write

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I fell for you. 

And I don’t mean I stumbled, lost my footing, and caught myself. I mean I lost control of my legs, slipped, and hit my face on the concrete- I fell hard and all you did was laugh.

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“I cant. You cant. We cant.”

When you're around I lose all ability to speak porperly, the concept of the English Language becomes abstract, and I stumble over my words more often than not. So, I let my body do the talking for me; I look at you through warm, inviting eyes, My smiles takes back its rightful place on my face, And my touch is soft. But I am careful because my body is quick to betray me as well. I do not touch you for long, As my hands might begin to tremble & shake. I do not get too close to you, As you might hear my heart beating at an impossibly alarming rate I do not stare at you for long, As my face might turn an unfavorable shade of red if I happen to get embarrassed - which I will. I won't let you look into my eyes for long I'm afraid you will find what you're searching for And I can't let you see the unfathomable love I have for you. I can't let you figure out that you're all that occupies my head how you're the only person I could feel this strongly about how what I feel for you is more than just awestruck eyes and sweaty palms. Not yet.

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I carry a heavy heart & an even heavier soul - burdened by the weight of untold secrets, nights unkissed, and "what ifs"

you wont ever know what I feel for you

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1. You’re beautiful, no similes or metaphors, you just simply are.

2. I want to spill thousands fireflies into your body so they illuminate the parts of yourself you hate the most, in hopes you’ll see yourself more as a work of art.

3. Your smile will be my permanent safe place, somewhere I can run and hide when things go wrong. My only light when the world goes dim.

4. My arms will be your castle. I will protect you until the end, I won’t ever turn you away.

5. Treat me like the diary you kept when you were 13. Cry secrets into my skin, fill my ears with the good and the bad. I want to know everything. Trust I will keep them safe.

6. Grab my hand, when the worries and thoughts become too much to handle, I will fight beside you.

7. We will go through our own hardships, but don’t worry, I can handle the rain. It doesn’t have to be sunny every day.

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temporary

I am torn from the lack of love there seems to be in my life

how every feeling I have for someone can be so easily disregarded

They come around with their sweet smiles and glimmering eyes

And my heart swells, it beats quickly and my hands sweat

and I am happy,

but they never stay long enough

and so they leave, as does our fleeting romance, with a simple “I’ll see you around”

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Letter To My Future Lover

I might pull away from your embrace I won't reply when you tell me you love me I'l keep secrets like treasures hidden beaneath my ribcage I can't bear to be vulnerable around you. See, I've been burned before and now I know better than to play with fire Your ember heart reaching out to my blackened soul and all I can do is tremble and shake at the thought of being too close And its not that I don't love you It's not that I dont trust you I do, that's the problem. I'll keep my walls high I'll shed tears like old skin in the middle of the night loud enough for my heart to ache but quiet enough for you not to hear Vulnerability has never been my strong suit I only ask that you be patient with me I do love you, I'm just afraid of getting burned

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Every time is the last time but how many times can my ribs bend and break until my heart bruises black and blue? until the emotional pain becomes physical, and I can no longer hold myself up on my own two feet?

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the four times I thought I found love

i. she was your first. she was clarity and sunshine when your days were clouded. she was whispers through the phone and spilled ‘i love you’s. she was the first to start tugging at your heart strings until your heart all but split right down the middle. she taught you love in all the wrong ways, and she taught you what heart break was supposed to feel like. now when you break you can only think of her. ii. he was an unplanned double date. he was strong cologne and sloppy kisses. he was wandering hands and lustful eyes. he was rough and wanting. you were young and confused. you only did it because you thought that’s what you were supposed to do. he is the reason you wince at the words “one night stand”. iii. she came in unexpected. she made you forget about everything before that point. she made promises of forever. your future was planned out until your last dying breath. she was deep brown eyes and soft lips. she was a different kind of love. she was the real kind of love, the one you read about in books and watch in movies. she taught you love in ways you never knew existed. she taught you heartbreak in ways you never knew were possible. she taught you that your first true love wasn’t at all your first true love. you still think of what could’ve been. iv. she broke down the walls you desperately tried to keep up. she was the safe place you never thought you needed. she was thousands of miles away but you found comfort in her smile. she didn’t run when you told her your secrets, she accepted you. she was late night skype calls and whole hearted laughs. she was ocean blue eyes and you didn’t know how to swim. she helped you fix yourself. she told you it was okay and for the first time, you believed it would be. she was innocent flirting and needing eyes. she was trust and truth and tear stained pillows. she was hope and a bright smile. you can’t stop thinking about her.

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I can feel you fading from my life

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She hung roses from her window Said she’d never seen something so beautiful I cut them down that night

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Inside the meaning of wanting, your past lovers sleep Beneath the surface of time, the memories breathe Amongst the shadows of the soul, your heart weeps In the moonless darkness, the winter speaks

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I'm Tired Of Getting Hurt//I'd Rather Feel Lust

I want a love that lasts one night with you gripping at my sheets and the only word you're capable of saying is my name When there are no expectations or false hope, no broken hearts or tear stained pillows I want a love that isn't love When for one night, you're all mine and I'm all yours I want to feel something other than this cracked ribcage and bruised heart.

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There I was again, huddled up against a corner in my room with a bottle of Whiskey and a pair of sad eyes I just couldn’t shake off. I reeked of cigarette smoke and regret as depression clung to me like an old shirt. Lately all of my nights seem the same; watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, smoke half a pack of cigarettes, and drink enough alcohol until I pass out and forget the entire thing. My days and nights all run together and I can’t remember the last time I slept more than just two or three hours. You’d think I was going through a break up, and for the most part I was, she just broke up with me a year ago.

The Pathetic Story of the Hopeless Romantic (intro)

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Lover or Fighter? (7/61)

I am both; a lover and a fighter I love with every ounce of my being and I will fight until my knuckles bleed, until my feet can no longer support me, for what, for who, I love

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I feel like I cant believe in hope without the possibility that this could all be a dream, or maybe its just my need to overanalyze everything just so I can feel like something real is happening.

I though there'd be more to us (6/61)

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Come Back Soon (5/61)

You've moved away and I still pass by your old house hoping you'll be sitting on your porch just waiting for me but you don't live there anymore.