The Walk of Penance
To be honest, it wasn't something unexpected. Actually, now that I think about it...I should have seen it coming. Instead, I blinded myself with  wishful thinking. It has become quite a bad habit of mine.
The monsters are right outside the castle. I know why they are here. They want to cast me down, to obtain the justice I robbed them off. I would be lying if I said they are wrong. They lost so much because of me, and I refused to even try to compensate for it. Yes, I deserve all that's coming my way.
And yet, I don't believe I am wrong, either. I know a sane person would find my beliefs stupid and childish. But, is it so bad to prefer mercy? Am I at fault for believing in good endings? I understand that this isn't a fairy tale. This is real life. But I still choose to hope. Hope in a world where humans and monsters live in peace. Hope in a world based on love, not hatred.
I look at the rebels from the window. ''Rebels'', huh? I never expected to call a fellow monster a ''rebel''. Looks like I'm becoming a little selfish. No, Toriel. If you want to make this world a utopia, you can't be so egotistic. You wronged them and you're paying the price, as you should.
Undyne is entering the castle. I ordered the guards to let her in. After all, they used to work together. It would  be cruel to force a fight between two old allies. But what about me? What should I do? Should I fight her, fight for the world I dream of? Or, is it that this utopia I hope to create can only be achieved by giving up on it and letting people decide for themselves?
She's already at the throne room. I only see darkness in her eyes. She is infuriated. I have to admit, this is the first time in my life that I see someone who hates me so much. I can sense her disgust towards me and, even though I expected it, I still am shocked. I'm not used to being hated. And it scares me.
Undyne gives me no time to think of how to react. She grabs me by the neck and throws me down. For a moment there, I thought she was going to strangle me. Heck, I believe she wanted to, but changed her mind on the last second. Is it that she wants to torture me before killing me? In that case, maybe I should end it myself.
Before I'm able to use my fire magic, Undyne grabs both my hands. She holds them so tightly they hurt. She then proceeds to drag me down, all the way to the castle's entrance. In a demonstration of strength, she throws me out of the caste, a few steps away from the crowds who shout slogans against me. Is it them who will finish me off? The people who I tried to save, and yet wronged so much in the process. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
Somehow, no one is attacking me. Undyne walks out of the castle, next to me.
''Stand up.'', she orders me. I quietly obey.
''Toriel Dreemurr,'', she exclaims, ''you are here today to answer for your crimes against monsterkind.''
''I never committed any crime.'', I respond firmly, trying to keep my cool.
''You let the human escape instead of killing him. That, alone, is treason against the laws of our deceased King, Asgore. But helping the human didn't just cost us one soul. It cost us the lives of dozens of monsters. It cost us the human souls we had already collected, setting us back to zero. And, most importantly, it cost us the life of our beloved King, Asgore, whose position you were quick to assume. Not only that but, while ruling as queen, you passed laws that assist humanity, betraying all our hopes and dreams!''
I try to reply, but my voice is getting covered by the shouts of the crowd. ''Traitor! Traitor!'', they all shout. Undyne silences them to let me speak. I'm still trying to stay calm, but I'm ready to break down.
''My friends...'', I begin, with my voice shaking, ''I did not betray you! I never expected that a child would do such horrible things to us...'
''It was a human child, of course it would!'', Undyne angrily interrupts me.
''No! Not all humans are evil! We all have to be compassionate! If we build a society around suspicion and anger, how are we ever going to find happiness? We will only start an endless cycle of revenge and fear! This isn't what we want, right?''
''And where did your actions take us? You destroyed years of efforts with your peaceful decisions! You destroyed our lives! Our future! You may have not created a 'society of fear', but you built a society of despair!''
''I tried for our best!''
My voice is beginning to break.
''And you failed!'', she yells at me. ''And because of you, families lost their loved ones! Mettaton, an idol for children and adults alike, a beam of hope for our salvation is dead! Alphys, our Royal scientist, is missing! Our King is dead! All because you couldn't kill a single child! And you want to be queen and rule our future after all these stupid decisions?''
I stay silent. I can't do this anymore. Because, deep down, I know...she's right. I only caused them pain.
''Do you have anything else to say in your defense?''
I look at the crowd. They loathe me. They despise me. I'm sure some of them want to see me dead. I'm not used to this. I don't know how to handle it.
''I'm sorry... For everyone's losses, for all the despair I brought upon you... I'm so, so sorry!''
I can barely hold my tears. In fact, I feel some of them have already escaped my eyes.
''In that case, it's time for your sentence. You will be dethroned, with no rights to the crown anymore. And, as the leader of this rebellion, it has been decided that I shall be crowned as empress, to lead the monsters out of the misery you put them in. As for you... I would be glad to kill you. It's what you deserve after all the things you've done. But, you are a monster. And I have taken an oath to never harm a monster. So, you should suffer a different punishment. From now on, you are exiled to the Ruins. You have one day to leave and never come back!''
The crowds cheer. I can hear a few monsters trying to push Undyne to kill me. I can't believe they would be so angry at me. To suddenly feel so hated, so detested... I wasn't ready for this.
Undyne takes the crown off my head and looks at me with those same, hateful eyes.
''Leave. Now.''
She doesn't need to speak twice. I quietly step aside and withdraw. As I walk away, I can hear her speech.
''Today is a special day in our history. This day will mark the end of our despair! For we, after all the losses we have endured, will rise again! I am your leader, but I don't want power over you. I am here to share my power WITH you! I am here to give you back your hopes and dreams! To punish humanity for all the pain they have caused us. Trust in me, and I promise you...I'll bring our future back!''
Everyone cheers. Her speech is captivating. She sounds so sure of herself, and so eager to help everyone stand on their feet again. I don't doubt her. She will become a great leader. They deserve her. But, where will she lead them to? That, I fear.
I look back for one last time before I leave New Home forever.
I'm walking through Hotland now, and it literally feels like hell. There is lava everywhere and the heat is unbearable. However, the place where true hell lies, is nowhere else but my soul. I feel HORRIBLE. Everyone hates me, and with a very good reason to. I feel guilty for letting Frisk live. But, worse thing is, I still don't regret it. I still believe it, within my heart, that everyone deserves mercy. Even Frisk.
I suddenly notice Vulkin sitting on the ground. He looks pretty upset, crying lava tears. I contemplate on it a little, but I decide to approach him.
''Hello, young child! Are you alright? What can I do for you?''
''You can't do anything for me...'', he sobs.
''Don't say that! Are you lost? I can help you find your mother if you-''
''My mother and my sister were killed by the human!''
I look down. It feels like the world really wants to punch my soul today.
''I miss them, I miss them so much... I'm alone with daddy now... What are we gonna do without them?''
''They are in a better place now...'', I try to comfort him.
''No, they are just dead! Dust, spread on the ground as if they were nothing! As if they didn't matter at all!'', he cries again.
I wish I could offer a solution. Sadly, there's nothing I can do to correct this. There is no cure for death.
''I was right next to her when she died...'', he continues, twisting the knife in my heart even more. ''My mother told me to run, but I didn't. And, then, she was suddenly killed! One moment she was alive, and the next one she was dust!''
I try to hug Vulkin, but he pulls back.
''I'm sorry, I'll burn you if you get close to me!''
''Don't worry... I'm a fire monster too.''
I hug him and let him cry in my arms for a moment. I, too, want to cry. But no, not yet. I have to be strong for this little guy... This little guy who's suffering because of me.
''GET AWAY FROM MY SON!'', a loud voice calls out.
Vulkin's father runs towards us and grabs him away from me.
''Do you know who this is, son?'', he asks angrily. ''SHE'S THE FORMER QUEEN! The one who let the human through!''
Vulkin looks at me. His eyes are filled with disappointment.
''You tricked me...!''
''I'm sorry! But think about it... Frisk was a kid, like you! I couldn't just kill him...'', I try to explain myself.
''Frisk was no ordinary kid!!'', his father interrupts me. ''He killed a mother in front of her child and then let the child live to remember it! To be forever scarred!''
''So you would prefer it if Frisk had killed your son too?'', I ask, infuriated.
''I would prefer it if you hadn't protected Frisk in order to fill the gap your  dead children left!''
I freeze in shock. Flashbacks of Asriel and Chara come to my mind, excruciating me.
''But no, because your children died, we have to lose people important to us too!'', he continues. ''Just so that ''queen'' Toriel has a child to play house with!''
I run away. I can't take this anymore.
''Yes, run back to the Ruins! It was best when you were there anyway!''
I run. I run, run and keep running. I'm at the Waterfall and I continue running, as far away as I can. My children...my poor children. Why do I have to get reminded of them in such a cruel way? And, why today, of all days?
I've reached a very special place at Waterfall. It's where Asriel's statue is. A reminder of the King's son, who was killed by the humans. Seeing his statue was the final straw. I fall on my knees and break into tears. My son, my Asriel... I miss him, I miss him so much! My poor child... All he wanted was to grant his sister's last wish... Why did he have to die like that? Why is the world such a cruel place?
And Chara... Chara wasn't my own, but it never mattered to me. Chara was, too, my child. My daughter, who just died because of my own carelessness... If only I had prevented her from consuming these buttercups! If only I had been more careful... I'm sorry, Chara... I'm so, so sorry!
Vulkin's dad said I wanted to adopt Frisk to fill the void you two left in my heart... He was wrong. Frisk could never replace you. No one could ever replace you! No one!
''NO ONE!!'' I yell, looking at the statue. My face is covered in tears.
I keep crying. I wish I could hug my children right now. It wouldn't matter if the whole world hated me, as long as my children were alive. I'd give up everything just to see them again, even for a split second.
''Look at her, crying over her dead child! Isn't it cute?''
I turn around, and see Woshua and Aaron looking at me.
''Yes, so cute! I bet she doesn't care that much about OUR children that were murdered because of her!''
''But our children didn't get a statue, did they?''
''No, they didn't.''
''Why should hers have one then?''
''Want me to destroy it?''
''Go ahead!''
Aaron comes close. No way. No way am I letting them do this.
''I'm the one you hate! Leave Asriel out of this!'', I yell at him.
''So what? Your child gets to be remembered, while ours have turned into dust and spread through the whole Underground?'', Woshua replies.
Aaron is getting closer.
''He was King Asgore's son too! You loved him, didn't you?'', I try to persuade them.
''Asgore was just sitting there, waiting for humans to fall into the Underground for him, while he could use the first human's soul to cross the barrier himself and gather the rest of the souls we needed. He was a coward.'', Aaron coldly replies.
''I had suggested that... But, even if he was scared, he was still a great King!''
I never expected I would be defending Asgore for the exact same reasons that I left him.
''Yeah, right!'', Woshua laughs at me. ''You, with all your love and mercy talk, suggested something like that? You have got to be kidding us!''
''Step aside!'', Aaron commands me.
''No. I won't let you destroy my son's statue.''
''Say, do you still believe everyone deserves mercy?'', Aaron asks.
''Yes. With all my heart.'', I reply, weirded out by the sudden question.
''Then you will forgive me for this.''
He pushes me away with all his strength. I fall a few steps away and look at him as he begins to punch the statue. He is one of the strongest monsters when it comes to physical strength. He will break it!
''No, stop!!!'', I scream.
''You won't attack me anyway, so who cares?''
I get up and try to stop him, to pull him away. He punches me down again, harder this time.
''You can't get the hint, can you?'', Woshua tells me. ''You and your pathetic family are not wanted here anymore!''
The statue's head is already broken. Aaron continues.
''Please, I beg of you! Stop, please, please!!! Just stop!!'', I keep screaming. I haven't stopped crying.
''You're not our queen anymore! You don't get to order us around!'', Woshua angrily shouts at me and slaps me.
I think I finally understand how the monsters feel about the humans. I really, really want to kill these two. With my fire magic, it's more than easy. I can stop them and save Asriel's legacy. Then again, if these two don't ruin the statue, someone else will after I leave. And, besides...I still don't believe in violence. Even if it hurts to see this, even if I could just end it right here, right now....this isn't the right way.
I walk away. I've seen enough. As I leave, I hear both of them cheering. ''Out with the Dreemurrs!'', ''It's time to end their reign forever!''. I sigh and wipe my tears, in a failed attempt to stop them.
I'm almost at the end of the Waterfall. I see an echo flower there. I remember, so many years before, when Asgore and I were still young. We had promised to be together forever. To save the Underground together. How naive we were... How innocent...
Maybe I was wrong about Asgore. Maybe he didn't deserve to be treated like this. After all, he was just too scared to go to the surface and face the humans. And really, who isn't? The humans are far stronger than us. It's normal to be scared.
I'm horrible. I left Asgore only a few weeks after both our kids died, when he needed me the most. He had been by my side through all that. And, if he was alive now, he would still defend me against everyone. Even though I treated him unfairly, even though I never forgave him... He would protect me. I know he would. He would never leave me behind, like I did to him. I'm sorry, Asgore. Only now do I realise how stupid and selfish I was. Only now I realise how much you mean to me. Now that I lost you, now that it's too late.
''Hey, you.'', someone shouts at me. I turn around and see a monster made of fire. It must be Grillby. I realise I've reached Snowdin.
''Look at this empty town. It used to be full of people. Full of joy. Now, no one goes out anymore. They are all in their homes, preparing for a war with the humans and mourning their dead. Do you know whose fault that is?''
''Mine...'' I sigh. I can't argue anymore. I'm tired and this is, indeed, my fault. No use denying it.
''Then you realise you should pay for it.''
''I'll go to the ruins forever. No one will have to see me again.''
''That's far from enough. So many people lost their lives. You should lose yours too.''
''Undyne, your new empress, doesn't agree with that. She won't allow the killing of monsters.''
''Undyne will never know.''
Grillby suddenly launches a fire attack at me. Being a fire monster myself, I don't lose too much HP, but it still hurts. I won't fight back. I didn't fight for Asriel back in the Waterfall, so I have no right to fight here. I start running away, with Grillby following me and launching fireballs at me.
I run towards Snowdin Forest. He may lose me there. And so he does, after a few minutes. I sit down for a bit, hidden behind a tree. I need to catch my breath. I'm not young enough to keep running around without getting tired.
This day has been hell. All the sad memories keep coming to my mind, accompanied by the awful events that keep occurring around me. Or, should I say, because of me? The Underground used to be a peaceful place. A place filled with hopes and dreams. Now, thanks to me, it's all ruined. Everyone is sad and taken over by rage. Monsters have died or lost their loved ones. All because I couldn't kill a single human. It's all my fault.
I hear Grillby again. He's close. I try getting up, but I stop. To be killed and forgotten forever; I actually deserve this fate. Besides, if I die right now, the pain will end. Yes. It's over. I give up.
Suddenly, someone touches my shoulder from behind. At first, I think it's Grillby, but the hand doesn't burn. I turn around.
''Sans?''
''Hey there.''
He is wearing a red scarf around his neck. He looks terrible. His eyes are sad and it feels like he's as broken as me.
''Are you here to kill me?'', I ask, looking down.
''No.'', he answers bluntly, offering me his hand. ''But Grillby will soon find you if you stay here. I've been watching you and, seeing how you don't fight back, he'll be able to kill you easily.''
''It doesn't matter anymore. It'll be better, to be honest. It's a fair punishment for all I've done.''
''You just want to escape reality, don't you?''
''Yeah, I guess that's part of it as well.''
''I won't let you quit like that.''
''And what should I live for, then? With what purpose? Making the world a great place? Bringing peace between humans and monsters? I tried, I really did. And look where it got me. I just failed.''
''You need a reason to live? How about your son? Your two children?''
I look down. Why does everyone have to remind me of their tragic deaths today?
''What about my children?''
''You saw how people think of your son, Asriel. I bet they think even worse of Chara, who was a human. If you die here, who will remember them as fondly as you do? Who will love them?''
I think for a minute. Sans is right. I'm the last person who really knew those children. If I disappear, everyone will hate them. They'll soon start creating false stories and rumors about them, and no one will know the truth.
''You're right...'', I reply to Sans.
''Come on now, Grillby is close. Grab my hand.''
I take his hand. I expect him to help me up, but, instead, I get a sudden feeling of dizziness and close my eyes in pain. When I open them again, Sans and I are in the Ruins.
''W-What happened? How?''
''Sorry for not warning you before using my shortcut, but Grillby was way too close.''
''Shortcut?'', I ask, confused.
''Don't sweat it.'', he replies to me, and finally helps me up.
''So, is this where you'll be living from now on?'', he asks me.
''Yes. I've been living here for years...it won't be a problem.''
''Except, the monsters that live here have left.''
''Yes. Except that.''
''You'll be lonely, won't you?''
''Yes...'', I sigh. I guess Sans wants to make this day even worse for me.
''Would you...want a roommate then?'', he asks out of the blue.
''What? You mean yourself?''
''Yes, if it's alright with you.''
''Why would you wanna do that?''
''You're a good friend of mine. In fact...you're the only one I have right now.''
''What about your brother?''
Sans's face suddenly gets sadder. I know he loves his brother. Why would he leave him behind? Unless...
''Papyrus...Papyrus has actually joined Undyne's Royal Guard. He moved to New Home a few days ago, in order to be close to her.''
''And why didn't you go with him?''
''Undyne doesn't like me. Before the rebellion, I tried to persuade her to give you some time, to let you rule and see the results. She didn't take it that well. And Papyrus is in such an important position, his dream has finally become true...I don't wanna ruin it by causing problems between him and Undyne, you know?''
Sans smiled. It was a weird, crooked smile. I'm sure he misses his brother. He wants to be with him, but he knows he can't. I can relate to that pain.
''Alright, we can be roommates then!'' I try to cheer him up with a crooked smile of my own.
''Thanks.''
We walk through the ruins. Each of us seems to be lost in their own thoughts. Sans is the only person who has treated me well today, and he's probably the last.
''Say, Sans... Did you meet Frisk?''
''Yes.''
''Did you see him...kill monsters?''
''Yes. A lot of them.''
''Why didn't you stop him?''
''I had a promise to keep.''
I look down.
''So, if I hadn't made you promise...Frisk wouldn't have killed that many.''
''Is that what you wanted, though? Because this feels like you're admitting that Frisk should have died...just not by your own hands.''
Only now do I realise that part of me feels exactly like that. It's the same attitude I so harshly judged Asgore for. So ironic...
''What do you think, Sans?'', I avoid his question for now. ''Should Frisk have died?''
''Without a doubt.''
''I'm sorry for making you promise, then.''
''Don't worry about it. I wouldn't have been able to kill Frisk anyway. No one would.''
''Why is that?''
''It's...complicated.''
''Oh.'', I sigh. ''Tell me, Sans...was Frisk as evil and sadistic as everyone describes? Was I such a bad judge of character?''
''No, not really. Frisk just only cared about himself. He wanted to leave this place as soon as possible, and so he did. If someone was to get in his way, he would try to persuade them not to. However, he wasn't that patient, especially towards the end. Once he failed to persuade someone, he'd just kill them for an easy ticket out of the Underground.''
''I see... So, he was just selfish, huh?''
''Selfishness can become a great evil.''
''Then...am I evil too, for letting him live?''
''No. You followed what you believed in. You never wanted violence, hatred or revenge. And you also managed to keep your beliefs until now that they got turned against you. It's quite admirable. Stupid, but admirable.''
''Thanks... I guess.''
''Don't worry about it. We might not agree, but I won't judge you for it. After all, you only did what you thought was best for everyone. You don't deserve to be treated so awfully.''
''That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while... Thank you, really, thank you.''
''And thank you for letting me stay with you. I'd be way too lonely in Snowdin as it is right now.''
''So, it's two lonely people keeping company to each other, isn't it?''
''Yes. Two lonely losers.''
It's finally night. Sans has already fallen asleep on the couch. After this day, I couldn't sleep at all. I went on a stroll in the Ruins, and ended up here, in the flowerbed where Frisk fell. Where I met him for the first time.
I sit on the flowers and watch the sky. It's full of stars. Real stars, not like the fake ones the monsters have at the Waterfall. I remember the past and wonder about the future. Will Undyne manage to bring happiness back to monsterkind? Or will she bring them to war against humanity, ultimately destroying them? Because, even if she does gather the seven souls and they do defeat the humans...will they ever be the same again? Will it be worth it?
I can't tell for sure what's the best anymore. I just pray that, one day, all the monsters will see the real stars again.